Antitrust (2001)

2 / 5
Tagline: Truth can be dangerous... Trust can be deadly.
Directed by: Peter Howitt
Written by: Howard Franklin
Actors include: Ryan Phillippe, Rachael Leigh Cook, Claire Forlani
Genre: Thriller
Length: 109 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
The ridiculous title should have been enough to keep me at bay but noooo I had to watch this on cable. The story is about a computer programmer genius named Milo who graduates and moves on up quickly when offered a job at NURV (the lead character loosely based upon Bill Gates). The company has been working on project Synapse and they need Milo to help them meet their launch so he agrees and takes the job. Of course from there he learns that the company isn't exactly what he thought and he learns not to trust certain people. It's a bare bones thriller that offers absolutely no thrills, just dull deception.

Availability:  On DVD

Strange Behavior (1981)

3.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Cuts up parts other movies just dislocate
Directed by: Michael Laughlin
Written by: Bill Condon, Michael Laughlin
Actors include: Michael Murphy, Louise Fletcher, Dan Shor
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Australia/USA/New Zealand

Review:
Certainly a creative film with a decent idea, it just had a few problems with budget, staying on topic and so forth. If you've seen Disturbing Behavior this is rather similar (although this came first of course). It's about a couple of good boys from a small town who decide to take part in a research study for money. The thing is the research is dangerous and before long they are out killing with no recollection of what happened. It's got a few bloody moments, but most of it is cutaway and lacking gratuity. This has a sense of humor, and in several ways it feels like a weirdo '80s comedy which is kinda neat. It's just not consistently funny or anything and unfortunately the scares are nowhere to be found. At least it's got a few neat moments and overall the story was pretty interesting. Not a lost classic but rather a hidden treat that should somewhat satisfy!

Availability:  On DVD

Abandon (2002)

1.5 / 5
Tagline: Watch who you leave behind.
Directed by: Stephen Gaghan
Written by: Stephen Gaghan
Actors include: Katie Holmes, Benjamin Bratt, Charlie Hunnam
Genre: Thriller
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA/Australia

Review:
Oy, a co-worker lent me this one saying that it was a pretty good thriller. I can only deduce that she hasn't seen very many thrillers as this was pretty much tripe. The story is about a girl named Catherine (Katie Holmes) who is stressed out about exams and completing her thesis and all of that good stuff. Things go from bad to worse when her old boyfriend shows up after 2 years of being absent. This is the sort of thing that offers no thrills and sadly barely anything happens...I really wanted most of the characters dead. You can see twists a mile away and truly it felt like nobody involved really gave a rat's behind about the film and neither do I.

Availability:  On DVD

Chaos (1999) aka Kaosu

3.5 / 5
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Hideo Nakata
Written by: Hisashi Saito
Actors include: Jun Kunimura, Ken Mitsuishi, Masato Hagiwara
Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Crime
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Japan

Review:
This was actually rather spooky and atmospheric in many ways, the only real downfall is the slowness. This one is about a couple, a rich man and his wife. She goes outside and is offered some money if she does something to help out a handyman. She doesn't return and the Husband is left with the task of finding her, but things get more complicated when he is contacted by a kidnapper. It's one of those twisty turny stories that is a bit confusing but if you pay attention it makes sense. Definitely different from what one would expect from Hideo Nakata especially since I'd only seen Ringu previously. This is more like a complicated drama/thriller than a horror film, but it's still a pretty neat story.

Availability:  On DVD

The Silent Partner (1978)

 4.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: "The Silent Partner" begins with a crime of sheer genius and builds to a climax of sheer terror!
Directed by: Daryl Duke
Written by: Curtis Hanson, Anders Bodelsen
Actors include: Elliott Gould, Christopher Plummer, Susannah York
Genre: Thriller, Crime
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Canada

Review:
So it may borrow a few ideas from other exciting '70s thrillers...who cares! This has got to be one of the best thrillers that Canada has to offer, it's gripping from beginning to end and the cast is fabulous. Elliott Gould plays mild mannered banker Miles Cullen, a man who accidentally finds out in advance about the mall's Santa plot to rob the bank. Instead of giving him all of the money he happens to stash the majority of it away for himself. Christopher Plummer (who I had trouble at first believing he was evil because of his kindness in The Sound of Music) plays evil store Santa who finds out he was ripped off when the radio announces how much he made off with...let's just say he's pissed off about the gyp. From there it's harassing phone calls, fish attacks and spying amongst other fun thriller happenings. I honestly liked all of it's twists and turns and it's actually just a slick thriller that just about anyone should enjoy. An extra bonus was that this was filmed in the Eaton's Center in Toronto in the '70s so the scenery was pretty neat too. Oh and the extreme violence bits were awesome, horror fans should love this too.

Availability:  On DVD

The Boxer's Omen (1983) aka Mo

3.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Chih-Hung Kuei
Written by: Chih-Hung Kuei, On Szeto
Actors include: Somjai Boomsong, Tien-chu Chin, Phillip Ko
Genre: Horror
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Hong Kong

Review:
Very surreal, yet extremely cheap and gross out boxing revenge movie. I would be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued by this most of the way through, although I kept hoping for some extra explanations for what was going on. What I made out of this was that a Boxer got in trouble for breaking a Man's back during a competition and therefore wasn't allowed to box anymore. The guy who he injured has a brother who has vowed revenge. Our disgraced Boxer joins the Monkhood and learns some super meditative powers to fight the dark wizard and his creations and the brother. The dark wizard conjures up some magical alligator skulls for yapping, bat bones (made from chicken bones me thinks) that fly about and other bizarre things one wouldn't expect (oh and the vomiting of a live eel ewww). You can tell it's trying really hard to be colorful and surreal, but the cheapness of everything makes it more laughable than "deep". Especially where you get into scenes with a giant red devil character. It's something that really must be seen but it's just a shame it wasn't made a little more professionally because it had potential to be creepy instead of just gross and weird.

Availability:  On DVD

Alone in the Dark (1982)

4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Too frightened to breathe...
Directed by: Jack Sholder
Written by: Jack Sholder, Robert Shaye
Actors include: Jack Palance, Donald Pleasence, Martin Landau
Genre: Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Finland, Iceland
Country: USA

Review:
I actually think this would have worked really well as Halloween III: Season of the Witch considering it has more in common with the franchise than the actual third sequel. This one is about a group of mental patients (who are seriously disturbed...Jack Palance and Martin Landau were particularly creepy) that seem to believe that their old Doctor was killed by new Doctor Dan Potter (the old doctor was named Harry...so Potter had to track down Harry har har). Anyhow, Dan Potter and his wife and daughter are in trouble when the electricity goes out. You see the mental ward door is controlled by electricity so when they break out guess where they are going! This was actually created with a great sense of humor (chasing the mailman down for his hat for example) and some nice teases of gore. It's just a shame that the nastiest scenes were dream sequences...still this does have some blood in realty too. Just because this is rather erm derivative doesn't mean it isn't a ball of fun all on it's own.

Availability:  On DVD

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1977)

 3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: The Doctor is In-SANE!
Directed by: Don Taylor

Written by: H.G. Wells, Al Ramrus

Actors include: Burt Lancaster, Michael York, Nigel Davenport

Genre: Sci-Fi, Adventure, Horror, Romance

Length: 99 minutes

Banned: Nope

Country: USA

Review:

This is my first experience with the story (baring the South Park and Simpsons parodies of course), and I must say I was rather disappointed. The first 3/4 of the film is rather dull and I was just begging for something to happen, but at least the last bit was interesting and even cool. First of all we watch a boat capsizing and a man floats aboard a tiny island. We learn of a Scientist named Dr. Moreau (Burt Lancaster) who seems to be conducting experiments on the island. He has some freaky looking assistants and of course a beautiful young assistant named Maria who our shipwrecked fella (Michael York) falls for. Before long though York realizes something strange is going on with these experiments as there are many animals who resemble poorly made-up Ewoks (though that wasn't what they were supposed to look like me thinks). See the Scientist thinks that he can turn animal to man, but of course the lesson is don't play God. It does get exciting once real animals enter the story, but by that time you've had to suffer through a lot of love garbage and a lot of talking. Still not a bad story and I'd try the remake (that I heard was more exciting), just hold on for the end of this one or else you will have entirely wasted your time.

Availability:  On DVD

The Attic (1980)

3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: 13 Steps to TERROR!
Directed by: George Edwards
Written by: Tony Crechales, George Edwards
Actors include: Carrie Snodgress, Ray Milland, Ruth Cox
Genre: Drama, Thriller, Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
This is an odd tale of erm terror, very psychological and very screwed up but not really "horror" in the typical sense. It's just incredibly depressing to watch and it's a very slow moving film though the ending is worth the sit. Carrie Snodgress is excellent as a poor character that has basically been forced to live at home with her wheelchair bound father. He is extremely cruel to her, but then again most everyone seems to be. She was once engaged but her lover disappeared on their wedding day so she desperately tries to find him even 19 years later. Let's face it, she's a few bricks shy of a load, but you can't help but pity her. Of course things have to come to a head with her father oh and I should mention, she has a pet chimp which is rather surreal. It's a very odd film that will appeal to some, but definitely not for everyone. It's warped at least, that's a good thing right? Oh and I should mention, this has some of the worst music I've ever heard in a movie...ever!

Availability:  On DVD (but OOP) but watch for free here:  http://www.fancast.com/movies/The-Attic/148419/1300321951/The-Attic/videos

Ssssssss (1973) aka SSSSnake

 4.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Terror is ready to strike!
Directed by: Bernard L. Kowalski
Written by: Hal Dresner, Daniel C. Striepeke
Actors include: Strother Martin, Dirk Benedict, Heather Menzies
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Length: 99 minutes

Banned: Finland
Country: USA

Review:
Surprisingly effective and chilling low budget snake film. I'd been recommended this from a co-worker named Dean and since he'd been right about the last few he recommended we gave this a try. Firstly if you are afraid of snakes (I'm somewhat) this is hard to watch, they use real deadly snakes in this and often. It's the kind of intense feeling one gets from watching the Crocodile Hunter or something watching these poor actors have to act around this horribly poisonous creatures. The story is about a scientist who gets a student to help him in his snake lab. He starts injecting him with a serum to prevent death from snake bites yet of course that wasn't the truth at all! The effects were shockingly good and the story was not only disturbing and creepy but consistently entertaining. I had no idea this would be so good, especially from the title and the fact that nobody else seems to mention this one. Oh and the only bad thing about this was poor Heather Menzies outfits, awful mullet hair and silly glasses, distractingly bad.

Availability:  On DVD

Night Warning (1983) aka Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker aka Momma's Boy aka Nightmare Maker aka The Evil Protege aka Thrilled to Death

4.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: She was lonely. He was all she had. No-one would take him from her - and live...
Directed by: William Asher
Written by: Stephen F. Breimer, Boon Collins
Actors include: Jimmy McNichol, Susan Tyrrell, Bo Svenson
Genre: Horror
Length: 96 minutes
Banned: Iceland
Country: USA

Review:
Fantastic video nasty, I mean this one was pretty much awesome right away as the movie starts out with one of the best car crashes I've ever seen. Then we flash ahead to many years later, the couple who died in the crash had a son and we catch up with his life. He's living with his really odd Aunt who seems to like him an awful lot, she doesn't even want him to leave for college! The kid seems to be going through some struggles, as a star athlete his coach was found out to be a homosexual so everyone is accusing him of being gay...even the cops! Why are the cops involved? Well his psycho aunt "accidentally" killed a television repair man and he somewhat witnessed the accident. This film has a great sense of humor and just when you hope something bad will happen it will...it's so rewarding! Susan Tyrell gives one of the best performances of a looney that I've ever seen...seriously over-the-top awesome in every way. As far as blood and guts go, it's got some but I wouldn't say it's maybe as violent as some of the other video nasties, subject matter however is well a bit shocking. This is great as a movie, only the limp ending makes this a little less fantastic, but this is a must see for sure.

Availability:  Never on DVD as far as I understand

Eaten Alive (1977) aka Death Trap

 3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: He's out there and he's got murder on his mind!
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Kim Henkel, Alvin L. Fast
Actors include: Neville Brand, Mel Ferrer, Marilyn Burns
Genre: Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
I truly expected a heck of a lot more, I mean this is the Tobe Hooper film that follows The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. In fact this one even has Marilyn Burns in it, and an early appearance from Robert Englund. The idea is that a scummy jerk of a hotel owner has a crocodile in the backyard and he feeds it...human flesh! Mr. owner dude seems to enjoy stabbing at people with a pitchfork (in cutaway death style), in fact streams of ketchup are pretty much all you'll get to see aside from the odd flash of a rubber croc. It's extremely low budget though it works for TCM here it only makes this even more dull. See what is awesome about TCM is that it feels real, this feels anything but. The folks who come to stay at this hotel are a whore in a wig, a couple (Burns in a bad wig and weirdo husband) with a kid (who was Alicia in Little House on the Prairie), then later the sister and father of whore in wig. I'm not sure why all the cheap wigs but "why" is a big problem with the entire movie. See when the couple with the small girl show up, they are to use the restroom. While waiting their dog is eaten by a croc, instead of leaving (which is the only response that makes sense) they take a room? That is only one of my many problems with this one. Englund is rather funny as a redneck to likes anal sex, but he's far from enough to save this dull picture. If nothing more it's slightly better than Big Alligator River, but it's no Alligator.

Availability:  On DVD

Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)

 3.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Irvin Kershner
Written by: John Carpenter, David Zelag Goodman
Actors include: Faye Dunaway, Tommy Lee Jones, Brad Dourif

Genre: Horror, Thriller

Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
At first I was really excited about this, I mean Faye Dunaway as a photographer who takes pictures of violence and sex who gets wound up in a murder mystery. This couldn't sound more like an American giallo if it tried, and yes it actually is one. It starts out clever and colorful like a Brian De Palma thriller but soon you know this is nowhere near as good for the flashy momentum it gained disappears entirely. Soon you are left with a boring talky with fuzzy glimpses of the murder scenes (an eye stabber...how Italian) that Faye seems to have. She suffers from violent and sexy visions that she replicates in her work so of course she is moved to the suspect list. It's really a whodunnit with crimes you never get to see clearly and it's so far from engaging that the decent ending this does have was too little too late. It does show promise in many ways, it's beautifully filmed and such but in the end, it's really just about average.

Availability:  On DVD

Terror in the Aisles (1984)

3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: If you can stand more than 100 jolts of 100% pure terror, then you might be ready for 'Terror in the Aisles'.
Directed by: Andrew J. Kuehn
Written by: Margaret Doppelt
Actors include: Donald Pleasence, Nancy Allen
Genre: Documentary, Horror, Thriller
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Well this was interesting and useless all in the same sentence. See it was nothing more than random clips (usually the key scenes from films) edited together with the occasional voiceover (from Nancy Allen and Donald Pleasance. It ruins many a film if you can identify the film to begin with that is, in my case I'd seen most of them but the odd one I hadn't I'll have to wait a while (until I forget) to watch. The films compiled are all from the mid-'80s and under, mainly focusing on the '70s and early '80s I'd say. Tons of clips of Halloween, Jaws and The Shining with various other popular favorites, some interview footage of Alfred Hitchcock too. It's nice that they clipped many Brian De Palma films and other thrillers too so it wasn't entirely horrorcentric. It's just a shame you learn absolutely nothing as no useful information is given to the viewer. They'll talk about the feelings some experience when watching films which doesn't need to be explained and basically not much else. Seriously disappointing though some awesome clips are within but it's a waste of time...watch the movies instead!

Availability:  Not on DVD ever as far as I know

Link (1986)

 4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: An experiment in terror!
Directed by: Richard Franklin
Written by: Lee David Zlotoff, Tom Ackermann
Actors include: Elisabeth Shue, Terence Stamp, Steven Pinner
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Well monkey related horror and thrillers are not all that common, in fact I think the only one I have to compare this to that I've seen is Monkey Shines. I quite liked it, but I think this one is a little more fast paced and exciting! The idea is that a scientist/teacher has two chimps and an orangutan named Link. Link wears butler clothes and acts as a butler, he's also the "master of fire" as he lights matches and smokes cigars. The scientist takes on a young Elisabeth Shue as an assistant before he disappears leaving her their with the monkeys. Once she finds one of the chimpanzee's dead, Link microwaves the phone and she learns she can't escape because of vicious dogs so she's trapped! It's a pretty cool house on the water that this takes place in so the visuals are quite nice, the music is well pretty bad, very '80s in many ways. Still it's pretty cool to watch a woman duel with an out of control monkey! Interesting premise, good cast and loads of fun and cute monkey behavior (along with the evil). What's not to enjoy with this little known treat?

Availability:  On DVD

Death Walks On High Heels (1971) aka La Morte Cammina conI tacchi Alti aka La muerte camina con tacon alto

3.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Luciano Ercoli
Written by: Ernesto Gastaldi
Actors include: Frank Wolff, Nieves Navarro, Simon Andreu
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Mystery, Thriller
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy/Spain

Review:
Although by most people's account, Luciano Ercoli's Death Walks at Midnight isn't as good as this one, but I honestly prefer Midnight. This one is rather stylish and has some great twists (though I'm definitely convinced Brian De Palma has seen this) but it's quite talky and slow in the middle. While Midnight was actually rather tasteful in some ways this more than made up for it with near continual nudity from Edwige Fenech lookalike Nieves Navarro. The story is about a jewel heist, see a lot of the film happens offscreen, so we know that Nieves' Dad was a jewel heister and some mean person is coming after her. They don't seem to believe she knows nothing of the whereabouts of many diamonds, and so we watch her and the Police try to sort out who did what to whom of course. It's not all that bloody but a few good horror moments are to be had, the story is decent enough but it definitely could have used a little tightening. At least it's colorful, well shot and plenty of randomly weird scenes and strange wigs (though none compare to the wind chime wig of Midnight). Interesting, but not a favorite of mine...still giallo fans will want to see!

Availability:  On DVD

The Conversation (1974)

 5 / 5 Aug '09
Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola
Written by: Francis Ford Coppola
Actors include: Gene Hackman, Harrison Ford, John Cazale
Genre: Thriller, Crime
Length: 113 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Since I loved Blow Out it only made sense to see one of the thrillers that it borrowed the most from. This is one heck of a gripping film, though for the first bit one can't even figure out what mystery you are trying to solve it's still captivating. Gene Hackman is wonderful as part of one of the leading personal surveillance experts in the field. He's hired to record a conversation between a couple that is happening in Times Square during a busy lunch hour. When he talks to the man who ordered the surveillance (Harrison Ford) he figures out awful fast that more could be at stake then he thought. See he had to leave his last city because something went wrong in a surveillance job and now he is obsessed with the same thing not happening. The character development is fantastic here, the playing of the tape and the way they laid the story out to us was genius. I liked that it didn't necessarily play out in a predictable manner either! One fantastically original and intriguing thriller that just about everyone should love.

Availability:  On DVD

Centipede Horror (1984) aka Wu Gong Zhou aka Centipede Curse aka Centipede Sorcerer aka Ng Gung Jau

2.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Keith Li
Written by: Keith Li
Actors include: Hussein Abu Hassan, Chu-kwong Chan, F.C. Chan
Genre: Horror
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Possibly?
Country: Hong Kong

Review:
This is a strange one that usually gets mentioned along side 人蛇大戰 [Calamity of Snakes], as both have cruelty to animals and both are relatively unknown '80s "monster" films from Hong Kong. This one hilariously deals with the menacing centipede...erm yeah. It's got some plot points that are rather muddled and well confusing regarding an evil wizard of sorts that has something to do with a centipede ritual I believe. The big problem was that the subtitles were nearly impossible to read...all white no outline and everyone in the movie was wearing white (mostly) and all the background was white (mostly) so reading what was going on was difficult at best. I also couldn't help but notice that if you made a drinking game of taking a shot each time a character says "SE Asia" you'd be dead. I've never heard that phrase so many times in my life...shocking! Mostly the movie is dull and talky with not much going on but the end is genuinely creepy and disturbing and is definitely the best part (dead chicken bones dancing?). I'll take 人蛇大戰 [Calamity of Snakes] over this one, but this isn't without it's own merrits in a gross out kind of way I suppose.

Availability:  On DVD

Big Alligator River (1979) aka Il Fiume del Grande Caimano aka Alligators aka Great Alligator River aka The Big Caimano River aka The Great Alligator

 2 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Sergio Martino
Written by: George Eastman, Cesare Frugoni
Actors include: Barbara Bach, Claudio Cassinelli, Mel Ferrer
Genre: Horror, Adventure
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
Well...it's pretty to look at (thanks Sergio Martino) except for the ridiculous "attack" sequences, at least the scenery is nice! The plot is about a tourist resort in Africa that Barbara Bach and friends have come to visit for a modelling shoot. While they are partying it up the natives are getting eatten by a *cough* giant alligator. The natives blame the tourists and well things get less friendly from there. They don't even try with the big alligator, seriously bad, you can see that they are using some sort of alligator bone I think for the jaw, but mainly cutaway seens and orange water is what you'll be treated too. The thing is that it's so excrusiatingly boring that by the end when something does happen I'd already given up and didn't care. If you want to see an alligator movie, Alligator (1980) should be much better crunch for your rubber alligator buck!

Availability:  On DVD

Death Walks At Midnight (1972) aka La Morte Accarezza A Mezzanotte aka Death Caresses at Midnight aka Le Muerte Acaricia a Medianoche

 4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Luciano Ercoli
Written by: Sergio Corbucci, Ernesto Gastaldi
Actors include: Nieves Navarro, Simon Andreu, Pietro Martellanza
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Mystery
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy/Spain

Review:
I actually really liked the style to this one, great groovy soundtrack, great weapon (a spiked glove), even good acting (seriously Nieves Navarro is a really good actress). It's also got plenty of absurdities typical to the giallo genre which make it a load of fun to watch, in fact it probably has one of the better senses of humor for this style. The only thing lacking is the wrap up of the mystery, I get it but some motivations are a bit fuzzy and it could have been a little neater. The story is about a beautiful fashion model Nieves Navarro who does a fashion shoot in her apartment but it seems that she's agreed to take some sort of psychedelic drug me thinks. She sees a murder (with the neato glove thing) then has to try to figure out what's going on without being killed herself. This is filled with classic material and it was really a worthwhile flick and probably one of the more unique gialli films. Very fun, I can't wait to see more from Luciano Ercoli, his "Death Walks" box set so far was a great value, especially since it has music from the soundtracks of most of his films.

Availability:  On DVD

Blade Runner (1982)

 5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: A Futuristic Vision Perfected
Directed by: Ridley Scott
Written by: Hampton Fancher, David Webb Peoples
Actors include: Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young
Genre: Sci-fi, Action, Thriller
Length: 117 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA/Hong Kong

Review:
I wasn't so sure this was going to be the movie for me, what with it being so epic and all but I really was impressed with how much I enjoyed it. The version I watched was "The Final Cut" and the effects were amazing, seriously comparable with Star Wars. The two also share such an impressive and detailed vision of different societies. This one takes place in the future, 2019 to be exact and things sure are a little different. In the future there were robots called replicants that look exactly like people and even act very much the same, but it's the job of Blade Runners to hunt them down and kill them. See they started to fight back and they were outlawed so enter Blade Runner Harrison Ford who has been enlisted against his will to track and hunt down a few dangerous replicants on the loose. The costuming was quite something, the buildings were "wow", the story was a great one, really this had just about anything. I think my favorite character was Daryl Hannah in this, I had no idea she was so flippin' frightening. Really one heck of an experience, this is the whole package, something I'll probably watch again and again.

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

Bad Biology (2008)

.05 / 5
Tagline: A God Awful Love Story
Directed by: Frank Henenlotter
Written by: Frank Henenlotter
Actors include: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Mark Wilson
Genre: Horror, Fantasy, Pornography
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Where to begin, I hate this film as a Woman, I hate this film as a horror fan, I hate this film as a Frank Henenlotter fan...I hate this film as a HUMAN! The sound and video look to be of porn quality, only maybe not quite so good. I know Frank is capable of shooting a reasonably good looking movie but this felt digicam bad. The soundtrack was terrible! Prince Paul was responsible and I'm not a big De La Soul fan but he should be ashamed of himself. The dialogue was disgusting, tons of useless swearing, dirty words and stupid hip slang words that I refuse to acknowledge like "Sick"...it will always mean unwell to me I don't care how many people try to use it in another context...denied! I guess I should mention the plot though honestly I'd rather not. It's about a woman who has 7 clits and she spits out mutant babies due to a rapid growth speed in her innards. She meets Prince charming...a fellow who's Penis was accidentally hacked instead of his umbelical cord so he took drugs and hormones which addicted his mutant penis to drugs. The penis escapes and it's up to el skanko clit lady to abduct it and use it for her purposes. I assure you it sounds classier than it is, and honestly with the horrid production value, bad acting and lame effects this has absolutely nothing going for it, not in any way. It insults us all...and no not in a funny way, despicable really it made me want to wretch and I had to force myself to sit through it. This is one of the worst films by far that I've ever seen and I am so frustrated with the state of humanity for liking this that I feel I should move to the moon or something. Say I don't have a good sense of humor and that I'm a prude (even though I even thought A Dirty Shame was hilarious) but you can never say I'm a fan of this film...NEVER!!!

Availability:  On DVD

The Beast With Five Fingers (1946)

3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: You've never seen the like of it!
Directed by: Robert Florey
Written by: Curt Sidomak, William Fryer Harvey
Actors include: Robert Alda, Andrea King, Peter Lorre
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Finland
Country: USA

Review:
I have always wanted to see this since I was little, and well I hate to say I was disappointed. The story is about a rich old miser who rolls down a huge staircase and dies. From there it's a dull talky inheritance thing for about an hour (and it's only 88 minutes) where everyone is establishing their motives. Peter Lorre was great and creepy and all of that as the dude who doesn't want to lose his books. For some reason he keeps running into the severed hand of the millionaire, and it's a little ticked off. Nobody else seems to see this hand but they've heard the millionaire playing a song that he could only have played on the piano. It's a mystery all right, and it's kinda fun once the first hour wears off (particularly watching Lorre duel with the hand ala Bugs Bunny or something). It's not terribly frightening in any way, it's way too talky and the story is alright but certainly could have been made more interesting. Oliver Stone's remake of this story The Hand (1981) is really about the same in quality unfortunately, it's just got oodles of gore. I'm kind of surprised that this was as dull as it was but I do tend to find that the talky '40s era horror isn't usually my bag so maybe that is the problem.

Availability:  Never on DVD as far as I understand

Images (1972)

4.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: A motion picture of the extra senses.
Directed by: Robert Altman
Written by: Robert Altman, Susannah York
Actors include: Susannah York, Rene Auberjonois, Marcel Bozzuffi
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: UK/Ireland/USA

Review:
What a startling portrayal of schizophrenia, I mean I don't know very much about this disease but I feel like this film accurately demonstrates the horrible feelings it must cause. We are watching pretty much from the viewpoint of Cathryn (who is the schizophrenic) who is continually hallucinating...or is she? As the viewer we are rarely sure what is going on but there are little hints and clues along the way about who is real and who isn't (or at least I think I know). She has quite a strange relationship with her Husband but considering how unsure she is of everything it's not too surprising. When he brings home an old family friend things get so incredibly terrifying for Cathryn that she decides the problems she is having can be fixed by killing off the vision. Only thing is, is she actually killing people...or were they ever there to begin with? The backdrop in this film is simply stunning, it's one of the most beautiful landscapes I've ever seen (I think it was shot in Ireland), the cinematography is every bit as wonderful too. Susannah York's acting is divine, in fact she won best actress at Cannes and deservedly so, it truly feels so real and surreal at the same time. The music and sound effects are so jarring and perfectly demonstrate the uneasy feeling she must have while going through her life, in fact John Williams was nominated for an Oscar for this. This kept me on the edge of my seat, often shaking my head but when all was said and done I really felt like I'd seen one heck of a powerful movie.

Availability:  On DVD

Logan's Run (1976)

 4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Welcome to the 23rd Century
Directed by: Michael Anderson
Written by: William F. Nolan, George Clayton Johnson
Actors include: Michael York, Richard Jordan, Jenny Agutter
Genre: Sci-fi, Adventure
Length: 120 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Wow I am getting old, in another year and a half I could be riding the Carousel O' Death erm Renewal! This is one strange science fiction adventure, it takes place in the future in a bubble. In order to keep this hedonistic society going on their 30th birthday people must go to the "carousel" which is actually just a spinning zone where people explode. They are being told it's okay to die because their lives are being renewed, but as a Sandman (a person who makes sure that carousel runners are captured) named Logan nears his 30th birthday his opinion changes. Upon doing some research he comes across some shocking facts that lead to him and his friend Jessica 6 escaping the compound in a rather exciting adventure! It's a really cool tale all around, but the second hour drags on a little more than the first. I still found this to be all around refreshing and interesting. It really surprises how Farrah Fawcett-Majors is nearly always mentioned as one of the stars of this film when she really only appears in it for a few moments. Still a really cool alternate future that should keep most intrigued, a little condensing wouldn't have hurt though.

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

The Hands of Orlac (1924) aka Orlacs Hände aka Die unheimlichen Hände des Doktor Orlac

4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Robert Wiene
Written by: Louis Nerz, Maurice Renard
Actors include: Conrad Veidt, Alexandra Sorina, Fritz Kortner
Genre: Horror, Crime
Length: 110 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Germany/Austria

Review:
So this is where the filming of this tale began, although I'd fallen for the 1935 adaptation Mad Love I'd never really gone back and watched the original. This is a German expressionist film and it's very slow and plodding but the atmosphere is brilliant and the acting, is over the top but that was the style at the time I gather. The story is about a pianist named Orlac, he's married to a rather ordinary Woman and his life is pretty decent, until he gets into a massive train accident. His hands are horribly damaged and his Wife pleads for them to save his hands despite the fact that it seems unlikely. A while goes by and suddenly Orlac has a wonderfully perfect looking set of hands, only they are the hands of a presumed murderer! There is much struggle with Orlac's character as he feels the hands driving him to commit horrible crimes, and although he has no memory of it people are turning up dead in the style of the murderer who's hands he has. It has several twists and turns that are often clever and often surprising, the story varies quite a bit from Mad Love as it goes on. It's not a bad thing, it just means both films have their style and their nuances, both I truly enjoyed. I wish this could have been a little more compact as it felt in places that they could have told me what was going on in half the time, but I guess then maybe the atmosphere would suffer? At any rate, I'm really glad I saw this, it's eerie no doubt and the story is wonderful, just be prepared to use some patience.

Availability:  On DVD

A Whisper in the Dark (1976) aka Un Sussurro Nel Buio

2.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Nope
Directed by: Marcello Aliprandi
Written by: Maria Teresa Rienzi, Nicolo Rienzi
Actors include: John Phillip Law, Nathalie Delon, Olga Bisera
Genre: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
This has creepy atmosphere out the wazu, seriously the kid they have playing Martino is seriously weird. I was captivated the entire film...so why didn't I like it? Well the problem is how pointless this is. The entire film is about weird kid Martino who has an imaginary friend named Luca. It just so happens that his mother lost a child during pregnancy who was going to be named Luca. Some slightly irritating pranks happen around the house and Martino won't accept responsibility though fingers are being pointed. Is Martino insane, or is their an evil Luca ghost pulling the harmless pranks? I can't believe that they had such a wonderful build up all to lead to absolutely nothing, I felt completely unsatisfied at the end and even irritated. Although it sounds appealing when you read about the film I'd highly suggest staying the heck away unless you want to watch an extreme build up to nothing...so frustrating!

Availability:  On DVD

Massacre at Central High (1976) aka Blackboard Massacre

4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: One brutal act began the terror!
Directed by: Rene Daalder
Written by: Rene Daalder
Actors include: Derrel Maury, Andrew Stevens, Robert Carradine
Genre: Drama, Horror, Thriller
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
I definitely liked this weirdo flick though it took a while to get going, oh and let's just say the budget feels rather slim. The story is about a nerdish fellow who happens to be the target for several "Toughs". After they drop his car on him (he was working underneath), he loses his leg and then the perps start dying off in strange accidents. It's pretty much a political statement as the cool kids are wiped out it's sort of a race to see who will fill the void and who will win the power of the school. It's rather strange in that aspect, though quite interesting as what you think might happen is quite different than the reality of this situation. I really like revenge tales and this is quite the unusual one, definitely recommended for most any high schooler to watch, something could be learned from this one. It even fulfills as a horror flick as some of these deaths are not to be missed, a strange winner all around.

Availability:  Never on DVD as far as I know so get it for free here:
Part 1:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ECLX53V7
Part 2:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DM3SYAAZ
Part 3:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OSQR4ND9

*as far as I know this is unavailable everywhere, if you are the owner of the copyright and wish this to be removed, I will do so immediately thanks & enjoy!

Massacre At Central High

The Fearless Vampire Killers or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck (1967) aka Dance of the Vampires aka The Vampire Killers aka Vampire Ball

 2.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Who says Vampires are no laughing matter?
Directed by: Roman Polanski
Written by: Gerard Brach, Roman Polanski
Actors include: Jack MacGowran, Roman Polanski, Sharon Tate
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 108 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA/UK

Review:
Sadly I had very high hopes for this 'un. I tend to like Roman Polański, and in fact I thought the cinematography was lovely, the sets were beautiful, especially the lovely gothic snowy atmosphere. The thing is, Hammer pictures have equally lovely backdrops, and they actually manage to be witty, charming and entertaining all while having the vampire thing happening. This looked as though it was some sort of take-off on those films, I've read this was supposed to be a comedy but I have no idea how as it was neither witty, nor slapstick nor did I even laugh once. It fails as a vampire movie as it never comes close to scary, only the ending was decent and by that point I'd given up on caring as it had bored me to death long before. It seems as though I'm in the minority here as so many truly love this, but speaking as a lover of horror films and comedy films this did not suit my needs at all. Notable only for having his then girlfriend and Charles Manson victim Sharon Tate and for the name, which is the funniest part of the film.

Availability:  On DVD

Street Law (1974) aka Il Cittadino Si Ribella aka The Anonymous Avenger aka The Citizen Rebels aka Vigilante II

 3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: He's Back Blasting Death and Destruction
Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari
Written by: Massimo De Rita, Arduino Maiuri
Actors include: Franco Nero, Giancarlo Prete, Barbara Bach
Genre: Crime, Action, Thriller
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
I was pretty excited to see this actually as I like Franco Nero though I haven't seen a ton of his films, and I love Death Wish, the film this was clearly aping. It's the Italian version so I expected more violence, more well...everything but instead I found this to be heavily lacking. While Charles Bronson is perfection as the wronged man taking revenge, Nero doesn't seem all that wronged. He doesn't seem very upset and his motivations are nearly unclear...the film felt very much like going through the motions. Nero plays Carlos, an engineer who happens to get held up in a bank robbery and they take him as a hostage where his is beaten. Of course the Coppers aren't any help so he goes on a vendetta to shoot stuff. Nobody seems like they care that they are in the film, and heck the plot is so lazy I'm not even sure the director wanted to be there. I'm all for senseless violence, but it should at least be entertaining whereas this had me staring at the clock an awful lot.

Availability:  On DVD

The Night Evelyn Came Out Of Her Grave (1971) aka La Notte Che Evelyn Usci Dalla Tomba aka The Night She Arose From The Tomb aka The Night Evelyn Left

 3.5 / 5 Jul '09
Tagline: The worms are waiting.
Directed by: Emilio Miraglia
Written by: Fabio Pittorru, Massimo Felisatti
Actors include: Anthony Steffen, Marina Malfatti, Erika Blanc
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
Certainly one of the weaker giallo films, but considering it's often found in public domain prints, I shouldn't be too surprised. Luckily for me the version I got was in the Emilio Miraglia so it was at least uncut with nudity attached. The plot is rather convoluted and it's hard at first to see why this is even related to giallo films. We meet a rich dude who seems to have gone crazy since losing his wife Evelyn. He then goes out to find girls who look exactly like her (with red hair) and kills them off. It's weird because this movie feels quite surreal as most of the women look alike, either they have red hair or a blonde afro (which means they are part of the housekeeping staff). Nutso's Doctor suggests that he try to remarry to get back to reality but of course things don't go exactly as hoped. The sets are nice and gothic feeling but this could have used a little more cohesion. There is a nice surprise or two, but it could have used a little less nudity and a little more violence, oh well, it's still a decent enough tale.

Availability:  On DVD

Nick of Time (1995)

 2 / 5 Jul '09
Tagline: Within 90 minutes, someone is going to die... And the clock is ticking.
Directed by: John Badham
Written by: Patrick Sheane Duncan
Actors include: Johnny Depp, Christopher Walken, Roma Maffia
Genre: Thriller, Crime, Drama
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
The story is about a young man named Gene (Johnny Depp) who has a daughter that he loves, which is why he was targeted by some thugs (including Christopher Walken and Nip/Tuck's Liz). The idea is that they kidnapped his daughter (which he always complaining about in a ridiculous Nicolas Cage style of acting) so in exchange he must murder a Governor. He only has a bit of time...90 minutes to kill her or else his daughter is toast (she was annoying anyhow, I say he should have just cut his losses). This story was pretty much laughably bad and all of the erm "turns" could be seen a mile away, cliche city! I can think of few thrillers that felt more lazy than this one, definitely not one I'll ever watch again nor would I recommend this to anyone. There's a reason this one doesn't get mentioned much...a rather big reason...

Availability:  On DVD