Blade Runner (1982)

 5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: A Futuristic Vision Perfected
Directed by: Ridley Scott
Written by: Hampton Fancher, David Webb Peoples
Actors include: Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young
Genre: Sci-fi, Action, Thriller
Length: 117 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA/Hong Kong

Review:
I wasn't so sure this was going to be the movie for me, what with it being so epic and all but I really was impressed with how much I enjoyed it. The version I watched was "The Final Cut" and the effects were amazing, seriously comparable with Star Wars. The two also share such an impressive and detailed vision of different societies. This one takes place in the future, 2019 to be exact and things sure are a little different. In the future there were robots called replicants that look exactly like people and even act very much the same, but it's the job of Blade Runners to hunt them down and kill them. See they started to fight back and they were outlawed so enter Blade Runner Harrison Ford who has been enlisted against his will to track and hunt down a few dangerous replicants on the loose. The costuming was quite something, the buildings were "wow", the story was a great one, really this had just about anything. I think my favorite character was Daryl Hannah in this, I had no idea she was so flippin' frightening. Really one heck of an experience, this is the whole package, something I'll probably watch again and again.

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

Bad Biology (2008)

.05 / 5
Tagline: A God Awful Love Story
Directed by: Frank Henenlotter
Written by: Frank Henenlotter
Actors include: Charlee Danielson, Anthony Sneed, Mark Wilson
Genre: Horror, Fantasy, Pornography
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Where to begin, I hate this film as a Woman, I hate this film as a horror fan, I hate this film as a Frank Henenlotter fan...I hate this film as a HUMAN! The sound and video look to be of porn quality, only maybe not quite so good. I know Frank is capable of shooting a reasonably good looking movie but this felt digicam bad. The soundtrack was terrible! Prince Paul was responsible and I'm not a big De La Soul fan but he should be ashamed of himself. The dialogue was disgusting, tons of useless swearing, dirty words and stupid hip slang words that I refuse to acknowledge like "Sick"...it will always mean unwell to me I don't care how many people try to use it in another context...denied! I guess I should mention the plot though honestly I'd rather not. It's about a woman who has 7 clits and she spits out mutant babies due to a rapid growth speed in her innards. She meets Prince charming...a fellow who's Penis was accidentally hacked instead of his umbelical cord so he took drugs and hormones which addicted his mutant penis to drugs. The penis escapes and it's up to el skanko clit lady to abduct it and use it for her purposes. I assure you it sounds classier than it is, and honestly with the horrid production value, bad acting and lame effects this has absolutely nothing going for it, not in any way. It insults us all...and no not in a funny way, despicable really it made me want to wretch and I had to force myself to sit through it. This is one of the worst films by far that I've ever seen and I am so frustrated with the state of humanity for liking this that I feel I should move to the moon or something. Say I don't have a good sense of humor and that I'm a prude (even though I even thought A Dirty Shame was hilarious) but you can never say I'm a fan of this film...NEVER!!!

Availability:  On DVD

The Beast With Five Fingers (1946)

3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: You've never seen the like of it!
Directed by: Robert Florey
Written by: Curt Sidomak, William Fryer Harvey
Actors include: Robert Alda, Andrea King, Peter Lorre
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Finland
Country: USA

Review:
I have always wanted to see this since I was little, and well I hate to say I was disappointed. The story is about a rich old miser who rolls down a huge staircase and dies. From there it's a dull talky inheritance thing for about an hour (and it's only 88 minutes) where everyone is establishing their motives. Peter Lorre was great and creepy and all of that as the dude who doesn't want to lose his books. For some reason he keeps running into the severed hand of the millionaire, and it's a little ticked off. Nobody else seems to see this hand but they've heard the millionaire playing a song that he could only have played on the piano. It's a mystery all right, and it's kinda fun once the first hour wears off (particularly watching Lorre duel with the hand ala Bugs Bunny or something). It's not terribly frightening in any way, it's way too talky and the story is alright but certainly could have been made more interesting. Oliver Stone's remake of this story The Hand (1981) is really about the same in quality unfortunately, it's just got oodles of gore. I'm kind of surprised that this was as dull as it was but I do tend to find that the talky '40s era horror isn't usually my bag so maybe that is the problem.

Availability:  Never on DVD as far as I understand

Images (1972)

4.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: A motion picture of the extra senses.
Directed by: Robert Altman
Written by: Robert Altman, Susannah York
Actors include: Susannah York, Rene Auberjonois, Marcel Bozzuffi
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: UK/Ireland/USA

Review:
What a startling portrayal of schizophrenia, I mean I don't know very much about this disease but I feel like this film accurately demonstrates the horrible feelings it must cause. We are watching pretty much from the viewpoint of Cathryn (who is the schizophrenic) who is continually hallucinating...or is she? As the viewer we are rarely sure what is going on but there are little hints and clues along the way about who is real and who isn't (or at least I think I know). She has quite a strange relationship with her Husband but considering how unsure she is of everything it's not too surprising. When he brings home an old family friend things get so incredibly terrifying for Cathryn that she decides the problems she is having can be fixed by killing off the vision. Only thing is, is she actually killing people...or were they ever there to begin with? The backdrop in this film is simply stunning, it's one of the most beautiful landscapes I've ever seen (I think it was shot in Ireland), the cinematography is every bit as wonderful too. Susannah York's acting is divine, in fact she won best actress at Cannes and deservedly so, it truly feels so real and surreal at the same time. The music and sound effects are so jarring and perfectly demonstrate the uneasy feeling she must have while going through her life, in fact John Williams was nominated for an Oscar for this. This kept me on the edge of my seat, often shaking my head but when all was said and done I really felt like I'd seen one heck of a powerful movie.

Availability:  On DVD

Logan's Run (1976)

 4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Welcome to the 23rd Century
Directed by: Michael Anderson
Written by: William F. Nolan, George Clayton Johnson
Actors include: Michael York, Richard Jordan, Jenny Agutter
Genre: Sci-fi, Adventure
Length: 120 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
Wow I am getting old, in another year and a half I could be riding the Carousel O' Death erm Renewal! This is one strange science fiction adventure, it takes place in the future in a bubble. In order to keep this hedonistic society going on their 30th birthday people must go to the "carousel" which is actually just a spinning zone where people explode. They are being told it's okay to die because their lives are being renewed, but as a Sandman (a person who makes sure that carousel runners are captured) named Logan nears his 30th birthday his opinion changes. Upon doing some research he comes across some shocking facts that lead to him and his friend Jessica 6 escaping the compound in a rather exciting adventure! It's a really cool tale all around, but the second hour drags on a little more than the first. I still found this to be all around refreshing and interesting. It really surprises how Farrah Fawcett-Majors is nearly always mentioned as one of the stars of this film when she really only appears in it for a few moments. Still a really cool alternate future that should keep most intrigued, a little condensing wouldn't have hurt though.

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

The Hands of Orlac (1924) aka Orlacs Hände aka Die unheimlichen Hände des Doktor Orlac

4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Robert Wiene
Written by: Louis Nerz, Maurice Renard
Actors include: Conrad Veidt, Alexandra Sorina, Fritz Kortner
Genre: Horror, Crime
Length: 110 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Germany/Austria

Review:
So this is where the filming of this tale began, although I'd fallen for the 1935 adaptation Mad Love I'd never really gone back and watched the original. This is a German expressionist film and it's very slow and plodding but the atmosphere is brilliant and the acting, is over the top but that was the style at the time I gather. The story is about a pianist named Orlac, he's married to a rather ordinary Woman and his life is pretty decent, until he gets into a massive train accident. His hands are horribly damaged and his Wife pleads for them to save his hands despite the fact that it seems unlikely. A while goes by and suddenly Orlac has a wonderfully perfect looking set of hands, only they are the hands of a presumed murderer! There is much struggle with Orlac's character as he feels the hands driving him to commit horrible crimes, and although he has no memory of it people are turning up dead in the style of the murderer who's hands he has. It has several twists and turns that are often clever and often surprising, the story varies quite a bit from Mad Love as it goes on. It's not a bad thing, it just means both films have their style and their nuances, both I truly enjoyed. I wish this could have been a little more compact as it felt in places that they could have told me what was going on in half the time, but I guess then maybe the atmosphere would suffer? At any rate, I'm really glad I saw this, it's eerie no doubt and the story is wonderful, just be prepared to use some patience.

Availability:  On DVD

A Whisper in the Dark (1976) aka Un Sussurro Nel Buio

2.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Nope
Directed by: Marcello Aliprandi
Written by: Maria Teresa Rienzi, Nicolo Rienzi
Actors include: John Phillip Law, Nathalie Delon, Olga Bisera
Genre: Drama, Thriller, Mystery
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
This has creepy atmosphere out the wazu, seriously the kid they have playing Martino is seriously weird. I was captivated the entire film...so why didn't I like it? Well the problem is how pointless this is. The entire film is about weird kid Martino who has an imaginary friend named Luca. It just so happens that his mother lost a child during pregnancy who was going to be named Luca. Some slightly irritating pranks happen around the house and Martino won't accept responsibility though fingers are being pointed. Is Martino insane, or is their an evil Luca ghost pulling the harmless pranks? I can't believe that they had such a wonderful build up all to lead to absolutely nothing, I felt completely unsatisfied at the end and even irritated. Although it sounds appealing when you read about the film I'd highly suggest staying the heck away unless you want to watch an extreme build up to nothing...so frustrating!

Availability:  On DVD

Massacre at Central High (1976) aka Blackboard Massacre

4 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: One brutal act began the terror!
Directed by: Rene Daalder
Written by: Rene Daalder
Actors include: Derrel Maury, Andrew Stevens, Robert Carradine
Genre: Drama, Horror, Thriller
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
I definitely liked this weirdo flick though it took a while to get going, oh and let's just say the budget feels rather slim. The story is about a nerdish fellow who happens to be the target for several "Toughs". After they drop his car on him (he was working underneath), he loses his leg and then the perps start dying off in strange accidents. It's pretty much a political statement as the cool kids are wiped out it's sort of a race to see who will fill the void and who will win the power of the school. It's rather strange in that aspect, though quite interesting as what you think might happen is quite different than the reality of this situation. I really like revenge tales and this is quite the unusual one, definitely recommended for most any high schooler to watch, something could be learned from this one. It even fulfills as a horror flick as some of these deaths are not to be missed, a strange winner all around.

Availability:  Never on DVD as far as I know so get it for free here:
Part 1:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=ECLX53V7
Part 2:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=DM3SYAAZ
Part 3:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=OSQR4ND9

*as far as I know this is unavailable everywhere, if you are the owner of the copyright and wish this to be removed, I will do so immediately thanks & enjoy!

Massacre At Central High

The Fearless Vampire Killers or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck (1967) aka Dance of the Vampires aka The Vampire Killers aka Vampire Ball

 2.5 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: Who says Vampires are no laughing matter?
Directed by: Roman Polanski
Written by: Gerard Brach, Roman Polanski
Actors include: Jack MacGowran, Roman Polanski, Sharon Tate
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 108 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA/UK

Review:
Sadly I had very high hopes for this 'un. I tend to like Roman Polański, and in fact I thought the cinematography was lovely, the sets were beautiful, especially the lovely gothic snowy atmosphere. The thing is, Hammer pictures have equally lovely backdrops, and they actually manage to be witty, charming and entertaining all while having the vampire thing happening. This looked as though it was some sort of take-off on those films, I've read this was supposed to be a comedy but I have no idea how as it was neither witty, nor slapstick nor did I even laugh once. It fails as a vampire movie as it never comes close to scary, only the ending was decent and by that point I'd given up on caring as it had bored me to death long before. It seems as though I'm in the minority here as so many truly love this, but speaking as a lover of horror films and comedy films this did not suit my needs at all. Notable only for having his then girlfriend and Charles Manson victim Sharon Tate and for the name, which is the funniest part of the film.

Availability:  On DVD

Street Law (1974) aka Il Cittadino Si Ribella aka The Anonymous Avenger aka The Citizen Rebels aka Vigilante II

 3 / 5 Aug '09
Tagline: He's Back Blasting Death and Destruction
Directed by: Enzo G. Castellari
Written by: Massimo De Rita, Arduino Maiuri
Actors include: Franco Nero, Giancarlo Prete, Barbara Bach
Genre: Crime, Action, Thriller
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
I was pretty excited to see this actually as I like Franco Nero though I haven't seen a ton of his films, and I love Death Wish, the film this was clearly aping. It's the Italian version so I expected more violence, more well...everything but instead I found this to be heavily lacking. While Charles Bronson is perfection as the wronged man taking revenge, Nero doesn't seem all that wronged. He doesn't seem very upset and his motivations are nearly unclear...the film felt very much like going through the motions. Nero plays Carlos, an engineer who happens to get held up in a bank robbery and they take him as a hostage where his is beaten. Of course the Coppers aren't any help so he goes on a vendetta to shoot stuff. Nobody seems like they care that they are in the film, and heck the plot is so lazy I'm not even sure the director wanted to be there. I'm all for senseless violence, but it should at least be entertaining whereas this had me staring at the clock an awful lot.

Availability:  On DVD

The Night Evelyn Came Out Of Her Grave (1971) aka La Notte Che Evelyn Usci Dalla Tomba aka The Night She Arose From The Tomb aka The Night Evelyn Left

 3.5 / 5 Jul '09
Tagline: The worms are waiting.
Directed by: Emilio Miraglia
Written by: Fabio Pittorru, Massimo Felisatti
Actors include: Anthony Steffen, Marina Malfatti, Erika Blanc
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: Italy

Review:
Certainly one of the weaker giallo films, but considering it's often found in public domain prints, I shouldn't be too surprised. Luckily for me the version I got was in the Emilio Miraglia so it was at least uncut with nudity attached. The plot is rather convoluted and it's hard at first to see why this is even related to giallo films. We meet a rich dude who seems to have gone crazy since losing his wife Evelyn. He then goes out to find girls who look exactly like her (with red hair) and kills them off. It's weird because this movie feels quite surreal as most of the women look alike, either they have red hair or a blonde afro (which means they are part of the housekeeping staff). Nutso's Doctor suggests that he try to remarry to get back to reality but of course things don't go exactly as hoped. The sets are nice and gothic feeling but this could have used a little more cohesion. There is a nice surprise or two, but it could have used a little less nudity and a little more violence, oh well, it's still a decent enough tale.

Availability:  On DVD

Nick of Time (1995)

 2 / 5 Jul '09
Tagline: Within 90 minutes, someone is going to die... And the clock is ticking.
Directed by: John Badham
Written by: Patrick Sheane Duncan
Actors include: Johnny Depp, Christopher Walken, Roma Maffia
Genre: Thriller, Crime, Drama
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
The story is about a young man named Gene (Johnny Depp) who has a daughter that he loves, which is why he was targeted by some thugs (including Christopher Walken and Nip/Tuck's Liz). The idea is that they kidnapped his daughter (which he always complaining about in a ridiculous Nicolas Cage style of acting) so in exchange he must murder a Governor. He only has a bit of time...90 minutes to kill her or else his daughter is toast (she was annoying anyhow, I say he should have just cut his losses). This story was pretty much laughably bad and all of the erm "turns" could be seen a mile away, cliche city! I can think of few thrillers that felt more lazy than this one, definitely not one I'll ever watch again nor would I recommend this to anyone. There's a reason this one doesn't get mentioned much...a rather big reason...

Availability:  On DVD