The Human Centipede (The First Sequence) (2009)

2.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: 100 % medically accurate
Directed by: Tom Six
Written by: Tom Six
Actors include: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I don't really know what to say with this one...once I heard about it I absolutely had to see it regardless of the fact that I knew I probably wasn't going to like it. Considering though I have to say it's not as bad as I'd thought it might have been if that makes any sense? Basically an pointlessly evil retired German surgeon lost a three dog monstrosity that he created and looks for a replacement with humans. He lets in two wet moronic girls (who's actions make no sense...why would anyone wander deep in the thick of the woods when they have car trouble?) who cannot act at all, in fact it's actually irritating when they are able to speak. Soon they learn they aren't gettin' out of there once he drugs them and they wake up in their bed. He kindly explains the surgeries required to make his human centipede (there is also an Asian fella down there too to be part of the threesome) to his victims. This includes removing part of the knee so they can only crawl, the head will have his anus removed, the middle will have a removed anus as well as removed lips, teeth and cheek portion, the third part will be missing the cheek portion and lips and teeth.This includes removing part of the knee so they can only crawl, the head will have his anus removed, the middle will have a removed anus as well as removed lips, teeth and cheek portion, the third part will be missing the cheek portion and lips and teeth. It's not very graphic, honestly you do see a tiny bit of removing a part of ass and a few teeth yanked but it's all implied here. Once the monstrosity is created (we don't really see anything because of bandages) we get to listen to the Asian guy yell and freak-out (he's the head) and it all goes downhill from here. It takes forever to get to the "building" portion of the movie, way too much fighting and chasing and slow moving stuff (it's actually kind of boring honestly). It also doesn't really add up though they claim it's medically possible, the biggest questions are left unanswered like why? It's rather unsatisfying but the concept is at least unusual and the guy they've cast as the surgeon does look rather creepy I suppose. It could have been worse, but I can't for the life of me figure out how they intend to do a sequel...or why?

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray