The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon (2008)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  It will kill you. Even if it takes the rest of your life.
Directed by:  Richard Gale
Written by:  Richard Gale
Actors include:  Paul Clemens, Brian Rohan, Fay Kato
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length: 10 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:  
Well the title was certainly the best possible choice for the flick.  It is about a murderer who is invincible...and his weapon?  A spoon.  It goes on to mimic scenes from various Hollywood films only of course add in someone getting smacked with a spoon ad nauseam.  It's a short film coming in at ten minutes, but towards the middle it does start to feel horribly long.  At least they do tuck back the odd little treat towards the end so it is worth sticking it out.  It's not complete garbage, it is rather funny for the first few minutes but I can't imagine ever watching it again. 

Availability:  On DVD

The Beast Within (1982)

3 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Kill me, please kill me... before it's too late.
Directed by: Philippe Mora
Written by: Tom Holland, Edward Levy
Actors include: Ronny Cox, Bibi Besch, Paul Clemens
Genre: Horror
Length: 98 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this had some things going for it at least, the effects although cheesy were ambitious, and the concept was interesting though it's definitely just a monster movie. They also did through in some nice gratuity with gore and nudity and it had a kind of campy feel to it. From the cover it looks like a Teen Wolf sequel, but I assure you it's not. It starts back in the past with a woman being raped by a monster, flash forward seventeen years and the result of the rape, a boy named Michael is about to hit puberty. He's very ill though and nobody seems to know why, only he slips out one night and ends up learning that he craves hunting humans, particularly if they have a certain last name. It's entertaining and easy to watch, and you can tell that the effort was there, the thing is there are huge plot holes wide enough to drive a truck through that definitely require explanation.

Availability:  On DVD