The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

2.5 / 5 Jul '13
Tagline: After a decade of silence... The buzzz is back!
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Actors include: Caroline Williams, Dennis Hopper, Jim Siedow
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
What a yawn, and a long one at that. Now understandably it's not going to be as good as the original as sequels seldom are. Heck even judging this as a film unrelated to the series it's still a dud though. I just can't get over that Tobe Hooper was behind this sequel and Tom Savini did the effects so how did it go so terribly wrong? It's very cartoonish and the cannibal family in this act like the friggin' 3 Stooges. Since when did Leatherface shake his belly around and wiggle when holding a chainsaw? This is most definitely a comedy with some lame gore in it and not much else, it's just not funny and if you are going to play that angle at least throw in some laughs. The story is about an irritating female radio DJ (Caroline Williams) called Stretch who gets a phone call on her request line from two jackasses causing a ruckus. They won't get off the phone (if the other person hangs the phone up, doesn't that disconnect the line?) and they meet their fate when Leatherface chainsaws 'em up real good. Stretch hears it all and is pursuaded to play the tape on the radio by Lt. Lefty (Dennis Hopper slumming it huge time). Of course it gets her into trouble and soon the radio station is under attack by cannibalistic buffoons. I was a little amused that Bo in his "Sonny Bono wig" looks very much like a member of Oasis but that was the highlight of the film. It seems that some really like this film but I can't find much reason to join their plight so instead I'll say avoid!

Availability:  On DVD

Lifeforce (1985) aka Space Vampires

4 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: The Cinematic Sci-Fi event of the Eighties
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Colin Wilson, Dan O'Bannon
Actors include: Steve Railsback, Mathilda May, Peter Firth
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 116 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Okay so let me start by saying: Space vampires who sap energy and change their victims into zombie like creatures. Phew, now if you can swallow that you can enjoy this flick! With Tobe Hooper at the helm and Dan O'Bannon as the screenwriter, you can pretty much guess you are in for an entertaining flick. It springs into action with a space shuttle sent to investigate Halley's Comet only of course they find some strange spaceship. There are strange bat like creatures that appear to be nearly turned to dust as well as three nudies (if you like boobs, then you should get a little something extra from this one) in capsules. They decide to take the specimens back to their ship for investigation thinking everyone is dead...note I said "thinking". Before long, it's super pandemonium in a good 'ole fashion kill fest as zombie like people run rampant and electricity bolts are everywhere. Anyhow the effects on this are quite notable, sure it's a bit cheesy in places but it never veers too far off course. It has violence, sex, a decent enough story considering what the plot entails (it is based upon a book by Colin Wilson called "Space Vampires"). Give it a whirl if you like colorful sci-fi/horror from the '80s, but if you are looking for something seriously scary this won't be ideal.

Availability:  On DVD

The Frog, The Dog, and the Devil (1986)

 4 / 5  Jun '11 
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  Bob Stenhouse
Written by:  Bob Stenhouse
Actors include:  N/A
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Western, Animation, Short
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope





 

Review:
This is quite visually stunning, the style of animation and the horror inspired touches really make this a goodie.  This flick came from New Zealand, and in 1986 it was even nominated for an Oscar for best short picture.  It shows a Man who tricks a Barkeep out of a bottle of booze, then starts hallucinating things almost like he's haunted or something.  It's very surreal yet there is so much going on that it's incredibly easy to digest.  Quite an unusual treat, it's very whimsical and imaginative ode to drunkards. 

Availability:  I don't believe it's on DVD but watch it here:

Night of the Zombies (1981)

1 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The dead are hungry... and they're coming to eat you alive!
Directed by: Joel M. Reed
Written by: Joel M. Reed
Actors include: Jamie Gillis, Samantha Grey, Ryan Hilliard
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a steaming pile of movie this was, it brought me back to memories of the nearly equally bad and similarly plotted French flick L'Abîme des morts vivants (Oasis of the Zombies). Director Joel M. Reed was responsible for the amusingly sleazy flick Bloodsucking Freaks so I had some high hopes here. It's just one of the most boring and lazily cheap zombie films one could ever come across. Even if you have a plan in place to watch every zombie movie ever, I'd shuffle this one to the bottom of your pile. I think they must have decided that effects are too darned expensive so much of the film is shot in the dark so you can't see much of anything. The zombies when can be seen have white face paint with black around the eyes...very Halloween costumey. The premise is about a group of Investigators who are looking for the missing bodies of Soldiers. They come across rumors of zombies in the area which of course they are quick to dismiss and laugh at. I'm sure you can guess what this means...it's just so frigging dull and dry. The acting is horrid, the plot is weak, there is nothing scary or gory about this whatsoever...what was Joel M. Reed thinking? What were any of them thinking? Even fans of bad movies will be insanely bored...it's not even that good! Avoid, avoid, avoid!!!

Availability:  on VHS only i think

Blood Relations (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Anything for the family.
Directed by: Graeme Campbell
Written by: Steven Saylor
Actors include: Jan Rubes, Lydie Denier, Kevin Hicks
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

The story goes that Thomas is the Son of a very rich man and is very used to money. His girlfriend Marie also really likes money and is clearly together with Thomas for this reason. They go to visit Dr. Andreas the brain surgeon (who is Thomas' Father) and Andreas' dying Father Charles. It doesn't take long before Marie figures out something isn't quite right with Dr. Andreas and maybe his surgeries aren't quite what one thinks. There is also strangeness surrounding the death of Thomas' Mother, could Dr. Andreas have had a hand in her demise? The film actually does have a few nice gore scenes in it though they are quite spaced out, and while the story builds it can be rather dull. It is definitely also an erotic thriller as there is a fair amount of nudity and sex. The movie on a whole was satisfying, it threw a few amusing curve balls and it did come together nicely. It's just that it feels very straight-to-video and it feels long winded despite a short run time.

Availability:  on DVD

Dream Demon (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Two women trapped in a savage nightmare...
Directed by: Harley Cokeliss
Written by: Christopher Wicking, Harley Cokeliss
Actors include: Jemma Redgrave, Kathleen Wilhoite, Timothy Spall
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Overall this is a rather dry and lifeless reworking of A Nightmare on Elm Street however it does have a few surprises along the way. Diana is a rich and famous young British Lass who is hounded by the press about her upcoming marriage. She starts having horribly violent dreams, and until she meets an American girl called Jenny (the only charismatic character in the film played by Kathleen Wilhoite). Jenny believes her past is somehow tied into the house that Diana is staying in, and the two become fast friends. When they realize that the demons in Diana's dreams are causing real damage as she pulls people into dangerous situations if they are nearby. This doesn't sound familiar at all does it? Heck even down to the rescuing of a little girl from a fire that transforms when rescued it's so recycled. Still the thing that really will make this worth watching for genre fans is the surprising gore...heck the best scene is borrowed from 力王 [Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky]. It has potential, it's just a shame they couldn't have made it a bit more exciting and less cliche.

Availability:  Not currently on DVD

La Nuit De La Mort aka The Night Of Death aka Les Griffes De La Mort aka The Lady of Death (1980)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11

Tagline: You Are What They Eat!

Directed by: Raphaël Delpard

Written by: Raphaël Delpard, Richard Joffo

Actors include: Isabelle Goguey, Betty Beckers, Charlotte de Turckheim

Genre: Horror, Black Comedy

Length: 94 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

A strangely obscure French horror film from the '80s that finally has a proper DVD release from Synapse films. The plot is about a girl who decides to work for this strange retirement home as a Caregiver. All of the patients are oddly vegetarians, the rules of the house are very strict and she's told her predecessor quit without even saying goodbye. There is also a creepy little song that the Headmistress of the house likes to play on the piano and sing, and fellow in the home who is extremely hungry. Soon it becomes clear that something else is going on and she has to make a run for it. The story is filled with many colorful characters and little blackly comedic jokes which I liked. It's also surprisingly gory (now the effects aren't great but not bad) relatively well acted and entertaining enough that it's easy watch. It's just that the mystery is quite obvious and the film treats the viewer like they are stupid in places. Still I really find it odd that this is such a rarity, it's not the greatest thing ever but certainly worth watching for horror fans.

Availability:  On DVD

Kyvadlo, jáma a naděje (1984) aka The Pit, the Pendulum and Hope

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jan Svankmajer
Written by: Jan Svankmajer, Edgar Allan Poe
Actors include: Jan Zácek
Genre: Horror, Animation
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
At first I thought...oh no, I'm going to get sea sick from the lack of focus and the pendulum movement. Then I started to feel that doom of the swing, and as the details become clear as to the situation and set it's pretty darned neat. It's all filmed in grainy black and white, and you really don't see much if anything in the way of faces. Creepy moving parts and the animation or stop-motion stuff certainly leave one feeling uneasy. At the same time the age old Pit and the Pendulum story is very clear despite the total lack of dialog. We watch a Man struggle for survival as the pendulum swings closer and closer as he tries desperately to escape...how is that not exciting? It's definitely obvious stylistically that it's a work of Jan Švankmajer with the creative touches. Sure it's just a short film, but it packs a whole lotta punch.

Availability:  On DVD as part of the Collected Shorts Of Jan Svankmajer set

The Deadly Spawn (1983) aka Return Of The Alien's Deadly Spawn

3.5 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: Mankind vs. the ultimate eating machine
Directed by: Douglas McKeown
Written by: Ted A. Bohus, John Dods
Actors include: Tom DeFranco, Charles George Hildebrandt, Richard Lee Porter
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 78 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
At first I thought I was in for a dud...I mean the budget is quite miniscule and the acting is shall we say weak. My mind was changed when I saw the alien monsters (erm Deadly Spawn) who actually looks pretty good what with a multitude of teeth. The excessive and hilarious gore really helped to make this a quirky likeable film as well. The plot begins with campers who discover meteor crash only to become lunch for the angry alien parasites. Soon the aliens take up residence in town nearby in a basement eating everyone in sight. It's up to a group of teens to save humanity from becoming alien chow...will they rise to the challenge? Yeah so basically plot schmott...it bears a resemblance to many better films but it's still pretty fun and has a sense of humor about it. Definitely for those who like B movies, just don't expect too much and you might just be surprised.

Availability:  On DVD

Krysar (1986) aka The Pied Piper Of Hamelin

4.5 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jirí Barta
Written by: Kamil Pixa, Viktor Dyk
Actors include: Oldrich Kaiser, Jirí Lábus, Michal Pavlícek
Genre: Horror, Animation, Fantasy
Length: 53 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a grotesquely fascinating piece of work that is insanely detailed and visually spectacular. The version I saw was in Czech with no English subs or anything so any dialog was lost on me but it didn't seem to matter. I definitely understand the story (it is an old fairy tale after all), and the actions in this speak very loudly. They style is stop motion with lots of wood and carved items but with some real animals and items and even some really cool technics with paint and animation. The tale is about a greedy little town that is infested with rats who've stolen their valuables and are generally making life miserable. The Pied Piper shows up and is more than happy to lead the rats away, but when the people of Hamlin dis him look out! It's under an hour long and it's certainly stylistically reminiscent of Jan Švankmajer. This is one of the coolest looking fairy tales I've ever seen, I'd definitely see more from Jiri Trnka and I'd suggest you check this out too (though you might want to avoid showing this to wee ones).
 
Availability:  Not available on DVD

Der Todesking (1989) aka The Death King

4 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: N/A

Directed by: Jörg Buttgereit

Written by: Jörg Buttgereit, Franz Rodenkirchen
Actors include: Suzanne Betz, Gerd Breitung, Ingo Buesing
Genre: Horror, Surreal
Length: 74 minutes
Banned: Nope




Review:
This is most definitely an unusual film but not too unexpected if you are familiar with the works of Jörg Buttgereit. It's surrealistic in nature, and it's really seven little segments divided up by days of the week. In between it's spliced with scenes of a corpse decomposing which is gross but but fascinating. The theme is death, murder and suicide...anything very depressing. It at least does have a dark sense of humor which makes it rather entertaining to watch. I think the best segment was the bridge, it actually made me feel nervous! Very effective little film that manages to disturb and horrify without being downright gross (okay so except the decomposing corpse). The music was actually quite fitting too, it seemed to add a lighter tough. Recommended for people who are looking for a different sort of horror film with a bit of an artistic touch.

Availability:  on DVD

A Stranger Is Watching (1982)

2.5 / 5 Feb '11
Tagline: Beneath New York's Grand Central Station, a killer can hide, victims can disappear... and a million witnesses will never know it happened.
Directed by: Sean S. Cunningham
Written by: Mary Higgins Clark, Earl Mac Rauch
Actors include: Kate Mulgrew, Rip Torn, James Naughton
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've actually enjoyed a few Sean S. Cunningham but this is definitely not one of them. I was surprised how tame it was, it felt like a movie of the week thriller involving a kidnapping. Now yes, towards the end we get a little knifey action but it's far too little too late. The plot is about a young girl who watches her Mom get raped and murdered. The it jumps to the future and she and Dad's current girlfriend (Kate Mulgrew) are kidnapped by the Man (Rip Torn) who killed Ma. From there it's a ransom situation with a "daring" escape as they are imprisoned below Grand Central Station with Bums (er homeless) galore. It should have been way more entertaining than it was, and perhaps if I had found that little girl less irritating I might have cared what happened to everyone. Oh well, certainly not a satisfying horror film or thriller really but it could have been worse.

Availability:  On DVD

Vincent (1982)

5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Tim Burton
Written by: Tim Burton
Actors include: Vincent Price
Genre: Fantasy, Animation
Length: 6 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I loved this, it's very Tim Burton in style which is so creative and interesting, it works perfect for this short film. Vincent Price narrates this poem about a young boy named Vincent Malone who seems to think he is Vincent Price. It has so many little tie-ins with Price films and Edgar Allan Poe, it's absolutely perfect. The little monsters in the tale and even something as simple as a cat are so well illustrated, very similar to the style of the creatures in Burton's later film A Nightmare Before Christmas. I can't think of a single thing I would change about this, one of the best short films I've seen. It really put a smile to my face and kept it there for the entire six minutes, a ghoul's delight!

Availability:  On DVD as a bonus feature on the Nightmare Before Christmas DVD

Kitchen Sink (1989)

3.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Alison Maclean
Written by: Alison Maclean
Actors include: Theresa Healey, Peter Tait, Annagretta Christian
Genre: Horror
Length: 14 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Very unique, stylish and surreal little short film from New Zealand. A woman sees a hair sticking out of her kitchen sink and she tugs on it, after much struggle she pulls out a mini monkey man thing. She throws it in water and it expands to human size and it sort of goes on from there. It was elegantly shot in black and white, and it really is one of those "what is going on here" sort of pictures which makes it quite interesting. If you come seeking answers...well you won't really find them but I do think it makes an interesting statement on obsession with changing people. Pretty neat little flick that made me think perhaps the folks who made Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus.

Availability:  Not on DVD I don't think

The Man With Two Brains (1983)

4.5 / 5
Tagline: Steve Martin Is A World Famous Surgeon. He Invented Screw Top, Zip Lock Brain Surgery. Trust Him.
Directed by: Carl Reiner
Written by: George Gipe, Steve Martin
Actors include: Steve Martin, Kathleen Turner, Dave Warner
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This has got to be the funniest Steve Martin movie I've come across yet, not only was he fantastic but I loved Kathleen Turner in this too! This film not only has a great cast but it has some of the funniest bits in any film ever! It's a wonderful mix of silly, absurd and universally funny. Steve Martin plays a surgeon (Dr. Hfuhruhurr, the name gag never gets old) who is the inventor of the first "twist off, zip lock" brain transplant. He accidentally hits Kathleen Turner with his car and she starts using him (because she gets off on making Men miserable) and of course the two wind up married. The only problem is, when visiting a scientist's lab he falls madly for a brain (Miss Uumellmahaye)! There is also a serial killer who murders on elevators prowling about (which is my personal favorite part) which is worry some too! It's a hilarious hybrid of many different things, but certainly early sci-fi films but I really think you don't have to be in "the know" to appreciate this gem.

Availability:  On DVD

Spaceballs (1987)

3.5 / 5
Tagline:  Revenge of the Schtick
Directed by:  Mel Brooks
Written by:  Mel Brooks, Thomas Meehan
Actors include:  John Candy, Mel Brooks, Rick Moranis
Genre:  Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length:  96 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Now that I've seen Star Wars finally, it was time for Spaceballs as I find Mel Brooks' films usually very funny. This one wasn't one of his best but there were definitely quite a few laughs to be had, but usually silly ones and prop humour. John Candy's character "Barf" (Chewy) was probably my favorite, though Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet was hysterical on it's own. The idea here is that the evil planet Spaceball is running out of air, but Druidia (where our characters come from) has plenty of air. From there of course the evil dudes devise a plan to thieve their air, but will the good guys be able to stop them? Not all of the gags succeed but I still found this very easy to watch, and something that I'll probably even watch again. Really cute, and sci-fi fans should definitely find something to love in this one.

Availability:  On Blu-Ray & DVD

Innerspace (1987)

3.5 / 5
Tagline:  An Adventure of Incredible Proportions
Directed by:  Joe Dante
Written by:  Chip Proser
Actors include:  Dennis Quaid, Martin Short, Meg Ryan
Genre:  Science Fiction, Comedy, Action
Length:  120 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
A rather ballsy fighter pilot Lt. Tuck Penelton (Dennis Quaid) is chosen for a miniaturization experiment and shrunken down to be tiny. He's some thugs come in and steal the syringe that houses mini Tuck and his vessel and the machinery for the experiment. Then they inject mini Tuck into a dorky hypochondriac called Jack Putter (Martin Short). Then Tuck has one heck of a mission trying to convince Jack that he's real and that he needs to help. Jack being a grocery store clerk has no experience in stealing back the machinery so it's quite comical. Not as funny as some comedies but it's definitely strange, it's like sci-fi All of Me only a bit better I think.
Availability:  On DVD

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

4 / 5
Tagline: Brace yourself amigos for a most triumphant video!
Directed by: Stephen Herek
Written by: Chris Matheson, Ed Solomon
Actors include: Alex Winter, Keanu Reeves, George Carlin
Genre: Sci-Fi, Comedy
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Another '80s movie involving a time machine? No way dude, yes way! Meet Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan, the gnarliest doofuses of the '80s! Trouble comes their way when they are on the verge of failing out of school if they don't pass history class (which means military school for Ted). Since the two believe their future to be in a rock and roll band called the Wild Stallyns they simply can't be separated. They get some help from a visitor from the future named Rufus (I had a cat named Rufus when I was younger) who needs them to pass history because if that band isn't formed his future is doomed! Rufus has a time traveling phone booth so they can snatch historical figures from the past for their test so they can pass! It's stupid sure but in a good way, it's also very funny entertaining, especially for kids I'd think.

Availability:  On DVD

*Batteries Not Included (1987)

3.5 / 5
Tagline: Five ordinary people needed a miracle. Then one night, Faye Riley left the window open.
Directed by: Matthew Robbins
Written by: Mick Garris, Brad Bird
Actors include: Hume Cronyn, Jessica Tandy, Frank McRae
Genre: Sci-Fi, Family, Comedy
Length: 106 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a charmingly adorable little family film that everyone should be able to appreciate. A group of folks in an apartment complex are being forced to move so that the area can be demolished, but of course they love their homes and don't want to move. The evil land developers then hire a gang to try to force the people to leave in a less than friendly manner. It seems like all hope is lost until an elderly couple leave their window open one night. See little mechanical aliens (that is pretty cute) have arrived and are ready and willing to help the tenants using their special powers. The cast are really great in this, Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn are hard to resist and the aliens are great too. I haven't seen this in many years but it still brings warm fuzzies to think about watching it, definitely recommended for most.

Availability:  On DVD

Corpse Mania (1981) aka Si Yiu

3.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Chih-Hung Kuei
Written by: Chih-Hung Kuei, On Szeto
Actors include: Ni Tien, Yung Wang, Tsu Ling Yu
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Crime
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well the "corpse" part is accurate enough, not so sure about the "mania" however hehe. This is a Shaw Brothers film that is rather unusual in that the kung fu role is very minor, that and it resembles a giallo in some ways which is odd. A man seems obsessed with sick women, you see them go home with him...then their "sexually abused corpses" surface (their words, not mine). Our killer is disguised (much like in a giallo) and although some things we know right away, others are kept from us until later. It's a bit confusing and strange but it's relatively entertaining for the most part. Also funny is the fact that the dead girls appear covered in bait....not maggots....bait. Some of the killings were a bit surprising and they did put forth some effort to make it gruesome, also they don't spare us from the corpse sex. It's not the best of it's kind, parts somehow manage to be a bit dull but for the most part it's an unusual and decent film.

Availability:  On DVD