The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon (2008)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  It will kill you. Even if it takes the rest of your life.
Directed by:  Richard Gale
Written by:  Richard Gale
Actors include:  Paul Clemens, Brian Rohan, Fay Kato
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length: 10 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:  
Well the title was certainly the best possible choice for the flick.  It is about a murderer who is invincible...and his weapon?  A spoon.  It goes on to mimic scenes from various Hollywood films only of course add in someone getting smacked with a spoon ad nauseam.  It's a short film coming in at ten minutes, but towards the middle it does start to feel horribly long.  At least they do tuck back the odd little treat towards the end so it is worth sticking it out.  It's not complete garbage, it is rather funny for the first few minutes but I can't imagine ever watching it again. 

Availability:  On DVD

Lake Mungo (2008)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: If you've never seen a ghost... Look closer.
Directed by: Joel Anderson
Written by: Joel Anderson
Actors include: Rosie Traynor, David Pledger, Martin Sharpe
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Mystery
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well points for creativity should be awarded here, though the dry spots in the story were a little too plentiful. The film is told in the style of a documentary about a family who's Daughter Alice has turned up drowned in the lake. They determine her death as accidental and her family tries to move on, they start seeing shadowy versions of Alice around. They contact some Supernatural specialists and exhume the body to try to determine what has happened. As things unravel we find out things aren't quite what we seem, and the more digging that happens the more the story contorts. Some of the imagery here is yes, somewhat creepy but beyond that I can't say much in the way of horror happens. It at least does try to build mystery and it did have me wondering exactly what was going similar to some of Peter Weir's flicks. I just think if they'd had a better cast and bothered to try to make it a bit more ominous things would have been so much better. Thanks so much to Happywax (http://doomgoryumshorroremporium.blogspot.com/) for this recommendation!

Availability:  On DVD

Treevenge (2008)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill, Jason Eisener
Actors include: Lex Gigeroff, Sarah Dunsworth, Lex Gigeroff
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 16 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a cute little Canadian low budget short film that asks the question....what happens when abused trees get pissed off? The idea is that some maniacal lumberjacks sadistically torture trees before they wind up as Christmas decorations. The trees have had enough and start to fight back in some insanely gruesome ways. Yes it's silly, and strange but in a good way, definitely some hilarious moments in this one. Thanks to my new horror lovin' friend Myron for the recommendation on this one. Definitely a Christmas must for the holidays!

Availability:  Not on DVD currently I think

Love Hurts (2008)

2.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Shariff Nasr
Written by: Terence
Actors include: Medi Broekman, Nasrdin Dchar, Déna Massque
Genre: Horror
Length: 6 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
A rather unknown short horror film (that I found on the internet) that is insanely mediocre. A boyfriend and girlfriend get in a fight and break-up. The woman goes to the bathroom where she sees a pool of blood and hears things under the stall. She goes to check and some demon thing looking like Bif Naked with white contacts attacks her. It's pretty silly really and not very effective at all, however points for the fact that it looks rather professionally made.

Availability:  I don't think it's available but you can watch it online

Martyrs (2008)

4.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: They did not finish to be alive...
Directed by: Pascal Laugier
Written by: Pascal Laugier
Actors include: Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï, Catherine Bégin
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Yikes, well this is a different breed of horror film, and an effective one. We meet a young girl named Lucie who we see escaping some sort of torture area, she is bleeding, malnourished and had clearly been suffering. We learn that Lucie has a best friend Anna who has also had a rough go of things, the two are pretty inseperable. Flash forward a few years and we see Lucie go out for revenge against the family that kidnapped her and tortured her. I don't want to give more away but it really takes some demented twists and turns here. The story is graphically bloody, it's very serious in tone and it's very bleak and hard to watch in places. I can see why some might be divided on this, but I thought it was really well made, and actresses Morjana Alaoui and Mylène Jampanoï did a fantastic job. The first part is far more intense then the last, but the whole thing I thought was rather gripping. In a way it's treated like a mystery as parts of the tale don't unfold until later and that is what was so compelling. Now I think it would have been beneficial to let us in a little more on the bigger picture of what was going on but at the same time it wrapped up well enough. Definitely one of the best horror films from the last ten years that I've come across, recommended fo rthose looking for something disturbingly different.

Availability:  On DVD

Let The Right One In (2008)

4 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Tomas Alfredson
Written by: John Ajvide Lindqvist
Actors include: Kåre Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson, Per Ragnar
Genre: Horror
Length: 115 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Considering this is a modern vampire film I actually expected to dislike this but luckily this was one of the rare good ones. It's stylish, and elegant, particularly the contrast with the snow and blood, very interesting. The cast is very effective and skilled and the plot is engaging yet simple, very easy to enjoy. It's no wonder this one made such headlines and inspired a remake (that I haven't seen). The story is about a young boy named Oscar who is bullied and lonely but he dreams of revenge. He meets an unusual neighbor girl, and despite initial resistance the two become close friends, only of course she has a secret. She can't go into the sun and she has rather odd eating habits. It's actually quite satisfying on a story level and on a blood level so horror fans who just came for the red stuff should still be pleased. Even for those who don't enjoy subtitles this one is worth the effort (plus there isn't a ton of dialogue), definitely one of the highlights of horror from the last decade.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

The Children (2008)

3 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: You brought them into this world. Now ... They will take you out.
Directed by: Tom Shankland
Written by: Tom Shankland, Paul Andrew Williams
Actors include: Eva Birthistle, Rachel Shelley, Stephen Campbell Moore
Genre: Horror
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
The first half of this movie is so gosh darned painful that I barely made it to the second more exciting half but I'm glad I did. See the first half of the film is two couples with their children (and one teenager) arrive at a cottage for Christmas. The children are continually screaming and making terrible noise, it's enough to give anyone a headache. I mean seriously, 40 minutes of kids banging on toys running all willy nilly while Adults try to talk over top and the teenager pouts...so frigging awful. At least the second half gave us some action as the little children start attacking and killing the adults in gruesome ways. The effects are decent and it does look cool with all that blood out in the snow, credit there. The style is a but frustrating as things happen so fast it's often hard to get what just happened, I mean it's obvious seconds later but at the time it's kind of annoying. Still the revenge and attack scenes are pretty cool, and the teenager becomes a rather likeable warrior. Also who doesn't enjoy watching irritating children go down? Some of the reactions seem a bit silly, would Parents really be that oblivious but I'm not one, so maybe I just don't get that aspect. The story does offer a few twists and turns too that maybe aren't instantly obvious, so definite points for trying there too. Not the greatest new movie ever but it did have some things worthy of mentioning and it's probably worth a viewing for fans of horror.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Quarantine (2008)

2 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: Contain The Truth
Directed by: John Erick Dowdle
Written by: John Erick Dowdle
Actors include: Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Columbus Short
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
From what I understand this is the American remake of the French film [REC] (which shamefully I haven't seen yet). Although I'm sure that is a much better film, after seeing this one I'm in no hurry. This one starts out with an obnoxious reporter called Angela (Quarantine) who has her film crew at the fire department to do a little special on them. All is duller than dull (seriously who would watch her news report?) until they get a call at an apartment building. They all rush inside to find a woman who is exibiting signs of zombism. Soon they find themselves locked inside with no way to escape, nobody will tell them anything and soon this mysterious virus starts running rampant when person after person gets bit. The handicam style is annoying, as well as the fact that nobody seems to have a clue how to adapt or what to do in the situation. In other words, how did they find the world's dumbest people to lock together in a building...it really seemed as though this "virus" was doing the world a favor. I will give this credit for having reasonable gore, and the infected humans look evil enough. I really thought this started out horribly and ended up even worse, though the middle had a few better points. Really weak film overall, I'll see [REC] eventually but after seeing this I'm not in any hurry, regardless of the fact that I'm sure it was much better than this.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray