Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

 3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: He puts the teeth in terror
Directed by: Jeff Burr
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Actors include: Katie Hodge, Ken Foree, R.A. Mihailoff
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

 

Review:

Certainly a large step up from part 2 as well, this one isn't a joke. It's far from amazing, but as a slasher this one meets all of the requirements, plus it seems to be more true to the spirit of the original. This time we meet two college students who are on a road trip that end up in cannibal country. This time the murderous family seems to have grown (Viggo Mortensen has even joined the crew) and they are still just as hungry as ever. This has the obligatory running through the dark in the woods scene, several chainsawing and even dead animals...what more could one ask for? They even managed to do a decent job building a bit of tension, and the gore was pretty fun too. I'm glad to see that this was actually better than I had anticipated, maybe not as good as it could have been but entertaining enough none the less.

Availability:  On DVD

Rattlers (1976)

3 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: John McCauley
Written by: John McCauley, Jerry Golding
Actors include: Sam Chew Jr., Elisabeth Chauvet, Dan Priest
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Somehow it's very watchable sleaze which producer Harry Novak definitely specializes in. It's obviously a cheaply made picture with sub-par actors but who cares....does one really expect more from a film like this? The first half is actually quite fun with one snake attack after the next (before the title credits we get to see children slide into a rattler pit....how is that not awesome?). Then we meet Herpetologist Dr. Tom Parkinson who of course specializes in the study of snakes. Since fluke snake bites have been on the rise, he's been called in along with an attractive photographer to investigate. When they start with the romance montages things really start sliding downhill but it's silly enough that it's almost laughable. Speaking of which....may I just throw out there that there is a scene where they shoot up snakes in a tent! Though this will never be considered a classic, that scene alone is worthy of a late night viewing.

Availability:  On DVD

Die Sister, Die (1972) aka The Companion

2.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Go ahead and SCREAM AMANDA - it can't help you now!
Directed by: Randall Hood
Written by: William Hersey, Tony Sawyer
Actors include: Jack Ging, Edith Atwater, Antoinette Bower
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Great title, not so great film unfortunately. It feels very much like a made-for-tv picture though in fact it's just a bland studio release. It's set up like a murder mystery sort of thing, but within a few minutes of the flick anyone should be able to tell exactly what is going on. Were it not for reasonably decent actors this would have been antagonizingly dull. Esther is hired to be a Nurse to a mentally unwell person named Amanda by her seemingly ordinary brother Edward. Amanda has two past suicide attempts and suffers from delusions and is generally cantankerous. Of course all of this has to do with a family secret, locked rooms and money and blah blah blah run of the mill. It's not satisfying on a horror front, it's not satisfying as a mystery and really it's just something that wastes time.

Availability:  On DVD

Stanley (1972)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Tim has a pet rattlesnake. When Tim gets mad - Stanley gets deadly!
Directed by: William Grefe
Written by: William Grefe, Gary Crutcher
Actors include: Chris Robinson, Alex Rocco, Steve Alaimo
Genre: Horror
Length: 106 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Willard with snakes! Tim is a Vietnam Vet and a Seminole Indian who's bitter because his Father was killed by poachers so he lives in isolation in the Everglades with a bunch of rattlers. His best snake friend is Stanley who has a snake wife named Hazel and together then have three babies...touching right? Well for some odd reason everybody is after Tim's snakes. There is a local crime guy called Thomkins (Alex Rocco) who wants to make designer belts out of snake pelts...and guess who has the snakes he desires? There is also an elderly stripper who wants snakes so she can bite their heads off in her act (okay so the promoter is pushing her to do this but still). When they start advancing on his snakes he is compelled to take revenge using his dear slithery friends. It's most definitely an exploitation film, but it's got a degree of charm...my favorite part being a freeze frame of Thomkins before he jumps into the pool (you'll see what I mean)". It also taught me that snakes can float on quicksand (seriously can that happen?)? At any rate it's not the best animal horror film nor is it the most original but I still think it's worth checking out.

Availability:  On DVD

Hambuster (2010)

2.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Paul Alexandre, Maxime Cazaux, Dara Cazamea, Romain Delaunay, Bruno Ortolland
Written by: Paul Alexandre, Maxime Cazaux, Dara Cazamea, Romain Delaunay, Bruno Ortolland
Actors include: N/A
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Animated
Length: 6 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a sorta lamely computer animated short 3D flick about a hamburger gone bad. It was created by 5 students as a graduation project I believe, and when you consider that they did well...I'da passed 'em. A fella goes to take a bite only to have it lick his face, then the burger promptly goes on a chomping spree tearing up a fast food restaurant. It's just not very special and it seems as though not much care went into the making of it. I did appreciate the carnage that takes place during the restaurant massacre (some of the touches there were nice) but the rest of it all seemed rather meh. Not something I'll ever want to see again nor would I really recommend it, but it did give me a craving for a burger.

Availability:  watch it here for free  http://vimeo.com/13526349

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

2.5 / 5 Jul '13
Tagline: After a decade of silence... The buzzz is back!
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Actors include: Caroline Williams, Dennis Hopper, Jim Siedow
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
What a yawn, and a long one at that. Now understandably it's not going to be as good as the original as sequels seldom are. Heck even judging this as a film unrelated to the series it's still a dud though. I just can't get over that Tobe Hooper was behind this sequel and Tom Savini did the effects so how did it go so terribly wrong? It's very cartoonish and the cannibal family in this act like the friggin' 3 Stooges. Since when did Leatherface shake his belly around and wiggle when holding a chainsaw? This is most definitely a comedy with some lame gore in it and not much else, it's just not funny and if you are going to play that angle at least throw in some laughs. The story is about an irritating female radio DJ (Caroline Williams) called Stretch who gets a phone call on her request line from two jackasses causing a ruckus. They won't get off the phone (if the other person hangs the phone up, doesn't that disconnect the line?) and they meet their fate when Leatherface chainsaws 'em up real good. Stretch hears it all and is pursuaded to play the tape on the radio by Lt. Lefty (Dennis Hopper slumming it huge time). Of course it gets her into trouble and soon the radio station is under attack by cannibalistic buffoons. I was a little amused that Bo in his "Sonny Bono wig" looks very much like a member of Oasis but that was the highlight of the film. It seems that some really like this film but I can't find much reason to join their plight so instead I'll say avoid!

Availability:  On DVD

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Witness the birth of fear
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Written by: Sheldon Turner
Actors include: Jordana Brewster, Matt Bomer, Diora Baird
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I usually am not one for remakes, but I did enjoy the 2003 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a prequel to a remake sounds sketchy but this wasn't. In fact I'd say they did as well making this although yes it is sort of unnecessary and many things were recycled from the other films but it is still a lot of gore filled fun. Here we watch Tommy (aka Leatherface) lose his job at the butcher shop, and well let's just say he snaps. It does do a good job of filling in the blanks, like what happened to Uncle's legs and how did Hoyt become a cop etc. They introduce us to another group of young people (this time on their way to Vietnam for the war) who of course are destined to become dinner and play things for the lovely family. I appreciated that they didn't play this one too lightly and they really kept it rather dark and bloody. There was definitely a doomy feel to it, and the cast are actually rather decent too I must say. I was surprised that his is worth watching, however if you are looking for something surprisingly fresh and original this won't be it. It's exactly what you think it might be and that is all I was hoping for.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Sinister Flesh (1976)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Stanley Sheff
Written by: Stanley Sheff
Actors include: S.D. Nemeth, Tomme Arnold, Riki Marcelli
Genre: Horror, Short, Comedy
Length: 27 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a very strange little short film from the '70s filmed in the style of the silent horror pictures of the '20s. It even says at the beginning that the director didn't believe in talking in film, but the thing is, the schtick works. It's filmed in black and that sort of yellowish tinge they occasionally would use, and the monsters and the behavior of the characters is very in tune with the classics as well. What makes this different is that it's very much a comedy, much of it is plain silly and some of the jokes fall flat. Still I couldn't help but snicker a few times, and considering it's only a 25 minute film it does have a fair bit to offer. It's the story of Dr. Ogo Moto who is seeking immoratality by conducting strange experiments along with his friend Zit, The Hunchback. They kidnap Women, then hook them into a crazy machine and well usually things go wrong, until of course they don't. It's not bloody, it's not scary, but the atmosphere is right and it's a decent throwback picture.

Availability:  Apparently this film was once thought to be lost, but you can watch it here: http://vids.myspace.com/in...mp;videoid=3111

Abby (1974)

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The Devil took her for his lover! Her body is possessed, her soul is next!
Directed by: William Girdler
Written by: William Girdler, Gordon Cornell Layne
Actors include: Carol Speed, William Marshall, Terry Carter
Genre: Horror, Blaxploitation
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Friggin' hilarious over-the-top Blaxploitation take on The Exorcist courtesy of unusual movie maven Mr. William Girdler. The way this plays out is that Abby is a marriage councilor who is happily wed to a Preacher. Life is peachy keen, and although she's an overachiever (what with all of her singing in the choir and other cliched good girl activities) things are good. Abby's Father-In-Law accidentally conjures up an evil demon of sexuality that invades her body. Suddenly Abby's voice is much lower, her new hobbies include ripping off her clothes, kicking her Husband in the groin and seducing weirdos in bars. The dialog is really what makes this such an entertaining feature, I couldn't stop laughing through parts. The horror end of things is weak, barely anyone dies but that isn't really the reason to watch, it's all about the '70sisms. Abby's demon make-up looks hilariously like that of The Incredible Hulk, and she does the usual things like levitate and so forth and endure an exorcism in typical possession fashion. Truthfully this is my first Blaxploitation flick (unless you count the remake of Shaft which I don't) and I did really like it, oh it's not classically good but if you like camp then you should adore this.

Availability:  On DVD

X-Men: First Class (2011)

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: Witness the origin
Directed by: Matthew Vaughn
Written by: Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz
Actors include: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence
Genre: Sci-Fi, Action, Adventure
Length: 132 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I wouldn't say I'm a big fan of the series, though I've barely explored it. I saw the first X-Men movie back when it came out, thought it was alright but never bothered with any of the sequels. Luckily for me this is filmed in such a way that seeing the first film was all I really needed. It goes back to the '60s when Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr were friends and learning to use their powers together. Together they recruit other mutants and start teaching them to use the power within to try to stop a missile crisis that could blow destroy everything. Be prepared for a ton of neat action sequences, some cheesy montages, and of course some neat mutant activity. They also did a rather good job of tying it into the first movie (heck even Wolverine makes a cameo which is the best part of the film) and yet it didn't feel like they were retreading. I did feel it went on a little long, and a bit of trimming from the beginning wouldn't have hurt, but for the most part it was satisfying and it covered a lot of territory. It's made me curious what I've missed with the other sequels, that is for sure.

Availability:  Still in theatres currently

Boo (1932)

 3.5 / 5  Jun '11 
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  Albert DeMond
Written by:  Albert DeMond
Actors include:  Morton Lowry
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length:  10 minutes
Banned:  Nope





 
Review:
This is a rather cute little mash up of the current films that were popular at the time.  Expect scenes from Frankenstein, Nosferatu, and intriguingly the only surviving footage from a lost film called The Cat Creeps (okay well the sound reels only exist at this point).  Over top of the remix we have a narrator mocking the scenarios and throwing out cheap jokes (most of which work, some of which don't).  It's as cheesy as they come, but luckily I have an healthy appreciation for cheese.  It weighs in at around ten minutes which is perfect because it starts to run out of steam towards the end.  Still worthy of a gander for genre fan, thanks so much to my pal Happywax (Doomgoryums Horror Emporium) for mentioning this one to me!

 Availability:  I don't believe it's on DVD but watch it here:

Night of the Zombies (1981)

1 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The dead are hungry... and they're coming to eat you alive!
Directed by: Joel M. Reed
Written by: Joel M. Reed
Actors include: Jamie Gillis, Samantha Grey, Ryan Hilliard
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a steaming pile of movie this was, it brought me back to memories of the nearly equally bad and similarly plotted French flick L'Abîme des morts vivants (Oasis of the Zombies). Director Joel M. Reed was responsible for the amusingly sleazy flick Bloodsucking Freaks so I had some high hopes here. It's just one of the most boring and lazily cheap zombie films one could ever come across. Even if you have a plan in place to watch every zombie movie ever, I'd shuffle this one to the bottom of your pile. I think they must have decided that effects are too darned expensive so much of the film is shot in the dark so you can't see much of anything. The zombies when can be seen have white face paint with black around the eyes...very Halloween costumey. The premise is about a group of Investigators who are looking for the missing bodies of Soldiers. They come across rumors of zombies in the area which of course they are quick to dismiss and laugh at. I'm sure you can guess what this means...it's just so frigging dull and dry. The acting is horrid, the plot is weak, there is nothing scary or gory about this whatsoever...what was Joel M. Reed thinking? What were any of them thinking? Even fans of bad movies will be insanely bored...it's not even that good! Avoid, avoid, avoid!!!

Availability:  on VHS only i think

Blood Relations (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Anything for the family.
Directed by: Graeme Campbell
Written by: Steven Saylor
Actors include: Jan Rubes, Lydie Denier, Kevin Hicks
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

The story goes that Thomas is the Son of a very rich man and is very used to money. His girlfriend Marie also really likes money and is clearly together with Thomas for this reason. They go to visit Dr. Andreas the brain surgeon (who is Thomas' Father) and Andreas' dying Father Charles. It doesn't take long before Marie figures out something isn't quite right with Dr. Andreas and maybe his surgeries aren't quite what one thinks. There is also strangeness surrounding the death of Thomas' Mother, could Dr. Andreas have had a hand in her demise? The film actually does have a few nice gore scenes in it though they are quite spaced out, and while the story builds it can be rather dull. It is definitely also an erotic thriller as there is a fair amount of nudity and sex. The movie on a whole was satisfying, it threw a few amusing curve balls and it did come together nicely. It's just that it feels very straight-to-video and it feels long winded despite a short run time.

Availability:  on DVD

Recorded Live (1975)

4 / 5  May '11 
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  S.S. Wilson
Written by:  S.S. Wilson
Actors include:  John Goodwin
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope






Review:
When you consider how easy this must have been to make, it seems shocking that I haven't seen much like it since.  It's about a Guy called Mr. Aaines who receives a letter for a job interview.  He goes into the office only to find two reels of film sitting there.  The tape on the reels starts unwinding and it forms into some sort of blobular creature that chases him around.  It's not going to freak anyone out, it's just sort of a comedic little "what if" tale that is well executed.  It sounds stupid and yes in a way it is but they come up with enough clever ideas to make it very worthwhile.  I can't help but wonder if Trent Reznor was influenced by this when making his "Head Like A Hole" video. 

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Haunted Mouth (1974)

 3 / 5  May '11 

Tagline:  N/A

Directed by:  N/A
Written by:  N/A

Actors include:  Cesar Romero

Genre:  Horror, Short
Length:  13 minutes

Banned:  Nope

Review:  

I can't believe this exists, it's a slightly horror themed commercial from the '70s brought to us by Colgate.  The concept is that the evil B Plaque (a chair voiced by Cesar Romero) tells tales of children who have lost their teeth due to neglect.  He then gives children instructions of how to keep your teeth clean and flossed and isn't concerned because we won't follow his instructions.  He's quite convinced that he will move on in and take over our teeth oooh scary!  Okay so it's not going to give anyone the chills but when compared to other dental hygiene videos I've seen it's at least creative.  I also appreciate the fact that it's shot in the style of a 'B' Movie, kinda fun though it does wear thin after thirteen minutes.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Return Of The Living Dead III (1993)

3.5 / 5 May '11
Tagline: She's To Die For.
Directed by: Brian Yuzna
Written by: John Penney
Actors include: Kent McCord, James T. Callahan, Sarah Douglas
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm really happy to see that this third installment really does rejuvenate the franchise with a far better offering than the previous installment of the series. This time they bother to explain a little more of what is going on scientifically (the Government is still working on studying reanimating the dead for military purposes). One of the Military fellas has a teenage son named Curt who has stolen his swipe pass to impress his girlfriend Julie. The two are a little wild, and totally in love! So when they go exploring they happen to learn about the zombie experiments. They also soon find out that Curt is to be moved away because his Father has been transferred to another city. The two teens decide to go it alone together, and head out on Curt's bike...only a terrible accident happens and he needs to use the reanimation powder to fix things. As we all know, things will go terribly wrong and before we know it we are in the middle of a gory zombie battle (hooray!). Sure it's a bit cheesy and over the top but what more could one expect? It actually does a good job of working within the confines of the series so far and it's quite entertaining. Definitely a worthwhile and bloody sequel that should appeal to fans of the series and just horror fans in general.

Availability:  On DVD

Trick R Treat (2007)

4 / 5 May '11 
Tagline:  You better watch out, I'm telling you why. Sam is coming to town...
Directed by:  Michael Dougherty
Written by:  Michael Dougherty
Actors include:  Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, Brian Cox
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  82 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Sure this isn't the sort of horror film that is going to scare the pants off of anyone, but it is a really fun Halloweeny anthology.  It winds four spookily fun little tales together to make for a fast-paced and original flick.  One segment was about a Principal who does not put the "pal" in Principal (okay worst joke ever right?).  In fact he may be murdering the children of the neighborhood!  Another is about a bunch of teens who pull a prank on an idiot...savant that is.  We also have a College virgin who is waiting for the right one, but her friends are kinda pressuring her to do it now!  Lastly there is the tale about blowing out a jack-o-lantern before midnight.  All were well executed and the spirit of the film is purely vintage which I loved.  I'm so happy to see that the anthology is in fact not dead, just twisted Pulp Fiction style.  Thanks so much to the very wise Happywax (Doomgoryums Horror Emporium) for this recommendation, great selection!  

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Brain Dead (2007)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste
Directed by:  Kevin Tenney
Written by:  Dale Gelineeau
Actors include:  Joshua Benton, Sarah Grant Brendecke, David Crane
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  95 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Well I can seriously say I knew absolutely nothing about this film going into it, in fact we thought we were about to watch the Roger Corman film of the same name.  I was relieved to find that this was at least an entertaining flick, complete with excessive nudity, gruesome gore effects and it was rather comical throughout.  It also adversely has terrible acting, dry spots with people talking and a definite straight-to-video feeling to it.  The plot is about some people who all (for some reason or another) end up at this deserted cabin.  Oops, did I say deserted?  Cuz I meant invested with alien mutant zombie things (yes you purists will not be pleased with that) but it made for a colorful little film at least.  Watch people try basically nothing to retaliate or escape the situation and sit back and let the cliches roll.  Sure this isn't going to win an Oscar but it's a fair bit of fun for a late night viewing for those who like stuff that oozes.

Availability:  on DVD

Priest (2011)

3 / 5  May '11 
Tagline:  The War is Eternal. His Mission is Just the Beginning.
Directed by:  Scott Charles Stewart
Written by:  Cory Goodman, Min-Woo Hyung
Actors include:  Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q
Genre:  Thriller, Horror, Action, Western
Length:  87 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Well, this was my first ever 3D movie in the theater, and unfortunately it didn't really utilize this tool very effectively but it did add a nice touch or two.  The particularly stellar part was the Gothic animation in the beginning sequences, it's too bad they didn't use more of this throughout the film.  What they did use were CGI vampires that resembled Marilyn Manson, ridiculously laughable script ("Kill 'Em All") and some of the most implausible action sequences (oh I'm talking about you stones thrown into the air that were used as steps) I think I've ever seen.  Conceptually it's decent enough, it's about a war that occurred between humanity and vampires and Priests were the saviors of humans.  They have since disbarred and been outcast in society and must work demeaning tasks.  The vampires were supposedly vanquished (note I said "supposedly") which leads us to our next problem.  A family are brutalized and a daughter Lucy held captive by vampires, of course the way this works is that a Priest is related to her.  He must leave his Priesthood in order to kick some butt and save Lucy with a little help from a fella called Hicks.  Anyhow it is filled with action...and if you like scenes were people glide around on bikes in the sand (okay so I thought it was snow because I'm an idiot) for long stretches...you will love this movie.  There were at least a few redeeming qualities to this, the visuals were striking and the plot was okay.  Maybe not exactly my cup-o-tea but not worth writing off entirely.

Availability:  Still in theaters

Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin (1994)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jim Van Bebber
Written by: Mark Gillespie, Jim Van Bepper
Actors include: Marc Pitman, Mark Gillespie, Maureen Allisse
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So apparently this short film was created by Jim Van Bebber as a means to finance his feature length film My Sweet Satan. It's certainly attempting to appeal to splatter fans as it jumps right in with our crazy main character yanking entrails from some sort of animal and having a snack. In fact when he's not gnawing on raw parts he's yelling repetitively and watching '80s tv programs, quite the fulfilling life really. He goes out on a cruise and picks up some hitchhikers and has a little dismemberment dinner party. It's definitely trying to mimic the ambiance and sentiment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with no avail as this just isn't creepy. I did appreciate the fact that it was quite gory and well I actually thought it was funny and easy enough to watch but it shouldn't scare anyone.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a set with My Sweet Satan