Rattlers (1976)

3 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: John McCauley
Written by: John McCauley, Jerry Golding
Actors include: Sam Chew Jr., Elisabeth Chauvet, Dan Priest
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Somehow it's very watchable sleaze which producer Harry Novak definitely specializes in. It's obviously a cheaply made picture with sub-par actors but who cares....does one really expect more from a film like this? The first half is actually quite fun with one snake attack after the next (before the title credits we get to see children slide into a rattler pit....how is that not awesome?). Then we meet Herpetologist Dr. Tom Parkinson who of course specializes in the study of snakes. Since fluke snake bites have been on the rise, he's been called in along with an attractive photographer to investigate. When they start with the romance montages things really start sliding downhill but it's silly enough that it's almost laughable. Speaking of which....may I just throw out there that there is a scene where they shoot up snakes in a tent! Though this will never be considered a classic, that scene alone is worthy of a late night viewing.

Availability:  On DVD

Stanley (1972)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Tim has a pet rattlesnake. When Tim gets mad - Stanley gets deadly!
Directed by: William Grefe
Written by: William Grefe, Gary Crutcher
Actors include: Chris Robinson, Alex Rocco, Steve Alaimo
Genre: Horror
Length: 106 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Willard with snakes! Tim is a Vietnam Vet and a Seminole Indian who's bitter because his Father was killed by poachers so he lives in isolation in the Everglades with a bunch of rattlers. His best snake friend is Stanley who has a snake wife named Hazel and together then have three babies...touching right? Well for some odd reason everybody is after Tim's snakes. There is a local crime guy called Thomkins (Alex Rocco) who wants to make designer belts out of snake pelts...and guess who has the snakes he desires? There is also an elderly stripper who wants snakes so she can bite their heads off in her act (okay so the promoter is pushing her to do this but still). When they start advancing on his snakes he is compelled to take revenge using his dear slithery friends. It's most definitely an exploitation film, but it's got a degree of charm...my favorite part being a freeze frame of Thomkins before he jumps into the pool (you'll see what I mean)". It also taught me that snakes can float on quicksand (seriously can that happen?)? At any rate it's not the best animal horror film nor is it the most original but I still think it's worth checking out.

Availability:  On DVD

Murders In The Zoo (1933) aka El Asesino Diabólico

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: A. Edward Sutherland
Written by: Philip Wylie, Seton I. Miller
Actors include: Charles Ruggles, Lionel Atwill, Gail Patrick
Genre: Horror
Length: 62 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was actually a surprising film in that it goes where one wouldn't think it would (heck in the opening scene we are watching a Zoologist sew someone's mouth shut). It's surprisingly graphic, and the nature of the killings in this is rather impressive (most are animal related deaths), especially when you consider this was made in 1933! A Zoologist who has a cheating wife and several enemies goes to town on those who've wronged him or ticked him off. He's a rather well written hilariously evil character that is easy to be amused by, certainly reminiscent of later Vincent Price roles. Where the film goes wrong is obnoxiously clumsy and befuddled reporter (Charles Ruggles) who chews up way too much air time and although I'm sure he was intended to be funny he's very far from it. Once you ignore that character the film is pretty wonderful though, and it's only just a tad over an hour long so it packs a lot of punch in a short time. Oh the other downside I feel I must mention, there is an impressive ending sequence revolving some fighting lions and other big cats. Back then they didn't have animal's rights activists for filming so they really did hurt some of the cats from my understanding, which is one hell of a shame. Still well worth a viewing, there aren't many like this, especially this ambitious, quite a film!

Availability:  On DVD

Day Of The Animals (1977) aka Something Is Out There

3 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: For centuries they were hunted for bounty, fun and food... now it's their turn
Directed by: William Girdler
Written by: William W. Norton
Actors include: Christopher George, Leslie Nielsen, Lynda Day George
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
One of those nature gone bad films, this time because we have been depleting the ozone layer somehow nature knows and is seriously pissed off. A group of hikers featuring Leslie Nielsen as a racist hilarious jerk are out and about when they notice the animals are acting strange. From our perspective we see many animals looking angry, particularly birds but some bears, dogs and cougars but they seemed lazy even reusing some shots with this. At any rate, a girl is attacked by a wolf (which is awesome), so she and her friend leave the group to go get help for her wounds. Along the way nature goes even more berserk and starts to cause fatalities (the deaths are pretty wicked). The group starts to have a divide and they split into two with Nielsen leading one of the packs and the tour guide leading the other with hilarious result. If you want to watch Nielsen dance with a bear, rats that fly and various other things that shouldn't exist but they do then this is worth your time. I was at least amused, it's better than I thought it might have been.

Availability:  On DVD

The Nest (1988)

3 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Roaches have never tasted flesh... until now. She's just an appetizer.
Directed by: Terence H. Winkless
Written by: Eli Cantor, Robert King
Actors include: Robert Lansing, Lisa Langlois, Frank Luz
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, it's very direct-to-video feeling, particularly with the bad acting and the weak romantic subplot and lousy cheap music. Heck one doesn't even see a cockroach attack someone until quite a ways in. Also I should mention that there aren't gigantic cockroaches like advertised on the vhs case, they are normal sized. I can give this credit though because it is rather bloody and I feel they tried on the "horror end of things" despite the fact that it's far from frightening in any way. Heck someone could be deathly afraid of cockroaches and not bat an eyelash at this. The idea is that experiments have created cockroaches that cannot die through normal means, and of course they are attacking a small town. At least once the film gets going there are some amusing little effects and whatnot. Especially when we meet the cockroach hybrid human monster thing (you'll see)! It doesn't deserve a fail or anything, there are certainly worse nature-gone-bad films but it's not exactly one of the best either. I wouldn't Raid the video store to find it heheh.

Availability:  Not On DVD

Long Weekend (1978)

4.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Their crime was against nature...Nature found them guilty.
Directed by: Colin Eggleston
Written by: Everett De Roche
Actors include: John Hargreaves, Briony Behets, Mike McEwen
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a film and it most definitely makes it's point. It's an Australian film about a fella named Peter who wants to go camping in the wilderness...the only thing is that he's a menace to the outdoors. He's reluctantly dragging along his girlfriend Marcia who hates the outdoors. This sounds like a comedy and in a demented way it kind of is...I mean this couple does everything but burnt down the outdoors. Peter is particularly evil and cruel, even to Marcia who starts to realize something is terribly wrong. See nature isn't going to take this kind of abuse sitting down...it's going to take revenge! Strange things begin happening to the couple including animals attacking them, so Marcia takes the hint and wants to go home. Thing is Peter isn't about to let her leave, and nature isn't about to let them leave either... It's quite an interesting film, when I read the plot I knew I had to see this to see just exactly how this plays out. It's actually rather well made, nicely filmed and it more than makes it's point. Definitely recommended for those looking to see a different kind of horror film.

Availability:  On DVD

Attack Of The Crab Monsters (1957)

3 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: From the depths of the sea... a tidal wave of terror!
Directed by: Roger Corman
Written by: Charles B. Griffith
Actors include: Richard Garland, Pamela Duncan, Russell Johnson
Genre: Sci-fi, Horror
Length: 62 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh it's pretty cheesy and if it had been any longer than 62 minutes I might have had to drop my rating slightly but it's a slick to the point monster film and nothing more. It's cheap surely, but it's an early Roger Corman flick, what does one expect? Considering how early this is it does have a bit of blood and disaster in it, and the crab monsters do look menacing I suppose. The monster in this case (as was the case with many films of this time) was created because of the H-Bomb but the unusual thing about these crab creatures is that they can imitate the voices and thoughts from the people they kill. Sort of an odd twist that I liked to the whole thing, however generic in some ways it feels. This isn't going to make a heck of a lot of sense to anyone nor is it one of the best science fiction pieces, but there is something entertaining about it but that's the Corman in it I think. Worth a view for genre fans but not necessary for most I'd say.

Availability:  On DVD

Ratman (1988) aka Terror House aka Quella Villa In Fondo Al Parco

2.5 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: He's The Critter From The Shitter!
Directed by: Giuliano Carnimeo
Written by: Dardano Sacchetti
Actors include: David Warbeck, Janet Agren, Eva Grimaldi
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Not the most exciting cheap Italian sleaze, in fact it's probably one of the weaker entries I've seen. The plot is paper thin, a ratman was created by a scientist I think using monkey sperm and a rat if I'm not mistaken. The ratman itself is rather amusing, a very little person in some extreme make-up and teeth with rat noises dubbed over top, kind of like the Zuni doll from Trilogy of Terror. When the dangerous ratman escapes some models are being bumped off (and their corpses have giant scratches all over 'em) between boring as heck photo shoots. This does have a fair bit of nudity if that be your thing but the parts that didn't have the creature were duller than dirt. It's a shame the cast wasn't into it, and the deaths aren't that great (often too dark or cutaway) though they don't mind showing some blood. All in all if you like strange Italian movies you'll maybe want to give this a try but I found it to be a bit of a struggle to sit through.

Availability:  On DVD

Willard (1971)

3.5 / 5
Tagline: Where your nightmares end...WILLARD begins.

Directed by: Daniel Mann

Written by: Gilbert Ralston
Actors include: Bruce Davison, Elsa Lanchester, Ernest Borgnine
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

There is something wonderfully campy about this even though very little happens for a long time. Willard is a poor sad sack, he lives with his Mother and keeps to himself, he's also pushed around at his job by his boss Mr. Martin (played perfectly wickedly by Ernest Borgnine). Thing is, Willard is kind of a lazy jerk who has it coming to him which makes it a little hard to take his side, but eventually when things are pushed quite far I started to sympathize a tad. See Willard is pretty miserable and when Mother dies he's left with anger issues and only rats for friends. He starts putting them in his basement and before long it's filled with the yappy little rodents. Oddly enough he has a lady friend at work (who was hired to help him catch up at work) and they start to be slightly romantic but the basement full of rats is a slight hindrance. He doesn't seem to mind so much and even takes to bringing rats Socrates and Ben to work with him...until Mr. Martin kills Socrates! It's not a very effective "horror" film, but it is a rather compellingly strange drama about a Man who is losing it and his rat friends. At least there is some revenge here and although it's a bit dull at first it really does pick up. Not the classic I'd hoped it would be yet somehow still charming in a weird sort of way.

Availability:  Never on DVD

The Spider's Labyrinth (1988) aka The Spider's Nest aka Il Nido Del Ragno

3.5 / 5
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Gianfranco Giagni
Written by: Riccardo Aragno, Tonino Cervi
Actors include: Roland Wybenga, Paola Rinaldi, Claudia Muzi
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I feel kind of weird rating this so highly because the first 40 minutes are confusing, strange and sort of boring and hard to sit through. Thing is, the payoff is excellent...I guarantee that if you can sit through the first part of this movie there is some seriously amusing things that happen and the effects are shockingly good! The story is sort of about a Professor who goes to investigate a weird cult and then really strange things start to happen around him. When he starts noticing people around town nearly all seem to have spider "tattoos" and well to say they act strangely is an understatement. I don't wish to give more away but it's one heck of a neat film once it gets going, it's actually kinda creepy and gross! The bad thing is that it's cheaply shot on home video when if it had been shot on film it would probably have looked amazing. Oh well, it's got highs and lows but for a rareish Italian flick that has the tendency to behave as a giallo it's well worth a watch.

Availability:  On DVD

The Black Scorpion (1957)

3 / 5 Feb '10
Tagline: DON'T BE ASHAMED TO SCREAM - IT HELPS TO RELIEVE THE TENSION
Directed by: Edward Ludwig
Written by: Robert Blees, David Duncan
Actors include: Richard Denning, Mara Corday, Carlos Rivas
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Not bad, okay well it's a sort of half and half really. See all of the talking and the lead-up to the "invasion" are duller than dirt. The characters are absolutely boring and there is a ton of pointless scientific jargon that I dare anyone to pay attention to. It's really like a cheaper less exciting retelling of Them! when it all comes down. After volcanic activity occurs, giant evil black scorpions and other large creatures (like worms and spiders) come out of the earth and begin their attack! The giant scorpion really does resemble the box art (which I love) and the effects are much better than one might think even though they reuse a lot of the same footage. There are at least dueling scorpions, a cavern of danger and several other things to look forward to. It's worth the wait so long as one is patient enough to get to the action over halfway into the film, it's just a shame because it really could have been awesome!

Availability:  On DVD

20 Million Miles To Earth (1957) aka The Beast From Space

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: Monster from outerspace runs wild!
Directed by: Nathan Juran
Written by: Robert Creighton Williams, Christopher Knopf
Actors include: William Hopper, Joan Taylor, Frank Puglia
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror, Fantasy
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a disappointment, see I recently enjoyed The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms so why not try another Harryhausen flick? This one has quite an excellent reputation and after watching it I'm really puzzled as to why. It's about a Space ship that went to Venus that crash lands and it's cargo (an alien from Venus that is still an egg) is lost. A snot nosed little boy named Pepe who I seriously want to beat to a pulp finds it and sells it to a Scientist so he can have a cowboy hat (sigh). Of course it grows gigantic because it's not used to our atmosphere and it makes elephant noises and even fights an elephant for a long period of time. Sometimes the effects look good but overall I wasn't that impressed unfortunately. I actually think the characters are what made me so frustrated with it, that and poor pacing and plenty of dull drama too. It has it's moments but there just aren't enough to make this an exciting science fiction flick.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Them! (1954)

4.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: The Amazing New Warner Bros. Sensation!
Directed by: Gordon Douglas
Written by: Ted Sherdeman, Russell S. Hughes
Actors include: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 94 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Y'know, this has just about everything and it's one of the most thrilling sci-fi films I've seen yet. It's also frightening as far as the concept goes, although it seems ridiculous at first the more you think about it the more it seems surprisingly possible (kind of). At first we meet a little girl who can't speak (from terror!) and we watch as the Police are trying to investigate a series of break-ins and sugar thefts (hmmm). Of course as one can tell by merely looking at the cover it's a giant ant picture but considering the time the effects are reasonable, the destruction is great and it's a nice little warning about atomic bombs too! There are other factors at play too as they learn of who "Them" are are they willing to admit it to the public before it's too late? Do they stand a chance...does earth? See ants have a habit of killing some and enslaving others...what will be our fate? Maybe I enjoyed this so much because I had no expectations going in but then again maybe this is just a classic that is still exciting today!

Availability:  On DVD as part of a 2fer with "The Beast With 20,000 Fathoms"

The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) aka Invasion of the Giant Spiders

1.5 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Creeping!...Crawling!...Crushing!
Directed by: Bill Rebane
Written by: Richard L. Huff, Robert Easton
Actors include: Steve Brodie, Barbara Hale, Robert Easton
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 84 Minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Wow, this is a baddy...the acting, the dialog, the effects, the story....all bad. After an explosion in the sky (or shooting star or meteor shower or whatever) happens, rocks fall from the sky, cows turn up in pieces and rocks with diamonds and spiders (that aren't giant except one 50ft jobbie) in 'em land on earth. When people start turning up dead well folks start to think they may have real trouble on their hands. A scientist along with a guy from Nasa work to try the problem while the irritating townspeople stumble about wondering about who they could sleep with if their ages differed. They do at least squirt the ketchup about in places and the scenes where the giant spider attacks the house are remotely amusing. This is one lame film, and it's not really even so bad it's funny unfortunately. Although it's only an hour and 13 minutes long it feels like it goes on forever, one to avoid unless of course you like garbage?

Availability:  On DVD (but OOP) or watch it for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/giant-spider-invasion

Razorback (1984)

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: It's waiting outside and it can sense your fear. No nightmare will prepare you for it!
Directed by: Russell Mulcahy
Written by: Peter Brennan, Everett De Roche
Actors include: Gregory Harrison, Arkie Whiteley, Bill Kerr
Genre: Horror
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

I kind of hoped for more, a dangerous outback pig could really have been a somewhat scary film. It's just the giant monster pig they made was hilariously stupid looking (I mean think as big as Python almost). Also the characters were pretty irritating, especially the thugs (and I don't mean in a good way) all of the bits of drama were plain irritating. The story is about a noisy American reporter who goes over and rubs everyone the wrong way with her stupid questions. When the local thugs decide to teach her a lesson all is aborted when a giant pig comes rushing by. Then flash to her Canadian husband who goes to Australia to find out what happened to his reporter wife. Of course he ends up rooming with the thugs and at some point an attractive young love interest (go figure). I really thought this had potential but it left me feeling pretty bored by the end of it all. I guess they tried and a few of the scenes were kind of cool but it ended up not being enough for me.

Availability:  On DVD