Blood Relations (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Anything for the family.
Directed by: Graeme Campbell
Written by: Steven Saylor
Actors include: Jan Rubes, Lydie Denier, Kevin Hicks
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

The story goes that Thomas is the Son of a very rich man and is very used to money. His girlfriend Marie also really likes money and is clearly together with Thomas for this reason. They go to visit Dr. Andreas the brain surgeon (who is Thomas' Father) and Andreas' dying Father Charles. It doesn't take long before Marie figures out something isn't quite right with Dr. Andreas and maybe his surgeries aren't quite what one thinks. There is also strangeness surrounding the death of Thomas' Mother, could Dr. Andreas have had a hand in her demise? The film actually does have a few nice gore scenes in it though they are quite spaced out, and while the story builds it can be rather dull. It is definitely also an erotic thriller as there is a fair amount of nudity and sex. The movie on a whole was satisfying, it threw a few amusing curve balls and it did come together nicely. It's just that it feels very straight-to-video and it feels long winded despite a short run time.

Availability:  on DVD

Dream Demon (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Two women trapped in a savage nightmare...
Directed by: Harley Cokeliss
Written by: Christopher Wicking, Harley Cokeliss
Actors include: Jemma Redgrave, Kathleen Wilhoite, Timothy Spall
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Overall this is a rather dry and lifeless reworking of A Nightmare on Elm Street however it does have a few surprises along the way. Diana is a rich and famous young British Lass who is hounded by the press about her upcoming marriage. She starts having horribly violent dreams, and until she meets an American girl called Jenny (the only charismatic character in the film played by Kathleen Wilhoite). Jenny believes her past is somehow tied into the house that Diana is staying in, and the two become fast friends. When they realize that the demons in Diana's dreams are causing real damage as she pulls people into dangerous situations if they are nearby. This doesn't sound familiar at all does it? Heck even down to the rescuing of a little girl from a fire that transforms when rescued it's so recycled. Still the thing that really will make this worth watching for genre fans is the surprising gore...heck the best scene is borrowed from 力王 [Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky]. It has potential, it's just a shame they couldn't have made it a bit more exciting and less cliche.

Availability:  Not currently on DVD

Her Vengeance (1988) aka Bloody Rose aka Xue Mei Gui

4.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ngai Kai Lam
Written by: N/A
Actors include: Ching-Ying Lam, Elaine Jin, Pauline Wong
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 87 minutes (approx)
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a hilarious rape/revenge action packed Hong Kong film. Susan ticks off a group of bad guys when she has to ask them to behave in the night club she works at. To pay her back they take her to the cemetery and gang rape her. Now the copy I saw had questionable (yet comical) subs, so from this rape I think she got gonorrhea (though at first they call it A.I.D.S. yet they give the symptoms of VD)...at any rate she's not happy and neither is her vagina. She decides along with the help of her blind Sister and her former Brother-in-law (a wheelchair bound kung fu expert) to get her vengeance....even if it costs her more than it was worth. She lures these fellows out to deal them harsh and violent and bloody punishment and it's a real treat to watch. The person who made this must have loved Thriller - en grym film [Thriller: They Call Her One Eye], and the booby trapping scenes in this reminded me of Home Alone only of course way more inappropriate. I thought this was a laugh riot and it gave plenty of splatter and it's ridiculously easy to follow...this is a must for those who like excessive revenge films.

Availability:  On DVD
HER VENGEANCE

Lady In White (1988) aka The Mystery Of The Lady In White

2.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: The year is 1962. The place is Willowpoint Falls. Nobody talks about what happened in the school cloakroom 10 years ago. Now, in the dead of night, Frankie Scarlatti is going to find out why.
Directed by: Frank LaLoggia
Written by: Frank LaLoggia
Actors include: Lukas Haas, Katherine Helmond, Alex Rocco
Genre: Fantasy, Drama, Kids, Horror
Length: 119 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Yet another film that I thought I would really like but it ended up leaving me cold. See I think at first I thought...oh this is a kid's movie set in the '60s. It's rather cartoonish and fluffy at the start, we meet a little boy named Frankie who gets locked in a school closet. He then witnesses a girl be carried away by a man who we can't really identify. The little girl keeps haunting him telling him she wants to go home, so he starts an investigation (he's like 8 or something). We learn shortly after that a mass child killer likely is the responsible person for this, and as the story starts to develop Frankie learns it might be someone he knows! It's not chilling or frightening enough for the subject matter, yet the subject matter makes it so that children probably shouldn't be watching it. I'm still not really sure who this film was actually intended for. It's sort of like a Scooby Doo episode only with a child murderer. That being said, it's not violent or satisfying at all on a horror movie front, it's really a young person's fantasy film I guess with a ghost. It's far from the worst thing ever and Lukas Haas does a good job in the role of Frankie. Just the story could use some explanation like why did the killing happen? Still an ok Halloween themed film for just the right person, though most seem to like this so perhaps give it a shot anyhow.

Availability:  On DVD

The Nest (1988)

3 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Roaches have never tasted flesh... until now. She's just an appetizer.
Directed by: Terence H. Winkless
Written by: Eli Cantor, Robert King
Actors include: Robert Lansing, Lisa Langlois, Frank Luz
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, it's very direct-to-video feeling, particularly with the bad acting and the weak romantic subplot and lousy cheap music. Heck one doesn't even see a cockroach attack someone until quite a ways in. Also I should mention that there aren't gigantic cockroaches like advertised on the vhs case, they are normal sized. I can give this credit though because it is rather bloody and I feel they tried on the "horror end of things" despite the fact that it's far from frightening in any way. Heck someone could be deathly afraid of cockroaches and not bat an eyelash at this. The idea is that experiments have created cockroaches that cannot die through normal means, and of course they are attacking a small town. At least once the film gets going there are some amusing little effects and whatnot. Especially when we meet the cockroach hybrid human monster thing (you'll see)! It doesn't deserve a fail or anything, there are certainly worse nature-gone-bad films but it's not exactly one of the best either. I wouldn't Raid the video store to find it heheh.

Availability:  Not On DVD

Amsterdamned (1988)

4 / 5 May '10
Tagline: The city is murder
Directed by: Dick Maas
Written by: Dick Maas
Actors include: Huub Stapel, Monique van de Ven, Serge-Henri Valcke
Genre: Thriller, Horror, Action
Length: 114 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Ever since I heard the name of this film when I was a little girl I've wanted to see it...how could you not? Luckily it was as good as it's name, I found this to be a rather original and scenic thriller film thanks to dutch director Dick Maas (De lift [The Lift]). It's very cool that it was shot in the canals of Amsterdamned, it has an exciting speed boat chase, gruesome murders and intrigue! The idea is that there is a serial killer who is into diving and he lurks in the canals springing up at any time to collect his next victim. It's in the style of a who-dunnit, almost like a giallo film which is pretty neat. We follow around a Police Officer and his daughter as they try to figure out who the killer is and of course prevent the next victim from being claimed. This really does have a bit of everything, it's got a sense of humor even...they really made this an interesting little film that should appeal to most.

Availability:  On DVD (region 2 though)

Quando Alice Ruppe Lo Specchio (1988) aka Touch Of Death aka When Alice Broke The Mirror

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Lucio Fulci
Written by: Lucio Fulci
Actors include: Brett Halsey, Ria De Simone, Al Cliver
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well it's more entertaining than Un gatto nel cervello [A Cat in the Brain] and actually I'd say this is first and foremost a comedy and secondarily a gore flick. It's very cheap and strange and don't expect everything to be explained because it surely isn't. We follow around a murderer who kills seriously ugly rich women (I was trying to eat while watching for Pete's sake ewww) for money because he gets into gambling debts. The effects are rather cheap, expect very fake looking people being chainsawed into pieces and the like. Our murderer isn't quite right in the head, he has conversations with his tape deck (don't ask) and he likes to grind body parts into meat. I must admit it does have it's share of snickers to be had, it's very black comedy and on that level it works. It's just not hilarious nor is it effective as a horror film in any way. Still it's one of the better late Fulci films I've seen and I think fans should be able to appreciate this on some level.

Availability:  On DVD

Ratman (1988) aka Terror House aka Quella Villa In Fondo Al Parco

2.5 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: He's The Critter From The Shitter!
Directed by: Giuliano Carnimeo
Written by: Dardano Sacchetti
Actors include: David Warbeck, Janet Agren, Eva Grimaldi
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Not the most exciting cheap Italian sleaze, in fact it's probably one of the weaker entries I've seen. The plot is paper thin, a ratman was created by a scientist I think using monkey sperm and a rat if I'm not mistaken. The ratman itself is rather amusing, a very little person in some extreme make-up and teeth with rat noises dubbed over top, kind of like the Zuni doll from Trilogy of Terror. When the dangerous ratman escapes some models are being bumped off (and their corpses have giant scratches all over 'em) between boring as heck photo shoots. This does have a fair bit of nudity if that be your thing but the parts that didn't have the creature were duller than dirt. It's a shame the cast wasn't into it, and the deaths aren't that great (often too dark or cutaway) though they don't mind showing some blood. All in all if you like strange Italian movies you'll maybe want to give this a try but I found it to be a bit of a struggle to sit through.

Availability:  On DVD

The Spider's Labyrinth (1988) aka The Spider's Nest aka Il Nido Del Ragno

3.5 / 5
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Gianfranco Giagni
Written by: Riccardo Aragno, Tonino Cervi
Actors include: Roland Wybenga, Paola Rinaldi, Claudia Muzi
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I feel kind of weird rating this so highly because the first 40 minutes are confusing, strange and sort of boring and hard to sit through. Thing is, the payoff is excellent...I guarantee that if you can sit through the first part of this movie there is some seriously amusing things that happen and the effects are shockingly good! The story is sort of about a Professor who goes to investigate a weird cult and then really strange things start to happen around him. When he starts noticing people around town nearly all seem to have spider "tattoos" and well to say they act strangely is an understatement. I don't wish to give more away but it's one heck of a neat film once it gets going, it's actually kinda creepy and gross! The bad thing is that it's cheaply shot on home video when if it had been shot on film it would probably have looked amazing. Oh well, it's got highs and lows but for a rareish Italian flick that has the tendency to behave as a giallo it's well worth a watch.

Availability:  On DVD

Rejuvenatrix (1988) aka The Rejuvenator

3.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: A Vision of Beauty Born in Hell
Directed by: Brian Thomas Jones
Written by: Brian Thomas Jones, Simon Nuchtern
Actors include: Vivian Lanko, John MacKay, James Hogue
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is actually a perfect example of what can be accomplished with a straight-to-video release and practically no budget. It's got surprisingly creepy effects (in places) and very easy to watch. The flick is about a very rich and very vain actress who learns of an experimental youth procedure (basically untested) that she simply must have. When it works, she poses as a younger person named Elisabeth (which reminds me of Countess Dracula) and of course she's hot in demand, until things go wrong. Of course it has hilarious effects as the potion needs continual upkeep or else she turns into a rotting monster craving brains. As time goes on things go from bad to worse, but it's always great entertainment. It's very similar to an episode of Friday The 13th: The Series called "Teacup Of Time" in which an aging rocker girl must force Bums to drink from a cup (and be strangled by ivy) in order to maintain her youth. Definitely recommended, full of blood and guts & pretty darned hilarious to boot, one of the best of the cheap!

Availability:  Not Available Currently

Rabid Grannies (1988) aka Les Mémés Cannibales

3 / 5  Nov '09
Tagline: Grandma, What a Big Mouth You Have!
Directed by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Written by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Actors include: Catherine Aymerie, Caroline Braeckman, Richard Cotica
Genre: Horror

Length: 90 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

Well I've wanted to see this 'un since I first heard the title, even though it's a Troma picture (consider yourself warned). It starts out with a bunch of bratty Children and Grandchildren out for the large inheritance of two elderly ladies. They all meet up for the old Ladies' birthday dinner when a mystery gift arrives from their Son who was already disinherited (because he worshiped Satan and got into trouble). The mystery gift contains some sort of smoke that is drunk by the old Woman and it makes them turn into ravenous demons (who look suspiciously like rubber Freddy Kruegers). They puss, bite and have ridiculous effects and powers to torment the relatives as they try to hide out in the house from them. It's very cheesy, very cheap, littered with bad jokes and has ridiculous characters and is over the top in every possible way...yet somehow it's kinda entertaining. It's bloody and silly all at the same time, so if you really love Troma movies this should be something you aim to see.

Availability:  On DVD  also watch for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/rabid-grannies

Lady Terminator (1988) aka Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan aka Nasty Hunter aka Shooting Star aka The Revenge of the South Seas Queen

4 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: She Mates... Then She Terminates
Directed by: H. Tjut Djalil
Written by: Karr Kruinowz
Actors include: Barbara Anne Constable, Christopher J. Hart, Claudia Angelique Rademaker
Genre: Action, Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

So I'm guessing that in Indonesia that the The Terminator must have been really popular. This tale starts out to be one thing but definitely ends up another. It starts out with everyone warning to avoid "the sea queen", an Anthropologist goes on a trek to meet the sea queen and ends up having some sort of slug crawl into an unmentionable area. From that point on, she's imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger what with the robotic running, sideways glances and even some of the same catch phrases! I think the biggest difference is that Arnold wasn't screwing people to death! This is rather cheaply made and laughable in many places but they certainly tried their hardest. They filled it full of car chases, explosions, action sequences, fights and a whole bunch of red stuff! It's actually pretty darned fun to watch though I did find I was shaking my head in disbelief many times. I actually think this was better than the real 4th Terminator movie, heck this is on par with the 3rd one. If you can't get enough Terminator and want to see a naked female version (she does put on clothes after a while) then this should be turbo packed enough for most! A rather strange fan entry into the series but worthwhile for fans of the ridiculous!

Availability:  On DVD