Cementerio Del Terror (1985) aka Cemetery of Terror

3.5 / 5 Oct '11

Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Written by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Actors include: Hugo Stiglitz, José Gómez Parcero, Bety Robles
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Zombies that react to crosses like vampires, an evil book that brings back to life a murderer, house possession, a serial killer, dumb teenagers....what doesn't this movie have? Okay so a budget and explanation for the cockamamie hodge podge plot for starters but it's still rather entertaining. Some teen Boys plan a party in an abandoned home (with hydro and amenities) and trick some girls into coming over by pretending they are having a "jet set party" (whatever that entails). Instead they decide it would be a groovy good time to go find the most hideous corpse they can at the morgue for scares. They also think that reading from an evil book at a cemetery is a good plan and you can pretty much guess what happens from there. So the "plot" is borrowed from so many other more popular movies like The Evil Dead and countless others. At least they did throw in a few decent gore effects, and the illogical nature of the movie itself brings some good laughs. It also does have sort of a Halloween theme (though they mention it's June???) so it's a decent watch if you are looking for an amusing Mexican horror flick for the season.

Stanley (1972)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Tim has a pet rattlesnake. When Tim gets mad - Stanley gets deadly!
Directed by: William Grefe
Written by: William Grefe, Gary Crutcher
Actors include: Chris Robinson, Alex Rocco, Steve Alaimo
Genre: Horror
Length: 106 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Willard with snakes! Tim is a Vietnam Vet and a Seminole Indian who's bitter because his Father was killed by poachers so he lives in isolation in the Everglades with a bunch of rattlers. His best snake friend is Stanley who has a snake wife named Hazel and together then have three babies...touching right? Well for some odd reason everybody is after Tim's snakes. There is a local crime guy called Thomkins (Alex Rocco) who wants to make designer belts out of snake pelts...and guess who has the snakes he desires? There is also an elderly stripper who wants snakes so she can bite their heads off in her act (okay so the promoter is pushing her to do this but still). When they start advancing on his snakes he is compelled to take revenge using his dear slithery friends. It's most definitely an exploitation film, but it's got a degree of charm...my favorite part being a freeze frame of Thomkins before he jumps into the pool (you'll see what I mean)". It also taught me that snakes can float on quicksand (seriously can that happen?)? At any rate it's not the best animal horror film nor is it the most original but I still think it's worth checking out.

Availability:  On DVD

Trick R Treat (2007)

4 / 5 May '11 
Tagline:  You better watch out, I'm telling you why. Sam is coming to town...
Directed by:  Michael Dougherty
Written by:  Michael Dougherty
Actors include:  Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, Brian Cox
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  82 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Sure this isn't the sort of horror film that is going to scare the pants off of anyone, but it is a really fun Halloweeny anthology.  It winds four spookily fun little tales together to make for a fast-paced and original flick.  One segment was about a Principal who does not put the "pal" in Principal (okay worst joke ever right?).  In fact he may be murdering the children of the neighborhood!  Another is about a bunch of teens who pull a prank on an idiot...savant that is.  We also have a College virgin who is waiting for the right one, but her friends are kinda pressuring her to do it now!  Lastly there is the tale about blowing out a jack-o-lantern before midnight.  All were well executed and the spirit of the film is purely vintage which I loved.  I'm so happy to see that the anthology is in fact not dead, just twisted Pulp Fiction style.  Thanks so much to the very wise Happywax (Doomgoryums Horror Emporium) for this recommendation, great selection!  

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

My Bloody Valentine (2009) aka My Bloody Valentine 3D

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He's gonna break your heart.
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Actors include: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Now to be fair I did not see this in 3D as it was originally intended, but it didn't seem too gimmicky in good 'ole fashion flat view. The film itself is a pale comparison to the original and the characters are as memorable as grains of sand...it still has a few things going for it. If you are looking for gory gratuitous deaths then this should satisfy, it keeps 'em coming at a steady pace. The plot (which is barely worth mentioning) is about a tragic mining accident wherein a bunch of folks are buried alive. One miner (Harry) happens to survive in a coma, however the other miners didn't die from lack of oxygen but rather from Harry's pickax. Harry awakens on Valentine's day and goes on a fun killing revenge killing spree (all this in the first little bit of the film). Fast forward ten years later to a feller named Tom who has returned home on the anniversary of the massacre. Of course the gory killings start up again, but who could be behind them? The mystery aspect is ridiculous and there are parts of the film that have too much talking and not enough killing. Still on a whole it was satisfying enough considering how low the quality of these remakes often are.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Treevenge (2008)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill, Jason Eisener
Actors include: Lex Gigeroff, Sarah Dunsworth, Lex Gigeroff
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 16 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a cute little Canadian low budget short film that asks the question....what happens when abused trees get pissed off? The idea is that some maniacal lumberjacks sadistically torture trees before they wind up as Christmas decorations. The trees have had enough and start to fight back in some insanely gruesome ways. Yes it's silly, and strange but in a good way, definitely some hilarious moments in this one. Thanks to my new horror lovin' friend Myron for the recommendation on this one. Definitely a Christmas must for the holidays!

Availability:  Not on DVD currently I think

Witchfinder General (1968) aka Conqueror Worm

4 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: He'll hang, burn and mutilate you. He's the... witchfinder general
Directed by: Michael Reeves
Written by: Michael Reeves, Tom Baker
Actors include: Vincent Price, Ian Ogilvy, Rupert Davies
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although it's not the best of it's kind, it's a very well done tale of a witch finder and it has Vincent Price in the title role...what more could you want? The sets, and cinematography are very nice, and the acting is decent as well. It's not the quickest paced film, but when it picks up it becomes pretty entertaining and even a bit bloody! The tale is of the Witchfinder and his assistant coming to town to accuse a Priest of witchcraft. The priest has a lovely Niece who is engaged to a brave young man who fights for Parliament. While he's away the Witchfinder betrays his Bride-To-Be and revenge is all he can think about. I appreciated that they did include some fun scenes of torture and cruelty. Pretty classic really, though I hate to say that I prefer it's copycat Hexen bis aufs Blut gequält [Mark of the Devil]. Thanks to tuukkis for suggesting that I watch this!

Availability:  On DVD

The Drums Of Jeopardy (1931)

3 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: George B. Seitz
Written by: Harold McGrath, Florence Ryerson
Actors include: Warner Oland, Lloyd Hughes, June Collyer
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 75 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is the sound remake of a film from 1923, I haven't seen the original but this is reasonably decent I suppose though it wasn't very exciting. The story is about a Man (worth noting that this character is called Boris Karlov in both versions of the film and the book which predates Boris Karloff's notoriety in the film Frankenstein) who discovers his daughter dying, he asks her who is responsible but she refuses to answer. Soon after he finds a necklace that has the "Drums Of Jeopardy" on them, it just happens to belong to the Petroff family. They have many members, and Karlov can't be sure whom, but he does know that the necklace charms are apparently cursed. When a drum is sent to someone, they turn up dead shortly after, so he begins sending off the drums one by one to family members to try and find and punish the guilty party. It's rather dry, and the deaths aren't very shocking, it's just a color by numbers revenge tale. I can't help but wonder if the original were more lively, this one does drag on even at a mere 75 minute run time. Oh well, I won't be watching this again but if you love early horror films then you might want to give this a try.

Availability:  On DVD

Superstition (1982)

2.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: The victims who died were the lucky ones.
Directed by: James W. Roberson
Written by: Galen Thompson, Michael O. Sajbel
Actors include: James Houghton, Albert Salmi, Lynn Carlin
Genre: Horror
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: UK

Review:
In some ways I suppose I should award this points for trying some creative and gory deaths...but then I have to deduct them because they look so fake they are laughable. The plot is about a witch who is back from the dead for revenge because she was burned many years ago. She kills everyone in peculiar ways who live in a certain area, but only at night while the sacred cross is still in the pond, once it's removed it's open season! The characters are as wooden as heck, and I found it very hard to pay attention to despite the fact that they were shoving fistfuls of blood in my face. Considering there are so many other witch revenge films, this is one of the laziest and most contrived I've seen. At least it was aptly filmed, and if you only care about deaths then this might suit your fancy, I'd just hoped for a little more honestly. Oh and as a side note apparently this was originally on the police seizure list for the video nasty scare in the early '80s.

Availability:  On DVD

In A Glass Cage (1987) aka Tras El Cristal

4.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Agustí Villaronga
Written by: Agustí Villaronga
Actors include: Günter Meisner, David Sust, Marisa Paredes
Genre: Horror, Drama, War, Thriller
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Egads, this must have been the feel bad movie of the year. That being said, it's really an amazing picture about the atrocities of war and their lasting effects even after and it's told in a different way then I've ever seen before. It's so bleak and difficult to watch in places, this one will test and disturb, I doubt I'll ever forget it. The story is about a former Nazi/pedophile named Klaus who tormented little boys but is now clinging to life at home in an iron lung. His wife seems harsh and awful as well, and their poor little girl Rena lives with them too. A young Man called Angelo shows up at their house wanting to take care of Klaus but something isn't quite right with this arrangement. It's brutal, violent, explicit, humorless and in no way should this be watched by everyone. Still it's an impressively made and acted film that leaves one hell of an impression and does more than makes it's point. It's rare to see such a combination of exploitation/drama and horror but this is effective and worthwhile to the right viewer.

Availability:  On DVD

Her Vengeance (1988) aka Bloody Rose aka Xue Mei Gui

4.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ngai Kai Lam
Written by: N/A
Actors include: Ching-Ying Lam, Elaine Jin, Pauline Wong
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 87 minutes (approx)
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a hilarious rape/revenge action packed Hong Kong film. Susan ticks off a group of bad guys when she has to ask them to behave in the night club she works at. To pay her back they take her to the cemetery and gang rape her. Now the copy I saw had questionable (yet comical) subs, so from this rape I think she got gonorrhea (though at first they call it A.I.D.S. yet they give the symptoms of VD)...at any rate she's not happy and neither is her vagina. She decides along with the help of her blind Sister and her former Brother-in-law (a wheelchair bound kung fu expert) to get her vengeance....even if it costs her more than it was worth. She lures these fellows out to deal them harsh and violent and bloody punishment and it's a real treat to watch. The person who made this must have loved Thriller - en grym film [Thriller: They Call Her One Eye], and the booby trapping scenes in this reminded me of Home Alone only of course way more inappropriate. I thought this was a laugh riot and it gave plenty of splatter and it's ridiculously easy to follow...this is a must for those who like excessive revenge films.

Availability:  On DVD
HER VENGEANCE

The Exterminator (1980)

4 / 5 Sept '09
Tagline: A one man army. A new kind of soldier in a new kind of war.
Directed by: James Glickenhaus
Written by: James Glickenhaus
Actors include: Samantha Eggar, Christopher George, Robert Ginty
Genre: Action, Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This really does start out in an exciting and bloody manner and it manages to keep that pace throughout. The story is about a man who ends up going by the name of "The Exterminator" who was in a torture war situation before escaping. Then in the real world life is pretty ordinary until thugs at his workplace kill his best friend and he vows a violent revenge. From that point on we get some amusing deaths, strange situations and so forth, it's pretty decently paced. The biggest complaint is that the story is strung together inexplicably...I mean one minute we are talking to some fella, next he's hung on a pole or something, it just wasn't well assembled. Still he does use a flame thrower, many guns and this is a violent bloody treat in many ways. It's sort of like an ultraviolent superhero movie made with a lowish budget, some will love others will cringe.

Availability:  on DVD

The Psychopath (1975)

3.5 / 5  Sept '10
Tagline: He's Judge... Jury... Executioner
Directed by: Larry G. Brown
Written by: Larry G. Brown, Walter Dallenbach
Actors include: Tom Basham, Gene Carlson, Gretchen Kanne
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is the kind of film that rarely turns up, it's truly absurd and seems to fail on every level it's trying to achieve but it has tons of camp value. It's a PG film, but surprisingly violent considering though you don't see anything, it's just implied. The plot is about a children's host and puppeteer called Mr. Rabbey who looks like a pedophile but is actually some sort of defender of children. Mr. Rabbey is actually rather slow and creepy and a treat to watch, they don't make psychos like this very often. He really hates child abuse, he hangs out in the playground and hospital to observe abused children and watch parents be cruel to their kids. I hate to say the abuse is funny but in this case it kind of is, it's over the top and it's stereotypical to say the least. Anyhow Rabbey comes to their houses later and kills the Parents who are offenders...one of them he kills by snapping a towel and then running them over with a lawnmower (I'm not kidding...though you don't see the lawnmower bit). Something to see for fans of weirdo '70s films for sure, cheaper than cheap and obviously influenced by Herschell Gordon Lewis what with the ridiculous close-ups of people's eyes, drummer for a soundtrack and general cheapness. It's not the greatest film ever and some gore would have helped it out but it still makes it's point...I think.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Initiation Of Sarah (1978)

2.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Robert Day
Written by: Kenette Gfeller, Tom Holland
Actors include: Kay Lenz, Shelley Winters, Tisa Farrow
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 96 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this was really a combination of Carrie and Revenge of the Nerds only I really loved both of those films and I thought this one was dull and mundane. It was a made-for-tv (expect no violence and no killing...it's a horror movie, what were they thinking?) about a girl named Sarah with unexplained powers (that are usually used for dunking people in water who piss her off), she belongs to an adoptive family that have a daughter her age called Patty. The sisters go off to college, Patty is beautiful and has a great personality to match, so she gets in the "cool" fraternity. Sarah is an introvert and a brain and frankly a bit strange so she gets into the lamer fraternity that doesn't seem to care about much of anything. Sarah's "den mother" (Shelley Winters) is into witchcraft and wants Sarah for some sort of old initiation (which had someone die in it last time it was performed). See not much is explained, and the payoff is very weak to say the least. Despite the fact that it's tolerable schlock and well acted it's still not really worth bothering with, I kept waiting for something exciting to happen but it never really reached that point. It certainly could have been worse but considering the premise it should have been so much better.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The New Kids (1985)

4 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: The kids learned three things about southern hospitality, blood, sweat and terror!
Directed by: Sean S. Cunningham
Written by: Stephen Gyllenhaal, Brian Taggert
Actors include: Shannon Presby, Lori Laughlin, James Spader
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Teehee, well this starts out like an insanely cheap teeny bopper flick it morphs into one heck of a bizarre and satisfying revenge flick so stick with it. Brother Charlie (Eddie Jones) and Sister Abby (Lori Laughlin yes Rebecca from Full House) are orphaned and they end up living at their Uncle's house. Uncle and wife are working on making a little theme park about Christmas, and together they all restore the park. It's not all happy though because Abby is one heck of a pretty girl and the local thugs have noticed. When she refuses each and every one of them a date, war is on and it's really not pretty (it actually goes a lot further than I thought it would dare). There are knives being pulled, they keep trying to light Abby on fire and ultimately a huge showdown occurs at the theme park (which involves many deaths with the rides which is awesome). It's got a lot more to offer than one might think, but you really wouldn't know it was from the same guy who directed Friday the 13th. Also be prepared to laugh hysterically at James Spader who plays one of the main thugs and looks like an albino, and has a terrible accent.

Availability:  On DVD

The Plumber (1979) aka The Mad Plumber

4 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: The Australian New Wave Has Come
Directed by: Peter Weir
Written by: Peter Weir
Actors include: Judy Morris, Ivar Kants, Robert Coleby
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 77 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So it would appear that The Cable Guy was entirely ripped off from this one. The big difference being that Jim Carrey in his film was just obnoxious, the plumber in this film was disturbing. A couple are adjusting to their relatively new apartment and their new situation (the wife has decided to stay home and study for a bit while the husband works). When the wife is home alone she gets a knock on her door from the plumber, he just needs to check her pipes you see. Next thing you know he's claiming the pipes are rotted and need to be replaced. Before long he's mentally tormenting her in her own home and the bathroom has turned into total destruction. He's writing song lyrics in her shower and performing in her bathroom, watching her change and various other creepy things. Just watching him interact with her is extremely uncomfortable. It's actually a relatively well made film and it was really short (77 minutes) but originally it was shot for tv. Still it packs quite a punch, and well it would make most people think before answering the door to a plumber!

Availability:  On DVD as a bonus when you buy:

The Psychic Killer (1975)

3 / 5 July '10
Tagline: First it drives you mad, then it kills and kills and kills!
Directed by: Ray Danton
Written by: Greydon Clark, Mikel Angel
Actors include: Paul Burke, Jim Hutton, Julie Adams
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Oh dear, this is quite a film I suppose. It reminds me of Patrick I guess, only this film uses some sort of astral projection in order to get revenge. Arnold Masters is in a mental hospital for a crime he didn't commit. He makes friends with another in the hospital who gives him his magical charm when executed which teaches Arnold astral projection revenge. See Arnold is very mad at the people who killed his Mother and the Men who set him up to make him look guilty. One by one they die off in amusing ways (I give credit there, they did try with the deaths), but it's baffling the cops. See they are tailing Arnold and watching him go into trances while the murders happen, but will they be able to solve the puzzle before Arnold goes too far? It's rather slow and dry for the most part but it never really got to the level of being boring. The amusing deaths and strange story aren't exactly a must see but some will find this entertaining.

Availability:  On DVD

Long Weekend (1978)

4.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Their crime was against nature...Nature found them guilty.
Directed by: Colin Eggleston
Written by: Everett De Roche
Actors include: John Hargreaves, Briony Behets, Mike McEwen
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a film and it most definitely makes it's point. It's an Australian film about a fella named Peter who wants to go camping in the wilderness...the only thing is that he's a menace to the outdoors. He's reluctantly dragging along his girlfriend Marcia who hates the outdoors. This sounds like a comedy and in a demented way it kind of is...I mean this couple does everything but burnt down the outdoors. Peter is particularly evil and cruel, even to Marcia who starts to realize something is terribly wrong. See nature isn't going to take this kind of abuse sitting down...it's going to take revenge! Strange things begin happening to the couple including animals attacking them, so Marcia takes the hint and wants to go home. Thing is Peter isn't about to let her leave, and nature isn't about to let them leave either... It's quite an interesting film, when I read the plot I knew I had to see this to see just exactly how this plays out. It's actually rather well made, nicely filmed and it more than makes it's point. Definitely recommended for those looking to see a different kind of horror film.

Availability:  On DVD

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)

3 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Flesh crawls! Blood curdles! Phibes lives!
Directed by: Robert Fuest
Written by: Robert Fuest, Robert Blees
Actors include: Vincent Price, Robert Quarry, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I did really like the first installment of the Phibes series, this didn't really work for me. It begins with Phibes waking up three years later and discovering that his house is demolished and his papyrus scrolls are missing. He finds the culprit and starts his trek to Egypt with his assistant Vulnavia in order to awaken his dead wife. Of course he needs to punish the folks who stole his scrolls which is where the fun comes in. The deaths are yes ambitious, over the top and completely implausible. Sure some creativity is involved and Price is quite enjoyable to watch but watching him go on length narration through a talk box (he can't talk) isn't very thrilling. It just seemed rather lackluster especially considering the talent involved, I was disappointed.

Availability:  On DVD

The Phantom Of The Mall (1989)

3.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Be nice to Eric. Or Eric won't be nice to you.
Directed by: Richard Friedman
Written by: Scott Schneid, Frederick R. Ulrich
Actors include: Derek Rydall, Pauley Shore, Kimber Sissons
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
So this was actually a heck of a lot better than I was expecting it to be. It's still got some major problems...extremely cheesy soundtrack, plenty of cutaway violence and a ridiculous sex scene, it's far from perfect. Still it's quite an amusing little take on the Phantom of the Opera story and they certainly tried with an obviously low budget. Eric had a beautiful home and a beautiful girlfriend named Suzi until some greedy mall builders who want his property burn down his house with him still inside. He's believed to be dead even though he's secretly just half burned and wearing a half of a mannequin's face. He lives in the secret areas of the mall and in the ducts I believe and let's just say he's pretty pissy. It does contain several creative deaths involving things would expect to see at the mall (escalator anyone?) and things one wouldn't expect to see (cobra in the toilet?). They don't show much but I don't think the special effects department was capable of more than what this did show. It was also cool to see so many shots from the Sherman Oaks Galleria mall in the '80s, very neat indeed. Oh and I should mention that Pauly Shore, Morgan Fairchild and Rob Estes are all relatively big characters in this too. It's better than you might think seriously, I had fun watching it at any rate.

Availability:  On DVD

The Haunted Palace (1963)

4.5 / 5  Mar '10
Tagline: A warlock's home is his castle...Forever!
Directed by: Roger Corman
Written by: H.P. Lovecraft, Charles Beaumont
Actors include: Vincent Price, Lon Chaney Jr., Debra Paget
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Definitely one of the most underrated Roger Corman films, I mean I really hadn't heard much of anything about it until I was researching Corman's films. This particular one is loosely based upon a poem from Poe but it takes it's influence more from a story by H.P. Lovecraft. The story begins with the perfectly cast Vincent Price as a Warlock being burned alive by the townspeople for being evil. The Warlock vows revenge on the townspeople and their kin of course. Then we jump ahead 110 years to the Warlock's great great Grandson Charles (also played by Price) who along with his wife are wishing to move into the palace from his heritage. The townspeople are less than friendly (and they hang out in a bar called "The Burning Man") yet there is some power in the house that won't let him leave. The spirit of his great great Grandfather seems to be invading Charles in order to obtain his revenge! It's violent, beautifully filmed in the style of a Hammer picture with elaborate sets and costumes and of course it has a dark sense of humor too. I really think that any fan of horror, Lovecraft, Price or Poe should absolutely love this one.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a 2fer with Tower Of London