Rattlers (1976)

3 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: John McCauley
Written by: John McCauley, Jerry Golding
Actors include: Sam Chew Jr., Elisabeth Chauvet, Dan Priest
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Somehow it's very watchable sleaze which producer Harry Novak definitely specializes in. It's obviously a cheaply made picture with sub-par actors but who cares....does one really expect more from a film like this? The first half is actually quite fun with one snake attack after the next (before the title credits we get to see children slide into a rattler pit....how is that not awesome?). Then we meet Herpetologist Dr. Tom Parkinson who of course specializes in the study of snakes. Since fluke snake bites have been on the rise, he's been called in along with an attractive photographer to investigate. When they start with the romance montages things really start sliding downhill but it's silly enough that it's almost laughable. Speaking of which....may I just throw out there that there is a scene where they shoot up snakes in a tent! Though this will never be considered a classic, that scene alone is worthy of a late night viewing.

Availability:  On DVD

Die Sister, Die (1972) aka The Companion

2.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Go ahead and SCREAM AMANDA - it can't help you now!
Directed by: Randall Hood
Written by: William Hersey, Tony Sawyer
Actors include: Jack Ging, Edith Atwater, Antoinette Bower
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Great title, not so great film unfortunately. It feels very much like a made-for-tv picture though in fact it's just a bland studio release. It's set up like a murder mystery sort of thing, but within a few minutes of the flick anyone should be able to tell exactly what is going on. Were it not for reasonably decent actors this would have been antagonizingly dull. Esther is hired to be a Nurse to a mentally unwell person named Amanda by her seemingly ordinary brother Edward. Amanda has two past suicide attempts and suffers from delusions and is generally cantankerous. Of course all of this has to do with a family secret, locked rooms and money and blah blah blah run of the mill. It's not satisfying on a horror front, it's not satisfying as a mystery and really it's just something that wastes time.

Availability:  On DVD

Stanley (1972)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Tim has a pet rattlesnake. When Tim gets mad - Stanley gets deadly!
Directed by: William Grefe
Written by: William Grefe, Gary Crutcher
Actors include: Chris Robinson, Alex Rocco, Steve Alaimo
Genre: Horror
Length: 106 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Willard with snakes! Tim is a Vietnam Vet and a Seminole Indian who's bitter because his Father was killed by poachers so he lives in isolation in the Everglades with a bunch of rattlers. His best snake friend is Stanley who has a snake wife named Hazel and together then have three babies...touching right? Well for some odd reason everybody is after Tim's snakes. There is a local crime guy called Thomkins (Alex Rocco) who wants to make designer belts out of snake pelts...and guess who has the snakes he desires? There is also an elderly stripper who wants snakes so she can bite their heads off in her act (okay so the promoter is pushing her to do this but still). When they start advancing on his snakes he is compelled to take revenge using his dear slithery friends. It's most definitely an exploitation film, but it's got a degree of charm...my favorite part being a freeze frame of Thomkins before he jumps into the pool (you'll see what I mean)". It also taught me that snakes can float on quicksand (seriously can that happen?)? At any rate it's not the best animal horror film nor is it the most original but I still think it's worth checking out.

Availability:  On DVD

Die Screaming, Marianne (1971)

2.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Death bars the gate to her 21st birthday
Directed by: Pete Walker
Written by: Murray Smith
Actors include: Susan George, Barry Evans, Christopher Sandford
Genre: Crime, Drama, Horror
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, I'm a huge fan of Pete Walker but I'd heard this was pretty lackluster so I'd left it alone until now. Everyone was right, this is very uninteresting and dry to boot. In fact calling it a horror film seems like an exaggeration, it's more of a cheap crime movie with a few little killings in it. Walker favorite Susan George stars as frees pirited dancer Marianne who ends up shacking with an ugly Bloke who nearly ran her down with his car. When he proposes sudden marriage she decides to fix it so that she is married to his best friend instead (wise choice, he is sooo yucky). Anyhow, angry jilted ugly Guy teams up with Marianne's uglier sister in order to scheme to get money out of Marianne. See she has the key to a large sum of money as well as some papers and secrets on her 21st birthday. It's all very cookie cutter and there is no flavor at all to this to note. It's really Walker's transition movie between his nudie cutie pics and his horror works, unfortunately this really won't appeal to fans of either.

Availability:  On DVD

The Mafu Cage (1978) aka Deviant aka Don't Ring The Doorbell aka My Sister, My Love aka The Cage

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: A Psychological Thriller
Directed by: Karen Arthur
Written by: Don Chastain, Éric Wesphal
Actors include: Lee Grant, Carol Kane, Will Geer
Genre: Drama, Exploitation, Horror
Length: 102 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one odd duck of a film, it's not going to be for everyone but to select few it should be entertaining. The story is originally from a play which is somewhat evident by the claustrophobic feel to the film. The film takes place in a bizarre home where two sisters live together. Ellen (Lee Grant) is the normal sister who vows to look after Cissy (Carol Kane) when their Father dies. Cissy has problems to put it lightly, she was in Africa apparently and is rather "wild" living in their jungle like abode with a pet Monkey called Mafu (who is kept in a cage, hence the title). Cissy is into drawing a picture of Mafu, but when the picture is finished look out! The story has weird themes of incest, mental illness, manipulation and all kinds of good exploitation like stuff. Considering all that is going on it somehow manages to refrain from being too sleazy and although it is a bit slow to start it does keep a decent momentum. It's more like a weird drama rather than an actual horror film but it definitely has elements from the genre. Rather twisted and strange most definitely and it's quite something to see Kane's performance, worth it for fans of weirdness.

Availability:  On DVD

Abby (1974)

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The Devil took her for his lover! Her body is possessed, her soul is next!
Directed by: William Girdler
Written by: William Girdler, Gordon Cornell Layne
Actors include: Carol Speed, William Marshall, Terry Carter
Genre: Horror, Blaxploitation
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Friggin' hilarious over-the-top Blaxploitation take on The Exorcist courtesy of unusual movie maven Mr. William Girdler. The way this plays out is that Abby is a marriage councilor who is happily wed to a Preacher. Life is peachy keen, and although she's an overachiever (what with all of her singing in the choir and other cliched good girl activities) things are good. Abby's Father-In-Law accidentally conjures up an evil demon of sexuality that invades her body. Suddenly Abby's voice is much lower, her new hobbies include ripping off her clothes, kicking her Husband in the groin and seducing weirdos in bars. The dialog is really what makes this such an entertaining feature, I couldn't stop laughing through parts. The horror end of things is weak, barely anyone dies but that isn't really the reason to watch, it's all about the '70sisms. Abby's demon make-up looks hilariously like that of The Incredible Hulk, and she does the usual things like levitate and so forth and endure an exorcism in typical possession fashion. Truthfully this is my first Blaxploitation flick (unless you count the remake of Shaft which I don't) and I did really like it, oh it's not classically good but if you like camp then you should adore this.

Availability:  On DVD

Thirst (1979)

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: Surrender to an Unholy, Insatiable Evil.
Directed by: Rod Hardy
Written by: John Pinkney
Actors include: Chantal Contouri, Shirley Cameron, Max Phipps
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although this isn't the fastest paced flick, nor is it the bloodiest flick ever it does have some unique qualities that keep it from biting. It's an Australian vampire picture from the '70s (which isn't very common), and there is a definite gothic feel to it. The plot is about a young woman called Kate (Chantal Contouri) who is kidnapped by a strange blood cult. Oh did I mention that Kate happens to be the direct descendent of Countess Elizabeth Bathory? What is so interesting is this blood cult I mentioned, see they have some sort of human cow factory thing set-up. Folks wander around in a daze like mindless zombies before being chosen to be drained of blood which goes into milk cartons for mass distribution. Kind of a neat idea on the 'ole blood trade/vampirism thing right? It is a shame that with such a good idea they couldn't have made a more thrilling movie. It just sort of explains itself and then the last half is pretty boring and forced feeling plus some more historical detail would have been nice. It also could have used more blood (there is very little actual horror in this, more conceptual I guess), and maybe a twist could have helped. Oh well as it is, it's still worth checking out, I found it pretty interesting, it just could have used some tweaking is all.

Availability:  On DVD

The Contraption (1977)

4 / 5  Jun '11
Tagline:  James Dearden
Written by:  James Dearden
Actors include:  Richard O'Brien, Charlotte Cornwell
Genre:  Horror, Short, Mystery
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Such strange little short film, I can honestly say I've seen nothing like it before and that's too bad really.  It's so simple yet so entertaining, it's definitely memorable as well.  It starts out like a Home Improvement show as watch a man maniacally build....yes a contraption.  We don't know what it is until of course it's used so hang in there (it's only 8 minutes c'mon here).  It's actually silent barring one line of dialogue at the end, but it doesn't need words.  Not much I can say without giving anything away so just watch it here and be amused: 

Availability:  I don't believe it's on DVD

Dracula Bites The Big Apple (1979)

4 / 5 June '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Richard Wenk
Written by: Fred Olsen
Actors include: Barry Gomolka, Peter Loewy, Steve Rubell
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Musical, Short
Length: 22 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is admittedly very campy and silly but with a musical/disco themed Dracula short film in New York from the '70s...what the heck do you expect? Dracula runs out of blood in Transylvannia, so he and Renfield (who looks spun out on something) pack in the coffin and take on New York. It's most certainly a comedy, in fact it really is very funny in parts what with the whole fish out of water scenario. Our story also takes Dracula to Studio 54 because he heard hot blooded folks would be there (har har), but of course he can't get in because he can't dance. It's far from scary, and on a horror front aside from the theme it isn't the most effective but judge it on it's merits alone and I think it's pretty entertaining. I wish there were more quirky little short films from the '70s like this one, definitely a lot of fun indeed. On a side note, this short film helped Richard Wenk fund his full length '80s flick Vamp which I also quite enjoy.

Availability:  Not on DVD but watch on youtube: 

Panic (1978)

5 / 5 June '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: James Dearden
Written by: James Dearden
Actors include: Julie Neesam, Peter Blake, Avis Bunnage
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 17 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a fantastically creepy little short story, especially considering I haven't heard very much about it. This is the sort of film that doesn't smack you over the face with the horror, it's subtle but oh so effective. It's about a young woman called Mandy who we watch get in a spat with her boyfriend. She drives off into the rainy night and decides to perform an act of kindness by picking an old Woman (who happens to be the creepiest hitch-hiker I've ever seen) at the bus stop. She quickly becomes weirded out by this Woman and fakes a flat tire to get her out of the car. The old Woman leaves the bag she was clutching in the car, and this is where the horror begins. It's so gosh darned effective, I really couldn't ask for much more in such a short amount of time. This tale was remade as Turn Left (2006) which throws in a hint of the gratuity that this one didn't have, but it wasn't nearly as frightening.

Availability:  Not on DVD I don't think

Recorded Live (1975)

4 / 5  May '11 
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  S.S. Wilson
Written by:  S.S. Wilson
Actors include:  John Goodwin
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope






Review:
When you consider how easy this must have been to make, it seems shocking that I haven't seen much like it since.  It's about a Guy called Mr. Aaines who receives a letter for a job interview.  He goes into the office only to find two reels of film sitting there.  The tape on the reels starts unwinding and it forms into some sort of blobular creature that chases him around.  It's not going to freak anyone out, it's just sort of a comedic little "what if" tale that is well executed.  It sounds stupid and yes in a way it is but they come up with enough clever ideas to make it very worthwhile.  I can't help but wonder if Trent Reznor was influenced by this when making his "Head Like A Hole" video. 

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Haunted Mouth (1974)

 3 / 5  May '11 

Tagline:  N/A

Directed by:  N/A
Written by:  N/A

Actors include:  Cesar Romero

Genre:  Horror, Short
Length:  13 minutes

Banned:  Nope

Review:  

I can't believe this exists, it's a slightly horror themed commercial from the '70s brought to us by Colgate.  The concept is that the evil B Plaque (a chair voiced by Cesar Romero) tells tales of children who have lost their teeth due to neglect.  He then gives children instructions of how to keep your teeth clean and flossed and isn't concerned because we won't follow his instructions.  He's quite convinced that he will move on in and take over our teeth oooh scary!  Okay so it's not going to give anyone the chills but when compared to other dental hygiene videos I've seen it's at least creative.  I also appreciate the fact that it's shot in the style of a 'B' Movie, kinda fun though it does wear thin after thirteen minutes.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Clockwork (1978)

2 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Sam Raimi
Written by: Sam Raimi
Actors include: Cheryl Guttridge, Scott Spiegel
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 7 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So this is where it all began for Sam Raimi (along with the precursor to The Evil Dead called Within the Woods). It's a short film that certainly oozes "Student Film" left right and centre. It's grainy and very cheap looking (though the aged print may have been the issue with this) and it's certainly not very well developed plot wise. We watch a Woman move about her apartment before going to sleep (though we see someone standing outside who is obviously ready for some killin' action). She wakes up to some noises (for some reason El Killer is throwing a Ketchup bottle and being destructive towards condiments?) only to find of course that the murderer is in her house. If only she'd invested in doors that weren't made of paper perhaps this tale could have gone differently. It's just really nothing much to see, it's not gory, it's not scary and it's not even interesting. I suppose Raimi buffs may want to have a gander like I did and heck I suppose it will only waste 7 minutes of your time.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Horror Hospital (1973) aka Computer Killers

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: The Operation is a Success ... When the Patient Dies
Directed by: Antony Balch
Written by: Alan Watson, Antony Balch
Actors include: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw
Genre: Horror, Black Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one silly campy and ridiculous mess of a movie but parts of it were at least amusing. It's about a rock singer (who definitely looks like a member of the Rolling Stones) who wrote a really fantastic song (so he says) that is ripped off by his band. He needs a breather so he sees an advert for "Hairy Holidays" (what?) and signs up immediately. He happens to meet up with a young lady (with an identical haircut) at the train station on the way to the retreat. Of course she is headed to the same retreat to meet her Aunt Harris (who happens to be one of the staff at this place). This place isn't quite what they expected...in fact it's a hospital where the evil Dr. Storm (Michael Gough) uses clients to perform mind control surgery of some sort. It really doesn't bother with things like logic or scares, it's very much a black comedy really. It at least does bother to offer a unique decapitation method you won't soon forget but little else is worth remembering.

Availability:  On DVD

Ashes Of Doom (1970)

4.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don Arioli, Grant Munro
Written by: Don Arioli
Actors include: Grant Munro, Nadia Salnick
Genre: Horror, Short, Comedy
Length: 2 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I absolutely think this is the best anti-smoking add I've ever seen. Maybe it's because I love the Hammer style Dracula slant on this, or maybe it's just because it's funny. It was created by the National Health Board of Canada to of course raise awareness about the ills of smoking. It shows a Woman who is chain smoking like mad in Gothic garb, when in flies Dracula through the window. He leans in to bite her neck...only to find a little surprise. Anyone interested can find it here to watch: http://beta.nfb.ca/film/ashes_of_doom/

Availability:  Not on DVD but watch for free online above

Harpya (1979)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Raoul Servais
Written by: Raoul Servais
Actors include: Will Spoor, Fran Waller Zeper, Sjoert Schwibethus
Genre: Fantasy, Short, Animation, Horror
Length: 9 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've sorta been worried about reviewing this one because I can't really tell you what went on. I can tell you that it's absurd and strange, and that the Harpy creature is freaky but you can probably already see that from the picture. What I can tell you about the plot is that a Man who is strolling comes across some sort of crying from the fountain. He thinks he's found a Woman (I think) but it ends up being this Harpy thing. He takes it home and it is endlessly demanding and obnoxious and it seems to be sort of holding him prisoner in a way. It's a very short film, and the imagery will certainly stick with you (or at least it has me). Still I can't help but think a hint of clarity could have went a long way. Oh well, still something to see for the person who has seen everything.

Availability:  Not on DVD as far as I can tell

Eraserhead (1977)

4 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: Warning: the nightmare has not gone away
Directed by: David Lynch
Written by: David Lynch
Actors include: Jack Nance, Charlotte Stewart, Allan Joseph
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
It's definitely something different...I'll give it that, somehow I expected it to be greater than it was. It's very much a nightmarish surrealistic film that takes place in industrial imagination land (possibly the future). Eraserhead is a strange fella, he has an angry Girlfriend who he impregnated and was forced to marry. The baby is unfortunately some sort of hideous mutant thing that cries and drives him crazy. This film definitely gave me the idea that David Lynch doesn't subscribe to the idea of regular families and children and so forth. Eraserhead is entertained by a singing cabaret lady with "moon" cheeks in the radiator which is probably the "best" part. It's filmed in black and white with unusual angles and so forth, very unlike anything else I've seen. It is a must see in the sense that it's quite influential to many other things and well it's innovative. This won't be for everyone, in fact I generally prefer a more straightforward plot but I still liked this and could appreciate it.

Availability:  On DVD

You'll Like My Mother (1972)

4 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: Run Francesca!
Directed by: Lamont Johnson
Written by: Jo Heims, Naomi A. Hintze
Actors include: Patty Duke, Rosemary Murphy, Richard Thomas
Genre: Thriller
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a rather adorable little thriller thanks to great acting and a decent story. Patty Duke plays Francesca, a pregnant young Woman who's Husband died in the war. Before he died he mentioned that she'd like his Mother so Francesca goes out of her way to travel all the way to his Mother's house. It's the middle of winter and it's a tough journey so she's a bit disappointed when her visit is greeted less than enthusiastically. Mom lives with Kathleen, a slow girl who is rather treated like a slave and is quick to bitchery. She seems to feel that Francesca stole her remaining days with her Son and doesn't want her around. When the snow is so heavy that Francesca can't leave things get even more unnerving as she's forced to shack up in the house. It's well made, and the characters are appealing enough that you want to know what's going to happen. Definitely one of the better little surprises out of the '70s.

Availability:  On VHS

Crowhaven Farm (1974)

3 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: A chilling tale of vengeance from beyond the grave.
Directed by: Walter Grauman
Written by: John McGreevey
Actors include: Hope Lange, Lloyd Bochner, Paul Burke
Genre: Thriller, Horror, Drama
Length: 74 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a made-for-tv film and it truly does feel like one, it's very tame and talky but it's entertaining enough to get to the end of at least. Hope Lange plays Maggie Porter, a Woman who has just inherited Crowhaven Farm. She reluctantly goes there with her Husband Ben and she starts feeling deja vu. She also hears crying out in the woods and suffers from visions of witches which causes trouble with She and Ben. They couldn't conceive so when a 10 year old girl called Jennifer ends up in their care they decide to take her in. Something doesn't seem quite right with her, she seems rather fond of Ben but not so much of Maggie. Things get stranger still when Maggie learns that she is finally pregnant. The actors actually do a very fine job, and they are the real reason to bother with this one. Otherwise it's a bit mundane and predictable but it's not all that bad either. Not frightening but they at least provided a reasonable story. Not the worst of it's kind, but not the best either, worth watching on tv one day perhaps.

Availability:  On DVD

Fascination (1979)

2 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jean Rollin
Written by: Jean Rollin
Actors include: Franca Mai, Brigitte Lahaie, Jean-Marie Lemaire
Genre: Horror, Porn
Length: 80 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm shocked how terrible I thought this was, I mean it has a pretty stellar reputation! This is very much focused on being an "erotic" film and the horror/vampire bits seem rather an after thought. Even for eroticism it's poorly done, it's so darned wooden that it's hard to believe Brigitte Lahaie had an actual porn career. On the plus side, it's nicely filmed with a decent camera but I think that's about all I can say. The plot is about a thief who barges in on a castle for refuge that contains two Lesbians. The Women tease him and warn him of their upcoming group activities involving many Women coming over. Of course he ignores the warning and suddenly finds himself much in demand. It's just so gosh darned boring and sex filled that I didn't care about any minor plot details they bothered to give us. I actually hated this, it just seemed so gosh darned pointless but since it is so well liked by others I guess you'll need to find out for yourself...but don't say I didn't warn you.

Availability:  On DVD