My Bloody Valentine (2009) aka My Bloody Valentine 3D

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He's gonna break your heart.
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Actors include: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Now to be fair I did not see this in 3D as it was originally intended, but it didn't seem too gimmicky in good 'ole fashion flat view. The film itself is a pale comparison to the original and the characters are as memorable as grains of sand...it still has a few things going for it. If you are looking for gory gratuitous deaths then this should satisfy, it keeps 'em coming at a steady pace. The plot (which is barely worth mentioning) is about a tragic mining accident wherein a bunch of folks are buried alive. One miner (Harry) happens to survive in a coma, however the other miners didn't die from lack of oxygen but rather from Harry's pickax. Harry awakens on Valentine's day and goes on a fun killing revenge killing spree (all this in the first little bit of the film). Fast forward ten years later to a feller named Tom who has returned home on the anniversary of the massacre. Of course the gory killings start up again, but who could be behind them? The mystery aspect is ridiculous and there are parts of the film that have too much talking and not enough killing. Still on a whole it was satisfying enough considering how low the quality of these remakes often are.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

2 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Never Sleep Again
Directed by: Samuel Bayer
Written by: Wesley Strick
Actors include: Jackie Earle Haley, Kyle Gallner, Rooney Mara
Genre: Horror, Fantasy
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, I'm a huge fan of the original series, yet I was hesitant about watching this remake perhaps because most are dreadful. Now I'll give this credit for being better than the Friday the 13th remake but that's about the nicest thing I can say. Jackie Earle Haley was a terrible choice for Freddy and the make-up they've used makes him look like he was caught in a fire with a Planet Of The Apes mask on. They've also removed the clever one-liners and style that make original Freddy so darned entertaining. This one is just mad and speaks directly (occasionally saying something moronic) and doesn't have a sense of humor at all. Freddy is still a dream menace on a new group of teens (who are rather flavorless kill props), the parents are still covering up what really happened and so forth. They at least kept relatively true to what Freddy is able to do. It's just so many unbelievably stupid things like a fellow falling asleep during a relay swim race? It's definitely not scary though they repeatedly try to use the sudden loud noise effect to create jumps...but it doesn't work either. Nothing has been gained by this remake at all, heck it nearly directly lifted scenes from the original only making them worse (the Tina/Chris) death? I suppose I imagined it would be worse than it was but I still think it was an utter waste of time an energy for everyone concerned.

Availability: On DVD & Blu-Ray

Invasion (2007)

2 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Do not trust anyone. Do not show emotion. Do not fall asleep.
Directed by: Oliver Hirschbiegel
Written by: David Kajganich, Jack Finney
Actors include: Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Jeremy Northham
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror,
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So I made the fool decision to try to join this century by watching this film. I figured, I like the '50s and the '70s version and heck the '90s version wasn't even terrible but this was. It's odd that giving it a big budget and twisting the story around completely destroyed the picture but I think it did. Other things that didn't help matters are the actors, Daniel Craig seemed dead behind the eyes the entire time, how were we to know when/if he turned? I hate to say that I don't think Nicole Kidman was boring to watch in this too. The story here is that people are getting infected with this alien virus, but instead of turning them nearly immediately, they must sleep before it goes into effect. Also there is some sort of magical cure, which was very disappointing to say the least. Be prepared for a ton of ridiculously obvious product placement and super frustration if you decide to try to sit through this. Definitely a pathetic remake and the worst version I've seen of this story to date.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray