Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

 3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: He puts the teeth in terror
Directed by: Jeff Burr
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Actors include: Katie Hodge, Ken Foree, R.A. Mihailoff
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

 

Review:

Certainly a large step up from part 2 as well, this one isn't a joke. It's far from amazing, but as a slasher this one meets all of the requirements, plus it seems to be more true to the spirit of the original. This time we meet two college students who are on a road trip that end up in cannibal country. This time the murderous family seems to have grown (Viggo Mortensen has even joined the crew) and they are still just as hungry as ever. This has the obligatory running through the dark in the woods scene, several chainsawing and even dead animals...what more could one ask for? They even managed to do a decent job building a bit of tension, and the gore was pretty fun too. I'm glad to see that this was actually better than I had anticipated, maybe not as good as it could have been but entertaining enough none the less.

Availability:  On DVD

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

2.5 / 5 Jul '13
Tagline: After a decade of silence... The buzzz is back!
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Kim Henkel, Tobe Hooper
Actors include: Caroline Williams, Dennis Hopper, Jim Siedow
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
What a yawn, and a long one at that. Now understandably it's not going to be as good as the original as sequels seldom are. Heck even judging this as a film unrelated to the series it's still a dud though. I just can't get over that Tobe Hooper was behind this sequel and Tom Savini did the effects so how did it go so terribly wrong? It's very cartoonish and the cannibal family in this act like the friggin' 3 Stooges. Since when did Leatherface shake his belly around and wiggle when holding a chainsaw? This is most definitely a comedy with some lame gore in it and not much else, it's just not funny and if you are going to play that angle at least throw in some laughs. The story is about an irritating female radio DJ (Caroline Williams) called Stretch who gets a phone call on her request line from two jackasses causing a ruckus. They won't get off the phone (if the other person hangs the phone up, doesn't that disconnect the line?) and they meet their fate when Leatherface chainsaws 'em up real good. Stretch hears it all and is pursuaded to play the tape on the radio by Lt. Lefty (Dennis Hopper slumming it huge time). Of course it gets her into trouble and soon the radio station is under attack by cannibalistic buffoons. I was a little amused that Bo in his "Sonny Bono wig" looks very much like a member of Oasis but that was the highlight of the film. It seems that some really like this film but I can't find much reason to join their plight so instead I'll say avoid!

Availability:  On DVD

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

3.5 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: Witness the birth of fear
Directed by: Jonathan Liebesman
Written by: Sheldon Turner
Actors include: Jordana Brewster, Matt Bomer, Diora Baird
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I usually am not one for remakes, but I did enjoy the 2003 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, a prequel to a remake sounds sketchy but this wasn't. In fact I'd say they did as well making this although yes it is sort of unnecessary and many things were recycled from the other films but it is still a lot of gore filled fun. Here we watch Tommy (aka Leatherface) lose his job at the butcher shop, and well let's just say he snaps. It does do a good job of filling in the blanks, like what happened to Uncle's legs and how did Hoyt become a cop etc. They introduce us to another group of young people (this time on their way to Vietnam for the war) who of course are destined to become dinner and play things for the lovely family. I appreciated that they didn't play this one too lightly and they really kept it rather dark and bloody. There was definitely a doomy feel to it, and the cast are actually rather decent too I must say. I was surprised that his is worth watching, however if you are looking for something surprisingly fresh and original this won't be it. It's exactly what you think it might be and that is all I was hoping for.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Left Turn (2001)

3 / 5  June '11
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  Sean Ellis
Written by:  Sean Ellis
Actors include:  Lucy Russell, Andrew Tiernan, Heather Jay-Jones
Genre:  Horror, Short
Length:  15 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
This is a remake of a short film from 1978 called Panic which is one of the best I've ever seen.  Unfortunately this one isn't nearly as creepy and the subtly that made the other so special is lacking.  The story is a goodie, it's about a Woman who goes out in the rain and picks up an old woman hitchhiker.  She gets a sneaky feeling that something isn't right and convinces the Woman to get out of the car (to check for a flat) and drives off leaving her there.  The Woman leaves her bag inside the car, and the Woman takes it to the Police station, they open the bag only to find an aresenal of weapons!  It's an okay way to spend 15 minutes, but the other story is so dang effective I was actually excited about seeing what they had done with the remake but this pales in comparison. 

Availability:  Not on DVD but is on Youtube

Panic (1978)

5 / 5 June '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: James Dearden
Written by: James Dearden
Actors include: Julie Neesam, Peter Blake, Avis Bunnage
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 17 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a fantastically creepy little short story, especially considering I haven't heard very much about it. This is the sort of film that doesn't smack you over the face with the horror, it's subtle but oh so effective. It's about a young woman called Mandy who we watch get in a spat with her boyfriend. She drives off into the rainy night and decides to perform an act of kindness by picking an old Woman (who happens to be the creepiest hitch-hiker I've ever seen) at the bus stop. She quickly becomes weirded out by this Woman and fakes a flat tire to get her out of the car. The old Woman leaves the bag she was clutching in the car, and this is where the horror begins. It's so gosh darned effective, I really couldn't ask for much more in such a short amount of time. This tale was remade as Turn Left (2006) which throws in a hint of the gratuity that this one didn't have, but it wasn't nearly as frightening.

Availability:  Not on DVD I don't think

Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin (1994)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jim Van Bebber
Written by: Mark Gillespie, Jim Van Bepper
Actors include: Marc Pitman, Mark Gillespie, Maureen Allisse
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So apparently this short film was created by Jim Van Bebber as a means to finance his feature length film My Sweet Satan. It's certainly attempting to appeal to splatter fans as it jumps right in with our crazy main character yanking entrails from some sort of animal and having a snack. In fact when he's not gnawing on raw parts he's yelling repetitively and watching '80s tv programs, quite the fulfilling life really. He goes out on a cruise and picks up some hitchhikers and has a little dismemberment dinner party. It's definitely trying to mimic the ambiance and sentiment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with no avail as this just isn't creepy. I did appreciate the fact that it was quite gory and well I actually thought it was funny and easy enough to watch but it shouldn't scare anyone.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a set with My Sweet Satan

Clockwork (1978)

2 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Sam Raimi
Written by: Sam Raimi
Actors include: Cheryl Guttridge, Scott Spiegel
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 7 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So this is where it all began for Sam Raimi (along with the precursor to The Evil Dead called Within the Woods). It's a short film that certainly oozes "Student Film" left right and centre. It's grainy and very cheap looking (though the aged print may have been the issue with this) and it's certainly not very well developed plot wise. We watch a Woman move about her apartment before going to sleep (though we see someone standing outside who is obviously ready for some killin' action). She wakes up to some noises (for some reason El Killer is throwing a Ketchup bottle and being destructive towards condiments?) only to find of course that the murderer is in her house. If only she'd invested in doors that weren't made of paper perhaps this tale could have gone differently. It's just really nothing much to see, it's not gory, it's not scary and it's not even interesting. I suppose Raimi buffs may want to have a gander like I did and heck I suppose it will only waste 7 minutes of your time.

Availability:  Not on DVD

My Bloody Valentine (2009) aka My Bloody Valentine 3D

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He's gonna break your heart.
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Actors include: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Now to be fair I did not see this in 3D as it was originally intended, but it didn't seem too gimmicky in good 'ole fashion flat view. The film itself is a pale comparison to the original and the characters are as memorable as grains of sand...it still has a few things going for it. If you are looking for gory gratuitous deaths then this should satisfy, it keeps 'em coming at a steady pace. The plot (which is barely worth mentioning) is about a tragic mining accident wherein a bunch of folks are buried alive. One miner (Harry) happens to survive in a coma, however the other miners didn't die from lack of oxygen but rather from Harry's pickax. Harry awakens on Valentine's day and goes on a fun killing revenge killing spree (all this in the first little bit of the film). Fast forward ten years later to a feller named Tom who has returned home on the anniversary of the massacre. Of course the gory killings start up again, but who could be behind them? The mystery aspect is ridiculous and there are parts of the film that have too much talking and not enough killing. Still on a whole it was satisfying enough considering how low the quality of these remakes often are.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

The Love Butcher (1975)

3 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: He turns a quiet neighborhood into a slaughterhouse.
Directed by: Donald M. Jones, Mikel Angel
Written by: Mikel Angel, James M. Tanenbaum
Actors include: Erik Stern, Kay Neer, Jeremiah Beecher
Genre: Horror, Exploitation
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope






Review:
Considering it's a no budget sleazy slasher it's actually relatively entertaining...or at least the first half was snicker worthy. Definitely the makers of this film loved Psycho and well who doesn't. The plot is about a man who usually goes by Caleb and wears a balding cap and some googly glasses. He's a polite Gardiner who seems to only tend to the gardens of attractive young females. Caleb has a secret in the form of a murderous alter ego brother he dons for some killing action. The murder weapons...gardening tools of course. Be prepared for many scenes of Caleb arguing with a wig that is his brother. Although I did laugh a fair bit it really does peter out towards the middle and ending and turn into something rather dull. That really is a shame because it is a better film than your average cheap slasher, they did put some personality into this. Worth it for exploitation fans but it definitely wears old before it's 85 minute run time.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Scream Bloody Murder (1973) aka The Captive Female

3.5 / 5 Feb '11
Tagline: When You're In Her Business, Sooner Or Later, It Has To Happen!
Directed by: Marc B. Ray
Written by: Larry Alexander, Marc B. Ray
Actors include: Fred Holbert, Leigh Mitchell, Robert Knox
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Certainly not the best low budget '70s slasher film, but it's not without it's charm. This one is about a disturbed boy who runs his Father down with a tractor before having his own hand run over. He loses his hand and how has a hook, is forced to live in the asylum for a while and is a little disturbed shall we say. When he's released things get nasty as he sees Mommy has a new mate and he's not too happy about this. I give this film credit for some ambitious and bloody deaths, sure they look cheap but the effort was there. The hooked killer is pretty hilarious, and does a fairly good job of being a believable given the circumstances. The big problem is that it starts out way stronger than it finishes, it gets quite boring towards the end. Still worth a viewing, it's pretty funny in many ways, definitely a campy exploitation film in many ways. Not a classic, but worth it for fans of this sort of thing.

Availability:  On DVD

Bloody Birthday (1981)

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Have a bloody good time!!
Directed by: Ed Hunt
Written by: Ed Hunt, Barry Pearson
Actors include: Lori Lethin, Billy Jayne, Elizabeth Hoy
Genre: Horror
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'd watched this somewhere around my 10th birthday and couldn't remember it all that well, so yesterday for my 30th it seemed to be the right choice to watch again. I really did enjoy it but then again murderous children are pretty frickin' entertaining, especially Elizabeth Hoy as little Debbie and Billy Jayne (Scott Jacoby from Bad Ronald's step-brother) as little Curtis. The story revolves around three children who were born on some sort of solar eclipse but for their 10th birthday they seem to go on a sadistic killing spree. This is wildly entertaining and the killings are often quite fun and in the spirit of slashers like Friday the 13th, so horror fans should be quite amused. Particularly because of the style and emotion the children show....very memorably evil and over-the-top in a really great way. This one is also noteable for having comedienne Julie Brown in a smaller role but she repeatedly strips if that is your type of thing. Well worthy of a birthday viewing for any horror fan, I seriously doubt I'll ever forget this one again, charming!

Availability:  On DVD

Wolf Creek (2005)

2 / 5
Tagline: Based on true events
Directed by: Greg Mclean
Written by: Greg Mclean
Actors include:  John Jarratt, Cassandra Magrath, Kestie Morassi 
Genre: Horror
Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well as I checked out the 100 Scariest Movies as voted by Empire magazine I saw this at number 4 and thought, gee I should check it out. Then I chatted to my Husband about it and we did watch it in 2005 which of course triggered my memory of how much I hated it. Heck I'm not one to forget movies I've seen so for me to have blanked it out entirely...not a good sign. It was in the style of a mean spirited slasher which usually is my thing, but this one was so cheesy that I couldn't get into it. The characters all needed to be killed, it just didn't happen fast enough for my liking and heck I didn't even sympathize with the killer...I just wanted the movie to end. The film is about a bunch of kids in their '20s who go hiking in the Australian Outback but when they return to their car it won't start. Luckily for them a local has offered to help them out...if you've seen The Texas Chain Saw Massacre you can probably guess what happens next. Though the gratuity is sort of a nice throwback to elder slashers it's missing all of the tension, scares and general style, this feels like a cheap generic slasher. This is one of those films that seems to polarize people, I thought it was lazy copycat modern horror but heck others love it, I guess the only answer is to see for yourself.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

American Nightmare (1983)

3 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don McBrearty
Written by: Steven Blake
Actors include: Lawrence Day, Laura Staley, Neil Dainard
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Thriller
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So oddly this is a Canadian giallo (though why they called it American Nightmare is beyond me) that has a low budget and some lame acting but it's still very watchable. The plot concerns a maniac who is going around slashing strippers with a razor, one of which is from a prominent family. Her brother comes looking for her and poking around the seedy underbelly of Toronto questioning girls who worked and lived with her. There is even a love story thrown in when the brother falls for one of the stripping roommates...seriously. It does have a fair amount of blood in it, and the mystery comes to an amusing resolution (it's a bit more sordid than one might think). It's just very dry and talky in places, and there are way too many strippers doing way too many dances for my liking, now if you are into that sort of thing you might consider it to be a bonus! As far as this style of film goes, it's definitely not one of the greats but it is worth a viewing for fans I'd say.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Night School (1981) aka Terror Eyes

3.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: A lesson in terror
Directed by: Ken Hughes
Written by: Ruth Avergon
Actors include: Leonard Mann, Rachel Ward, Drew Snyder
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've got to say, for a video nasty and a slasher they did try with this one despite some bad writing and cheapness. If they had Tom Savini working on the effects this could have been wicked, but at least as is they do splatter around a fair bit o' the red stuff. Oh and I should mention, death by merry-go-round & knife oh yes. It's very much set up like a giallo, the mystery is around who is decapitating girls from a night school and leaving their heads in a nautically themed way. The body count is certainly reasonable, as a mystery goes well it's very easy to pick out the responsible person despite the fact that they put some pretty silly red herrings in the plot. It also could have used a little pep in places, but I do give them credit for some absurd things that happen and some interesting places to have shot the film. It should be rewarding for most slasher films as it does have a little extra sparkle, it's just not as shocking or tightly wound as one could hope for is all.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Horrors Of The Black Museum (1959) aka The Crime In The Museum Of Horrors

4 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: It Actually Puts YOU In The Picture - Can You Stand It?
Directed by: Arthur Crabtree
Written by: Herman Cohen, Aben Kandel
Actors include: Michael Gough, June Cunningham, Graham Curnow
Genre: Horror
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This definitely has it's high points and it's low points unfortunately, I didn't like it as much as Arthur Crabtree's Fiend Without a Face but it's darned close. This is a film about a murderer who is using rather odd antiques rigged to kill which is absolutely the best part. The beginning sequence with the binoculars was brilliant and one of the best I'd seen in a while. In fact the deaths in general were rather bloody (especially for the time) and shocking which I loved. It also did have a rather amusing sense of humor in several ways, when this movie was on point it was really on. What was the downfall here is too much chatty cop drama, boring as humanly possible and it seems like they try to cram as many words into a sentence as they can. The fact that the cops are nearly speaking in monotone doesn't help matters anyway. I'm impressed they went as far as they did and the absurdity of it was really wonderful, I wish there were more films from this time with this sort of violence. The gimmick used for the release of this film was "Hypnovision", not sure what that means as it wasn't a part of the dvd version I watched. Overall it's well worthwhile for horror fans, this has a little something extra even though parts are admittedly boring.

Availability:  On DVD

Going To Pieces: The Rise & Fall Of The Slasher Film (2006)

3 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: N/A
Written by: J. Albert Bell, Rachel Belofsky
Actors include: Ed Green, Malek Akkad, Lilyan Chauvin
Genre: Horror, Documentary
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, I didn't expect a heck of a lot out of this going into it, I mean I've studied slasher films and seen many of them so I didn't think I would learn much. I was right unfortunately, but it was nice that they had interviews with many of the folks associated with slashers like Sean S. Cunningham, Wes Craven, Tom Savini (the most interesting of the lot) and several others. It does touch upon most of the biggies and it will include clips that will ruin the films for you if you haven't seen them already. Lucky for me only a small few of them that the even put up posters or anything for. The even briefly mention Italian films being an influence but it needed more detail I felt, also mentioning some of the earlier splatter films, particularly those of Herschell Gordon Lewis would have been worthwhile but they weren't touched upon at all. Also going into the later bits with Rob Zombie I didn't care for either but well I think he's a useless hack but I think that is just me, also all the mention of Scream as a savior of the genre to be rather nauseating too.I'm sure this would have been a nice bonus feature for a disc or something but considering I think this was sold separately as well I wouldn't really think it was worthwhile. You'll either have seen everything mentioned, or won't have in which case you'll wish you had so that many good plot points weren't ruined for you.

Availability:  On DVD

The Psychopath (1975)

3.5 / 5  Sept '10
Tagline: He's Judge... Jury... Executioner
Directed by: Larry G. Brown
Written by: Larry G. Brown, Walter Dallenbach
Actors include: Tom Basham, Gene Carlson, Gretchen Kanne
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is the kind of film that rarely turns up, it's truly absurd and seems to fail on every level it's trying to achieve but it has tons of camp value. It's a PG film, but surprisingly violent considering though you don't see anything, it's just implied. The plot is about a children's host and puppeteer called Mr. Rabbey who looks like a pedophile but is actually some sort of defender of children. Mr. Rabbey is actually rather slow and creepy and a treat to watch, they don't make psychos like this very often. He really hates child abuse, he hangs out in the playground and hospital to observe abused children and watch parents be cruel to their kids. I hate to say the abuse is funny but in this case it kind of is, it's over the top and it's stereotypical to say the least. Anyhow Rabbey comes to their houses later and kills the Parents who are offenders...one of them he kills by snapping a towel and then running them over with a lawnmower (I'm not kidding...though you don't see the lawnmower bit). Something to see for fans of weirdo '70s films for sure, cheaper than cheap and obviously influenced by Herschell Gordon Lewis what with the ridiculous close-ups of people's eyes, drummer for a soundtrack and general cheapness. It's not the greatest film ever and some gore would have helped it out but it still makes it's point...I think.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

3 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: In 1946 this man killed five people... Today he still lurks the streets of Texarkana, Ark.
Directed by: Charles B. Pierce
Written by: Earl E. Smith
Actors include: Ben Johnson, Andrew Prine, Dawn Wells
Genre: Horror, Drama, Crime
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: nope

Review:
It's rather hard to rate this because the copy I watched was pretty poor, and the dark scenes were barely visible. I did catch what was going on of course, but it's hard to tell if it was just poorly filmed or rather the vhs copy from the '70s that my copy had been ripped from was just old. Oh well, the other thing is that parts of this film are impressive, I mean considering it predates the slasher craze it does have some shocking violence. The scenes that don't involve the creepy hooded killer are so beyond dull and cheesy that it's hard to wait them out. It's yammer yammer yammer, scooby doo music and Police follies which bore me to tears. Also the announcer that tried to make this look like a documentary kept laming things up, just when I'd forget about the stupidity of it it would pop back up and irritate me. I think there is a way this could have been executed like a documentary and it would have been scary (from the reports I read it really did frighten people in it's day), but this was not the way. It was set in the '40s and based upon a real murderer that wasn't caught that wore a hood on his head. The killing are very brutal, the car window and tree scenes must been seen, some violent stuff. It's just the rest is nearly pointless, I get that they wanted us to see what the community was up to but so very much of it was that and so very few were the cool moments. It is worthy of a viewing, but the great parts are really few and far between.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Silent Madness (1984)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Dare You Watch It Alone?
Directed by: Simon Nuchtern
Written by: Nelson DeMille, Bill Milling
Actors include: Belinda Montgomery, Viveca Lindfors, Solly Marx
Genre: Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Sweden

Review:
I liked this, it's actually a colorful little slasher film that although it doesn't offer much in the way of original thought it still is rather fun. That and it managed to have a death in it that I'd never seen before, and the acting is decent, especially from lead psychologist Dr. Gilmore (the mom from Doogie Houser MD.). This tale is about a paranoid psychotic who is accidentally released because his name is similar to another patient. This mental hospital is possibly the weirdest and most illogical one I've ever seen. Instead of admitting the error they lie about it pretending the dangerous guy is dead. Dr. Gilmore stumbles upon this problem and gets into it even thicker when she stays at a sorority house where the killer's murders started many years before. Small parts of it were intended to be in 3D which is unnecessary and useless considering I don't think a proper version of this exists with glasses and stuff. It's also got a ton of cutaway violence, if you like seeing the gruesome stuff this might disappoint as it's all offscreen. It does seem like it has a bit of a sense of humour and even a tad bit of tension here and there. Considering how rarely I've heard this film mentioned it's actually one of the better unknowns from the '80s, I'd say watch it if you like horror from this time.

Availability:  Not On DVD

Hell Night (1981)

2.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Pray for day!
Directed by: Tom DeSimone
Written by: Randy Feldman
Actors include: Linda Blair, Vincent Van Patten, Peter Baron
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was just a silly '80s slasher that has a lot of Linda Blair's cleavage but not a lot else. The premise is beyond predictable, four teenage pledges are forced to spend the night in a haunted house on the 12th anniversary of a murdering spree that took place in the house. Of course they aren't welcome and a bunch of time is spent with Mardi (Blair) and her romantic interest bonding which is supremely dull. Beyond that there are a couple of silly murders that aren't anything to get excited about. In fact the "culprit" is laughably silly looking, I mean it's obvious this didn't have a huge budget but it seems like they could have tried a little bit harder. To be honest considering it has a reasonable reputation I expected more from this film but in all truth it put me to sleep three nights in a row (though I did watch every last minute of it unfortunately). Many seem to like it so I wouldn't discourage you from watching it but don't be surprised if you find it dullsville like I did.

Availability:  On DVD