Brain Dead (2007)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste
Directed by:  Kevin Tenney
Written by:  Dale Gelineeau
Actors include:  Joshua Benton, Sarah Grant Brendecke, David Crane
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  95 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Well I can seriously say I knew absolutely nothing about this film going into it, in fact we thought we were about to watch the Roger Corman film of the same name.  I was relieved to find that this was at least an entertaining flick, complete with excessive nudity, gruesome gore effects and it was rather comical throughout.  It also adversely has terrible acting, dry spots with people talking and a definite straight-to-video feeling to it.  The plot is about some people who all (for some reason or another) end up at this deserted cabin.  Oops, did I say deserted?  Cuz I meant invested with alien mutant zombie things (yes you purists will not be pleased with that) but it made for a colorful little film at least.  Watch people try basically nothing to retaliate or escape the situation and sit back and let the cliches roll.  Sure this isn't going to win an Oscar but it's a fair bit of fun for a late night viewing for those who like stuff that oozes.

Availability:  on DVD

Dream Demon (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Two women trapped in a savage nightmare...
Directed by: Harley Cokeliss
Written by: Christopher Wicking, Harley Cokeliss
Actors include: Jemma Redgrave, Kathleen Wilhoite, Timothy Spall
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Overall this is a rather dry and lifeless reworking of A Nightmare on Elm Street however it does have a few surprises along the way. Diana is a rich and famous young British Lass who is hounded by the press about her upcoming marriage. She starts having horribly violent dreams, and until she meets an American girl called Jenny (the only charismatic character in the film played by Kathleen Wilhoite). Jenny believes her past is somehow tied into the house that Diana is staying in, and the two become fast friends. When they realize that the demons in Diana's dreams are causing real damage as she pulls people into dangerous situations if they are nearby. This doesn't sound familiar at all does it? Heck even down to the rescuing of a little girl from a fire that transforms when rescued it's so recycled. Still the thing that really will make this worth watching for genre fans is the surprising gore...heck the best scene is borrowed from 力王 [Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky]. It has potential, it's just a shame they couldn't have made it a bit more exciting and less cliche.

Availability:  Not currently on DVD

Forklift Driver Klaus: The First Day on the Job (2000) aka Staplerfahrer Klaus - Der Erste Arbeitstag

4 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Stefan Prehn, Jörg Wagner
Written by: Jörg Wagner, Stefan Prehn
Actors include: Konstantin Graudus, Gustav Adolph Artz, Jürgen Kittel
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 9 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Maybe it's because I've seen several forklift training videos because I work in a Warehouse that I found this to be so hilarious. It's a German short film that is created in the style of a workplace safety video, and as it goes on it gets increasingly more ridiculous and bloody. We first meet Klaus, a newly certified forklift driver who is ready to start his day. At first he decides it's safe to lift a fellow employee on a pallet which of course he finds out isn't the wisest idea. Each time Klaus has a bad idea we go back to an alarm and the next incident seems to get worse. Even the cheesy music and voiceover really make this something entertaining to watch. I think anyone who likes to see things go terribly wrong should enjoy this in some twisted way.

Availability:  I don't think it's on DVD

Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin (1994)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jim Van Bebber
Written by: Mark Gillespie, Jim Van Bepper
Actors include: Marc Pitman, Mark Gillespie, Maureen Allisse
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So apparently this short film was created by Jim Van Bebber as a means to finance his feature length film My Sweet Satan. It's certainly attempting to appeal to splatter fans as it jumps right in with our crazy main character yanking entrails from some sort of animal and having a snack. In fact when he's not gnawing on raw parts he's yelling repetitively and watching '80s tv programs, quite the fulfilling life really. He goes out on a cruise and picks up some hitchhikers and has a little dismemberment dinner party. It's definitely trying to mimic the ambiance and sentiment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with no avail as this just isn't creepy. I did appreciate the fact that it was quite gory and well I actually thought it was funny and easy enough to watch but it shouldn't scare anyone.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a set with My Sweet Satan

The Collector (2009)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He always takes one
Directed by: Marcus Dunstan
Written by: Patrick Melton
Actors include: Josh Stewart, Juan Fernández, Andrea Roth
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Huh....ok so if you like explanations and logic and all of that, steer clear you will hate this. Once I accepted that it doesn't matter why and that I'm not going to get to know I enjoyed it a heck of a lot more. What I can make out of it is that an ex-con desperately needs to pay off his ex-wife. To do so he plans a heist at the home of his employers but when he gets there he's greeted with a bit of a surprise. It seems that a crazier criminal beat him to the punch and has rigged the house with some of the most insane booby traps this side of Home Alone. It's definitely violent and bloody with torture galore, and some of the traps are pretty neato. It doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense how someone could have had the year it would have taken to set these elaborate traps and why. Oh well, if you just want some carnage and cruelty this will do just fine.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray
The Collector [Blu-ray]

My Bloody Valentine (2009) aka My Bloody Valentine 3D

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He's gonna break your heart.
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Actors include: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Now to be fair I did not see this in 3D as it was originally intended, but it didn't seem too gimmicky in good 'ole fashion flat view. The film itself is a pale comparison to the original and the characters are as memorable as grains of sand...it still has a few things going for it. If you are looking for gory gratuitous deaths then this should satisfy, it keeps 'em coming at a steady pace. The plot (which is barely worth mentioning) is about a tragic mining accident wherein a bunch of folks are buried alive. One miner (Harry) happens to survive in a coma, however the other miners didn't die from lack of oxygen but rather from Harry's pickax. Harry awakens on Valentine's day and goes on a fun killing revenge killing spree (all this in the first little bit of the film). Fast forward ten years later to a feller named Tom who has returned home on the anniversary of the massacre. Of course the gory killings start up again, but who could be behind them? The mystery aspect is ridiculous and there are parts of the film that have too much talking and not enough killing. Still on a whole it was satisfying enough considering how low the quality of these remakes often are.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

La Nuit De La Mort aka The Night Of Death aka Les Griffes De La Mort aka The Lady of Death (1980)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11

Tagline: You Are What They Eat!

Directed by: Raphaël Delpard

Written by: Raphaël Delpard, Richard Joffo

Actors include: Isabelle Goguey, Betty Beckers, Charlotte de Turckheim

Genre: Horror, Black Comedy

Length: 94 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

A strangely obscure French horror film from the '80s that finally has a proper DVD release from Synapse films. The plot is about a girl who decides to work for this strange retirement home as a Caregiver. All of the patients are oddly vegetarians, the rules of the house are very strict and she's told her predecessor quit without even saying goodbye. There is also a creepy little song that the Headmistress of the house likes to play on the piano and sing, and fellow in the home who is extremely hungry. Soon it becomes clear that something else is going on and she has to make a run for it. The story is filled with many colorful characters and little blackly comedic jokes which I liked. It's also surprisingly gory (now the effects aren't great but not bad) relatively well acted and entertaining enough that it's easy watch. It's just that the mystery is quite obvious and the film treats the viewer like they are stupid in places. Still I really find it odd that this is such a rarity, it's not the greatest thing ever but certainly worth watching for horror fans.

Availability:  On DVD

Treevenge (2008)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill, Jason Eisener
Actors include: Lex Gigeroff, Sarah Dunsworth, Lex Gigeroff
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 16 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a cute little Canadian low budget short film that asks the question....what happens when abused trees get pissed off? The idea is that some maniacal lumberjacks sadistically torture trees before they wind up as Christmas decorations. The trees have had enough and start to fight back in some insanely gruesome ways. Yes it's silly, and strange but in a good way, definitely some hilarious moments in this one. Thanks to my new horror lovin' friend Myron for the recommendation on this one. Definitely a Christmas must for the holidays!

Availability:  Not on DVD currently I think

The Deadly Spawn (1983) aka Return Of The Alien's Deadly Spawn

3.5 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: Mankind vs. the ultimate eating machine
Directed by: Douglas McKeown
Written by: Ted A. Bohus, John Dods
Actors include: Tom DeFranco, Charles George Hildebrandt, Richard Lee Porter
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 78 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
At first I thought I was in for a dud...I mean the budget is quite miniscule and the acting is shall we say weak. My mind was changed when I saw the alien monsters (erm Deadly Spawn) who actually looks pretty good what with a multitude of teeth. The excessive and hilarious gore really helped to make this a quirky likeable film as well. The plot begins with campers who discover meteor crash only to become lunch for the angry alien parasites. Soon the aliens take up residence in town nearby in a basement eating everyone in sight. It's up to a group of teens to save humanity from becoming alien chow...will they rise to the challenge? Yeah so basically plot schmott...it bears a resemblance to many better films but it's still pretty fun and has a sense of humor about it. Definitely for those who like B movies, just don't expect too much and you might just be surprised.

Availability:  On DVD

The Wolfman (2010)

3.5 / 5 Feb '11
Tagline: When the moon is full the legend comes to life
Directed by: Joe Johnston
Written by: Andrew Kevin Walker, David Self
Actors include: Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt
Genre: Horror, Drama, Thriller
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I actually thought this was better than I had expected, however it wasn't perfect. I appreciated the throwback to the style of the early Universal monster films, and they really went out of their way to make a visually appealing and detailed setting for the film. The cast was quite good as well really, and the story seemed true enough to form I think. A man's (Benicio Del Toro) brother is savagely killed, so he seeks the truth behind the killing. Of course he finds there is werewolf activity...only a little too late. I think the biggest issue with the movie was the CGI effects which majorly cheesed it up wherever they were involved. It could have been really excellent without honestly and that was disappointing. Still considering they are just reworking old material they managed to make an entertaining and fast paced film. I would recommend this however this is far from the best film about the topic.

Availability:  On Blu-Ray & DVD

...E Tanta Paura (1976) aka Plot Of Fear

3.5 / 5 Nov '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Paolo Cavara
Written by: Paolo Cavara, Enrico Oldoini
Actors include: Corinne Clery, Michele Placido, Quinto Parmeggiani
Genre: Giallo, Horror, Mystery
Length: 98 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although not one of the classic giallo films, this still has some memorable moments and is a reasonably entertaining entry although it's seldom mentioned. It's relatively well filmed and it appears to have a budget and is rather well made. The story involves a murderer who is leaving illustrations from a child's book with the victims. We also follow around the detectives who are trying to solve the crime of course. The story involves sex, weird parties, violence, mystery and even some gore...it has all the successful trappings of the genre. It even for some reason has appearances by Tom Skerritt and Eli Wallach in this film. It's easy enough to watch and it comes together nicely enough in the end. Definitely one for Ital sleaze fans to check out, but beware! There is an edited version floating around with far less murder footage in it.

Availability:  non USA DVD only

I Drink Your Blood (1970) aka Blood Suckers

3.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: David E. Durston
Written by: David E. Durston
Actors include: Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury, Jadin Wong, Rhonda Fultz
Genre: Horror, Exploitation
Length: 83 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this is rather ahead of it's time and were it not for the cheapness, and terrible acting it might have actually been kinda creepy. The plot is about a cult of LSD crazed hippies intent on hiding out in a small town for a bit to lie low from the Cops. They can't stay anonymous for long as they rape a local Girl and her Grandpa comes after them. Grandpa isn't powerful enough and they drug him with LSD, he stumbles home where his Grandson finds out what has happened. The Grandson just happened to find a rabid dog and shoot it earlier that day, so he collects some blood and puts it into meat pies for the hippies. From there we are left with a Night of the Living Dead style film with rabies instead of zombieism (apparently LSD + rabies = murderous rage). It's pretty bloody and yet some of the effects are pathetic of course, there is real animal violence I warn thee but certainly not the worst I've seen. It could have been amazing but as is it's pretty darned amusing and sleazy, fans of campy films should take note.

Availability:  On DVD

Her Vengeance (1988) aka Bloody Rose aka Xue Mei Gui

4.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ngai Kai Lam
Written by: N/A
Actors include: Ching-Ying Lam, Elaine Jin, Pauline Wong
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 87 minutes (approx)
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a hilarious rape/revenge action packed Hong Kong film. Susan ticks off a group of bad guys when she has to ask them to behave in the night club she works at. To pay her back they take her to the cemetery and gang rape her. Now the copy I saw had questionable (yet comical) subs, so from this rape I think she got gonorrhea (though at first they call it A.I.D.S. yet they give the symptoms of VD)...at any rate she's not happy and neither is her vagina. She decides along with the help of her blind Sister and her former Brother-in-law (a wheelchair bound kung fu expert) to get her vengeance....even if it costs her more than it was worth. She lures these fellows out to deal them harsh and violent and bloody punishment and it's a real treat to watch. The person who made this must have loved Thriller - en grym film [Thriller: They Call Her One Eye], and the booby trapping scenes in this reminded me of Home Alone only of course way more inappropriate. I thought this was a laugh riot and it gave plenty of splatter and it's ridiculously easy to follow...this is a must for those who like excessive revenge films.

Availability:  On DVD
HER VENGEANCE

Inside (2007) aka À l'intérieur

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Alexandre Bustillo, Julien Maury
Written by: Alexandre Bustillo
Actors include: Béatrice Dalle, Alysson Paradis, Nathalie Roussel
Genre: Horror
Length: 83 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Unfortunately the version of this I watched was dubbed, and I can only assume that the subtitled version has less idiotic dialogue. The reason I'm complaining is that I think it was a much better film then they way it was presented to me. It's as bloody as hell, I mean I'd heard there was a resurgence in excessive French horror films but this is one of the bloodiest films I've seen. It's about a pregnant Woman named Sarah who is in a car crash, her boyfriend (or is it husband?) dies in the crash and she's left alone. Though a bit banged up she seems to be okay and even goes back home to rest before her baby's due date on Christmas. Then Sarah gets a knock on the door on Christmas Eve, when she won't open up she's shocked to find this angry woman has nearly punched her window in. It's a story of home invasion of the worst sort, a cruel vicious woman who is after one thing and one thing only...Sarah's unborn baby. It has quite a body count, several gross scenes with scissors and many other disgusting things that happen here that were fun to watch. My major problem (aside from the dubbing) was the stupid cgi unborn baby shots (really was that necessary?), and the fact that out of nowhere one person acts like a zombie (huh?). You'll have to watch to find out what I mean, but if you like graphic violence and gore galore this is something you'll just have to see. I know I'll watch this again when I get a subtitled version, if you get the choice watch it that way.

Availability:  On DVD

Dead End (2003)

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Read the signs.
Directed by: Jean-Baptiste Andrea, Fabrice Canepa
Written by: Jean-Baptiste Andrea, Fabrice Canepa
Actors include: Ray Wise, Lin Shay, Alexandra Holden
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I thought this was relatively enjoyable there were some extremely cheesy things that kept this from being great. The story is about a family driving out on Christmas Eve to go to a relative's house. The father decides to take a short cut which lands them in a world of trouble. They end up on a extremely long road, all signs of life have disappeared except for a ghost (badly acted by model Amber Smith) who appears every time they have to stop the car. It's kind of a hybrid of a Stephen King novel and Identity in a way, sort of the mystery of what the heck is going on (though it's obvious). It's definitely a situational horror thing and it's quite effective on that level, there is some gore and even a tiny bit of comedy (I love Mom's drawing) packed in there. It's not the most amazing film one is likely to come across, but the family is well acted and somewhat believable and the what if factor is what really makes it work.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Assault! Jack The Ripper (1976) aka Bôkô Kirisaki Jakku

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Yasuharu Hasebe
Written by: Yasuharu Hasebe
Actors include: Yôko Azusa, Yutaka Hayashi, Tamaki Katsura
Genre: Horror, Exploitation, Adult
Length: 72 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this definitely borders on being pornography which is not my thing but the demented plot made up for it for me. The story is about two people who work at the same restaurant together. As they are driving home together they come across a woman who they sort of accidentally end up killing and they find it makes for awesome sex together. So together they go out and kill people (by slicing them from the groin upwards) just to have great sex. When the Male starts going out for kills without the Female (who is a butter face) some jealousy is involved and things kind of get even insane from there. It's very graphic and rewarding in a sadistic horror sense, it also does seem to have a bit of a sense of humor which I think helped the movie as well. Definitely an exploitation film that won't be for everyone, but it's pretty entertaining in a sick way for those of us who aren't offended by much.

Availability:  On DVD

Inseminoid (1981) aka Horror Planet

3 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Norman J. Warren
Written by: Nick Maley
Actors include: Robin Clarke, Jennifer Ashley, Stephanie Beacham
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
In many ways this is an extremely cheap and silly Alien rip-off with moderately successful actors like Stephanie Beacham, Victoria Tennant and Judy Geeson (who does a fantastic job considering the circumstances). In it's favor it does have excessive gore (yay) and alien rape and some fun deaths. It's also so ridiculous and over the top that it's laughable and entertaining on a few levels. The plot involves a female crew member getting impregnated by an alien which causes her to turn into a psycho murdering her fellow passengers who want nothing more than an abortion for her. It's surprisingly ambitious, horror fans should be pleased with the deaths and blood (I was). The creativity is lacking obviously and this is not something that everyone will enjoy, particularly if you don't have a love of camp. Still entertaining at least, but it could have been so much more.

Availability:  On DVD

Tower Of Evil (1972) aka Horror Of Snape Island

3.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: They came, they saw, they died!
Directed by: Jim O'Connolly
Written by: George Baxt, Jim O'Connolly
Actors Include: Bryant Haliday, Jill Haworth, Anna Palk
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this certainly has some things going for it, in fact I really did debate whether or not to give this a 4.0 or a 3.5, but it has some major problems too so I decided to go lower. First of all it's a rather cheap English production, and the miniatures are laughable, as well the background of water while they were "sailing", I mean come on. It starts out with finding a bunch of gory mutilated corpses on Snape Island, a mainly deserted area with a tower, but they also find a girl alive who stabs a fisherman to death. A group of sex obsessed archeologists wearing tight clothing take up partying on Snape Island to determine what happened, and if the girl was the murderer. They smoke up, drink and sleep around and occasionally hunt for lost treasure on the land. It's actually very entertaining and easy to watch though absurd and very unrealistic. The middle part of the film could have used a bit more violence considering how sensational the beginning was. It is a sleazy amusing little mystery that should please most, though the cheapness may keep a few from enjoying.

Availability:  On DVD

Alien Prey (1978) aka Prey

3 / 5 July '10
Tagline: His savage hunger makes us all... Alien Prey
Directed by: Norman J. Warren
Written by: Quinn Donoghue, Max Cuff
Actors include: Barry Stokes, Sally Faulkner, Glory Annen
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror, Exploitation
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this is one of the stranger things I've come across (thanks to the recommendation of cosmicnoiree) though not a "successful" movie there is still something for weird film lovers to observe here. The plot (though barely explained) is about some alien creature crashing down and invading a feller's body. This feller ends up stumbling onto the doorstep of a Lesbian couple who are going through a tough time. See one of them wants to leave and experience the world (and possibly some Men instead) yet the other is desperate to hold on to her and not let her leave. They welcome this weird alien fellow into their home (for some unknown reason) and they end up dressing him up and treating him almost like some sort of toy. The thing is, the angry Lesbian has been up to her own "dangerous" activities and the roaming Lesbian doesn't quite know what do to...will she run off with the alien? It's all very absurd and pointless, I'm sure that's why many hate this. Still I couldn't help but watch and I wasn't exactly bored, a few odd developments kept this slightly above average I think.

Availability:  on DVD

Body Puzzle (1992)

2.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Lamberto Bava
Written by: Lamberto Bava
Actors include: Joanna Pacula, Tomas Arana, François Montagut
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Mystery, Thriller
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, I am typically a fan of Lamberto Bava but this wasn't nearly as good as I'd have expected. It did manage to have some nice scenes of gore and dismembered body parts if that be your thing. The story is rather dull (even though it's going to sound exciting). It's about a serial killer who removes parts from his victims (who is known to us right off the bat) sends them to a Woman. The Police scramble to solve the mystery, although it's no mystery to us making it feel pretty boring. It's very dry and wooden feeling, nothing special whatsoever. Although perhaps this would qualify as a giallo it probably wouldn't satisfy genre fans. I've definitely seen worse and cheaper, but I actually saw this when it first came out but totally forgot I ever watched it. That's not a good sign, and odds are within a year I'll forget again. Oh well, Lamberto's weakest still has a few decent qualities I guess.

Availability:  On DVD