Calvaire (2004), aka The Ordeal

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: Some people would kill for company.
Directed by: Fabrice Du Welz
Written by: Fabrice Du Welz, Romain Protat
Actors include: Laurent Lucas, Brigitte Lahaie, Gigi Coursigny
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
The plot will sound familiar to this French flick, a fellow (called Marc) is stuck in a remote swampy area in the rain when his vehicle breaks down. A weird Man looking for a missing dog ushers him to a bizarre Inn where he takes a room for the night. The Inn keeper promises to fix Marc's broken van but is very insistent that he not go into the nearby town. Let's just say things get very insane from there, and Marc isn't exactly free to leave. It boasts a strange ambiance considering that the film was actually shot with only natural settings, no studio fixings. Sure it's not the most disturbing film of it's kind but the black comedy touches keep things a bit lighter. At least it does boast a bit 'o blood and some horror gratuity and tension. It definitely kept my attention, although I'd hoped for a tad more originality yet still worthy of a gander. Oh and be on the look out for Euro sleaze actress Brigitte Lahaie, definitely the newest film I've seen her in...and yes she is still taking her top off.

Availability:  On DVD

Fascination (1979)

2 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jean Rollin
Written by: Jean Rollin
Actors include: Franca Mai, Brigitte Lahaie, Jean-Marie Lemaire
Genre: Horror, Porn
Length: 80 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm shocked how terrible I thought this was, I mean it has a pretty stellar reputation! This is very much focused on being an "erotic" film and the horror/vampire bits seem rather an after thought. Even for eroticism it's poorly done, it's so darned wooden that it's hard to believe Brigitte Lahaie had an actual porn career. On the plus side, it's nicely filmed with a decent camera but I think that's about all I can say. The plot is about a thief who barges in on a castle for refuge that contains two Lesbians. The Women tease him and warn him of their upcoming group activities involving many Women coming over. Of course he ignores the warning and suddenly finds himself much in demand. It's just so gosh darned boring and sex filled that I didn't care about any minor plot details they bothered to give us. I actually hated this, it just seemed so gosh darned pointless but since it is so well liked by others I guess you'll need to find out for yourself...but don't say I didn't warn you.

Availability:  On DVD

Faceless (1987)

4 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Come Face To Face With Evil
Directed by: Jesus Franco
Written by: Rene Chateau
Actors include: Helmut Berger, Brigitte Lahaie, Telly Savalas
Genre: Horror
Length: 98 minutes
Banned: Canada

Review:
Well this is a pretty darned entertaining Eurosleaze take on the story Les yeux sans visage [Eyes Without a Face], and really it's probably the best Jesús Franco film I've seen. It's from the late '80s so expect lots of colors, cheesy music and so forth but really they did do a relatively good job of making this straightforward. The plot is about a plastic surgeon who improperly fixed a Woman's face, so she throws acid on the face of his sister, horribly disfiguring her. He feels guilt and wants to give her back her face so along with his creepy Nurse Nathalie (Brigitte Lahaie they kidnap models with the intent of performing a face transplant. It's as gory as heck and actually pretty darned hilarious too, really they did a good job with the effects and everything considering it was likely straight-to-video. It also does have a bunch of people you are likely to recognize in the cast including Anton Diffring and Telly Savalas as an added bonus as well. Recommended for those who like gruesome trash, although it's certainly not the classic the film it's aping is, it's still worthwhile.

Availability:  On DVD