Cementerio Del Terror (1985) aka Cemetery of Terror

3.5 / 5 Oct '11

Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Written by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Actors include: Hugo Stiglitz, José Gómez Parcero, Bety Robles
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Zombies that react to crosses like vampires, an evil book that brings back to life a murderer, house possession, a serial killer, dumb teenagers....what doesn't this movie have? Okay so a budget and explanation for the cockamamie hodge podge plot for starters but it's still rather entertaining. Some teen Boys plan a party in an abandoned home (with hydro and amenities) and trick some girls into coming over by pretending they are having a "jet set party" (whatever that entails). Instead they decide it would be a groovy good time to go find the most hideous corpse they can at the morgue for scares. They also think that reading from an evil book at a cemetery is a good plan and you can pretty much guess what happens from there. So the "plot" is borrowed from so many other more popular movies like The Evil Dead and countless others. At least they did throw in a few decent gore effects, and the illogical nature of the movie itself brings some good laughs. It also does have sort of a Halloween theme (though they mention it's June???) so it's a decent watch if you are looking for an amusing Mexican horror flick for the season.

Lifeforce (1985) aka Space Vampires

4 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: The Cinematic Sci-Fi event of the Eighties
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Colin Wilson, Dan O'Bannon
Actors include: Steve Railsback, Mathilda May, Peter Firth
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 116 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Okay so let me start by saying: Space vampires who sap energy and change their victims into zombie like creatures. Phew, now if you can swallow that you can enjoy this flick! With Tobe Hooper at the helm and Dan O'Bannon as the screenwriter, you can pretty much guess you are in for an entertaining flick. It springs into action with a space shuttle sent to investigate Halley's Comet only of course they find some strange spaceship. There are strange bat like creatures that appear to be nearly turned to dust as well as three nudies (if you like boobs, then you should get a little something extra from this one) in capsules. They decide to take the specimens back to their ship for investigation thinking everyone is dead...note I said "thinking". Before long, it's super pandemonium in a good 'ole fashion kill fest as zombie like people run rampant and electricity bolts are everywhere. Anyhow the effects on this are quite notable, sure it's a bit cheesy in places but it never veers too far off course. It has violence, sex, a decent enough story considering what the plot entails (it is based upon a book by Colin Wilson called "Space Vampires"). Give it a whirl if you like colorful sci-fi/horror from the '80s, but if you are looking for something seriously scary this won't be ideal.

Availability:  On DVD

Back To The Future (1985)

4.5 / 5
Tagline: 17 year old Marty McFly got home early last night. 30 years early.
Directed by: Robert Zemeckis
Written by: Robert Zemeckis, Bob Gale
Actors include: Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd, Lea Thompson
Genre: Sci-Fi, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 116 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So far from what I've seen I'd say this is the greatest time travel movie ever, and even the sequels are awesome! We meet typical '80s boy Marty McFly who befriends the Doc (supremely played by Christopher Lloyd) as he's working on a time travel Deloreaon! After the death of his friend Marty ends up traveling back to 1955 and find the Doc and convince him of the future so he can go home again. On his journey in the past he disrupts the future and more importantly the relationship between his Parents so he must first try and fix that before he can ever go home. It's pretty exciting, inventive and full of adventure. I think the fact that this story is so well written and well assembled that makes it such a classic that everyone should love.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Teen Wolf (1985)

3 / 5
Tagline:  He always wanted to be special... but he never expected this!
Directed by:  Rod Daniel
Written by:  Jeph Loeb, Matthew Weisman
Actors include:  Michael J. Fox, James Hampton, Susan Ursitti
Genre:  Comedy
Length:  91 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Ever wonder what it must be like to be a typical teenager and a werewolf all at the same time?  Well Michael J. Fox answers this question in the role of Scott Howard.  Scott is on a sad basketball team that can't win, he can't get the attention of the girl he likes (as he isn't one of the cool kids) and well he's a pretty normal dude.  When a full moon approaches, everything changes and his palms are hairy for an entirely different reason.  See his Pa is a werewolf too, it runs in the family but he'd hoped that Scott wouldn't be afflicted but guess who was wrong.  The strange thing is that the werewolfism seems to make him popular.  Suddenly he has a new vibe about him the popular kids like, the girl starts to notice him and the basketball team does better.  Can he keep it all together without people finding out his secret?  It's cute enough but pretty mindless, something to perhaps catch on tv when bored.

Availability:  On DVD

Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985) aka Stranded In Dinosaur Valley aka Nudo E Selvaggio

2.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Written by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Actors include: Michael Sopkiw, Suzane Carvalho, Milton Rodríguez
Genre: Action, Adventure, Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Extremely lackluster and halfassed "cannibal" movie (though there is very little cannibalism. There is however a ton of nudity if that is your thing you might enjoy this? A fellow who acts much like McGuyver wants to go to Dinosaur Valley (which is dangerous what with the cannibals and man eating fish etc) so he manages to catch a plane ride with some models. When the plane crashes down off course they must struggle for survival despite clashing personalities and everything attacking them. They did try a little with blood near the beginning but it became clear that it was nothing more than a jungle porn really as it raged on. It's cheesy but not enough to really be funny, so it is probably one of the least entertaining of it's kind, yet I was still able to sit through it. At least the scenery is nice right? Oh well, another failure but for super big fans of this sort of thing it might be worth a gander.

Availability:  On DVD

The New Kids (1985)

4 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: The kids learned three things about southern hospitality, blood, sweat and terror!
Directed by: Sean S. Cunningham
Written by: Stephen Gyllenhaal, Brian Taggert
Actors include: Shannon Presby, Lori Laughlin, James Spader
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Teehee, well this starts out like an insanely cheap teeny bopper flick it morphs into one heck of a bizarre and satisfying revenge flick so stick with it. Brother Charlie (Eddie Jones) and Sister Abby (Lori Laughlin yes Rebecca from Full House) are orphaned and they end up living at their Uncle's house. Uncle and wife are working on making a little theme park about Christmas, and together they all restore the park. It's not all happy though because Abby is one heck of a pretty girl and the local thugs have noticed. When she refuses each and every one of them a date, war is on and it's really not pretty (it actually goes a lot further than I thought it would dare). There are knives being pulled, they keep trying to light Abby on fire and ultimately a huge showdown occurs at the theme park (which involves many deaths with the rides which is awesome). It's got a lot more to offer than one might think, but you really wouldn't know it was from the same guy who directed Friday the 13th. Also be prepared to laugh hysterically at James Spader who plays one of the main thugs and looks like an albino, and has a terrible accent.

Availability:  On DVD

Silver Bullet (1985) aka Stephen King's Silver Bullet

2.5 / 5 Jan '10
Tagline: It started in May in a small town and every month after that whenever the moon is full... It came back.
Directed by: Daniel Attias
Written by: Stephen King
Actors include: Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Corey Haim
Genre: Horror, Drama, Adventure
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Definitely one of my least favorite werewolf tales and one of my least favorite King adaptations. It's just plainly cheesy and filled with drama that I couldn't care less about (family stuff). We follow around wheelchaired kid Marty (Corey Haim) and his sister Jane (Megan Follows aka Anne of Green Gables) and their family. See Jane is jealous of her brother Marty because she feels her folks blame her for everything. The overly nice (fake seeming) Marty is best buds with his Uncle Red (Gary Busey) who builds him a super wheelchair (silver bullet). As we follow all of that stuff Marty finds out that there is a werewolf about town. The effects are meh, the story isn't very interesting and really it doesn't have much to offer anyone. It's a shame that this didn't work out better (as I've heard the book was rather imaginative in the way it's displayed) but none of that translates here. This just feels like a very cheap werewolf movie that has a higher budget than it seems like it's used.

Availability:  On DVD

The Mutilator (1985)

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: Their horrifying vacation was no day at the beach!
Directed by: Buddy Cooper
Written by: Buddy Cooper
Actors include: Matt Mitler, Ruth Martinez, Bill Hitchcock
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh it starts out fabulously...I thought I was in for a real cheap treat. Jr. decides to clean Daddy's gun collection for his birthday (you can see where this is going right) and he accidentally shoots and kills Mommy. Daddy comes home and lets just say he isn't the happiest. Flash forward to Jr. and his Friends as teenagers (all of which are horribly wooden and dull actors) as Daddy requested they go out and clean his beach house. It takes forever for things to happen, there are tons of cheesy montages and possibly one of the worst theme songs I've heard yet (it doesn't even have a pattern). It's extremely cliche down to the point where they even borrow some music from the movie Jaws. It's very poorly shot (lit with lamps me thinks) and it's too dark to see much of the time. Daddy's decoration for the cottage was hilarious and yes it did have a few funny things happen and a few decent deaths. It was just way too boring most of the time to be a really good slasher but it did have some gore!

Availability:  On DVD (But OOP)
The Mutilator

Demons (1985) aka Dèmoni

4 / 5
Tagline: They will make cemeteries their cathedrals and the cities will be your tombs.
Directed by: Lamberto Bava
Written by: Lamberto Bava, Dario Argento
Actors include: Urbano Barberini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Iceland, West Germany

Review:
This one is actually a great deal of fun, a bunch of movie goers are trapped in a movie theatre with....demons!!! What's so great is that everything is exaggerated and hilariously ridiculous from the music right down to the acting. Still we get some gross out stuff to keep the Italian horror fan gorehounds happy and it's very easy to enjoy. This isn't frightening in any way but most horror films should enjoy the heck out of this little treat. I will definitely check out more from Lamberto Bava in the future.

Availability:  On DVD