Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin (1994)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jim Van Bebber
Written by: Mark Gillespie, Jim Van Bepper
Actors include: Marc Pitman, Mark Gillespie, Maureen Allisse
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So apparently this short film was created by Jim Van Bebber as a means to finance his feature length film My Sweet Satan. It's certainly attempting to appeal to splatter fans as it jumps right in with our crazy main character yanking entrails from some sort of animal and having a snack. In fact when he's not gnawing on raw parts he's yelling repetitively and watching '80s tv programs, quite the fulfilling life really. He goes out on a cruise and picks up some hitchhikers and has a little dismemberment dinner party. It's definitely trying to mimic the ambiance and sentiment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with no avail as this just isn't creepy. I did appreciate the fact that it was quite gory and well I actually thought it was funny and easy enough to watch but it shouldn't scare anyone.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a set with My Sweet Satan

La Nuit De La Mort aka The Night Of Death aka Les Griffes De La Mort aka The Lady of Death (1980)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11

Tagline: You Are What They Eat!

Directed by: Raphaël Delpard

Written by: Raphaël Delpard, Richard Joffo

Actors include: Isabelle Goguey, Betty Beckers, Charlotte de Turckheim

Genre: Horror, Black Comedy

Length: 94 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

A strangely obscure French horror film from the '80s that finally has a proper DVD release from Synapse films. The plot is about a girl who decides to work for this strange retirement home as a Caregiver. All of the patients are oddly vegetarians, the rules of the house are very strict and she's told her predecessor quit without even saying goodbye. There is also a creepy little song that the Headmistress of the house likes to play on the piano and sing, and fellow in the home who is extremely hungry. Soon it becomes clear that something else is going on and she has to make a run for it. The story is filled with many colorful characters and little blackly comedic jokes which I liked. It's also surprisingly gory (now the effects aren't great but not bad) relatively well acted and entertaining enough that it's easy watch. It's just that the mystery is quite obvious and the film treats the viewer like they are stupid in places. Still I really find it odd that this is such a rarity, it's not the greatest thing ever but certainly worth watching for horror fans.

Availability:  On DVD

Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985) aka Stranded In Dinosaur Valley aka Nudo E Selvaggio

2.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Written by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Actors include: Michael Sopkiw, Suzane Carvalho, Milton Rodríguez
Genre: Action, Adventure, Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Extremely lackluster and halfassed "cannibal" movie (though there is very little cannibalism. There is however a ton of nudity if that is your thing you might enjoy this? A fellow who acts much like McGuyver wants to go to Dinosaur Valley (which is dangerous what with the cannibals and man eating fish etc) so he manages to catch a plane ride with some models. When the plane crashes down off course they must struggle for survival despite clashing personalities and everything attacking them. They did try a little with blood near the beginning but it became clear that it was nothing more than a jungle porn really as it raged on. It's cheesy but not enough to really be funny, so it is probably one of the least entertaining of it's kind, yet I was still able to sit through it. At least the scenery is nice right? Oh well, another failure but for super big fans of this sort of thing it might be worth a gander.

Availability:  On DVD

Inferno In Diretta (1986) aka Cut And Run

3 / 5 July '10
Tagline: The one story you won't be seeing on the 6 o'clock news!
Directed by: Ruggero Deodato
Written by: Cesare Frugoni, Dardano Sacchetti
Actors include: Lisa Blount, Leonard Mann, Willie Aames
Genre: Action, Adventure, Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
Well in some way this is a sequel to Cannibal Holocaust, or at least it's very similar and from the same director. This isn't nearly as good as Holocaust, though I suppose it's nicely filmed. The plot is about a news team who suspect a member of Jonestown has survived and is hiding out in the jungle. Also they intend to hunt for the son of a TV Producer who has been lost in the jungle for quite a while and it has a cocaine smuggling plot too. The missing son is hilariously played by Willie Aames (Buddy from Charles In Charge) who is ridiculous when trying to act, it's almost sad to watch. This does have a lot of violence in it though nothing as extreme as in Holocaust, it does have a rather high body count I suppose (though I could have done with less poison dart death). One perk this does have is actor Michael Berryman (the creepy dude from The Hills Have Eyes) as a violent savage which is kind of neat. It's okay I guess when you add everything up but it certainly could have been much better.

Availability:  On DVD

Welcome To Arrow Beach (1974) aka Tender Flesh aka Cold Storage aka And No One Would Believe Her

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Nice place to visit...no place to live!
Directed by: Laurence Harvey
Written by: Walllace C. Bennett
Actors include: Laurence Harvey, Joanna Pettet, Stuart Whitman
Genre: Exploitation, Horror
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is sort of an exploitation film I suppose, it's very '70s and riddled with bad music but it's still entertaining. A wandering hippy girl ends up on Arrow Beach and is taken in by a kindly Vietnam war Veteran named Larry. Larry lives with his sister Grace (whom he's maybe a little too close to) in a house above the beach and it seems like life is pretty decent. The thing that seems to be bothering Larry is the meat situation, he had to commit cannibalism in the war and he's never really given it up since. His source for getting meat? Why it's picking up young girls and slaughtering them of course, but will our hitchhiker find out before she becomes dinner?the meat situation, he had to commit cannibalism in the war and he's never really given it up since. His source for getting meat? Why it's picking up young girls and slaughtering them of course, but will our hitchhiker find out before she becomes dinner? It's not gory in a horror sense really, it's more of a slow moving weirdo drama I guess with bad things happening. It's a different take on this sort of thing, and a bizarre movie in many ways. Unfortunately a nice edit of the film doesn't exist and the director/lead actor died shortly after sadly but I'd still suggest trying to find it for those who like the strange.

Availability:  Not Available On DVD

Deadline (1981)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: His obsession was to create the ultimate horror story... his curse was to live it.
Directed by: Mario Azzopardi
Written by: Mario Azzopardi
Actors include: Stephen Young, Sharon Masters, Marvin Goldhar
Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Considering this is a rarely mentioned horror film of the '80s it actually rather entertaining. It revolves around a Stephen King-like author named Steven (how clever) who is a rather large jerk. He ignores his family, friends and other obligations in order to write and before long things get confusing. See the line between fantasy and reality are getting blurred for him, visions from his films are becoming real and he's not sure what end is up anymore. The neatest part of this film are the bizarre and sometimes even disgusting and bloody bits from his movies that appear including cannibalistic Nuns, grandma abuse and many other bizarre things. The further he gets wrapped up in this the more his family falls apart and that is a rather disturbing angle actually. It's a shame that the story wasn't a tad more cohesive and explanatory (particularly when it comes to the ending), but I definitely give it credit for ambition and style. It should please most any '80s horror fan, you'll probably see a thing or two.  Oh and be on the look out for the band [Artist5948] who make quite an impression in this film with their insane performance.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Mother's Day (1980)

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: If you go down to the woods today
Directed by: Charles Kaufman
Written by: Warren Leight, Charles Kaufman
Actors include: Nancy Hendrickson, Deborah Luce, Tiana Pierce
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Australia

Review:
Hmm, well if you've seen Troma films before then you know the sort of cheapness and ineptitude one is in for. This time it appears that Troma's Charles Kaufman saw I Spit on Your Grave [Day of the Woman] and decided to make their own version. This is a tale about three bff's who have decided to go camping in a remote area for their annual getaway. After watching plenty of their ridiculous flashbacks and hearing tons of giggling and in-jokes they are carried away in their sleeping bags. Two inbred seeming thugs have kidnapped the girls in order to please Mama, she gives the orders on who to torment first. Well after several escape attempts the remaining girls decide to get revenge and well this is the best part of the film. It's gory, they use unusual methods of retaliation (Draino and axe to the crotch anyone?) and it's pretty entertaining really. The thing is it's all done in such a joking style that it's impossible to be disturbed by which seems to be the ultimate goal of the movie. It fails more than it succeeds but yet there are a few moments that fans of this sort of thing should appreciate. I liked it a teaspoon better than Les mémés cannibales [Rabid Grannies] but Bloodsucking Freaks will always be the best Troma film I've seen. Thanks to kevdog for suggesting I give this a whirl.

Availability:  On DVD

Rabid Grannies (1988) aka Les Mémés Cannibales

3 / 5  Nov '09
Tagline: Grandma, What a Big Mouth You Have!
Directed by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Written by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Actors include: Catherine Aymerie, Caroline Braeckman, Richard Cotica
Genre: Horror

Length: 90 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

Well I've wanted to see this 'un since I first heard the title, even though it's a Troma picture (consider yourself warned). It starts out with a bunch of bratty Children and Grandchildren out for the large inheritance of two elderly ladies. They all meet up for the old Ladies' birthday dinner when a mystery gift arrives from their Son who was already disinherited (because he worshiped Satan and got into trouble). The mystery gift contains some sort of smoke that is drunk by the old Woman and it makes them turn into ravenous demons (who look suspiciously like rubber Freddy Kruegers). They puss, bite and have ridiculous effects and powers to torment the relatives as they try to hide out in the house from them. It's very cheesy, very cheap, littered with bad jokes and has ridiculous characters and is over the top in every possible way...yet somehow it's kinda entertaining. It's bloody and silly all at the same time, so if you really love Troma movies this should be something you aim to see.

Availability:  On DVD  also watch for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/rabid-grannies

3 Extremes (2004) aka Saam Gaang Yi aka 3 Extremes II aka San Geng aka Three

4 / 5

Tagline: From the Nightmares of 3 Horror Masters

Directed By: Fruit Chan, Takashi Miike, Chan-wook Park

Written By: Haruko Fukushima, Lilian Lee, Chan-wook Park, Bun Saikou

Actors Include: Ling Bai, Byung-hun Lee, Kyoko Hasegawa

Genre: Horror

Length: 125 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

When dealing with anything "extreme" like say this film, there are two ways the films seem to go. They are either low budget, predictable and gory as heck, or you get something wonderfully creative and extreme like these stories. These have things to gross us out (which of course we want) yet the stories are well put together, it appears to have a budget and it actually works as a good movie. Well what this is are three short stories from different directors. It starts off fantastically with "Dumplings" the best in the set and actually one of the best Asian tales I've seen in a long while. I do not want to ruin this in any way but it's about some dumplings which give youth to the consumer but they are made of something rather disgusting (you'll see). Anyhow that tale seemed too short but fortunately on the DVD there is a longer version of this tale too (but I haven't seen that one yet). Next we move on to "Cut" which is demented and sadistic but the ending is less than satisfying. A young Man finds himself in a terrible situation when he finds his wife super glued to the piano (and she's a pianist). Can he stop the torture being inflicted upon her before it's too late? It's rather bloody, weird and generally artistic looking which I really appreciated. It's twisted, but heck so was the opening story. Both stories to this point are grotesquely fascinating, but can the third story hold up? Nope, sorry but it in fact doesn't. It's not impossible to watch or anything, but the last tale "Box" which is confusing, and non satisfying but bizarre enough to warrant at least one viewing. It's something to do with two gymnastic sisters, and well a box and fire and....well you'll see. I'd definitely recommend watching this trilogy but I do question the order of things, who ends a movie with it's worst material? Anyhow watchy watchy, especially "Dumplings"!

Availability:  On DVD