Cementerio Del Terror (1985) aka Cemetery of Terror

3.5 / 5 Oct '11

Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Written by: Rubén Galindo Jr.
Actors include: Hugo Stiglitz, José Gómez Parcero, Bety Robles
Genre: Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Zombies that react to crosses like vampires, an evil book that brings back to life a murderer, house possession, a serial killer, dumb teenagers....what doesn't this movie have? Okay so a budget and explanation for the cockamamie hodge podge plot for starters but it's still rather entertaining. Some teen Boys plan a party in an abandoned home (with hydro and amenities) and trick some girls into coming over by pretending they are having a "jet set party" (whatever that entails). Instead they decide it would be a groovy good time to go find the most hideous corpse they can at the morgue for scares. They also think that reading from an evil book at a cemetery is a good plan and you can pretty much guess what happens from there. So the "plot" is borrowed from so many other more popular movies like The Evil Dead and countless others. At least they did throw in a few decent gore effects, and the illogical nature of the movie itself brings some good laughs. It also does have sort of a Halloween theme (though they mention it's June???) so it's a decent watch if you are looking for an amusing Mexican horror flick for the season.

Lifeforce (1985) aka Space Vampires

4 / 5 Jul '11
Tagline: The Cinematic Sci-Fi event of the Eighties
Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Colin Wilson, Dan O'Bannon
Actors include: Steve Railsback, Mathilda May, Peter Firth
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 116 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Okay so let me start by saying: Space vampires who sap energy and change their victims into zombie like creatures. Phew, now if you can swallow that you can enjoy this flick! With Tobe Hooper at the helm and Dan O'Bannon as the screenwriter, you can pretty much guess you are in for an entertaining flick. It springs into action with a space shuttle sent to investigate Halley's Comet only of course they find some strange spaceship. There are strange bat like creatures that appear to be nearly turned to dust as well as three nudies (if you like boobs, then you should get a little something extra from this one) in capsules. They decide to take the specimens back to their ship for investigation thinking everyone is dead...note I said "thinking". Before long, it's super pandemonium in a good 'ole fashion kill fest as zombie like people run rampant and electricity bolts are everywhere. Anyhow the effects on this are quite notable, sure it's a bit cheesy in places but it never veers too far off course. It has violence, sex, a decent enough story considering what the plot entails (it is based upon a book by Colin Wilson called "Space Vampires"). Give it a whirl if you like colorful sci-fi/horror from the '80s, but if you are looking for something seriously scary this won't be ideal.

Availability:  On DVD

Night of the Zombies (1981)

1 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The dead are hungry... and they're coming to eat you alive!
Directed by: Joel M. Reed
Written by: Joel M. Reed
Actors include: Jamie Gillis, Samantha Grey, Ryan Hilliard
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a steaming pile of movie this was, it brought me back to memories of the nearly equally bad and similarly plotted French flick L'Abîme des morts vivants (Oasis of the Zombies). Director Joel M. Reed was responsible for the amusingly sleazy flick Bloodsucking Freaks so I had some high hopes here. It's just one of the most boring and lazily cheap zombie films one could ever come across. Even if you have a plan in place to watch every zombie movie ever, I'd shuffle this one to the bottom of your pile. I think they must have decided that effects are too darned expensive so much of the film is shot in the dark so you can't see much of anything. The zombies when can be seen have white face paint with black around the eyes...very Halloween costumey. The premise is about a group of Investigators who are looking for the missing bodies of Soldiers. They come across rumors of zombies in the area which of course they are quick to dismiss and laugh at. I'm sure you can guess what this means...it's just so frigging dull and dry. The acting is horrid, the plot is weak, there is nothing scary or gory about this whatsoever...what was Joel M. Reed thinking? What were any of them thinking? Even fans of bad movies will be insanely bored...it's not even that good! Avoid, avoid, avoid!!!

Availability:  on VHS only i think

Night Of The Living Bread (1990)

4 / 5  Jun '11
Tagline: The Bread Still Rises!
Directed by:  Kevin S. O'Brien
Written by:  Kevin S. O'Brien
Actors include:  Vince Ware, Katie Harris, Robert J. Saunders
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

As soon as I read the title I though "gee this is going to be absolutely stupid", and I was right but it's gloriously stupid.  I really was surprised how funny they could make this considering yes...no tricks, it's Night of the Living Dead crammed into eight minutes with bread.  An explosion at a bakery causes bread to attack people and a small group of people have gathered at an abandoned farm house for refuge.  They were rather clever in choosing which scenes to reenact, and the way they went about most scenes was pretty wise as well.  It just looks like they must have had a ton of fun making it, and heck I had a ton of fun watching it, perhaps you should too!

Availability:  It's available as a bonus feature on a version of Night of the Living Dead, or watch it here:

Return Of The Living Dead III (1993)

3.5 / 5 May '11
Tagline: She's To Die For.
Directed by: Brian Yuzna
Written by: John Penney
Actors include: Kent McCord, James T. Callahan, Sarah Douglas
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm really happy to see that this third installment really does rejuvenate the franchise with a far better offering than the previous installment of the series. This time they bother to explain a little more of what is going on scientifically (the Government is still working on studying reanimating the dead for military purposes). One of the Military fellas has a teenage son named Curt who has stolen his swipe pass to impress his girlfriend Julie. The two are a little wild, and totally in love! So when they go exploring they happen to learn about the zombie experiments. They also soon find out that Curt is to be moved away because his Father has been transferred to another city. The two teens decide to go it alone together, and head out on Curt's bike...only a terrible accident happens and he needs to use the reanimation powder to fix things. As we all know, things will go terribly wrong and before we know it we are in the middle of a gory zombie battle (hooray!). Sure it's a bit cheesy and over the top but what more could one expect? It actually does a good job of working within the confines of the series so far and it's quite entertaining. Definitely a worthwhile and bloody sequel that should appeal to fans of the series and just horror fans in general.

Availability:  On DVD

Brain Dead (2007)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste
Directed by:  Kevin Tenney
Written by:  Dale Gelineeau
Actors include:  Joshua Benton, Sarah Grant Brendecke, David Crane
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  95 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Well I can seriously say I knew absolutely nothing about this film going into it, in fact we thought we were about to watch the Roger Corman film of the same name.  I was relieved to find that this was at least an entertaining flick, complete with excessive nudity, gruesome gore effects and it was rather comical throughout.  It also adversely has terrible acting, dry spots with people talking and a definite straight-to-video feeling to it.  The plot is about some people who all (for some reason or another) end up at this deserted cabin.  Oops, did I say deserted?  Cuz I meant invested with alien mutant zombie things (yes you purists will not be pleased with that) but it made for a colorful little film at least.  Watch people try basically nothing to retaliate or escape the situation and sit back and let the cliches roll.  Sure this isn't going to win an Oscar but it's a fair bit of fun for a late night viewing for those who like stuff that oozes.

Availability:  on DVD

I Drink Your Blood (1970) aka Blood Suckers

3.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: David E. Durston
Written by: David E. Durston
Actors include: Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury, Jadin Wong, Rhonda Fultz
Genre: Horror, Exploitation
Length: 83 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this is rather ahead of it's time and were it not for the cheapness, and terrible acting it might have actually been kinda creepy. The plot is about a cult of LSD crazed hippies intent on hiding out in a small town for a bit to lie low from the Cops. They can't stay anonymous for long as they rape a local Girl and her Grandpa comes after them. Grandpa isn't powerful enough and they drug him with LSD, he stumbles home where his Grandson finds out what has happened. The Grandson just happened to find a rabid dog and shoot it earlier that day, so he collects some blood and puts it into meat pies for the hippies. From there we are left with a Night of the Living Dead style film with rabies instead of zombieism (apparently LSD + rabies = murderous rage). It's pretty bloody and yet some of the effects are pathetic of course, there is real animal violence I warn thee but certainly not the worst I've seen. It could have been amazing but as is it's pretty darned amusing and sleazy, fans of campy films should take note.

Availability:  On DVD

Quarantine (2008)

2 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: Contain The Truth
Directed by: John Erick Dowdle
Written by: John Erick Dowdle
Actors include: Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Columbus Short
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
From what I understand this is the American remake of the French film [REC] (which shamefully I haven't seen yet). Although I'm sure that is a much better film, after seeing this one I'm in no hurry. This one starts out with an obnoxious reporter called Angela (Quarantine) who has her film crew at the fire department to do a little special on them. All is duller than dull (seriously who would watch her news report?) until they get a call at an apartment building. They all rush inside to find a woman who is exibiting signs of zombism. Soon they find themselves locked inside with no way to escape, nobody will tell them anything and soon this mysterious virus starts running rampant when person after person gets bit. The handicam style is annoying, as well as the fact that nobody seems to have a clue how to adapt or what to do in the situation. In other words, how did they find the world's dumbest people to lock together in a building...it really seemed as though this "virus" was doing the world a favor. I will give this credit for having reasonable gore, and the infected humans look evil enough. I really thought this started out horribly and ended up even worse, though the middle had a few better points. Really weak film overall, I'll see [REC] eventually but after seeing this I'm not in any hurry, regardless of the fact that I'm sure it was much better than this.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Mr. Vampire (1985) aka Geung si sin sang

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ricky Lau
Written by: Ricky Lau, Cheuk-Hon Szeto
Actors include: Ching-Ying Lam, Ricky Lau, Siu-hou Chin
Genre: Action, Comedy, Horror
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I'm not sure this made a lick of sense were you to pull it apart it's not meant to be. It's purely entertaining absurd comedy with some kung fu action and a touch of horror thrown in. So I don't understand the why on most of this stuff but let's see if I can kind of give a plot synopsis. There is a Master, and two bumbling trainees, also an army of zombies who hop like bunnies (my favorite part) but are kept docile by putting spells on them. In fact spells (made from voodoo paper, and chicken's blood and sticky rice) seem to tame most things when they are in danger. There are also vampires, on of the assistants is bitten by a zombie and tries to stave off zombie effects by dancing around like a fool, and by filing his teeth and nails. The other assistant is possessed by some attractive ghost who throws her own head around. The lessons I learned from this film are that people in Hong Kong are very superstitious, you can't mix sticky rice with other rice, and that more zombies should bounce like bunnies, it's hilarious! It's well paced, action packed and full of laughs, definitely a winner for those of us looking for something rather strange but also very fun.  Also it's worth noting that there are several other entries into the Mr. Vampire series, but this is the first.

Availability:  On DVD

Lemora (1973) aka Lemora: A Child's Tale Of The Supernatural

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Run, little girl! Innocence is in peril tonight!
Directed by: Richard Blackburn
Written by: Richard Blackburn, Robert Fern
Actors include: Lesley Taplin, Cheryl Smith, William Whitton
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
A very unusual take on the Dracula concept, but it really isn't for kids I guess (like the title might dictate). In many ways it is a nightmarish fairy tale, a beautiful young innocent named Lila Lee has the voice of an angel. She has been raised by the church because her Parents are well evil I suppose. Lila Lee receives a message from Lemora (her Mom) which states that her Father is unwell and they've found Christ and that she is to come to them. Well she sneaks out on a trek, but it's in the middle of an extremely dangerous area. Zombie like people who live in the woods attack and not only that but witchcraft and vampirism seem to run rampant too. She gets to Lemora's and of course things aren't quite what they seem, her Father can't be found and to say Lemora is creepy would be an understatement. It's not a bloody massacre of a movie but rather a horrific situation that works particularly well because Lila Lee just seems so gosh darned innocent.The imagery is quite interesting and grotesque in some way, it's pretty visually interesting. It's also such a different take on this concept that I think fans will really enjoy this.

Availability:  On DVD

The Omega Man (1971)

3.5 / 5   Apr '10
Tagline: Pray for the last man alive. Because he's not alone.
Directed by: Boris Sagal
Written by: John William Corrington, Joyce Hooper Corrington
Actors include: Charlton Heston, Anthony Zerbe, Rosalind Cash
Genre: Science Fiction, Horror, Thriller
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh gee well this was sillier than I expected and I knew this was a Charlton Heston flick going in and I generally appreciate his hilarious ways. The story I'm sure is very interesting, it's one of several film takes on the book "I Am Legend" of course and I haven't seen any of the other adaptations yet so I can't compare. I can say that the vampire/zombie things in this one were kind of lame looking...they had whiteish contacts, wore capes with hoods and looked like they'd bathed in baby powder...not at all threatening. The story goes that we are following Heston around who appears to be the last fellow alive because he was a scientist who had a vaccination to the disease that turned the rest of the population into zombiepyres. These monsters can't go out in the light so most of the time it's entirely safe! When he sees a mannequin that moves he learns he's not entirely alone hand has some silly love scenes and lots of fighting monsters too. I appreciated the violence but the tension and fear were never created, but at least the story kept some momentum. Not bad, but I look forward to seeing the adaptation called The Last Man on Earth, I've heard it's spookier and this story could use some of that!

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Messiah Of Evil (1973) aka Dead People

4 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: In order to live, they will take you one by one ... and no one will hear you scream!
Directed by: Willard Huyck
Written by: Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz
Actors include: Michael Greer, Marianna Hill, Joy Bang
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is actually a really cool little film that seems to escape mention much of the time. There is currently a really nice edition released by Code Red, but unfortunately I have the cheapo version that is at least a full version but the print was pretty rough looking. The thing was, the sets in this were completely insane, the entire film felt extremely surreal and dreamlike...okay maybe more like nightmare. A pretty young Woman named Arletty goes to a small costal village called Point Dune to visit after receiving some strange letters from her Father. She gets there and the townspeople aren't quite right, one man even tells her to burn her Father if she finds him! Soon everywhere she goes she's seeing strange pale people devouring raw meat and very soon she knows she's in some royal trouble. This film isn't exactly spelled out and some things we absolutely never know but I think that makes it creepier in a way. That's why I was so depressed about the picture quality because I can tell restored it would be quite a visual masterpiece. Still as is it's an unusual and creative little zombie story with some haunting and memorable imagery, I'd definitely recommend it for those looking for something a little different.

Availability:  On DVD

The Children (1980) aka The Children Of Ravensback

3 / 5 Feb '10
Tagline: ...thank God they're somebody else's!
Directed by: Max Kalmanowicz
Written by: Carlton J. Albright, Edward Terry
Actors include: Martin Shakar, Gil Rogers, Gale Garnett
Genre: Horror
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
After a busload of singing children (from Ravensback hence the alternate title) go through a puff of smoke (or radiation I believe it was supposed to be) and disappear. When they finally do start to turn up they have black fingernails (which means they are zombies), and when they hug their loved ones (which causes the cheap effect of their skin rotting away) death occurs. Some of the "hugging" is even offscreen...pretty lazy really not to mention that when children aren't on screen barely anything happens. Oh and this amused me, the sound they use when the kids are hugging is actually cats in heat hehe. Everything about this film is uber cheap but somehow it's to the point and easy enough to watch despite several bad actors. This is completely scareless, but maybe a slight bit better put together than some Troma features...same category anyhow. At least we are treated to people shooting children...that's always good for a fun time!

Availability:  On DVD

L'abime Des Morts Vivants (1981) aka Oasis of the Zombies aka Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies aka Le Tresor Des Morts Vivants aka The Oasis of the Living Dead aka The Treasure of the Living Dead

1.5 / 5
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jesus Franco
Written by: Jesus Franco
Actors include: Manuel Gelin, France Lomay, Jeff Montgomery
Genre: Horror, War
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Canada

Review:
When I think about the most boring zombie movie I've ever seen is this instantly pops into my head. Nothing happens for the longest time but dry dialog and African desert. See apparently some treasure is buried there from WW2 by the German army and some folks are trying to find it. Most people would fall asleep by the time they actually did find the zombies, and when they do show up they barely do anything. Truly one of those films I think should be avoided by everyone, even bad movie buffs will be bored to tears! Hard to believe that a director like Jesús Franco who is notoriously sleazy could be responsible for something so lifeless, but it's true!

Availability:  On DVD

The Norliss Tapes (1973)

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Dan Curtis
Written by: William F. Nolan, Fred Mustard Stewart
Actors include: Angie Dickenson, Roy Thinnes, Don Porter
Genre: Horror

Length: 72 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

Well considering this was brought to us by the same fellow who made The Night Stalker (Dan Curtis) this was rather dull. It was a failed TV pilot that was to be about a writer named Norliss who was busy making tapes to document his journey into disproving the supernatural and the like. Of course somehow something happened and the writer has disappeared so this tv movie is based around the first tape. This particular journey (and the only one I believe) is about a woman (Angie Dickinson) who sees her dead husband kill her dog. It's got to do with ancient scarabs, a magical ring, a blood sculpture vampire/zombies and immortality. None of it is scary, the effects are simply painting a guy purple...that means he's dead and frightening? Not quite. Also the boring melodrama and awful narration (read like film noir from the tape) made it even tougher to bear. At the end of the film yes it made sense and everything and they did do a reasonable job of establishing what would have been the show. Yet this opener was so lame I'd have never tuned in to watch another sadly.

Availability:  On DVD

Return of the Evil Dead (1973) aka El ataque de los muertos sin ojos aka Attack of the Blind Dead aka Mark of the Devil Part V: Night of the Blind Terror aka Return of the Blind Dead

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Have they heard your heart beating?
Directed by: Amando de Ossorio
Written by: Amando de Ossorio
Actors include: Tony Kendall, Fernando Sancho, Esperanza Roy
Genre: Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Although decently filmed, and some shots of the Blinded Knights are quite cool (usually the stationary shots) this didn't have the finesse of La Noche del Terror Ciego [Tombs of the Blind Dead]. It gives us a recap as to why the Blind Dead are blind (they were torched and blinded for committing human sacrifices) in case you didn't see the first movie you could start here. The legend is that as the town is celebrating the anniversary of terminating the Knights, of course they come back for revenge! It's got a few decent killings, a few eerie scenes (usually involving a little girl who's parents were killed) but for the most part it lacks momentum and surprise. It's kinda hard to explain why the first one was so much better, but this is at least still viewable at least! It's just very dark, very predictable and contains some recycled footage from the first one. If you want to go through the series then yes, you need to see this but it looks to me like seeing the first one would have been good enough (too bad there are still several more sequels to get through for me).

Availability:  On DVD

Dellamorte Dellamore (1994) aka Cemetery Man aka Demons '95 aka Of Death And Love

4.5 / 5
Tagline: A cemetery man must kill the dead a second time when they become zombies
Directed by: Michele Soavi
Written by: Gianni Romoli, Tiziano Sclavi
Actors include: Rupert Everett, Francois Hadji-Lazaro, Anna Falchi
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Fantasy
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm surprised this one hasn't been properly rereleased and discovered by the masses yet. It's another witty horror comedy sorta thing where Rupert Everett works as a cemetery man. The dead seem to rise seven days after they died the first time and it's his job to kill them a second time as they become zombies. There is plenty of amusing little mishaps and odd things going on which make this quite delightful. They also put a bit of what if and some deeper meaning into this if you look hard enough and even a bit of a love story involving a severed head. It's got a little something for everyone, and I'd highly recommend this to most. Fortunately it's finally available on DVD so you have no reason not to grab this, I can't think of anyone I've shown this imaginative movie to that has disliked it!

Availability:  On DVD

28 Days Later...(2002)

3.5 / 5

Tagline: His fear began when he woke up alone. His terror began when he realised he wasn't.

Directed By: Danny Boyle

Written By: Alex Garland

Actors Include: Alex Palmer, Bindu De Stoppani, Jukka Hiltunen

Genre: Horror

Length: 113 minutes

Banned: nope

 

Review:

I'm pretty much always up for a good zombie movie, an inventive one? Even better. This film had been so highly touted that by the time I actually got to watch it I couldn't help but being disappointed in some ways. I didn't see anything that new was the problem, I suppose if you aren't familiar with a lot of older (in particular '70s style) horror films then this would seem new however. Okay so the plot is that the "Rage" has taken over London and most people are dead. A few are on the run but under attack. The zombies move quickly and are rather difficult to escape which is why most people I've talked to really enjoyed it. Truth is that I didn't find it very thrilling. I couldn't care less about the characters I was dealt, and I couldn't wait to get back to watching some less pretentious zombie movies that at least try to have a little fun. On the other hand the serious nature of the film does aid it as well as it does hinder I suppose. It's got good atmosphere, and the scenes towards the end (which I shan't ruin) are actually really quite good. Unfortunately I found that every time the movie would get interesting, it would sort of die down and so on. I actually saw this one with my parents who shared my lack of enthusiasm although we did have fun mocking "the rage". This is a good film overall even though I'm heavily critical of it. I would recommend people watch this however there are many better zombie films, this one is just really easy to find!

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray