Blood Relations (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Anything for the family.
Directed by: Graeme Campbell
Written by: Steven Saylor
Actors include: Jan Rubes, Lydie Denier, Kevin Hicks
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

The story goes that Thomas is the Son of a very rich man and is very used to money. His girlfriend Marie also really likes money and is clearly together with Thomas for this reason. They go to visit Dr. Andreas the brain surgeon (who is Thomas' Father) and Andreas' dying Father Charles. It doesn't take long before Marie figures out something isn't quite right with Dr. Andreas and maybe his surgeries aren't quite what one thinks. There is also strangeness surrounding the death of Thomas' Mother, could Dr. Andreas have had a hand in her demise? The film actually does have a few nice gore scenes in it though they are quite spaced out, and while the story builds it can be rather dull. It is definitely also an erotic thriller as there is a fair amount of nudity and sex. The movie on a whole was satisfying, it threw a few amusing curve balls and it did come together nicely. It's just that it feels very straight-to-video and it feels long winded despite a short run time.

Availability:  on DVD

Ashes Of Doom (1970)

4.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don Arioli, Grant Munro
Written by: Don Arioli
Actors include: Grant Munro, Nadia Salnick
Genre: Horror, Short, Comedy
Length: 2 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I absolutely think this is the best anti-smoking add I've ever seen. Maybe it's because I love the Hammer style Dracula slant on this, or maybe it's just because it's funny. It was created by the National Health Board of Canada to of course raise awareness about the ills of smoking. It shows a Woman who is chain smoking like mad in Gothic garb, when in flies Dracula through the window. He leans in to bite her neck...only to find a little surprise. Anyone interested can find it here to watch: http://beta.nfb.ca/film/ashes_of_doom/

Availability:  Not on DVD but watch for free online above

How Wings Are Attached To The Backs Of Angels (1997)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Craig Welch
Written by: Craig Welch
Actors include: Louise Leroux
Genre: Horror, Animation, Fantasy
Length: 11 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Pretty neat little animated Canadian film that also utilizes photography and black and white imagery. The style somewhat reminded me of Monty Python...only far darker and gothic of course. The idea seems to be that this Man is obsessed with wings, and putting wings on creatures. He examines animals to try to learn about the wings and how they are made. He then meets a Woman and all he can think about seems to be attaching wings to her. It's pretty well done actually, and quite unique. It's a short film of course, so it'll only take up about 11 minutes of your time which will be well spent.

Availability:  N/A on DVD

Treevenge (2008)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill, Jason Eisener
Actors include: Lex Gigeroff, Sarah Dunsworth, Lex Gigeroff
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 16 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a cute little Canadian low budget short film that asks the question....what happens when abused trees get pissed off? The idea is that some maniacal lumberjacks sadistically torture trees before they wind up as Christmas decorations. The trees have had enough and start to fight back in some insanely gruesome ways. Yes it's silly, and strange but in a good way, definitely some hilarious moments in this one. Thanks to my new horror lovin' friend Myron for the recommendation on this one. Definitely a Christmas must for the holidays!

Availability:  Not on DVD currently I think

Martyrs (2008)

4.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: They did not finish to be alive...
Directed by: Pascal Laugier
Written by: Pascal Laugier
Actors include: Morjana Alaoui, Mylène Jampanoï, Catherine Bégin
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Yikes, well this is a different breed of horror film, and an effective one. We meet a young girl named Lucie who we see escaping some sort of torture area, she is bleeding, malnourished and had clearly been suffering. We learn that Lucie has a best friend Anna who has also had a rough go of things, the two are pretty inseperable. Flash forward a few years and we see Lucie go out for revenge against the family that kidnapped her and tortured her. I don't want to give more away but it really takes some demented twists and turns here. The story is graphically bloody, it's very serious in tone and it's very bleak and hard to watch in places. I can see why some might be divided on this, but I thought it was really well made, and actresses Morjana Alaoui and Mylène Jampanoï did a fantastic job. The first part is far more intense then the last, but the whole thing I thought was rather gripping. In a way it's treated like a mystery as parts of the tale don't unfold until later and that is what was so compelling. Now I think it would have been beneficial to let us in a little more on the bigger picture of what was going on but at the same time it wrapped up well enough. Definitely one of the best horror films from the last ten years that I've come across, recommended fo rthose looking for something disturbingly different.

Availability:  On DVD

Splice (2009)

3 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: She Is Not Supposed To Exist
Directed by: Vincenzo Natali
Written by: Antonette Terry
Actors include: Sarah Polley, Adrian Brody, Delphine Chanéac
Genre: Sci-Fi, Drama
Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a rather unusual movie, it's rather dumb in many ways and if you are looking for explanations and fancy things like that beware. It is however memorable and entertaining despite being moronically stupid, and it gives a good laugh and a bit of strangeness as well. The idea is that two young scientists that are boyfriend/girlfriend are working on a project with DNA splicing combining different species and the like to make mutants. Just as they are on the verge of a breakthrough they are told to stop but ohhh nooo they'd rather create a part human super freak thing and raise it as their child sort of. It gets even weirder from there if you can imagine, it really was very amusing to see what they would pull out next, and heck I didn't expect a couple of moves that happen. At least also they bothered with a few gross out things for us horror nuts which was appreciated. Sure it's laughable, but that is good in a way right?

Availabilty:  on Blu-Ray & DVD

Superstition (1982)

2.5 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: The victims who died were the lucky ones.
Directed by: James W. Roberson
Written by: Galen Thompson, Michael O. Sajbel
Actors include: James Houghton, Albert Salmi, Lynn Carlin
Genre: Horror
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: UK

Review:
In some ways I suppose I should award this points for trying some creative and gory deaths...but then I have to deduct them because they look so fake they are laughable. The plot is about a witch who is back from the dead for revenge because she was burned many years ago. She kills everyone in peculiar ways who live in a certain area, but only at night while the sacred cross is still in the pond, once it's removed it's open season! The characters are as wooden as heck, and I found it very hard to pay attention to despite the fact that they were shoving fistfuls of blood in my face. Considering there are so many other witch revenge films, this is one of the laziest and most contrived I've seen. At least it was aptly filmed, and if you only care about deaths then this might suit your fancy, I'd just hoped for a little more honestly. Oh and as a side note apparently this was originally on the police seizure list for the video nasty scare in the early '80s.

Availability:  On DVD

Pretty Bloody: The Women Of Horror (2009)

1 / 5 Nov '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Donna Davies
Written by: N/A
Actors include: Cerina Vincent, Elza Kephart, Tanya Huff
Genre: Horror Documentary
Length: 60 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this is one of the most pointless and boring documentaries that I've ever sat through (and to be honest I didn't make it through the last 5 minutes...so if something brilliant happened there I'll never know it). Most of this documentary is spent interviewing a female who works at Rue Morgue magazine (ooh ahh, she mainly talks about how she has to prove herself to men...shocker), we also meet a feminist horror fan (yawn), and for celebs how about Debbie Rochon. I've heard of her, only because she's in a crappy Troma movie I had, apparently she's been in many films none of which I ever want to see (the clips look gawd awful). The only thing I thought to be somewhat interesting is the small feature they did on Vampira but it was nothing new to me either. Considering the wealth of strong Women in the horror industry and the many interesting topics that could have been covered this is a royal waste of time.

Availability:  Airs on TV periodically

Ginger Snaps (2000)

3.5 / 5  Nov '10
Tagline: Hungry like the Wolf.
Directed by: John Fawcett
Written by: John Fawcett, Karen Walton
Actors include: Emily Perkins, Katharine Isabelle, Chris Lemche
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 110 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well it's definitely a puberty movie...it nearly beats the viewer over the head with it. I appreciate the concept (rather original) and the tie-ins are interesting but it's overkill in some ways. Two sisters who are rather outcasts and they enjoy talking about death and staging it immensely are out and about when one of them is attacked by a werewolf. At first everyone keeps telling her it's puberty and so forth, but when she starts to grow a tail and rip people apart it's hard to deny that it might be something more. The film does have a big of a sense of humor to it, and it's rather well made (though the full blown werewolf effects are laughable) for the most part. The two lead actresses are really quite terrific and they carry the movie, it's just an unusual situation and how they behave seems somewhat realistic (considering). It does have gore, it does have a decent story and it does have many things that make it worthy of a viewing, but I can see why this may appeal to girls more than lads.

Availability:  On DVD

Orphan (2009)

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Can you keep a secret?
Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra
Written by: David Johnson
Actors include: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 123 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, having just seen the wretched film Case 39, I was expecting this to be basically the exact same idea. It was, however this one is far superior, it's not as predictable (though it's not exactly surprising) and they actually bothered to explain what was happening which I appreciated. At any rate, a couple who have a deaf little girl and a little boy are having a hard time after a stillborn comes there way. They decide to adopt, so they go to an Orphanage and find Esther, a particularly unusual and bright 9 year old girl sitting off by herself. They fall for her and take her home and adopt her, and at first everything seems perfect. From there it basically goes into a retread of The Bad Seed only there is something different about this tale. It's not the most horrific film ever, in fact yes it's more of a thriller but I have to give it credit, it's over 2 hours long but it held my attention. That being said, in no way did it need to be that long but just the same probably worth a viewing on a rainy day.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Case 39 (2009)

1.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Some cases should never be opened.
Directed by: Christian Alvart
Written by: Ray Wright
Actors include: Renée Zellweger, Jodelle Ferland, Ian McShane
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 109 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Yikes, well there aren't too many nice things to start out with here, I made it to the end of the movie and it had a budget. There, I'm done. The story revolves around child abuse case worker Emily Jenkins (Renée Zellweger looking rather shoddy) who is overworked, and then her boss dumps Case 39 on her. It involves a little girl who won't eat and looks gaunt and terribly abused. Emily is concerned enough that she gives the little girl her cell phone number, so when she receives a desperate call for help from the girl she rushes to her aid and saves her. Then the little girl convinces her that she should stay at Emily's until she has a new family found for her. While I won't tell you what the rest is about I will tell you that immediately it's obvious what is going on so if they are trying to play "mystery" it's a huge failure. It also fails entirely to scare in any possible way, it fails on a psychological level, heck it fails all around in big ways. At least it was laughably stupid so I got a slight bit of entertainment out of how cliche it was, but I can't find much of anything to recommend here.

Availability:  On Blu-Ray & DVD

Julie Darling (1983) aka Daughter Of Death

5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: she's sweet, sixteen, and she simply loves her daddy..... she'll slaughter you if you love him too.
Directed by: Paul Nicholas, Maurice Smith
Written by: Paul Nicholas
Actors include: Anthony Franciosa, Sybil Danning, Isabelle Mejias
Genre: Horror, Exploitation
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Probably one of the absolute best Canuxploitation films I've seen...even if they are trying to pretend it's an American film pasting flags everywhere (yet they left in a shot of the CN Tower). At any rate this has everything going for it, particularly actress Isabelle Mejias in the role of Julie. Julie is a teenager living with her Father (who she's madly disturbingly in love with), and her awful Mother whom she hates. When the grocery boy gets fresh with Ma, and murders her, Julie has the ability to stop it but chooses to do nothing. When Dad remarries let's just say that trouble starts up again in extremely entertaining ways. It does have a fair amount of nudity and so forth in it, it's a sleazy movie...but the best possible kind. It's made with dark humor, clever plot turns and the dialogue is pretty wicked too. It was extremely entertaining (though very cheap not that it mattered), and one of the best girl gone evil movies I've ever seen. It's hard to come by (I looked for a copy for many years before someone kindly uploaded it for me) but it's well worth the hunt and the wait, most definitely a hidden horror gem worthy of discovery.

Availability:  On DVD

American Nightmare (1983)

3 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don McBrearty
Written by: Steven Blake
Actors include: Lawrence Day, Laura Staley, Neil Dainard
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Thriller
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So oddly this is a Canadian giallo (though why they called it American Nightmare is beyond me) that has a low budget and some lame acting but it's still very watchable. The plot concerns a maniac who is going around slashing strippers with a razor, one of which is from a prominent family. Her brother comes looking for her and poking around the seedy underbelly of Toronto questioning girls who worked and lived with her. There is even a love story thrown in when the brother falls for one of the stripping roommates...seriously. It does have a fair amount of blood in it, and the mystery comes to an amusing resolution (it's a bit more sordid than one might think). It's just very dry and talky in places, and there are way too many strippers doing way too many dances for my liking, now if you are into that sort of thing you might consider it to be a bonus! As far as this style of film goes, it's definitely not one of the greats but it is worth a viewing for fans I'd say.

Availability:  Not on DVD

eXistenZ (1999)

2.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Play it. Live it. Kill for it.
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Written by: David Cronenberg
Actors include: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jude Law, Ian Holm
Genre: Sci-Fi
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well I like David Cronenberg films, and I like Jennifer Jason Leigh as an actress so combining the two should be excellent right? Well the answer is yes for most people but I actually hated this. I found myself rolling my eyes through most of it and laughing at the technology and imagined advancements for the future. Leigh plays Allegra Gellar, a person who takes part in a new game along with a test group of others. Of course the line is blurred between reality and the game, and it's seemingly dangerous. There are also little reptile creatures with multiple heads everywhere and strange little computer animated effects that were silly. I guess this idea is fine, but the execution was sheerly silly, but perhaps it's because this is now 2010 and the technology from the '90s is a bit behind? I think it's more than that, I just never really got into this and I kept looking at the time because I really wanted it to be over. Take someone else's opinion because I think giving it 2.5 stars is generous but I think I'm in the minority here.

Availability:  On DVD

Deadline (1981)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: His obsession was to create the ultimate horror story... his curse was to live it.
Directed by: Mario Azzopardi
Written by: Mario Azzopardi
Actors include: Stephen Young, Sharon Masters, Marvin Goldhar
Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Considering this is a rarely mentioned horror film of the '80s it actually rather entertaining. It revolves around a Stephen King-like author named Steven (how clever) who is a rather large jerk. He ignores his family, friends and other obligations in order to write and before long things get confusing. See the line between fantasy and reality are getting blurred for him, visions from his films are becoming real and he's not sure what end is up anymore. The neatest part of this film are the bizarre and sometimes even disgusting and bloody bits from his movies that appear including cannibalistic Nuns, grandma abuse and many other bizarre things. The further he gets wrapped up in this the more his family falls apart and that is a rather disturbing angle actually. It's a shame that the story wasn't a tad more cohesive and explanatory (particularly when it comes to the ending), but I definitely give it credit for ambition and style. It should please most any '80s horror fan, you'll probably see a thing or two.  Oh and be on the look out for the band [Artist5948] who make quite an impression in this film with their insane performance.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Big Meat Eater (1982)

3.5 / 5  Apr '10
Tagline: Are you on his shopping list?
Directed by: Chris Windsor
Written by: Laurence Keane, Phil Savath
Actors include: George Dawson, Andrew Gillies, Clarence 'Big' Miller
Genre: Sci-Fi, Musical, Comedy
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is unlike many other musicals though I suspect the director has seen The Apple and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's got a full cast of people who can't sing a lick, and a plot that is out of this world...literally! It's extremely cheap and very uneven as a story but it has some big highlights. It's about a joyful butcher (who reminds me of Buster from Arrested Development) in need of an assistant. Enter Abdullah who happens to have problems with his anger and killing people. The gleefully ignorant Butcher hires on Abdullah who has some hilarious moments, especially when grinding meat by hand. The biggest highlight is a song that sounds like "We Didn't Start The Fire" (though it came out before) only it's filled with funny scientific jargon, I was in hysterics! There is also a plot about toy robots who are interested in the butcher shop because their meat that is dissolved in acid makes good fuel for them (balonium). If only the whole movie could have been that funny I'd have rated it a heck of a lot higher. Still fans of absurd cinema and bizarre musicals need to see this, I can't believe something this odd came out of Canada.

Availability:  On DVD

Funeral Home (1980) aka Cries In The Night

3 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: It'll have you screaming for morning!
Directed by: William Fruet
Written by: Ida Nelson
Actors include: Kay Hawtrey, Lesleh Donaldson, Barry Morse
Genre: Horror
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
There isn't anything here that you haven't seen before, but the serious way they play this story makes it somewhat worthwhile. The tale is about a girl who goes to her Grandmother's house to help her change it from a funeral home to a bed and breakfast (you can see where this is going right?). As soon as they are ready to open the guests start disappearing, but why? It's a bit of a mystery and there are several red herrings but it becomes rather clear very quickly what's going on. It's not very satisfying on a gore level, it's not very frightening and although it's watchable it's not filmed the nicest (though maybe it was my cheap DVD version that made me say that). I think also knowing that William Fruet directed this made it a little bit more disappointing because I really loved his film Death Weekend which I do definitely recommend. This isn't one of the worst slashers of the '80s but it's pretty average really, this often gets mentioned as one of the underrated gems of the time but I'm afraid I feel it's rather forgettable.

Availability:  On DVD

The Uncanny (1977)

4 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: Cats aren't always cute and cuddly!
Directed by: Denis Héroux
Written by: Michel Parry
Actors include: Peter Cushing, Ray Milland, Joan Greenwood
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'd actually heard this wasn't very good so I was rather surprised that I quite liked it. It's a trilogy of tales revolving around cats (why wouldn't I like it?)! Peter Cushing although he receives top billing is only the fellow tying our tales together as he is writing a tale on cats who kill...or something like it. The first story is about a rich Woman who decides to rewrite her will to leave everything to her cats instead of her Nephew. When her Nephew's girlfriend catches wind of this they devise a scheme to get rid of the will only the cats have another thing in store! Although this story starts off a little uninterestingly it picks up to a gruesome treat that I've always hoped to see. The next tale is about a young girl named Lucy who's parents have died in a plane crash. She is sent to live with this rich snooty family (her Aunts) with a bratty daughter who reminds me of Veruca Salt. The family doesn't want her to keep her beloved cat against medical advice and they take the cat off to be killed, well imagine their surprise when the cat returns! This is a very entertaining little story, sort of like a fairy tale gone wrong in the best way. Lastly we have a tale about a pendulum and swapping out a fake blade for a real one in order to create a part for an actress in a play. It's the least interesting of the three and the most star studded! Samantha Eggar has never been so gosh darned irritating before even though it's obviously being put on it's just too much. Overall though I think cat lovers and horror lovers need to see this, I am both and I thought this was quite a load of fun.

Availability:  Not on DVD that I know of except in PAL

The Manitou (1978)

3 / 5 Feb '10
Tagline: Evil does not die... It waits to be re-born!
Directed by: William Girdler
Written by: William Girdler, Graham Masterton
Actors include: Tony Curtis, Michael Ansara, Ann Sothern
Genre: Horror
Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
You have to see it to believe it (or at least I had to) but I can't imagine anyone watching it twice. Somehow randomly (explanation is for suckers?) a woman ends up with a growth on her neck/back area that contains the fetus of a 400 year old Indian Medicine Man spirit hellbent on revenge. Hilariously this Medicine Man is played by a "Little Person" covered in goo angrily trotting about in a room having a hissy fit (because another Indian was able to temporarily contain him using a circle of ash or something). Tony Curtis is funny as the Psychic boyfriend of fetus Lady who has to get help from another powerful Indian to stop the madness. See most of the time when an Indian Spirit is born from another's body, the "host" dies and Curtis doesn't want his lady friend to die so he's got to try! Surprisingly it's rather dull for much of the film (until the spirit is born) and then after that they didn't really seem to know what to do with it. Kudos to them for coming up with one of the most ridiculous stories I've heard then trying to play it straight though...

Availability:  On DVD