The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) aka Invasion of the Giant Spiders

1.5 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Creeping!...Crawling!...Crushing!
Directed by: Bill Rebane
Written by: Richard L. Huff, Robert Easton
Actors include: Steve Brodie, Barbara Hale, Robert Easton
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 84 Minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Wow, this is a baddy...the acting, the dialog, the effects, the story....all bad. After an explosion in the sky (or shooting star or meteor shower or whatever) happens, rocks fall from the sky, cows turn up in pieces and rocks with diamonds and spiders (that aren't giant except one 50ft jobbie) in 'em land on earth. When people start turning up dead well folks start to think they may have real trouble on their hands. A scientist along with a guy from Nasa work to try the problem while the irritating townspeople stumble about wondering about who they could sleep with if their ages differed. They do at least squirt the ketchup about in places and the scenes where the giant spider attacks the house are remotely amusing. This is one lame film, and it's not really even so bad it's funny unfortunately. Although it's only an hour and 13 minutes long it feels like it goes on forever, one to avoid unless of course you like garbage?

Availability:  On DVD (but OOP) or watch it for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/giant-spider-invasion

Attack of the Puppet People (1958) aka Six Inches Tall aka The Fantastic Puppet People

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Terror Comes In Small Packages!
Directed by: Bert I. Gordon
Written by: George Worthing Yates, Bert I. Gordon
Actors include: John Agar, John Hoyt, June Kenney
Genre: Science Fiction, Horror
Length: 79 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Tee hee, only seconds in and I now think I know where the X-Ray Spex got the idea for their awesome album cover Germfree Adolescents. This also appears to be the inspiration for the flick Dolls came from. It takes place in a doll factory where special dolls in tubes look an awful lot like real people. As we watch the man behind the dolls hire a woman because she has no family or husband (or experience) we just know that something bad is in the cards for her. Of course she gets shrunk and kept with his other shrunken people (because he's lonely...duh!) but soon they plan a revolt! Sure the effects are super cheesy (people standing in tubes from far away shots or photos in tubes up close) and it's not exactly frightening in any way. Here's a question, if the people in the tubes look exactly like people who used to work for him...wouldn't someone notice? Anyhow it's far from scary, it has very little to do with puppets but well at least it was short and easy to sit through!

Availability:  On DVD or watch for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/attack-of-the-puppet-people

The Woman In Black (1989)

4 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: A spine-chilling ghost story
Directed by: Herbert Wise
Written by: Susan Hill
Actors include: Adrian Rawlins, Bernard Hepton, David Daker
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope

 

Review:

Everywhere I look people were saying this was scary so I knew I absolutely had to see it. I had to say that I felt let down, I mean there are parts that are atmospheric and even a tiny bit scary, but nothing that bowled me over or made me even feel uneasy. It's a long drawn out ghost story (seriously did this have to go on for so darned long) about a Lawyer who goes to a house on a Moore after a Woman dies to settle her estate. Everyone in town seems to be terrified of this woman and many advise him to stay away, but that doesn't stop him from going back...twice! The moores repetitively make noises (seriously how many times did we have to hear that to get the point) and he keeps seeing a strange woman. Most of the time is spent with this dull lawyer character (who isn't much of an actor) watching him play with the stuff in her estate...yawn! When things finally start happening I'm sorry but I just wasn't very afraid, but at least toward the end it really tried with at least one surprise. I do think this wanted to be scary, I think it set the right mood and everything, it's just the methods used were lacking (except the walking in the Moore...that one was creepy). I guess I just really expected more, but well maybe I'm a tough one to frighten?

Availability:  Not on DVD as far as I can tell but you can grab it here:
Part 1:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=X9UE0IGV

Part 2:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6M2Y1LGR

Part 3:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3SQPLTJ7

Part 4:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XXOGXPBM

Part 5:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=CC8BX7QL

Part 6:  http://www.megaupload.com/?d=GIQXMFDI

*as far as I know this is unavailable everywhere, if you are the owner of the copyright and wish this to be removed, I will do so immediately thanks & enjoy!

House on Haunted Hill (1959)

4 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: See it with someone with warm hands!
Directed by: William Castle
Written by: Robb White
Actors include: Vincent Price, Carol Ohmart, Richard Long
Genre: Horror
Length: 75 minutes
Banned: Finland

 

Review:

Vincent Price starts us off as saying he's rented a haunted house for his wife's party of 5 strangers, whomever survives the night will earn 10,000 dollars each! They will be locked in at midnight and the caretakers will abandon them so they can't leave...spooooky! Nobody seems to know who the fellow throwing the party is, and nobody seems to know one another making for an interesting experience of course. The house is the main character, it has ghostly moving chandeliers, bleeding ceilings, acid vat, doors that close themselves and many other little quirks. The caretaker is even somewhat creepy (for the time mind you). It's gimmicky (it's a William Castle picture, of course it is!) but it's clear and concise, darkly funny and easy to watch. If you like Vincent Price then you will like this movie, I can almost guarantee it!

Availability:  On DVD or watch it for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/house-on-haunted-hill

The Forgotten (1973) aka Don't Look In The Basement aka Death Ward #13

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: The Day The Insane Took Over The Asylum!
Directed by: S.F. Brownrigg
Written by: Tim Pope
Actors include: Bill McGhee, Jessie Lee Fulton, Robert Dracup
Genre: Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Iceland

 

Review:

I started through this once before but got bored and walked away. This time though, I made it! It's a very cheap (it was shot in 12 days with less than 100 grand) weird little flick that takes place in an experimental mental institution with kooky inhabitants (who are portrayed like demented violent children). One girl has a doll she treats as a real baby, one feller plays with toy boats, one is a Judge who uses axe therapy chopping wood (which ultimately leads to the Doctor's death). Then an older Nurse leaves and a Young Nurse steps in her place even though she hears about the fate of the Doctor. She fights to stay on staff (as the surviving Nurse doesn't want her aboard) and ultimately wins erm loses! I think in some ways the cheapness and strangeness adds to the atmosphere and actually makes it feel a bit eerie and desolate, but at the same time it leads to it's downfall. Considering this was a video nasty I'm a little surprised as the blood in here really looks like Ketchup, plus nothing too shocking actually happens. It could be much worse, but those looking for a gorefest will be disappointed! Asylum did a much better job with this premise!

Availability:  On DVD also watch for free online here:  http://www.classiccinemaonline.com/cinema/horror/dontlookinthebasement.html

Return of the Evil Dead (1973) aka El ataque de los muertos sin ojos aka Attack of the Blind Dead aka Mark of the Devil Part V: Night of the Blind Terror aka Return of the Blind Dead

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Have they heard your heart beating?
Directed by: Amando de Ossorio
Written by: Amando de Ossorio
Actors include: Tony Kendall, Fernando Sancho, Esperanza Roy
Genre: Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Although decently filmed, and some shots of the Blinded Knights are quite cool (usually the stationary shots) this didn't have the finesse of La Noche del Terror Ciego [Tombs of the Blind Dead]. It gives us a recap as to why the Blind Dead are blind (they were torched and blinded for committing human sacrifices) in case you didn't see the first movie you could start here. The legend is that as the town is celebrating the anniversary of terminating the Knights, of course they come back for revenge! It's got a few decent killings, a few eerie scenes (usually involving a little girl who's parents were killed) but for the most part it lacks momentum and surprise. It's kinda hard to explain why the first one was so much better, but this is at least still viewable at least! It's just very dark, very predictable and contains some recycled footage from the first one. If you want to go through the series then yes, you need to see this but it looks to me like seeing the first one would have been good enough (too bad there are still several more sequels to get through for me).

Availability:  On DVD

Lady Terminator (1988) aka Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan aka Nasty Hunter aka Shooting Star aka The Revenge of the South Seas Queen

4 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: She Mates... Then She Terminates
Directed by: H. Tjut Djalil
Written by: Karr Kruinowz
Actors include: Barbara Anne Constable, Christopher J. Hart, Claudia Angelique Rademaker
Genre: Action, Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

So I'm guessing that in Indonesia that the The Terminator must have been really popular. This tale starts out to be one thing but definitely ends up another. It starts out with everyone warning to avoid "the sea queen", an Anthropologist goes on a trek to meet the sea queen and ends up having some sort of slug crawl into an unmentionable area. From that point on, she's imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger what with the robotic running, sideways glances and even some of the same catch phrases! I think the biggest difference is that Arnold wasn't screwing people to death! This is rather cheaply made and laughable in many places but they certainly tried their hardest. They filled it full of car chases, explosions, action sequences, fights and a whole bunch of red stuff! It's actually pretty darned fun to watch though I did find I was shaking my head in disbelief many times. I actually think this was better than the real 4th Terminator movie, heck this is on par with the 3rd one. If you can't get enough Terminator and want to see a naked female version (she does put on clothes after a while) then this should be turbo packed enough for most! A rather strange fan entry into the series but worthwhile for fans of the ridiculous!

Availability:  On DVD

The Believers (1987)

3.5 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Nothing Can Stop Them. No One Can Help You. They Know Who You Are.
Directed by: John Schlesinger
Written by: Mark Frost, Nicholas Conde

Actors include: Martin Sheen, Jimmy Smits, Helen Shaver

Genre: Horror
Length: 114 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

This is a rather epic tale (clocks in just under two hours) about voodoo! When Martin Sheen loses his Wife in a freak accident, he moves into a rental and meets his new love interest. Sheen is a Detective and as such he's called to a rather unusual situation, another Detective (Jimmy Smits) is found frantic at the sight of the slaughter of a 9 year old boy. Also the Detectives have found several slaughtered animals that look like they've been used in rituals. When Smits lets out that his badge is missing and that "they can do horrible things to him" of course we know what's up but Sheen refuses to admit. He even fires his maid who is trying to protect them with spells because he thinks it's nonsense. Of course as the film goes on and more crazy things happen he has to admit it, but will he have enough time to save himself and his new girlfriend and son? Although it is really long I thought it was quite interesting (a bit too much filler though). It had some surprises, it tried and it was pretty reasonable really (even if The Serpent and the Rainbow is a better bet for a voodoo picture).

Availability:  On DVD

The Damned (1963) aka These Are The Damned

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Come At Your Own Risk ... If You Come Alone!
Directed by: Joseph Losey
Written by: Evan Jones, H.L. Lawrence
Actors include: Macdonald Carey, Oliver Reed, Shirley Anne Field
Genre: Sci-Fi
Length: 96 minutes
Banned: Nope

 

Review:

Though I generally love Hammer films and I think the idea here was a neat one, I didn't love this movie. It took way to long to get to the actual story and it was as if the first half hour didn't count (minus a boring love story). A group of toughs with Oliver Reed at the helm are trolling about with Reed's sister Joan (not in real life, in the film). Joan meets a man she likes and escapes the toughs (Reed won't allow her to date) so she jumps into this guy's boat. When an accident happens and the couple wind up at this strange place with cold children things get stranger. The children seem so lonely, they are talked to through a television and have never met "warm people" before. Of course the couple are compelled to stay and help, but when Reed turns up at the same place (searching for his sister of course) things get weirder. I just wish this were more to the point, less romantic shmoo and less of the terrible theme song the toughs use (seriously bad bad bad). At least the second half of the film is way more interesting than the first half! It really could have been so much better, but instead it feels rather half arsed in my opinion.

Availability:  On DVD as part of the Hammer Icons Of Suspense Collection

Blind Beast (1969) aka Moju aka Warehouse

4.5 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Yasuzo Masumura
Written by: Rampo Edogawa, Yoshio Shirasaka
Actors include: Eiji Funakoshi, Mako Midori, Noriko Sengoku
Genre: Drama, Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

What a grotesquely fascinating and appaling film! It's about a blind sculpter who kidnaps a gorgeous model to pose for his newest innovation. Sculptures for the blind, yeah it doesn't make a ton of sense, but that is far from the point. Blind guy's Mom actually helps with this imprisonment (anything for Jr), and the model kicks and screams and tries to use cunning to escape. After a while she beings to co-operate and that's where things get super disturbing and freaky. This had to have been inspiration for the Guinea Pig series and several other pleasure as pain pictures. What really stands out here is actually the elaborate art studio that the model is contained in. I don't want to ruin anything but it's worth it just to see this creepy room, the set designers deserve awards seriously! As demented as this tale is there seems to be a greater message here, it's actually rather artistic and shocking at the same time. It give the viewer the feeling that we too are wound up in this insane little world and trapped in the crazy room. It's really twisted, but I'm sure those who like things twisted will fall madly for this one.

Availability:  On DVD

Razorback (1984)

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: It's waiting outside and it can sense your fear. No nightmare will prepare you for it!
Directed by: Russell Mulcahy
Written by: Peter Brennan, Everett De Roche
Actors include: Gregory Harrison, Arkie Whiteley, Bill Kerr
Genre: Horror
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

I kind of hoped for more, a dangerous outback pig could really have been a somewhat scary film. It's just the giant monster pig they made was hilariously stupid looking (I mean think as big as Python almost). Also the characters were pretty irritating, especially the thugs (and I don't mean in a good way) all of the bits of drama were plain irritating. The story is about a noisy American reporter who goes over and rubs everyone the wrong way with her stupid questions. When the local thugs decide to teach her a lesson all is aborted when a giant pig comes rushing by. Then flash to her Canadian husband who goes to Australia to find out what happened to his reporter wife. Of course he ends up rooming with the thugs and at some point an attractive young love interest (go figure). I really thought this had potential but it left me feeling pretty bored by the end of it all. I guess they tried and a few of the scenes were kind of cool but it ended up not being enough for me.

Availability:  On DVD

Tenement (1985) aka Game of Survival aka Slaughter in the South Bronx

4 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Roberta Findlay
Written by: Joel Bender
Actors include: Joe Lynn, Mina Bern, Walter Bryant
Genre: Crime, Thriller, Horror
Length: 94 minutes
Banned: UK, Singapore, Canada
Country: USA

Review:
An ultraviolent flick about a group of thugs who were escorted out of an apartment building (because they've been trouble). Well big surprise, the Cops can't hold them so they are back to their weapons and back for revenge against the families in the building. It's interesting because the director took the time to establish personalities for the tenants and we get a chance to get to know them before they are terrorized. It's got drugs, rape, a broom handle death and well a bunch of stuff that ticked off the BBFC for 8 years before they allowed it to be released. It's kinda neat because the tenants aren't exactly helpless and they have to plan their own extreme Home Alone style revenge as the thugs taunt and kill their way up to the top floor. It's pretty exciting, lots of violence and action and it's really easy to get through if you like exploitation. Quite a bit of fun for the right demented person! Think of it as the 4th Death Wish movie instead, it's more fun than the real one.

Availability:  On DVD