Abby (1974)

3.5 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The Devil took her for his lover! Her body is possessed, her soul is next!
Directed by: William Girdler
Written by: William Girdler, Gordon Cornell Layne
Actors include: Carol Speed, William Marshall, Terry Carter
Genre: Horror, Blaxploitation
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Friggin' hilarious over-the-top Blaxploitation take on The Exorcist courtesy of unusual movie maven Mr. William Girdler. The way this plays out is that Abby is a marriage councilor who is happily wed to a Preacher. Life is peachy keen, and although she's an overachiever (what with all of her singing in the choir and other cliched good girl activities) things are good. Abby's Father-In-Law accidentally conjures up an evil demon of sexuality that invades her body. Suddenly Abby's voice is much lower, her new hobbies include ripping off her clothes, kicking her Husband in the groin and seducing weirdos in bars. The dialog is really what makes this such an entertaining feature, I couldn't stop laughing through parts. The horror end of things is weak, barely anyone dies but that isn't really the reason to watch, it's all about the '70sisms. Abby's demon make-up looks hilariously like that of The Incredible Hulk, and she does the usual things like levitate and so forth and endure an exorcism in typical possession fashion. Truthfully this is my first Blaxploitation flick (unless you count the remake of Shaft which I don't) and I did really like it, oh it's not classically good but if you like camp then you should adore this.

Availability:  On DVD

The Haunted Mouth (1974)

 3 / 5  May '11 

Tagline:  N/A

Directed by:  N/A
Written by:  N/A

Actors include:  Cesar Romero

Genre:  Horror, Short
Length:  13 minutes

Banned:  Nope

Review:  

I can't believe this exists, it's a slightly horror themed commercial from the '70s brought to us by Colgate.  The concept is that the evil B Plaque (a chair voiced by Cesar Romero) tells tales of children who have lost their teeth due to neglect.  He then gives children instructions of how to keep your teeth clean and flossed and isn't concerned because we won't follow his instructions.  He's quite convinced that he will move on in and take over our teeth oooh scary!  Okay so it's not going to give anyone the chills but when compared to other dental hygiene videos I've seen it's at least creative.  I also appreciate the fact that it's shot in the style of a 'B' Movie, kinda fun though it does wear thin after thirteen minutes.

Availability:  Not on DVD

L'Ossessa (1974) aka The Eerie Midnight Horror Show aka The Sexorcist, Enter The Devil, Sexorkistis, The Devil Obsession, The Tormented

2  / 5 May '11
Tagline:  Ravished! Violated! Possessed by Satan!
Directed by:  Mario Gariazzo
Written by:  Mario Gariazzo, Ambrogio Molteni
Actors include:  Stella Carnacina, Chris Avram, Lucretia Love
Genre:  Horror
Length:  92 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:  
My print has the title "The Eerie Midnight Horror Show" which certainly conjures up some imagery...like oh say expecting some transvestitism, perhaps a few song and dance numbers with monsters?  Turns out the alternate title The Sexorcist is far more appropriate as it is a cheap Italian clone of what else?  This one involves a realistic carving of a human out of wood that comes to life and rapes a student.  After the rape she can't help but masturbate every where she goes and hit on people like her Father and Priest.  I don't even think I need to bother explaining more since I'm sure you've seen the movie it's aping.  At any rate it's very very dry and there are long stretches with chatting and other dullery.  It seriously lacks blood, scares and really it isn't nearly as sleazy as anticipated all around.  Now if you are looking for some good Italian clones of The Exorcist there are a few decent ones like:  Beyond The Door, La Endemoniada, and L'Antichristo but this one comes last.

Availability:  On DVD

Crowhaven Farm (1974)

3 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: A chilling tale of vengeance from beyond the grave.
Directed by: Walter Grauman
Written by: John McGreevey
Actors include: Hope Lange, Lloyd Bochner, Paul Burke
Genre: Thriller, Horror, Drama
Length: 74 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a made-for-tv film and it truly does feel like one, it's very tame and talky but it's entertaining enough to get to the end of at least. Hope Lange plays Maggie Porter, a Woman who has just inherited Crowhaven Farm. She reluctantly goes there with her Husband Ben and she starts feeling deja vu. She also hears crying out in the woods and suffers from visions of witches which causes trouble with She and Ben. They couldn't conceive so when a 10 year old girl called Jennifer ends up in their care they decide to take her in. Something doesn't seem quite right with her, she seems rather fond of Ben but not so much of Maggie. Things get stranger still when Maggie learns that she is finally pregnant. The actors actually do a very fine job, and they are the real reason to bother with this one. Otherwise it's a bit mundane and predictable but it's not all that bad either. Not frightening but they at least provided a reasonable story. Not the worst of it's kind, but not the best either, worth watching on tv one day perhaps.

Availability:  On DVD

Phase IV (1974)

4 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: Adapt or die.
Directed by: Saul Bass
Written by: Mayo Simon, John Barry
Actors include: Nigel Davenport, Michael Murphy, Lynne Frederick
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 84 minutes/93 for the lost version
Banned: Nope

Review:
I give this credit for managing to be a relatively intelligent film about ants overtaking the world...I mean that is not an easy task. All this and it's quite fascinatingly filmed with ant's eye view and some techniques and visuals that one would just not expect. The plot is very similar to Them!, but this one seems less campy and more serious. We follow two researchers in the middle of nowhere (who work out of a building that looks like Epcot center) who are studying the mutations in the ant population. We watch as they slowly become immune to the poisons we use and how they evolve to communicate and that whole idea is a little frightening. We also meet a family who mainly die during a poison spread, only the teenage daughter survives and she ends up stuck with the researchers. It's definitely a creative take on an idea that would normally be laughable and it is very entertaining and well made. It's maybe a bit slow at the start but the plot is so compelling that it's quite gripping as it goes on. One of the better "scare humanity" sci-fi pictures of the '70s, also this was remade in the '2000s but I didn't see that version. Oh and there are 6 minutes missing from the end that are supposedly psychedelic and involve what the ants have intended for us which I am dying to see. Currently these minutes are completely lost, I'm crossing my fingers that someone will find them and release them, I'm so curious.

Availability:  On DVD

Female Trouble (1974)

5 / 5
Tagline:  Divine Returns! with the whole "Pink Flamingos" gang in John Waters' Female Trouble
Directed by:  John Waters
Written by:  John Waters
Actors include:  Divine, Mary Vivian Pearce, Mink Stole
Genre:  Comedy, Exploitation, Crime, Horror
Length:  89 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
This is my all time favorite John Waters film and in fact in the commentary he says this is his favorite too.  The whole thing is extremely over the top so if you have a problem with ridiculousness turn away.  Divine plays Dawn Davenport (and actually gets screwed by himself in the role of Earl Peterson), a girl who doesn't get cha cha heels for Christmas.  She has fit and takes off where she gets impregnated by Earl.  Her daughter Taffy (Mink Stole in her most hilarious role) is neglected and is most certainly retarded (if you ask Dawn) and in an act of rebellion she tries to stop her mother for once and for all.  Stop Dawn from what?  Well on the road she was noticed by two beauty "consultants" shall we say (David Lochary and Mary Vivian Pearce).  They have her shooting eyeliner (beauty treatments) and since they believe crime is beauty they have her doing nasty things while they take pictures.  The climax is too much (in a good way), and I pretty much laugh from the second this starts to the end.  Heck even the title makes me laugh!  It's naughty, gross, perverse but most of all highly entertaining.  This is a must for fans of this sort of sleaze.

Availability:  On DVD

Lisa And The Devil (1974) aka Lisa E Il Diavolo

3 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: Every corner of the soul is lost to the icy clutch of the supernatural!
Directed by: Mario Bava, Alfredo Leone
Written by: Alberto Cittini, Mario Bava
Actors include: Telly Savalis, Elke Sommer
Genre: Mystery, Horror
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Gee you know, I kind of thought this would be far more interesting than it was. Still credit is due for shooting a visually beautiful film, it's very surreal in nature (but also sort of confusing). I also thought the first half was very uninteresting and dull despite the fact that yes the scenery was lovely. It did pick up for the second half, and Telly Savalas was pretty hilarious and callous, really the reason for tuning in. The plot is about a girl named Lisa who is a lost tourist that ends up in this old mansion with a strange cast of characters. There is something definitely wrong with the people in the house, one guy keeps transforming from a dummy to a human, and shortly after a few people turn up dead. Apparently two edits of this film exist, the one I watched was called "Lisa And The Devil", there is also another called "House Of Exorcism" which apparently changes this into an Exorcism style rip-off with more gratuity. I really wish I'd watched that version instead, then at least something would have been going on rather than what actually was (though I'm sure the version I saw was more elegant). It's not horrible and it did wrap up decently, I just was disappointed and rather bored through most of it unfortunately.

Availability:  on DVD

The Terminal Man (1974)

3.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: Harry Benson is a brilliant computer scientist. For three minutes a day, he is violently homicidal.
Directed by: Mike Hodges
Written by: Michael Crichton, Mike Hodges
Actors include: George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard Dysart
Genre: Sci-Fi, Thriller
Length: 107 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
This was a rather strange adaptation of a Michael Crichton novel (that I've honestly not read) but I likely would after seeing this film. It's sort of trippy sci-fi with some definite lessons crammed into it. Harry Benson is an intelligent man, but from a result of a head trauma he suffers from paranoid delusions and seizures where he becomes extremely violent and attacks people. Doctors have figured out a way to correct this problem by toying with his brain, inserting some chips to shock the patient when the seizures come about. After the surgery Harry is getting frustrated with all of this nonsense and flees the hospital only for things to go from bad to worse. It's a very slow moving and deliberate piece, they could have whittled it down a bit and made a much more interesting movie but as it sits it's still quite worthwhile. The useage of colors (or rather white) and angles in the cinematography were fascinating, probably one of my favorite parts of the film. It also did make a few points and teach me a couple of things and it was very interesting to look at. It's sort of a psychological horror film in several ways, rather dark and depressing, best to watch on a gray or raining evening.

Availability:  On DVD

L'Antichristo (1974) aka The Antichrist aka The Tempter

3 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Alberto De Martino
Written by: Gianfranco Clerici, Alberto De Martino
Actors include: Carla Gravina, Mel Ferrer, Arthur Kennedy
Genre: Drama, Horror
Length: 112 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
Another Italian clone of The Exorcist, and heck it's not even one of the better imitations. It has some amusing things going on including loads of pea soup vomit, and one heck of a demonic performance from Carla Gravina as Ippolita a crippled Woman. Ippolita is given past life regression and of course discovers that she was a witch who was burned because she took in the devil as her lord. Once again she's tempted with the option as he offers her the ability to walk again. Before you know it she's freaking out, yelling things, using different voices and soon she's trying to bed and destroy Men! Oh and there is a goat scene that must be seen to be believed. The film is overly long and so much of it should have been condensed, and although it's not a happy film, it's not as dark as it should have been. It's not very satisfying on a horror front either, it's not even creepy at all and since it's all rehash it's not like it's surprising either. They did manage to pull a few nifty moments but for the most part it was pretty uninteresting unfortunately.

Availability:  On DVD

Welcome To Arrow Beach (1974) aka Tender Flesh aka Cold Storage aka And No One Would Believe Her

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Nice place to visit...no place to live!
Directed by: Laurence Harvey
Written by: Walllace C. Bennett
Actors include: Laurence Harvey, Joanna Pettet, Stuart Whitman
Genre: Exploitation, Horror
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is sort of an exploitation film I suppose, it's very '70s and riddled with bad music but it's still entertaining. A wandering hippy girl ends up on Arrow Beach and is taken in by a kindly Vietnam war Veteran named Larry. Larry lives with his sister Grace (whom he's maybe a little too close to) in a house above the beach and it seems like life is pretty decent. The thing that seems to be bothering Larry is the meat situation, he had to commit cannibalism in the war and he's never really given it up since. His source for getting meat? Why it's picking up young girls and slaughtering them of course, but will our hitchhiker find out before she becomes dinner?the meat situation, he had to commit cannibalism in the war and he's never really given it up since. His source for getting meat? Why it's picking up young girls and slaughtering them of course, but will our hitchhiker find out before she becomes dinner? It's not gory in a horror sense really, it's more of a slow moving weirdo drama I guess with bad things happening. It's a different take on this sort of thing, and a bizarre movie in many ways. Unfortunately a nice edit of the film doesn't exist and the director/lead actor died shortly after sadly but I'd still suggest trying to find it for those who like the strange.

Availability:  Not Available On DVD

The Legend Of The 7 Golden Vampires (1974)

2.5 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: Deadly Horrors! Dragon Thrills! The First Kung Fu Horror Spectacular!
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Don Houghting
Actors include: Peter Cushing, David Chiang, Julie Ege
Genre: Action, Horror
Length: 83 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I really didn't care for this, it's Hammer's last vampire picture and it's my least favorite by far. It combines the world of kung fu in with Dracula and I'm afraid the two don't fit together. The film was basically plotless though the spirit of Dracula (made up to look like Christopher Lee's version of Dracula only much cheaper) goes into the spirit of a fighter warlord guy in order to look after 6 other vampires. One of the only good things about this is the fact that Peter Cushing appears as Van Helsing but it's simply not enough to make this interesting. Much of the film is sword fighting group scenes with too much going on at once, and since they didn't bother with character development it's hard to give a hoot. That and it seems that it just keeps repeating over and over again making this film feel ridiculously long even though it really wasn't. It's even more shocking to see that Roy Ward Baker was one of the directors, he is usually on point! Well I should mention that I don't much care for kung fu movies and maybe that is why I really thought this was a bore, but then again maybe this was just lazy?

Availability:  On DVD

Captain Kronos - Vampire Hunter (1974) aka Kronos aka Vampire Hunter

4 / 5 Feb '10
Tagline: Evil Ends Here.
Directed by: Brian Clemens
Written by: Brian Clemens
Actors include: Horst Janson, Caroline Munro, Shane Briant
Genre: Horror, Adventure
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Pretty amusing entry into the line of Hammer vampire pictures, this one follows a different sort of tale. See the vampires in this actually suck life from their victims and only leave a bit of blood on the side of their mouths. Additionally they prey on young women and when finished, their faces are extremely aged (or rather they each turn to the face of an old man wearing a wig). There is a heroic vampire hunter by the name of Captain Kronos (Horst Janson) fighting the good fight along with a wench he saved and his hunchback assistant. Thing is, Kronos isn't your typical hero, he's very into sexy ladies and he's been known to smoke herbal cigarettes (nudge nudge wink wink) and well he's a different sort of feller. Admittedly the hooded faceless vampire lurking about the woods is rather creepy and the idea is a very interesting one and it has a neat style to it. I also appreciate that it's unlike any of the others from Hammer that I've seen so far and it's very easy to appreciate. It's not their finest but it's far from their worst, a definite one to watch despite the lack of star power.

Availability:  On DVD

The Centerfold Girls (1974)

3.5 / 5 Jan '10
Tagline: The most beautiful girls in the world ... some are for loving ... some are for killing!
Directed by: John Peyser
Written by: Arthur Marks, Bob Peete
Actors include: Jamie Lyn Bauer, Aldo Ray, Dennis Olivieri
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Hmm this was a hard one to rate because stylistically it's very unusual exploitation. It's sort of a grouping of stories that are unrelated only tied together by the fact the girls are to be murdered by a calendar killer. We know who our killer is and why he's killing right away (so I'm not spoiling anything). He's angry because these Women posed for a nudie magazine, so he claims he wants to help them, then kills the heck out of them. The amusing bit is that we follow around the girls mostly, the first one takes up much of the movie and well let's just say she was doomed. Nurse Jackie is going to apply for a job so she decides to stay at her Aunt's house with a Girl she picked up hitchhiking. Little did she know that the Girl has some seriously evil friends who are about to show up. There are others of course, and a bunch of nudity if that be your thing. It's a very sleazy and mean spirited flick but I kind of like that about it, that and the unusual way this film folds out. I was sort of irritated at first (you'll see what I mean) but really when I think about it, quite intriguing. Something to see if you like sleaze but don't expect a masterpiece.

Availability:  On DVD

Dark Star (1974)

3.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: What would you be like after 20 years aboard DARK STAR the spaced-out spaceship. The ultimate cosmic comedy!
Directed by: John Carpenter
Written by: John Carpenter, Dan O'Bannon
Actors include: Brian Narelle, Cal Kuniholm, Dre Pahich
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 83 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap...no I'm not a chicken, just shocked by how amateurish this film looks. At the same time, that is the reason the film is so hilarious! It started out as a short film project for John Carpenter that was added onto to make a full-length film and on that level it's pretty awesome what he accomplished. It's about four spacemen (and their dead Captain who can be unfrozen to ask questions to) who are on a mission to destroy unstable planets to colonize them. As they come close to finishing their mission new trouble appears in the form of an alien (beach ball) that is hysterical! It bounces about and "fights" them and really the alien is the star of the show and worth all of the talking that comes before it. They also have to try to talk a bomb out of exploding by asking it ponderous questions, talk about your strange mission! Really quite a funny film but if you go into it expecting any sort of fright or thrill you are barking up the wrong tree...this is pure silliness.

Availability:  On DVD

Madhouse (1974)

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: If Stark Terror Were Ecstasy... living here would be sheer bliss!
Directed by: Jim Clark
Written by: Angus Hall, Ken Levison
Actors include: Vincent Price, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
Now this I felt was rather disappointing, especially considering it's got Vincent Price and Peter Cushing as the leads and not to mention it's from the Tigon company. It's a story about an actor called Dr. Death (Price) who stars in a series of successful horror flicks. After his fiancee was decapitated brutally (Price doesn't remember what happened that night) he went into recluse status for many years. When he is called to come back to the series he's very reluctant, but when the killings start back up the mystery must be solved! They do try a little on the gory death front (which is appreciated) but the Scooby Doo style mystery isn't very interesting. The plot goes all over the place unnecessarily and it aimlessly wanders so much that it's hard to really get much enjoyment from this at all. At least there are a few amusing moments and some decent deaths but this offers little else unfortunately. Definitely not one of the best from anyone but it's ok I suppose for a rainy day so long as your expectations aren't very high.

Availability:  On DVD as part of this Vincent Price collection