Night of the Zombies (1981)

1 / 5 Jun '11
Tagline: The dead are hungry... and they're coming to eat you alive!
Directed by: Joel M. Reed
Written by: Joel M. Reed
Actors include: Jamie Gillis, Samantha Grey, Ryan Hilliard
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Wow what a steaming pile of movie this was, it brought me back to memories of the nearly equally bad and similarly plotted French flick L'Abîme des morts vivants (Oasis of the Zombies). Director Joel M. Reed was responsible for the amusingly sleazy flick Bloodsucking Freaks so I had some high hopes here. It's just one of the most boring and lazily cheap zombie films one could ever come across. Even if you have a plan in place to watch every zombie movie ever, I'd shuffle this one to the bottom of your pile. I think they must have decided that effects are too darned expensive so much of the film is shot in the dark so you can't see much of anything. The zombies when can be seen have white face paint with black around the eyes...very Halloween costumey. The premise is about a group of Investigators who are looking for the missing bodies of Soldiers. They come across rumors of zombies in the area which of course they are quick to dismiss and laugh at. I'm sure you can guess what this means...it's just so frigging dull and dry. The acting is horrid, the plot is weak, there is nothing scary or gory about this whatsoever...what was Joel M. Reed thinking? What were any of them thinking? Even fans of bad movies will be insanely bored...it's not even that good! Avoid, avoid, avoid!!!

Availability:  on VHS only i think

Corpse Mania (1981) aka Si Yiu

3.5 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Chih-Hung Kuei
Written by: Chih-Hung Kuei, On Szeto
Actors include: Ni Tien, Yung Wang, Tsu Ling Yu
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Crime
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well the "corpse" part is accurate enough, not so sure about the "mania" however hehe. This is a Shaw Brothers film that is rather unusual in that the kung fu role is very minor, that and it resembles a giallo in some ways which is odd. A man seems obsessed with sick women, you see them go home with him...then their "sexually abused corpses" surface (their words, not mine). Our killer is disguised (much like in a giallo) and although some things we know right away, others are kept from us until later. It's a bit confusing and strange but it's relatively entertaining for the most part. Also funny is the fact that the dead girls appear covered in bait....not maggots....bait. Some of the killings were a bit surprising and they did put forth some effort to make it gruesome, also they don't spare us from the corpse sex. It's not the best of it's kind, parts somehow manage to be a bit dull but for the most part it's an unusual and decent film.

Availability:  On DVD

Bloody Birthday (1981)

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Have a bloody good time!!
Directed by: Ed Hunt
Written by: Ed Hunt, Barry Pearson
Actors include: Lori Lethin, Billy Jayne, Elizabeth Hoy
Genre: Horror
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'd watched this somewhere around my 10th birthday and couldn't remember it all that well, so yesterday for my 30th it seemed to be the right choice to watch again. I really did enjoy it but then again murderous children are pretty frickin' entertaining, especially Elizabeth Hoy as little Debbie and Billy Jayne (Scott Jacoby from Bad Ronald's step-brother) as little Curtis. The story revolves around three children who were born on some sort of solar eclipse but for their 10th birthday they seem to go on a sadistic killing spree. This is wildly entertaining and the killings are often quite fun and in the spirit of slashers like Friday the 13th, so horror fans should be quite amused. Particularly because of the style and emotion the children show....very memorably evil and over-the-top in a really great way. This one is also noteable for having comedienne Julie Brown in a smaller role but she repeatedly strips if that is your type of thing. Well worthy of a birthday viewing for any horror fan, I seriously doubt I'll ever forget this one again, charming!

Availability:  On DVD

Leak (1981) aka Mystics in Bali aka Balinese Mystic aka Mistik

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: H. Tjut Djalil
Written by: Jimmy Atmaja
Actors include: Ilona Agathe Bastian, Yos Santo, Sofia W.D.
Genre: Horror, Fantasy
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Gosh I'm not even sure how to rate this one, it is quite unlike any other horror film I've seen though it seems to share a bit in common with Shaw Brothers productions. It's also my first Indonesian film, and it did make one heck of an impression and from what I understand it's their first serious horror effort. It's about an American girl who comes to Bali to research black magic for a book she is writing. Her boyfriend introduces her to a Leak who is some sort of which creature with a changing face that feeds upon blood to obtain youth and has an obnoxious laugh (like Witchypoo). The Leak marks a spell on her body which turns her basically into a puppet and by the Leak's influence she ends up turning into various animals (like a pig and a snake). Things get even even weirder still when she starts borrowing her head (with lungs and guts attached) to attack people. The problem is that the first half of the movie is rather talky and dull, the extremely weird and creative and silly stuff comes towards the end. It's worth waiting for most definitely, also the funny transition between the movie's cheap digital video effects and the rest of it being filmed nicely on actual film is quite amusing. It's a film that is certainly unique, and also it taught me about the whole vampire witch with the flying head business which apparently is a theme in quite a few films. I think most will really like this or really hate it but it's worth finding out either way which you are.

Availability:  On DVD

Inseminoid (1981) aka Horror Planet

3 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Norman J. Warren
Written by: Nick Maley
Actors include: Robin Clarke, Jennifer Ashley, Stephanie Beacham
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
In many ways this is an extremely cheap and silly Alien rip-off with moderately successful actors like Stephanie Beacham, Victoria Tennant and Judy Geeson (who does a fantastic job considering the circumstances). In it's favor it does have excessive gore (yay) and alien rape and some fun deaths. It's also so ridiculous and over the top that it's laughable and entertaining on a few levels. The plot involves a female crew member getting impregnated by an alien which causes her to turn into a psycho murdering her fellow passengers who want nothing more than an abortion for her. It's surprisingly ambitious, horror fans should be pleased with the deaths and blood (I was). The creativity is lacking obviously and this is not something that everyone will enjoy, particularly if you don't have a love of camp. Still entertaining at least, but it could have been so much more.

Availability:  On DVD

Night School (1981) aka Terror Eyes

3.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: A lesson in terror
Directed by: Ken Hughes
Written by: Ruth Avergon
Actors include: Leonard Mann, Rachel Ward, Drew Snyder
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've got to say, for a video nasty and a slasher they did try with this one despite some bad writing and cheapness. If they had Tom Savini working on the effects this could have been wicked, but at least as is they do splatter around a fair bit o' the red stuff. Oh and I should mention, death by merry-go-round & knife oh yes. It's very much set up like a giallo, the mystery is around who is decapitating girls from a night school and leaving their heads in a nautically themed way. The body count is certainly reasonable, as a mystery goes well it's very easy to pick out the responsible person despite the fact that they put some pretty silly red herrings in the plot. It also could have used a little pep in places, but I do give them credit for some absurd things that happen and some interesting places to have shot the film. It should be rewarding for most slasher films as it does have a little extra sparkle, it's just not as shocking or tightly wound as one could hope for is all.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Looker (1981)

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: If Looks Could Kill...
Directed by: Michael Crichton
Written by: Michael Crichton
Actors include: Susan Day, Albert Finney, James Coburn
Genre: Drama, Sci-Fi, Thriller
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This definitely has some inventive ideas that actually have come to exist, and it's pretty cool in many ways. Plastic surgeon Dr. Larry Roberts (Albert Finney) has had a few weird requests lately, beautiful women wanting several slight surgeries to adjust their appearances. When three of them are potentially suicide victims of course they start investigating Larry. Only thing is, he is oblivious, but he does notice that all of the dead girls belong to a research lab. He also finds out that model Cindy Fairmont (Susan Dey) is in serious danger being the only one left alive. It's got a slight romantic plot there but mostly it's a rather exciting investigation into this research company to find out what really is going on. The big problem is that weren't given an actual reason for killing these girls, sure we find out "what's going on" but it doesn't explain the big questions. From my research I've learned there is a scene in the movie that was cut out that explained some things but why the heck would anyone cut that out of the DVD release? Anyhow I do think it's a pretty neat tale from Crichton and if you've wanted to see Dey naked you'll have another reason to watch.

Availability:  On DVD

Hell Night (1981)

2.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Pray for day!
Directed by: Tom DeSimone
Written by: Randy Feldman
Actors include: Linda Blair, Vincent Van Patten, Peter Baron
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was just a silly '80s slasher that has a lot of Linda Blair's cleavage but not a lot else. The premise is beyond predictable, four teenage pledges are forced to spend the night in a haunted house on the 12th anniversary of a murdering spree that took place in the house. Of course they aren't welcome and a bunch of time is spent with Mardi (Blair) and her romantic interest bonding which is supremely dull. Beyond that there are a couple of silly murders that aren't anything to get excited about. In fact the "culprit" is laughably silly looking, I mean it's obvious this didn't have a huge budget but it seems like they could have tried a little bit harder. To be honest considering it has a reasonable reputation I expected more from this film but in all truth it put me to sleep three nights in a row (though I did watch every last minute of it unfortunately). Many seem to like it so I wouldn't discourage you from watching it but don't be surprised if you find it dullsville like I did.

Availability:  On DVD

Deadline (1981)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: His obsession was to create the ultimate horror story... his curse was to live it.
Directed by: Mario Azzopardi
Written by: Mario Azzopardi
Actors include: Stephen Young, Sharon Masters, Marvin Goldhar
Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Considering this is a rarely mentioned horror film of the '80s it actually rather entertaining. It revolves around a Stephen King-like author named Steven (how clever) who is a rather large jerk. He ignores his family, friends and other obligations in order to write and before long things get confusing. See the line between fantasy and reality are getting blurred for him, visions from his films are becoming real and he's not sure what end is up anymore. The neatest part of this film are the bizarre and sometimes even disgusting and bloody bits from his movies that appear including cannibalistic Nuns, grandma abuse and many other bizarre things. The further he gets wrapped up in this the more his family falls apart and that is a rather disturbing angle actually. It's a shame that the story wasn't a tad more cohesive and explanatory (particularly when it comes to the ending), but I definitely give it credit for ambition and style. It should please most any '80s horror fan, you'll probably see a thing or two.  Oh and be on the look out for the band [Artist5948] who make quite an impression in this film with their insane performance.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Escape From New York (1981)

4 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: The world's greatest leader is a hostage in the most dangerous place on Earth. Now only the deadliest man alive can save him.
Directed by: John Carpenter
Written by: John Carpenter, Nick Castle
Actors include: Kurt Russell, Ernest Borgnine, Lee Van Cleef
Genre: Action, Science Fiction
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a rather entertaining dystopic flick that takes place in the future: 1997. Well luckily for us 1997 looked nothing like this film, here they have New York City as a maximum security prison full of thugs. When Airforce One is taken over, the current president (the very British Donald Pleasance) escapes in his pod (just like the Simpsons of course) lands in New York City. One of the biggest thugs The Duke (Isaac Hayes) takes the President hostage and offers them a finger of his in order to get attention and have their demands met. Kurt Russell plays the eye patched hero Snake who is also kind of a bad guy but they make an offer for him to safely return the President. It has some exciting chase sequences and some really impressive shots of New York and some colorful characters and a cast of impressive actors too. This isn't my favorite from John Carpenter and I actually expected it to be a little more thrilling than it was. Still it was quite enjoyable and a fair bit of fun, definitely has classic moments and is quite iconic.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Deadly Blessing (1981)

3 / 5 Mar '10
Tagline: A gruesome secret, protected for generations, rises to give its...
Directed by: Wes Craven
Written by: Glenn M. Benest, Matthew Barr
Actors include: Maren Jensen, Sharon Stone, Jeff East
Genre: Horror
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Norway, Finland

Review:
Certainly not one of Wes Craven's finer pictures yet not his worst either, this at least has an unusual subject manner. It's got something to do with a sect of extreme Amish called the Hittites who believe technology is so evil that it's pretty much being in cahoots with the Devil himself. We meet up with a fellow who appears to have abandoned his Amish heritage for a beautiful wife, he's still a farmer only he has a tractor that the nearby Hittites seem to hate. When the fellow is mysteriously murdered by his own tractor things go from bad to worse. The young widow invites some friends over to help her after the death (one of which is the beautiful Sharon Stone in one of her earliest roles) only they all end up in peril. See spiders and snakes seem to be trying to kill the beautiful young ladies but could the Hittites be responsible or is it something more sinister? It's kinda neat that Michael Berryman turns up as a creepy Hittite, and well if you want to gaze upon beautiful Women this film should keep you busy. The resolve is beyond stupid, it really doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense and it's very unsatisfying I thought. This could have been worse but it could have been so much better, especially since it does have a rather unique concept.

Availability:  This is available on PAL DVD only currently

L'abime Des Morts Vivants (1981) aka Oasis of the Zombies aka Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies aka Le Tresor Des Morts Vivants aka The Oasis of the Living Dead aka The Treasure of the Living Dead

1.5 / 5
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jesus Franco
Written by: Jesus Franco
Actors include: Manuel Gelin, France Lomay, Jeff Montgomery
Genre: Horror, War
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Canada

Review:
When I think about the most boring zombie movie I've ever seen is this instantly pops into my head. Nothing happens for the longest time but dry dialog and African desert. See apparently some treasure is buried there from WW2 by the German army and some folks are trying to find it. Most people would fall asleep by the time they actually did find the zombies, and when they do show up they barely do anything. Truly one of those films I think should be avoided by everyone, even bad movie buffs will be bored to tears! Hard to believe that a director like Jesús Franco who is notoriously sleazy could be responsible for something so lifeless, but it's true!

Availability:  On DVD

The Prowler (1981) aka Rosemary's Killer aka The Graduation

4 / 5 Jan '10
Tagline: It will freeze your blood.
Directed by: Joseph Zito
Written by: Neal Barbera, Glenn Leopold
Actors include: Vicky Dawson, Christopher Goutman, Lawrence Tierney
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: West Germany, Iceland, Norway

Review:
Rather run of the mill slasher in many ways, in fact it echoes My Bloody Valentine in a very big way (though both came out the same year). What sets it apart are that it's surprisingly well shot, also Tom Savini is responsible for some great effects and some interesting deaths. It starts out 35 year in the past with a letter wherein a girl named Rosemary breaks up with her Army boyfriend because it's taking him too long to come home. After we watch Rosemary and her new Beau slaughtered we move to present times. See the town hasn't had a Graduation dance since that year (since it happened then) but this year things are different. Mr. Army man (who actually does look creepy since he's covered from head to toe) isn't impressed and turns the local teens into bales of hay (or rather he pitchforks them) in many gory and fun ways that should please most bloodhounds. The sad thing is that there isn't much more to it than that and that it offers no real twist, just a straightforward slashing spree! Satisfying on that front but if you are looking for more this may be one to avoid.
 
Availability:  On DVD