The Godsend (1980)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: If Bonnie is a gift from Heaven...For God's sake send her back!
Directed by: Gabrielle Beaumont
Written by: Bernard Taylor, Olaf Pooley
Actors include: Malcolm Stoddard, Syd Hayman, Angela Pleasence
Genre: Horror
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've wanted to see this for ages, ever since I read the book as a kid, but it's not exactly the most available film I'm afraid. I finally did get a copy to watch and I'm quite glad because it was a bit of a treat (minus the middle that dragged an awful lot). The story is about a young couple who are currently pregnant who kindly invite in another pregnant stranger. The stranger is very weird and doesn't seem normal in the slightest, soon she's giving birth in their home! When they go to show the beautiful baby girl to the weird woman they find she's vanished! When their own baby doesn't survive they decide to take this baby girl Bonnie and treat her as their own. They have several other kids who seem kind of afraid of Bonnie as she gets older and it becomes obvious why as one by one they end up dead from tragic "accidents". This isn't the sort of horror film that is graphic, the horror is implied and discussed but not really shown. The part that is creepy is the little actress playing Bonnie, and her parent's ignorance...weird! Anyhow it does share a lot in common with other evil child scenarios but still this one is worth a view or two I'd say.

Availability:  Not On DVD yet

Long Weekend (1978)

4.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: Their crime was against nature...Nature found them guilty.
Directed by: Colin Eggleston
Written by: Everett De Roche
Actors include: John Hargreaves, Briony Behets, Mike McEwen
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one heck of a film and it most definitely makes it's point. It's an Australian film about a fella named Peter who wants to go camping in the wilderness...the only thing is that he's a menace to the outdoors. He's reluctantly dragging along his girlfriend Marcia who hates the outdoors. This sounds like a comedy and in a demented way it kind of is...I mean this couple does everything but burnt down the outdoors. Peter is particularly evil and cruel, even to Marcia who starts to realize something is terribly wrong. See nature isn't going to take this kind of abuse sitting down...it's going to take revenge! Strange things begin happening to the couple including animals attacking them, so Marcia takes the hint and wants to go home. Thing is Peter isn't about to let her leave, and nature isn't about to let them leave either... It's quite an interesting film, when I read the plot I knew I had to see this to see just exactly how this plays out. It's actually rather well made, nicely filmed and it more than makes it's point. Definitely recommended for those looking to see a different kind of horror film.

Availability:  On DVD

King Kong (1933)

4.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: A Monster of Creation's Dawn Breaks Loose in Our World Today!
Directed by: N/A
Written by: James Ashmore Creelman, Ruth Rose
Actors Include: Robert Armstrong, Fay Wray, John Cabot
Genre: Adventure, Sci-Fi, Drama, Romance, Thriller
Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
Wow this is one exquisitely filmed picture, it's downright shocking that they were able to accomplish so very much in 1933! The story is about some movie makers who are filming a picture on Skull Island, he's got most things in place, he's only missing a leading lady. Enter Ann Darrow (Fay Wray) a lovely but down on her luck young Lady who is eager to join the crew. When they get to this mysterious island things aren't quite what they expected. The locals seem to worship a giant gorilla named Kong, and they want to serve up Ann to him as a sacrifice. They give her to Kong, and that is where the film really takes off. See one of the film crew wants to capture the ape to bring it home for an attraction, and of course save the girl. The last half hour is pretty much amazing, the shots of New York are stunning and the effects are quite something. The scenes were Kong has gone nuts are my favorites but pretty much the entire thing is a spectacle. I can't believe it took me so long to watch this, this is something you just have to see no matter what sort of films you enjoy.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Deadline (1981)

3.5 / 5 July '10
Tagline: His obsession was to create the ultimate horror story... his curse was to live it.
Directed by: Mario Azzopardi
Written by: Mario Azzopardi
Actors include: Stephen Young, Sharon Masters, Marvin Goldhar
Genre: Action, Horror, Thriller, Drama
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Considering this is a rarely mentioned horror film of the '80s it actually rather entertaining. It revolves around a Stephen King-like author named Steven (how clever) who is a rather large jerk. He ignores his family, friends and other obligations in order to write and before long things get confusing. See the line between fantasy and reality are getting blurred for him, visions from his films are becoming real and he's not sure what end is up anymore. The neatest part of this film are the bizarre and sometimes even disgusting and bloody bits from his movies that appear including cannibalistic Nuns, grandma abuse and many other bizarre things. The further he gets wrapped up in this the more his family falls apart and that is a rather disturbing angle actually. It's a shame that the story wasn't a tad more cohesive and explanatory (particularly when it comes to the ending), but I definitely give it credit for ambition and style. It should please most any '80s horror fan, you'll probably see a thing or two.  Oh and be on the look out for the band [Artist5948] who make quite an impression in this film with their insane performance.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Angel Heart (1987)

3 / 5 Jul '10
Tagline: It will scare you to your very soul.
Directed by: Alan Parker
Written by: William Hjortsberg, Alan Parker
Actors Include:  Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 113 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well I kinda thought this would be a really good film, heck nearly everyone seems to think so. I'm in the minority here as I didn't really see anything refreshing, shocking, horrific or even scary. Just naked [Artist440936] if that be your pleasure. Well okay there is a plot, Private Dick Harry Angel ([Artist84952]) is called upon by Louis Cypher (how original...in fact that was a bit too much of a clue for me). Angel's mission is to find a fella called Johnny Favorite who definitely doesn't want to be found. When people start turning up dead and he starts witnessing some strange things, the story gets thicker. It's got a fair bit in common with [Film5479] (which came out the same year) only I kind of liked the other film a bit better although neither wowed me to be honest. I will give this credit for being nicely filmed and relatively well acted I suppose and it creates a decent atmosphere. I just thought it needed more meat, more excitement and a bit more of a surprise, especially considering the hype that follows it around.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Blue Velvet (1986)

4.5 / 5 Jun '10

Tagline: The Most Talked About Film of the Decade
Directed by: David Lynch
Written by: David Lynch
Actors include: Kyle MacLaughlan, Laura Dern, Dennis Hopper
Genre: Thriller, Mystery
Length: 120 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well fortunately this isn't too weird, in fact it's actually rather easy to follow for a David Lynch film. We follow nosy mystery lovin' Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) who stumbles upon a severed ear in a field. He brings it to the local Police Man who's daughter Sandy (Laura Dern) assists Jeffrey with details about the case. Jeffrey becomes so obsessed he actually breaks into the house of a singer named Dorothy (Isabella Rossellini) who is suspected to be involved with the ear somehow. He of course starts to piece things together and ends up in a strange relationship with Dorothy and several frightening underworld figures. Dennis Hopper plays an absolute psycho called Frank Booth who is one of the big bad guys of course, but it's a performance I doubt anyone will forget. It's one heck of a strange and bizarre mystery to be wound up in and it's an entertaining film as it all unfolds. You aren't going to get the answers to everything...it's not that kind of film. You will get a film that is extremely stylish, often darkly funny and tense and strange. Recommended even to those afraid of Lynch, heck I really hated Lost Highway but this I like!

Availability:  On DVD

Dreamscape (1984)

3.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Alex Gardner has an extraordinary gift. To keep it may cost him his life...
Directed by: Joseph Ruben
Written by: David Loughery
Actors Include: Dennis Quaid, Max von Sydow, Christopher Plummer
Genre: Sci-Fi
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this is a rather strange one that channels The Dead Zone, Firestarter and A Nightmare on Elm Street yet the poster makes it look like a sequel to Indiana Jones. Dennis Quaid plays Alex Gardner, an intensely brilliant fellow with some psychic abilities and other properties, he's very valuable. The government needs him for an experiment they are working on involving having people go into other's dreams. It seems that many of the patients in the facility have horrible nightmares, so they test Alex to see if he can intercept the dreams. Of course he can and he ends up doing battle with a child's cobra head monster demon. Things get more complicated when we learn that the President is having horrible dreams too...involving the end of the world! Are we doomed or can Alex save the day? It's very creative, lots of interesting scenes and dream sequences and the like, rather unusual overall honestly. It's a bit cheap feeling and strange but I think that I did enjoy it.

Availability:  On DVD

Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)

3 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Flesh crawls! Blood curdles! Phibes lives!
Directed by: Robert Fuest
Written by: Robert Fuest, Robert Blees
Actors include: Vincent Price, Robert Quarry, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I did really like the first installment of the Phibes series, this didn't really work for me. It begins with Phibes waking up three years later and discovering that his house is demolished and his papyrus scrolls are missing. He finds the culprit and starts his trek to Egypt with his assistant Vulnavia in order to awaken his dead wife. Of course he needs to punish the folks who stole his scrolls which is where the fun comes in. The deaths are yes ambitious, over the top and completely implausible. Sure some creativity is involved and Price is quite enjoyable to watch but watching him go on length narration through a talk box (he can't talk) isn't very thrilling. It just seemed rather lackluster especially considering the talent involved, I was disappointed.

Availability:  On DVD

Body Puzzle (1992)

2.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Lamberto Bava
Written by: Lamberto Bava
Actors include: Joanna Pacula, Tomas Arana, François Montagut
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Mystery, Thriller
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, I am typically a fan of Lamberto Bava but this wasn't nearly as good as I'd have expected. It did manage to have some nice scenes of gore and dismembered body parts if that be your thing. The story is rather dull (even though it's going to sound exciting). It's about a serial killer who removes parts from his victims (who is known to us right off the bat) sends them to a Woman. The Police scramble to solve the mystery, although it's no mystery to us making it feel pretty boring. It's very dry and wooden feeling, nothing special whatsoever. Although perhaps this would qualify as a giallo it probably wouldn't satisfy genre fans. I've definitely seen worse and cheaper, but I actually saw this when it first came out but totally forgot I ever watched it. That's not a good sign, and odds are within a year I'll forget again. Oh well, Lamberto's weakest still has a few decent qualities I guess.

Availability:  On DVD

Special Effects (1984)

2 / 5 June '10
Tagline: Mary Jean is just dying to get into the movies... She's about to get her wish.
Directed by: Larry Cohen
Written by: Larry Cohen
Actors include: Zoe Lund, Eric Bogosian, Brad Rijn
Genre: Thriller, Horror, Drama
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a bottom of the barrel rip-off of Brian De Palma that has very little in the way of redeeming qualities. I was intrigued by this because I usually like Larry Cohen pictures, and I loved lead actress Zoë Lund in Ms .45. The thing was in that role she was mute...this is one of the only other roles she's starred in and with a voice it seems obvious why...she was not a very good actress. You will see her boobs many times, and watch her clumsily play two roles. She plays an actress who is strangled to death by the director of the film (it happens near the beginning of the film so I'm not wrecking anything). Her boyfriend looks guilty in the eyes of the Police so they focus on him. The thing is that the director video taped her death so he intends to use this footage to make his own film. Now they have the chore of finding a look-alike which of course they do quickly in order to shoot the rest of the scenes from the film. It's a lot like Body Double only a whole lot crappier from the bad music, stupid plot and neverending supply of dull moments. Very much not worth seeking out unfortunately, I really did think it would have been so much more.

Availability:  On DVD

The Human Centipede (The First Sequence) (2009)

2.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: 100 % medically accurate
Directed by: Tom Six
Written by: Tom Six
Actors include: Dieter Laser, Ashley C. Williams, Ashlynn Yennie
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I don't really know what to say with this one...once I heard about it I absolutely had to see it regardless of the fact that I knew I probably wasn't going to like it. Considering though I have to say it's not as bad as I'd thought it might have been if that makes any sense? Basically an pointlessly evil retired German surgeon lost a three dog monstrosity that he created and looks for a replacement with humans. He lets in two wet moronic girls (who's actions make no sense...why would anyone wander deep in the thick of the woods when they have car trouble?) who cannot act at all, in fact it's actually irritating when they are able to speak. Soon they learn they aren't gettin' out of there once he drugs them and they wake up in their bed. He kindly explains the surgeries required to make his human centipede (there is also an Asian fella down there too to be part of the threesome) to his victims. This includes removing part of the knee so they can only crawl, the head will have his anus removed, the middle will have a removed anus as well as removed lips, teeth and cheek portion, the third part will be missing the cheek portion and lips and teeth.This includes removing part of the knee so they can only crawl, the head will have his anus removed, the middle will have a removed anus as well as removed lips, teeth and cheek portion, the third part will be missing the cheek portion and lips and teeth. It's not very graphic, honestly you do see a tiny bit of removing a part of ass and a few teeth yanked but it's all implied here. Once the monstrosity is created (we don't really see anything because of bandages) we get to listen to the Asian guy yell and freak-out (he's the head) and it all goes downhill from here. It takes forever to get to the "building" portion of the movie, way too much fighting and chasing and slow moving stuff (it's actually kind of boring honestly). It also doesn't really add up though they claim it's medically possible, the biggest questions are left unanswered like why? It's rather unsatisfying but the concept is at least unusual and the guy they've cast as the surgeon does look rather creepy I suppose. It could have been worse, but I can't for the life of me figure out how they intend to do a sequel...or why?

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

The Phantom Of The Mall (1989)

3.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Be nice to Eric. Or Eric won't be nice to you.
Directed by: Richard Friedman
Written by: Scott Schneid, Frederick R. Ulrich
Actors include: Derek Rydall, Pauley Shore, Kimber Sissons
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope
Country: USA

Review:
So this was actually a heck of a lot better than I was expecting it to be. It's still got some major problems...extremely cheesy soundtrack, plenty of cutaway violence and a ridiculous sex scene, it's far from perfect. Still it's quite an amusing little take on the Phantom of the Opera story and they certainly tried with an obviously low budget. Eric had a beautiful home and a beautiful girlfriend named Suzi until some greedy mall builders who want his property burn down his house with him still inside. He's believed to be dead even though he's secretly just half burned and wearing a half of a mannequin's face. He lives in the secret areas of the mall and in the ducts I believe and let's just say he's pretty pissy. It does contain several creative deaths involving things would expect to see at the mall (escalator anyone?) and things one wouldn't expect to see (cobra in the toilet?). They don't show much but I don't think the special effects department was capable of more than what this did show. It was also cool to see so many shots from the Sherman Oaks Galleria mall in the '80s, very neat indeed. Oh and I should mention that Pauly Shore, Morgan Fairchild and Rob Estes are all relatively big characters in this too. It's better than you might think seriously, I had fun watching it at any rate.

Availability:  On DVD