Big Meat Eater (1982)

3.5 / 5  Apr '10
Tagline: Are you on his shopping list?
Directed by: Chris Windsor
Written by: Laurence Keane, Phil Savath
Actors include: George Dawson, Andrew Gillies, Clarence 'Big' Miller
Genre: Sci-Fi, Musical, Comedy
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is unlike many other musicals though I suspect the director has seen The Apple and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's got a full cast of people who can't sing a lick, and a plot that is out of this world...literally! It's extremely cheap and very uneven as a story but it has some big highlights. It's about a joyful butcher (who reminds me of Buster from Arrested Development) in need of an assistant. Enter Abdullah who happens to have problems with his anger and killing people. The gleefully ignorant Butcher hires on Abdullah who has some hilarious moments, especially when grinding meat by hand. The biggest highlight is a song that sounds like "We Didn't Start The Fire" (though it came out before) only it's filled with funny scientific jargon, I was in hysterics! There is also a plot about toy robots who are interested in the butcher shop because their meat that is dissolved in acid makes good fuel for them (balonium). If only the whole movie could have been that funny I'd have rated it a heck of a lot higher. Still fans of absurd cinema and bizarre musicals need to see this, I can't believe something this odd came out of Canada.

Availability:  On DVD

The Omega Man (1971)

3.5 / 5   Apr '10
Tagline: Pray for the last man alive. Because he's not alone.
Directed by: Boris Sagal
Written by: John William Corrington, Joyce Hooper Corrington
Actors include: Charlton Heston, Anthony Zerbe, Rosalind Cash
Genre: Science Fiction, Horror, Thriller
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh gee well this was sillier than I expected and I knew this was a Charlton Heston flick going in and I generally appreciate his hilarious ways. The story I'm sure is very interesting, it's one of several film takes on the book "I Am Legend" of course and I haven't seen any of the other adaptations yet so I can't compare. I can say that the vampire/zombie things in this one were kind of lame looking...they had whiteish contacts, wore capes with hoods and looked like they'd bathed in baby powder...not at all threatening. The story goes that we are following Heston around who appears to be the last fellow alive because he was a scientist who had a vaccination to the disease that turned the rest of the population into zombiepyres. These monsters can't go out in the light so most of the time it's entirely safe! When he sees a mannequin that moves he learns he's not entirely alone hand has some silly love scenes and lots of fighting monsters too. I appreciated the violence but the tension and fear were never created, but at least the story kept some momentum. Not bad, but I look forward to seeing the adaptation called The Last Man on Earth, I've heard it's spookier and this story could use some of that!

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Quando Alice Ruppe Lo Specchio (1988) aka Touch Of Death aka When Alice Broke The Mirror

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Lucio Fulci
Written by: Lucio Fulci
Actors include: Brett Halsey, Ria De Simone, Al Cliver
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well it's more entertaining than Un gatto nel cervello [A Cat in the Brain] and actually I'd say this is first and foremost a comedy and secondarily a gore flick. It's very cheap and strange and don't expect everything to be explained because it surely isn't. We follow around a murderer who kills seriously ugly rich women (I was trying to eat while watching for Pete's sake ewww) for money because he gets into gambling debts. The effects are rather cheap, expect very fake looking people being chainsawed into pieces and the like. Our murderer isn't quite right in the head, he has conversations with his tape deck (don't ask) and he likes to grind body parts into meat. I must admit it does have it's share of snickers to be had, it's very black comedy and on that level it works. It's just not hilarious nor is it effective as a horror film in any way. Still it's one of the better late Fulci films I've seen and I think fans should be able to appreciate this on some level.

Availability:  On DVD

The Company Of Wolves (1984)

4.5 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Where fairy stories meet horror stories
Directed by: Neil Jordan
Written by: Neil Jordan, Angela Carter
Actors include: Angela Lansbury, Sarah Patterson, David Warner
Genre: Horror, Fantasy
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a very unusual werewolf film in many ways. The style in which this was filmed is astoundingly beautiful...very haunting looking sort of like something one might expect from Tim Burton. The way it was assembled makes it quite unique too, it's almost like an anthology as it has several tales within and a major tale similar to Little Red Riding Hood as the main attraction. A beautiful young girl who's sister was killed by wolves listens to tales from her Grandmother (Angela Lansbury) warning her of wolves. Of course on her way to visit her Grandma out in the woods she encounters a man who's eyebrows join in the middle (Granny warned this was the sign of the wolf) who offers to race her to the house. The entire thing has a nightmarish quality to it and the effects are surprisingly awesome, especially in the first tale Granny tells. It is very entertaining and has some undercurrents of the girl coming of age and the blood coming and therefore enticing the wolves etc but it's not really in your face about it. Very lovely and conceptually fascinating, it maybe isn't as gratifying as it could have been but I'd definitely recommend it.

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

Escape From New York (1981)

4 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: The world's greatest leader is a hostage in the most dangerous place on Earth. Now only the deadliest man alive can save him.
Directed by: John Carpenter
Written by: John Carpenter, Nick Castle
Actors include: Kurt Russell, Ernest Borgnine, Lee Van Cleef
Genre: Action, Science Fiction
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a rather entertaining dystopic flick that takes place in the future: 1997. Well luckily for us 1997 looked nothing like this film, here they have New York City as a maximum security prison full of thugs. When Airforce One is taken over, the current president (the very British Donald Pleasance) escapes in his pod (just like the Simpsons of course) lands in New York City. One of the biggest thugs The Duke (Isaac Hayes) takes the President hostage and offers them a finger of his in order to get attention and have their demands met. Kurt Russell plays the eye patched hero Snake who is also kind of a bad guy but they make an offer for him to safely return the President. It has some exciting chase sequences and some really impressive shots of New York and some colorful characters and a cast of impressive actors too. This isn't my favorite from John Carpenter and I actually expected it to be a little more thrilling than it was. Still it was quite enjoyable and a fair bit of fun, definitely has classic moments and is quite iconic.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul (1963) aka À Meia-Noite Levarei Sua Alma

4.5 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: José Mojica Marins
Written by: José Mojica Marins
Actors include: José Mojica Marins, Magda Mei, Nivaldo Lima
Genre: Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
"I'll eat meat today even if it's human flesh!” Gosh I loved this film, Ze is sort of like a Brazilian Freddy Krueger from the '60s. He is an evil philosopher, he's got pointy fingernails (which is because the director stepped in the role of Ze when the lead actor quit...the director happened to have long thumbnails so they created prosthetics for the rest of his nails) and he's a hilarious world class jerk. He is also on a mission to have a child no matter how many women he has to beat up and kill to do it! This is shockingly gory and violent especially when you consider the year, and it must have been really controversial at the time considering Ze's anti-religion stance. The whole thing is in black and white and the sets are very spooky really, it feels like a Halloween movie big time. The beginning is a bit cheesy but stick with it, so rewarding and entertaining I loved the heck out of it and can't wait to see the two sequels. For once I spent $100 on a box set and felt like it was actually worth it, and I've only seen the one disc! Apparently this was the first Brazilian horror film and if there are more like this one count me in, I must see more!

Availability:  On DVD

Fear (1990)

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Your First Impulse Your Last Sensation
Directed by: Rockne S. O'Bannon
Written by: Rockne S. O'Bannon
Actors include: Ally Sheedy, Lauren Hutton, Michael O'Keefe
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well it's worth noting that this is one of the first of '90s thrillers involving a serial killer and psychic powers. Actually the plot although silly in a way is probably one of the best parts of this one. I was surprised at how poor the acting was in this, I expected more from Ally Sheedy! She plays Cayce a psychic who helps solve murder cases which has treated her quite well, only her new case is a challenge. See the killer she's trying to help nab just happens to also have psychic abilities (see what I mean by silly) and is trying to out do her by going after people in her life and controlling her. He uses his psychic abilities to find out what scares the person the most and tries to incorporate that into his means of attack which is kind of cool. Although it had the potential to be frightening, thrilling or even intense it never really went there. It was more Cayce freaking out in various settings while her visions took over. It's not really horrific enough to be considered a horror film, nor is it bloody nor do we see a heck of a lot really. Still some good ideas were here and I easily made it to the end of the film, it just wasn't as exciting as it should have been.

Availability:  On DVD as part of 2fer with Parents

Messiah Of Evil (1973) aka Dead People

4 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: In order to live, they will take you one by one ... and no one will hear you scream!
Directed by: Willard Huyck
Written by: Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz
Actors include: Michael Greer, Marianna Hill, Joy Bang
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is actually a really cool little film that seems to escape mention much of the time. There is currently a really nice edition released by Code Red, but unfortunately I have the cheapo version that is at least a full version but the print was pretty rough looking. The thing was, the sets in this were completely insane, the entire film felt extremely surreal and dreamlike...okay maybe more like nightmare. A pretty young Woman named Arletty goes to a small costal village called Point Dune to visit after receiving some strange letters from her Father. She gets there and the townspeople aren't quite right, one man even tells her to burn her Father if she finds him! Soon everywhere she goes she's seeing strange pale people devouring raw meat and very soon she knows she's in some royal trouble. This film isn't exactly spelled out and some things we absolutely never know but I think that makes it creepier in a way. That's why I was so depressed about the picture quality because I can tell restored it would be quite a visual masterpiece. Still as is it's an unusual and creative little zombie story with some haunting and memorable imagery, I'd definitely recommend it for those looking for something a little different.

Availability:  On DVD

Fright (1971) aka I'm Alone And I'm Scared

2 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: The scream you can hear is your own
Directed by: Peter Collinson
Written by: Tudor Gates
Actors include: Susan George, Honor Blackman, Ian Bannen
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
I haven't really liked anything I've seen from director Peter Collinson but I thought the plot on this sounded like I should give him another try. I hated this movie, sure it's going to "sound" interesting but it's dreadfully dull and pointless. See it's one of the first babysitter alone with a maniac sort of films, it predates Halloween and When a Stranger Calls by several years which is what makes it of interest. Susan George plays an attractive young babysitter, however I've liked Susan in other roles but here it's painfully obvious that her acting skills are limited. Her performance was actually obnoxious and I was begging for the maniac to kill her through the entire film. The "maniac" isn't really very cool either, be prepared for an unbloody film, and the "psycho" punches someone a bunch of times and barely does anything else. Even when the story gives opportunity to be intense, frightening or even violently it takes the worst way out possible in each instance. I really can't state how disappointed I was with this enough, sitting through it was a struggle and by the end I truly felt like it was a waste of time.

Availability:  On DVD

Splatter University (1984)

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Where the school colors are blood red!
Directed by: Richard W. Haines
Written by: Richard W. Haines, Michael Cunningham
Actors Include: Forbes Riley, Ric Randig, Dick Biel
Genre: Horror
Length: 78 minutes
Banned: West Germany

Review:
Well, this is pretty much an entirely average slasher with no frills whatsoever and it's very very cheap looking. It's short (78 minutes), to the point, has several bloody slayings (though none are particularly interesting....except for maybe the girl who died from a slash to the forehead) and a mystery that most anyone could solve in the first 20 minutes of the film. The actors need some serious help though the dialog and situations are occasionally funny (particularly the scenes in the mental ward) and although it's kind of lame I never felt like walking away from it. You can tell that the director here used one of the Troma fellows as a consultant but even though this has weird things in it it does try to play it straight. My Husband complained about the lack of nudity and there are rumors floating that there is filthied up version but the director himself denies this claim, this is the full version! Also be prepared for many time jumps, I kept wondering when they would stop but I think there were 3 or 4 at least. Still considering this is very straightforward and the kills start nearly immediately it should please fans of low budget '80s slashers. I certainly don't think it's some lost gem or something but it should give you a few laughs at least.

Availability:  On DVD

Mother's Day (1980)

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: If you go down to the woods today
Directed by: Charles Kaufman
Written by: Warren Leight, Charles Kaufman
Actors include: Nancy Hendrickson, Deborah Luce, Tiana Pierce
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Australia

Review:
Hmm, well if you've seen Troma films before then you know the sort of cheapness and ineptitude one is in for. This time it appears that Troma's Charles Kaufman saw I Spit on Your Grave [Day of the Woman] and decided to make their own version. This is a tale about three bff's who have decided to go camping in a remote area for their annual getaway. After watching plenty of their ridiculous flashbacks and hearing tons of giggling and in-jokes they are carried away in their sleeping bags. Two inbred seeming thugs have kidnapped the girls in order to please Mama, she gives the orders on who to torment first. Well after several escape attempts the remaining girls decide to get revenge and well this is the best part of the film. It's gory, they use unusual methods of retaliation (Draino and axe to the crotch anyone?) and it's pretty entertaining really. The thing is it's all done in such a joking style that it's impossible to be disturbed by which seems to be the ultimate goal of the movie. It fails more than it succeeds but yet there are a few moments that fans of this sort of thing should appreciate. I liked it a teaspoon better than Les mémés cannibales [Rabid Grannies] but Bloodsucking Freaks will always be the best Troma film I've seen. Thanks to kevdog for suggesting I give this a whirl.

Availability:  On DVD

The Beast In The Cellar (1970)

3 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: A chill-filled festival of horror!
Directed by: James Kelley
Written by: James Kelley
Actors include:  Beryl Reid, Flora Robson, John Hamill
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes/110 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this did have some things going for it, I liked the concept and the two main characters are old bitties that are quite amusing (well acted). The two old Women are spinsters who seem to be hiding something. When a monster appears to be murdering local soldiers they seem sorta panicked, that is until they realize they probably know who is responsible once they find a hole in their cellar. It's very slow and actually seems rather like a play what with limited sets and a ton of talking. The good news is that the film is often very dryly and darkly humorous, it's just too much chatting and not enough horror. Sure they mention that the bodies are horribly mutilated but we never see them, in fact I don't recall seeing a single drop of blood. Now I've heard rumours that there is a 110 minute version of the film floating around with gore intact and it apparently makes more sense too. I watched the DVD version and it was only 88 minutes and definitely appeared cut so I'd love to find a full version to watch. This is a Tigon film, it feels quite cheap and really it clearly illustrates why folks usually choose Hammer then Amicus first before hittin' Tigon.

Availability:  On DVD

Killer Party (1986) aka The April Fool

3.5 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: DEADicated to the class of '86.
Directed by: William Fruet
Written by: Barney Cohen
Actors include: Martin Hewitt, Ralph Seymour, Elaine Wilkes
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Length: 91 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I liked this a heck of a lot more than I was expecting to. I mean it's very very cheap, the first 3/4 of the film is basically a cheesy '80s comedy featuring several likeable girls trying to join a sorority with absolutely 0 horror in it. It's based around April Fool's Day and it even had the title to prove it at one time, but they were afraid of people confusing it with the 1986 film April Fool's Day so instead we have Killer Party. This was actually 90 percent filmed in 1978 but they ran out of money so it wasn't finished until 1984, but then it sat on the shelf for another two years before actually getting released. There are pranks, bad '80s tunes and some pretty silly jokes to be had along the way.The thing is, the girls they cast are quite interesting, their wacky outfits and hijinx makes it entertaining enough until it actually gets to the good stuff. The horror element in this case comes in the last 15 or so and it involves demonic possession and that part should please just about any horror fan. It's not the most original flick but I was really pleased with it and the effects for the demon part were quite enjoyable. Unfortunately this isn't available on DVD that I know of but it's actually rather charming considering most think of it as one of the worst films of all time.

Availability:  Not available on DVD that I know of
Killer Party [VHS]

Horror Express (1972)

4 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Can it be stopped?
Directed by: Eugenio Martin
Written by: Arnaud d'Usseau, Julian Zimet
Actors include: Christopher Lee, Telly Savalis, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror, Mystery, Thriller
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I enjoyed the story and the actors and everything I think the cheapness with which this was made hindered the film unfortunately. That being said it's probably Eugenio Martín's most accomplished film but I've enjoyed most I've seen from him. Anyhow this one borrows heavily from The Thing From Another World [The Thing] along with several others but I thought it was quite fun anyhow. A Professor (Christopher Lee) finds some bones that he thinks may be the missing link, so he transports them on the Siberian Express. While on the train he meets his acquaintance Dr. Wells (Peter Cushing) who is very interested in the Professor's specimen. On the way the monster thaws out and starts attacking the passengers and it even takes on their memories! It's pretty thrilling in many ways actually and Lee & Cushing are a treat to watch as always. It's not the most original idea surely, but I thought it was a really entertaining film none the less, definitely worth giving a try to.

Availability:  On DVD

The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

2.5 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline:  Fear Runs Deeper
Directed by: Jon Harris
Written by: J. Blakeston, James McCarthy
Actors include: Shauna MacDonald, Michael J. Reynolds, Jessika Williams
Genre: HorrorLength: 94 minute
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was quite depressing, I mean I really loved the first film and I wasn't quite sure how a sequel would work. Apparently neither were the folks making it as they disregarded several pieces of information that we learned from the first film. The idea here is that it picks up right where the last film left off, Sarah crawls out all bloodied and is then told to go back into the mine so they can find out what happened to her friends. Something tells me that in real life, this sort of thing wouldn't happen. At any rate, they are playing her up to be some sort of looney with no memory but shortly after they turn up one of the corpses of her former friends it seems to come back to her. The mission is once again dangerous and this time the rescue crew are in deep trouble from the mine goblins. The very fact that her friend Juno is found alive in the caves is ridiculous. Also unexplained is the fact that in the alternate ending of the original Sarah dies...how could she be in a sequel?The very fact that her friend Juno is found alive in the caves is ridiculous. Also unexplained is the fact that in the alternate ending of the original Sarah dies...how could she be in a sequel? Oh well, they still have some bloody moments but it all felt very half assed and lazy. They should have left this one alone, and if you haven't seen this yet, you are lucky I'd keep it that way if I were you.

Availability:  on DVD

Invasion (2007)

2 / 5 Apr '10
Tagline: Do not trust anyone. Do not show emotion. Do not fall asleep.
Directed by: Oliver Hirschbiegel
Written by: David Kajganich, Jack Finney
Actors include: Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Jeremy Northham
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror,
Length: 99 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So I made the fool decision to try to join this century by watching this film. I figured, I like the '50s and the '70s version and heck the '90s version wasn't even terrible but this was. It's odd that giving it a big budget and twisting the story around completely destroyed the picture but I think it did. Other things that didn't help matters are the actors, Daniel Craig seemed dead behind the eyes the entire time, how were we to know when/if he turned? I hate to say that I don't think Nicole Kidman was boring to watch in this too. The story here is that people are getting infected with this alien virus, but instead of turning them nearly immediately, they must sleep before it goes into effect. Also there is some sort of magical cure, which was very disappointing to say the least. Be prepared for a ton of ridiculously obvious product placement and super frustration if you decide to try to sit through this. Definitely a pathetic remake and the worst version I've seen of this story to date.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray