The Collector (2009)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He always takes one
Directed by: Marcus Dunstan
Written by: Patrick Melton
Actors include: Josh Stewart, Juan Fernández, Andrea Roth
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Huh....ok so if you like explanations and logic and all of that, steer clear you will hate this. Once I accepted that it doesn't matter why and that I'm not going to get to know I enjoyed it a heck of a lot more. What I can make out of it is that an ex-con desperately needs to pay off his ex-wife. To do so he plans a heist at the home of his employers but when he gets there he's greeted with a bit of a surprise. It seems that a crazier criminal beat him to the punch and has rigged the house with some of the most insane booby traps this side of Home Alone. It's definitely violent and bloody with torture galore, and some of the traps are pretty neato. It doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense how someone could have had the year it would have taken to set these elaborate traps and why. Oh well, if you just want some carnage and cruelty this will do just fine.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray
The Collector [Blu-ray]

My Bloody Valentine (2009) aka My Bloody Valentine 3D

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: He's gonna break your heart.
Directed by: Patrick Lussier
Written by: Todd Farmer, Zane Smith
Actors include: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith
Genre: Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Now to be fair I did not see this in 3D as it was originally intended, but it didn't seem too gimmicky in good 'ole fashion flat view. The film itself is a pale comparison to the original and the characters are as memorable as grains of sand...it still has a few things going for it. If you are looking for gory gratuitous deaths then this should satisfy, it keeps 'em coming at a steady pace. The plot (which is barely worth mentioning) is about a tragic mining accident wherein a bunch of folks are buried alive. One miner (Harry) happens to survive in a coma, however the other miners didn't die from lack of oxygen but rather from Harry's pickax. Harry awakens on Valentine's day and goes on a fun killing revenge killing spree (all this in the first little bit of the film). Fast forward ten years later to a feller named Tom who has returned home on the anniversary of the massacre. Of course the gory killings start up again, but who could be behind them? The mystery aspect is ridiculous and there are parts of the film that have too much talking and not enough killing. Still on a whole it was satisfying enough considering how low the quality of these remakes often are.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Calvaire (2004), aka The Ordeal

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: Some people would kill for company.
Directed by: Fabrice Du Welz
Written by: Fabrice Du Welz, Romain Protat
Actors include: Laurent Lucas, Brigitte Lahaie, Gigi Coursigny
Genre: Horror, Drama
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
The plot will sound familiar to this French flick, a fellow (called Marc) is stuck in a remote swampy area in the rain when his vehicle breaks down. A weird Man looking for a missing dog ushers him to a bizarre Inn where he takes a room for the night. The Inn keeper promises to fix Marc's broken van but is very insistent that he not go into the nearby town. Let's just say things get very insane from there, and Marc isn't exactly free to leave. It boasts a strange ambiance considering that the film was actually shot with only natural settings, no studio fixings. Sure it's not the most disturbing film of it's kind but the black comedy touches keep things a bit lighter. At least it does boast a bit 'o blood and some horror gratuity and tension. It definitely kept my attention, although I'd hoped for a tad more originality yet still worthy of a gander. Oh and be on the look out for Euro sleaze actress Brigitte Lahaie, definitely the newest film I've seen her in...and yes she is still taking her top off.

Availability:  On DVD

Insidious (2010)

2.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: It's not the House thats Haunted.
Directed by: James Wan
Written by: Leigh Whannell
Actors include: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins
Genre: Horror, Fantasy, Thriller
Length: 103 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I really did have high hopes for this 'un and I wanted to like it...I truly did. The plot (although derrived heavily from Poltergeist) is a relatively interesting one. A young couple move into a house with their two boys and one of the boys goes into some sort of unmedically explainable coma. Also ghosts start appearing and making Mom (Rose Byrne) appear crazy, but when they move the ghosts seem to follow! Of course they have to start calling in the stereotypical Paranormal experts to come up with the real reason for the coma. It is filled with Lewton Buses and it does go for the jolt for the viewer (it's just not something that I find works the best on me). Also the ghosts reminded me of Darth Maul, Ozzy, and of course some characters from the "Black Hole Sun" video which made me giggle more than it should have. It definitely seems like people are split on this one so I say see it and decide for yourself, it's effective for a particular sort of scare...I just wish I weren't immune.

Availability:  Still in theatres but I'm sure DVD and Blu-Ray will follow

Horror Hospital (1973) aka Computer Killers

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: The Operation is a Success ... When the Patient Dies
Directed by: Antony Balch
Written by: Alan Watson, Antony Balch
Actors include: Michael Gough, Robin Askwith, Vanessa Shaw
Genre: Horror, Black Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one silly campy and ridiculous mess of a movie but parts of it were at least amusing. It's about a rock singer (who definitely looks like a member of the Rolling Stones) who wrote a really fantastic song (so he says) that is ripped off by his band. He needs a breather so he sees an advert for "Hairy Holidays" (what?) and signs up immediately. He happens to meet up with a young lady (with an identical haircut) at the train station on the way to the retreat. Of course she is headed to the same retreat to meet her Aunt Harris (who happens to be one of the staff at this place). This place isn't quite what they expected...in fact it's a hospital where the evil Dr. Storm (Michael Gough) uses clients to perform mind control surgery of some sort. It really doesn't bother with things like logic or scares, it's very much a black comedy really. It at least does bother to offer a unique decapitation method you won't soon forget but little else is worth remembering.

Availability:  On DVD

La Nuit De La Mort aka The Night Of Death aka Les Griffes De La Mort aka The Lady of Death (1980)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11

Tagline: You Are What They Eat!

Directed by: Raphaël Delpard

Written by: Raphaël Delpard, Richard Joffo

Actors include: Isabelle Goguey, Betty Beckers, Charlotte de Turckheim

Genre: Horror, Black Comedy

Length: 94 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

A strangely obscure French horror film from the '80s that finally has a proper DVD release from Synapse films. The plot is about a girl who decides to work for this strange retirement home as a Caregiver. All of the patients are oddly vegetarians, the rules of the house are very strict and she's told her predecessor quit without even saying goodbye. There is also a creepy little song that the Headmistress of the house likes to play on the piano and sing, and fellow in the home who is extremely hungry. Soon it becomes clear that something else is going on and she has to make a run for it. The story is filled with many colorful characters and little blackly comedic jokes which I liked. It's also surprisingly gory (now the effects aren't great but not bad) relatively well acted and entertaining enough that it's easy watch. It's just that the mystery is quite obvious and the film treats the viewer like they are stupid in places. Still I really find it odd that this is such a rarity, it's not the greatest thing ever but certainly worth watching for horror fans.

Availability:  On DVD

Ashes Of Doom (1970)

4.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don Arioli, Grant Munro
Written by: Don Arioli
Actors include: Grant Munro, Nadia Salnick
Genre: Horror, Short, Comedy
Length: 2 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I absolutely think this is the best anti-smoking add I've ever seen. Maybe it's because I love the Hammer style Dracula slant on this, or maybe it's just because it's funny. It was created by the National Health Board of Canada to of course raise awareness about the ills of smoking. It shows a Woman who is chain smoking like mad in Gothic garb, when in flies Dracula through the window. He leans in to bite her neck...only to find a little surprise. Anyone interested can find it here to watch: http://beta.nfb.ca/film/ashes_of_doom/

Availability:  Not on DVD but watch for free online above

How Wings Are Attached To The Backs Of Angels (1997)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Craig Welch
Written by: Craig Welch
Actors include: Louise Leroux
Genre: Horror, Animation, Fantasy
Length: 11 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Pretty neat little animated Canadian film that also utilizes photography and black and white imagery. The style somewhat reminded me of Monty Python...only far darker and gothic of course. The idea seems to be that this Man is obsessed with wings, and putting wings on creatures. He examines animals to try to learn about the wings and how they are made. He then meets a Woman and all he can think about seems to be attaching wings to her. It's pretty well done actually, and quite unique. It's a short film of course, so it'll only take up about 11 minutes of your time which will be well spent.

Availability:  N/A on DVD

The Fall Of The House Of Usher (1928) aka La Chute De La Maison Usher

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: James Sibley Watson, Melville Webber
Written by: Edgar Allan Poe
Actors include: Herbert Stern, Hildegarde Watson, Melville Webber
Genre: Horror, Surrealism
Length: 14 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Even though I've seen other versions of this tale, I've got to say that this was incomprehensible. Maybe I'm a moron, or maybe it's just entirely unclear, and they got carried away with surrealism. It's spectacular as far as the visuals go, the interplay of light and dark and shadows and movement are impressive. The technics used with the layering and reverse cinematography and so forth are also very notable for the time. It's elegant and even creepy, perhaps the not knowing helps this. Still I couldn't help but want more from the actual story, even for a short film. It's something to see on an artistic level most definitely but I thought it was lacking in some departments.

Availability:  On DVD as part of this set:

The Sandman (1991)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Paul Berry
Written by: N/A
Actors include: N/A
Genre: Horror, Animation
Length: 9 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I did not see this coming somehow...no wonder children are terrified of the Sandman! The style is Tim Burtonesque, sort of gnarled and twisted but whimsical too. It's created with stop-motion and the attention to detail is remarkable. The story is about a Mother who sends her little Boy up to bed with a flickering candle. Before long the Sandman is creeping around, but what could he want? Surprising and refreshing, not the sort of thing one should show to children at all. Very creative and creepy little delight, well worth checking out, and it was nominated for an Oscar for best short film in 1992.

Availability:  I don't think it's on DVD

The Tell-Tale Heart (1953)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ted Parmelee
Written by: Edgar Allan Poe, Bill Scott
Actors include: James Mason
Genre: Animation, Short, Crime, Horror
Length: 8 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I didn't really know this story before watching this, I knew something about the floorboards but nothing else. Pretty neat really, it's about a crazy Man who is obsessed with his old Man Landlord's eye. I love the style of animation used here, it's so very gothic and dark yet claustrophobic in a way. It does a fantastic job of building the tension and sort of putting us in the mind of the crazy Man. It's only 8 minutes long so it's definitely to the point, and the story is told through narration. It manages to be a bit creepy, and interesting definitely worth a viewing, I wish there were more like this one but alas I haven't seen any.

Availability:  not on DVD I believe

Kyvadlo, jáma a naděje (1984) aka The Pit, the Pendulum and Hope

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jan Svankmajer
Written by: Jan Svankmajer, Edgar Allan Poe
Actors include: Jan Zácek
Genre: Horror, Animation
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
At first I thought...oh no, I'm going to get sea sick from the lack of focus and the pendulum movement. Then I started to feel that doom of the swing, and as the details become clear as to the situation and set it's pretty darned neat. It's all filmed in grainy black and white, and you really don't see much if anything in the way of faces. Creepy moving parts and the animation or stop-motion stuff certainly leave one feeling uneasy. At the same time the age old Pit and the Pendulum story is very clear despite the total lack of dialog. We watch a Man struggle for survival as the pendulum swings closer and closer as he tries desperately to escape...how is that not exciting? It's definitely obvious stylistically that it's a work of Jan Švankmajer with the creative touches. Sure it's just a short film, but it packs a whole lotta punch.

Availability:  On DVD as part of the Collected Shorts Of Jan Svankmajer set

Treevenge (2008)

4 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jason Eisener
Written by: Rob Cotterill, Jason Eisener
Actors include: Lex Gigeroff, Sarah Dunsworth, Lex Gigeroff
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 16 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a cute little Canadian low budget short film that asks the question....what happens when abused trees get pissed off? The idea is that some maniacal lumberjacks sadistically torture trees before they wind up as Christmas decorations. The trees have had enough and start to fight back in some insanely gruesome ways. Yes it's silly, and strange but in a good way, definitely some hilarious moments in this one. Thanks to my new horror lovin' friend Myron for the recommendation on this one. Definitely a Christmas must for the holidays!

Availability:  Not on DVD currently I think

L'Orribile Segreto Del Dr. Hichcock (1962) aka The Horrible Dr. Hichcock

3 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: The candle of his lust burnt brightest in the shadow of the grave!
Directed by: Riccardo Freda
Written by: Ernesto Gastaldi
Actors include: Barbara Steele, Robert Flemyng, Silvano Tranquilli
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I give this credit for having a good cast and rather surprising plot elements it couldn't help the fact that this was dull. It's an atmospheric Gothic film sorta like a Hammer picture stylistically set back in the late '1800s. Even though the story sounds gratuitous it really doesn't deliver and it's quite filled with chatter. Dr. Hichcock is into drugging his Wife for sexual activities, and he accidentally overdoses her. After much woe he remarries only something doesn't seem quite right with the arrangement. Could Dr. Hichcock have other purposes in mind for his new Wife who is suffering from hallucinations? It's got a great reputation and I really did want to like this a heck of a lot more than I did so you might not want to take my word for this one.

Availablity:  Not currently on DVD that I'm aware of

Harpya (1979)

3.5 / 5 Apr '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Raoul Servais
Written by: Raoul Servais
Actors include: Will Spoor, Fran Waller Zeper, Sjoert Schwibethus
Genre: Fantasy, Short, Animation, Horror
Length: 9 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I've sorta been worried about reviewing this one because I can't really tell you what went on. I can tell you that it's absurd and strange, and that the Harpy creature is freaky but you can probably already see that from the picture. What I can tell you about the plot is that a Man who is strolling comes across some sort of crying from the fountain. He thinks he's found a Woman (I think) but it ends up being this Harpy thing. He takes it home and it is endlessly demanding and obnoxious and it seems to be sort of holding him prisoner in a way. It's a very short film, and the imagery will certainly stick with you (or at least it has me). Still I can't help but think a hint of clarity could have went a long way. Oh well, still something to see for the person who has seen everything.

Availability:  Not on DVD as far as I can tell

The Deadly Spawn (1983) aka Return Of The Alien's Deadly Spawn

3.5 / 5 Mar '11
Tagline: Mankind vs. the ultimate eating machine
Directed by: Douglas McKeown
Written by: Ted A. Bohus, John Dods
Actors include: Tom DeFranco, Charles George Hildebrandt, Richard Lee Porter
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 78 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
At first I thought I was in for a dud...I mean the budget is quite miniscule and the acting is shall we say weak. My mind was changed when I saw the alien monsters (erm Deadly Spawn) who actually looks pretty good what with a multitude of teeth. The excessive and hilarious gore really helped to make this a quirky likeable film as well. The plot begins with campers who discover meteor crash only to become lunch for the angry alien parasites. Soon the aliens take up residence in town nearby in a basement eating everyone in sight. It's up to a group of teens to save humanity from becoming alien chow...will they rise to the challenge? Yeah so basically plot schmott...it bears a resemblance to many better films but it's still pretty fun and has a sense of humor about it. Definitely for those who like B movies, just don't expect too much and you might just be surprised.

Availability:  On DVD