Blood Relations (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Anything for the family.
Directed by: Graeme Campbell
Written by: Steven Saylor
Actors include: Jan Rubes, Lydie Denier, Kevin Hicks
Genre: Horror, Mystery
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

The story goes that Thomas is the Son of a very rich man and is very used to money. His girlfriend Marie also really likes money and is clearly together with Thomas for this reason. They go to visit Dr. Andreas the brain surgeon (who is Thomas' Father) and Andreas' dying Father Charles. It doesn't take long before Marie figures out something isn't quite right with Dr. Andreas and maybe his surgeries aren't quite what one thinks. There is also strangeness surrounding the death of Thomas' Mother, could Dr. Andreas have had a hand in her demise? The film actually does have a few nice gore scenes in it though they are quite spaced out, and while the story builds it can be rather dull. It is definitely also an erotic thriller as there is a fair amount of nudity and sex. The movie on a whole was satisfying, it threw a few amusing curve balls and it did come together nicely. It's just that it feels very straight-to-video and it feels long winded despite a short run time.

Availability:  on DVD

Rubber Johnny (2005)

2.5 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  Chris Cunningham
Written by:  Aphex Twin
Actors include:  Elvis, Percy Rutherford
Genre:  Horror, Short, Animation
Length:  6 minutes
Banned:  Nope







Review:  
Pretty underwhelming little piece about a weird looking boy with shiny eyes who babbles.  He is locked in a basement because he contorts his body into unnatural positions and he's given a little dog for company.  Be prepared for a whole lot of bending and flashy editing as well as music from Aphex Twin.  It just didn't really do anything, and the distortions wore thin rather quickly.  I guess I expected more, and i wasn't really bothered by the fact the boy was supposed to be grotesque or at least he didn't trip me out.  I think if your a fan of this specific techno horror style then you will probably like this but I'll never see it again.

Availability:  On DVD

Recorded Live (1975)

4 / 5  May '11 
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by:  S.S. Wilson
Written by:  S.S. Wilson
Actors include:  John Goodwin
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length:  8 minutes
Banned:  Nope






Review:
When you consider how easy this must have been to make, it seems shocking that I haven't seen much like it since.  It's about a Guy called Mr. Aaines who receives a letter for a job interview.  He goes into the office only to find two reels of film sitting there.  The tape on the reels starts unwinding and it forms into some sort of blobular creature that chases him around.  It's not going to freak anyone out, it's just sort of a comedic little "what if" tale that is well executed.  It sounds stupid and yes in a way it is but they come up with enough clever ideas to make it very worthwhile.  I can't help but wonder if Trent Reznor was influenced by this when making his "Head Like A Hole" video. 

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Haunted Mouth (1974)

 3 / 5  May '11 

Tagline:  N/A

Directed by:  N/A
Written by:  N/A

Actors include:  Cesar Romero

Genre:  Horror, Short
Length:  13 minutes

Banned:  Nope

Review:  

I can't believe this exists, it's a slightly horror themed commercial from the '70s brought to us by Colgate.  The concept is that the evil B Plaque (a chair voiced by Cesar Romero) tells tales of children who have lost their teeth due to neglect.  He then gives children instructions of how to keep your teeth clean and flossed and isn't concerned because we won't follow his instructions.  He's quite convinced that he will move on in and take over our teeth oooh scary!  Okay so it's not going to give anyone the chills but when compared to other dental hygiene videos I've seen it's at least creative.  I also appreciate the fact that it's shot in the style of a 'B' Movie, kinda fun though it does wear thin after thirteen minutes.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon (2008)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  It will kill you. Even if it takes the rest of your life.
Directed by:  Richard Gale
Written by:  Richard Gale
Actors include:  Paul Clemens, Brian Rohan, Fay Kato
Genre:  Horror, Comedy, Short
Length: 10 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:  
Well the title was certainly the best possible choice for the flick.  It is about a murderer who is invincible...and his weapon?  A spoon.  It goes on to mimic scenes from various Hollywood films only of course add in someone getting smacked with a spoon ad nauseam.  It's a short film coming in at ten minutes, but towards the middle it does start to feel horribly long.  At least they do tuck back the odd little treat towards the end so it is worth sticking it out.  It's not complete garbage, it is rather funny for the first few minutes but I can't imagine ever watching it again. 

Availability:  On DVD

Rubber (2010)

4 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Are You Tired of the Expected?
Directed by: Quentin Dupieux
Written by: Quentin Dupieux
Actors include: Stephen Spinella, Wings Hauser, Roxane Mesquida
Genre: Black Comedy, Horror
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I found this to be instantly engaging and the surrealism was quite charming. The very fact that they managed to make a movie about a tire and made it interesting deserves applause. The tire in question seems to learn that it enjoys running things over, but it has even more fun once it starts exploding heads through some sort of telepathy (seriously). The tire also becomes obsessed with a woman as our story goes on. Don't focus too much on what it's about because it just is and it makes no bones about that. It's a very strange format in that there is a side story with the audience who happens to be watching the tire. It's sort of like an essay or commentary that is going on while the actual story is too, it really adds a unique perspective. The odd thing is, that it is effective as a black comedy, it is effective as a horror film (lots of red stuff) and yet it feels like an art film too. Definitely an inventive and entertaining horror film, thanks so much to Happywax (Doomgoryums Horror Emporium) for the recommendation.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Freaked (1993)

4 / 5 May '11
Tagline: A thinking man's stupid comedy.
Directed by: Tom Stern, Alex Winter
Written by: Tim Burns, Tom Stern
Actors include: Megan Ward, Randy Quaid, Alex Winter
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
What a strange combination of comedy, parody and sci-fi which echoes the sentiments of Monty Python films in many ways. I've got to say that although it's insanely silly it's really very funny, especially the first 40 minutes. Some of the gags get a little stale as it goes on and even though it has a shortish runtime it couldn't have carried on any further. It's absurd, bizarre, not afraid to go for cheap laughs and of course full of freaks and surprisingly it has a nearly all-star cast. The plot revolves around a self-absorbed actor called Ricky Coogan (Alex Winter) who has accepted the role of a spokesperson for a toxic chemical company. Ricky and his friend Ernie (Michael Stoyanov) then travels to South America to learn more about the chemical. Along the way they also pick up love interest and activist Julie (Megan Ward), together the three end up at a mutant freak farm. Before they know it, they are science projects and part of a sideshow with other freaks and they must plan their escape! I think my favorite part were Eye and Eye, the Rastafarian minions for the bad sideshow overlord...soo stupid but I'm still laughing about it. This is definitely low-brow, if you are looking for some classic that will make you think or something you are obviously barking up the wrong tree. If you are looking for a quirky cameo filled freakfest this is your flick!

Availability:  on DVD

Return Of The Living Dead III (1993)

3.5 / 5 May '11
Tagline: She's To Die For.
Directed by: Brian Yuzna
Written by: John Penney
Actors include: Kent McCord, James T. Callahan, Sarah Douglas
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Sci-Fi
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I'm really happy to see that this third installment really does rejuvenate the franchise with a far better offering than the previous installment of the series. This time they bother to explain a little more of what is going on scientifically (the Government is still working on studying reanimating the dead for military purposes). One of the Military fellas has a teenage son named Curt who has stolen his swipe pass to impress his girlfriend Julie. The two are a little wild, and totally in love! So when they go exploring they happen to learn about the zombie experiments. They also soon find out that Curt is to be moved away because his Father has been transferred to another city. The two teens decide to go it alone together, and head out on Curt's bike...only a terrible accident happens and he needs to use the reanimation powder to fix things. As we all know, things will go terribly wrong and before we know it we are in the middle of a gory zombie battle (hooray!). Sure it's a bit cheesy and over the top but what more could one expect? It actually does a good job of working within the confines of the series so far and it's quite entertaining. Definitely a worthwhile and bloody sequel that should appeal to fans of the series and just horror fans in general.

Availability:  On DVD

L'Ossessa (1974) aka The Eerie Midnight Horror Show aka The Sexorcist, Enter The Devil, Sexorkistis, The Devil Obsession, The Tormented

2  / 5 May '11
Tagline:  Ravished! Violated! Possessed by Satan!
Directed by:  Mario Gariazzo
Written by:  Mario Gariazzo, Ambrogio Molteni
Actors include:  Stella Carnacina, Chris Avram, Lucretia Love
Genre:  Horror
Length:  92 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:  
My print has the title "The Eerie Midnight Horror Show" which certainly conjures up some imagery...like oh say expecting some transvestitism, perhaps a few song and dance numbers with monsters?  Turns out the alternate title The Sexorcist is far more appropriate as it is a cheap Italian clone of what else?  This one involves a realistic carving of a human out of wood that comes to life and rapes a student.  After the rape she can't help but masturbate every where she goes and hit on people like her Father and Priest.  I don't even think I need to bother explaining more since I'm sure you've seen the movie it's aping.  At any rate it's very very dry and there are long stretches with chatting and other dullery.  It seriously lacks blood, scares and really it isn't nearly as sleazy as anticipated all around.  Now if you are looking for some good Italian clones of The Exorcist there are a few decent ones like:  Beyond The Door, La Endemoniada, and L'Antichristo but this one comes last.

Availability:  On DVD

Trick R Treat (2007)

4 / 5 May '11 
Tagline:  You better watch out, I'm telling you why. Sam is coming to town...
Directed by:  Michael Dougherty
Written by:  Michael Dougherty
Actors include:  Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, Brian Cox
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  82 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Sure this isn't the sort of horror film that is going to scare the pants off of anyone, but it is a really fun Halloweeny anthology.  It winds four spookily fun little tales together to make for a fast-paced and original flick.  One segment was about a Principal who does not put the "pal" in Principal (okay worst joke ever right?).  In fact he may be murdering the children of the neighborhood!  Another is about a bunch of teens who pull a prank on an idiot...savant that is.  We also have a College virgin who is waiting for the right one, but her friends are kinda pressuring her to do it now!  Lastly there is the tale about blowing out a jack-o-lantern before midnight.  All were well executed and the spirit of the film is purely vintage which I loved.  I'm so happy to see that the anthology is in fact not dead, just twisted Pulp Fiction style.  Thanks so much to the very wise Happywax (Doomgoryums Horror Emporium) for this recommendation, great selection!  

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Brain Dead (2007)

3 / 5  May '11
Tagline:  A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste
Directed by:  Kevin Tenney
Written by:  Dale Gelineeau
Actors include:  Joshua Benton, Sarah Grant Brendecke, David Crane
Genre:  Horror, Comedy
Length:  95 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:

Well I can seriously say I knew absolutely nothing about this film going into it, in fact we thought we were about to watch the Roger Corman film of the same name.  I was relieved to find that this was at least an entertaining flick, complete with excessive nudity, gruesome gore effects and it was rather comical throughout.  It also adversely has terrible acting, dry spots with people talking and a definite straight-to-video feeling to it.  The plot is about some people who all (for some reason or another) end up at this deserted cabin.  Oops, did I say deserted?  Cuz I meant invested with alien mutant zombie things (yes you purists will not be pleased with that) but it made for a colorful little film at least.  Watch people try basically nothing to retaliate or escape the situation and sit back and let the cliches roll.  Sure this isn't going to win an Oscar but it's a fair bit of fun for a late night viewing for those who like stuff that oozes.

Availability:  on DVD

Priest (2011)

3 / 5  May '11 
Tagline:  The War is Eternal. His Mission is Just the Beginning.
Directed by:  Scott Charles Stewart
Written by:  Cory Goodman, Min-Woo Hyung
Actors include:  Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q
Genre:  Thriller, Horror, Action, Western
Length:  87 minutes
Banned:  Nope

Review:
Well, this was my first ever 3D movie in the theater, and unfortunately it didn't really utilize this tool very effectively but it did add a nice touch or two.  The particularly stellar part was the Gothic animation in the beginning sequences, it's too bad they didn't use more of this throughout the film.  What they did use were CGI vampires that resembled Marilyn Manson, ridiculously laughable script ("Kill 'Em All") and some of the most implausible action sequences (oh I'm talking about you stones thrown into the air that were used as steps) I think I've ever seen.  Conceptually it's decent enough, it's about a war that occurred between humanity and vampires and Priests were the saviors of humans.  They have since disbarred and been outcast in society and must work demeaning tasks.  The vampires were supposedly vanquished (note I said "supposedly") which leads us to our next problem.  A family are brutalized and a daughter Lucy held captive by vampires, of course the way this works is that a Priest is related to her.  He must leave his Priesthood in order to kick some butt and save Lucy with a little help from a fella called Hicks.  Anyhow it is filled with action...and if you like scenes were people glide around on bikes in the sand (okay so I thought it was snow because I'm an idiot) for long stretches...you will love this movie.  There were at least a few redeeming qualities to this, the visuals were striking and the plot was okay.  Maybe not exactly my cup-o-tea but not worth writing off entirely.

Availability:  Still in theaters

Lake Mungo (2008)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: If you've never seen a ghost... Look closer.
Directed by: Joel Anderson
Written by: Joel Anderson
Actors include: Rosie Traynor, David Pledger, Martin Sharpe
Genre: Horror, Thriller, Mystery
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well points for creativity should be awarded here, though the dry spots in the story were a little too plentiful. The film is told in the style of a documentary about a family who's Daughter Alice has turned up drowned in the lake. They determine her death as accidental and her family tries to move on, they start seeing shadowy versions of Alice around. They contact some Supernatural specialists and exhume the body to try to determine what has happened. As things unravel we find out things aren't quite what we seem, and the more digging that happens the more the story contorts. Some of the imagery here is yes, somewhat creepy but beyond that I can't say much in the way of horror happens. It at least does try to build mystery and it did have me wondering exactly what was going similar to some of Peter Weir's flicks. I just think if they'd had a better cast and bothered to try to make it a bit more ominous things would have been so much better. Thanks so much to Happywax (http://doomgoryumshorroremporium.blogspot.com/) for this recommendation!

Availability:  On DVD

Creep (2004)

3.5 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Your journey terminates here.
Directed by: Christopher Smith
Written by: Christopher Smith
Actors include: Franka Potente, Sean Harris, Vas Blackwood
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I had no idea going into this film that it was basically a remake of Death Line [Raw Meat] complete with shots of Franka Potente running (ala Lola rennt [Run Lola Run]). Even so it was pretty amusing, especially the way they set the situation up. Kate (Franka Potente) is on her way home from a party when she falls asleep in the subway waiting for a train. She wakes up only to find herself locked in and under attack by a creepy co-worker and of course she seems to make the wrong choice with every turn. While trying to find a place to escape she ends up in the underground with the Homeless people. However in her attempt to escape she finds something far more sinister down below. So it does have some carnage in it, though it's mainly one of those building tension escape type scenarios which is just fine with me. It is relatively well made and the cast make it a little more appealing then it could have been with unknowns. Thanks to horror fiends Axemaster and Happywax (http://doomgoryumshorroremporium.blogspot.com/) for this recommend, definitely a fun little horror flick for most.

Availability:  On DVD

Dream Demon (1988)

 3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: Two women trapped in a savage nightmare...
Directed by: Harley Cokeliss
Written by: Christopher Wicking, Harley Cokeliss
Actors include: Jemma Redgrave, Kathleen Wilhoite, Timothy Spall
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Overall this is a rather dry and lifeless reworking of A Nightmare on Elm Street however it does have a few surprises along the way. Diana is a rich and famous young British Lass who is hounded by the press about her upcoming marriage. She starts having horribly violent dreams, and until she meets an American girl called Jenny (the only charismatic character in the film played by Kathleen Wilhoite). Jenny believes her past is somehow tied into the house that Diana is staying in, and the two become fast friends. When they realize that the demons in Diana's dreams are causing real damage as she pulls people into dangerous situations if they are nearby. This doesn't sound familiar at all does it? Heck even down to the rescuing of a little girl from a fire that transforms when rescued it's so recycled. Still the thing that really will make this worth watching for genre fans is the surprising gore...heck the best scene is borrowed from 力王 [Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky]. It has potential, it's just a shame they couldn't have made it a bit more exciting and less cliche.

Availability:  Not currently on DVD

I Was A Teenage Intellectual (1999) aka Byl Jsem Mladistvým Intelektuálem

2.5 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Marek Dobes, Stepan Kopriva
Written by: Marek Dobes, Stepan Kopriva
Actors include: Vladimír Skultéty, Sona Tomeckova, Robert Jaskow
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Short
Length: 17 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This really felt like a silly little joke which although it was a short film (at 16 minutes) it should have been maybe 3 minutes or so long. The gag is the comparison between intellectuallism and werewolfism which is kinda cute I guess but far from satisfying. Two junk food lovin' action fans are content in their lives until one of them is bitten by an intellectual. Suddenly he starts craving big words, big books and attending cult like meetings dressed in black. On a horror front this is very unsatisfying, and although I did laugh at the A Nightmare on Elm Street gag there isn't much else nice I could say.

Availability:  Not on DVD as far as I know

Forklift Driver Klaus: The First Day on the Job (2000) aka Staplerfahrer Klaus - Der Erste Arbeitstag

4 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Stefan Prehn, Jörg Wagner
Written by: Jörg Wagner, Stefan Prehn
Actors include: Konstantin Graudus, Gustav Adolph Artz, Jürgen Kittel
Genre: Horror, Comedy
Length: 9 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Maybe it's because I've seen several forklift training videos because I work in a Warehouse that I found this to be so hilarious. It's a German short film that is created in the style of a workplace safety video, and as it goes on it gets increasingly more ridiculous and bloody. We first meet Klaus, a newly certified forklift driver who is ready to start his day. At first he decides it's safe to lift a fellow employee on a pallet which of course he finds out isn't the wisest idea. Each time Klaus has a bad idea we go back to an alarm and the next incident seems to get worse. Even the cheesy music and voiceover really make this something entertaining to watch. I think anyone who likes to see things go terribly wrong should enjoy this in some twisted way.

Availability:  I don't think it's on DVD

Roadkill: The Last Days Of John Martin (1994)

3 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Jim Van Bebber
Written by: Mark Gillespie, Jim Van Bepper
Actors include: Marc Pitman, Mark Gillespie, Maureen Allisse
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 15 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So apparently this short film was created by Jim Van Bebber as a means to finance his feature length film My Sweet Satan. It's certainly attempting to appeal to splatter fans as it jumps right in with our crazy main character yanking entrails from some sort of animal and having a snack. In fact when he's not gnawing on raw parts he's yelling repetitively and watching '80s tv programs, quite the fulfilling life really. He goes out on a cruise and picks up some hitchhikers and has a little dismemberment dinner party. It's definitely trying to mimic the ambiance and sentiment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with no avail as this just isn't creepy. I did appreciate the fact that it was quite gory and well I actually thought it was funny and easy enough to watch but it shouldn't scare anyone.

Availability:  On DVD as part of a set with My Sweet Satan

Clockwork (1978)

2 / 5 May '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Sam Raimi
Written by: Sam Raimi
Actors include: Cheryl Guttridge, Scott Spiegel
Genre: Horror, Short
Length: 7 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So this is where it all began for Sam Raimi (along with the precursor to The Evil Dead called Within the Woods). It's a short film that certainly oozes "Student Film" left right and centre. It's grainy and very cheap looking (though the aged print may have been the issue with this) and it's certainly not very well developed plot wise. We watch a Woman move about her apartment before going to sleep (though we see someone standing outside who is obviously ready for some killin' action). She wakes up to some noises (for some reason El Killer is throwing a Ketchup bottle and being destructive towards condiments?) only to find of course that the murderer is in her house. If only she'd invested in doors that weren't made of paper perhaps this tale could have gone differently. It's just really nothing much to see, it's not gory, it's not scary and it's not even interesting. I suppose Raimi buffs may want to have a gander like I did and heck I suppose it will only waste 7 minutes of your time.

Availability:  Not on DVD