Madhouse (1974)

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: If Stark Terror Were Ecstasy... living here would be sheer bliss!
Directed by: Jim Clark
Written by: Angus Hall, Ken Levison
Actors include: Vincent Price, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
Now this I felt was rather disappointing, especially considering it's got Vincent Price and Peter Cushing as the leads and not to mention it's from the Tigon company. It's a story about an actor called Dr. Death (Price) who stars in a series of successful horror flicks. After his fiancee was decapitated brutally (Price doesn't remember what happened that night) he went into recluse status for many years. When he is called to come back to the series he's very reluctant, but when the killings start back up the mystery must be solved! They do try a little on the gory death front (which is appreciated) but the Scooby Doo style mystery isn't very interesting. The plot goes all over the place unnecessarily and it aimlessly wanders so much that it's hard to really get much enjoyment from this at all. At least there are a few amusing moments and some decent deaths but this offers little else unfortunately. Definitely not one of the best from anyone but it's ok I suppose for a rainy day so long as your expectations aren't very high.

Availability:  On DVD as part of this Vincent Price collection

20 Million Miles To Earth (1957) aka The Beast From Space

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: Monster from outerspace runs wild!
Directed by: Nathan Juran
Written by: Robert Creighton Williams, Christopher Knopf
Actors include: William Hopper, Joan Taylor, Frank Puglia
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror, Fantasy
Length: 82 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was a disappointment, see I recently enjoyed The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms so why not try another Harryhausen flick? This one has quite an excellent reputation and after watching it I'm really puzzled as to why. It's about a Space ship that went to Venus that crash lands and it's cargo (an alien from Venus that is still an egg) is lost. A snot nosed little boy named Pepe who I seriously want to beat to a pulp finds it and sells it to a Scientist so he can have a cowboy hat (sigh). Of course it grows gigantic because it's not used to our atmosphere and it makes elephant noises and even fights an elephant for a long period of time. Sometimes the effects look good but overall I wasn't that impressed unfortunately. I actually think the characters are what made me so frustrated with it, that and poor pacing and plenty of dull drama too. It has it's moments but there just aren't enough to make this an exciting science fiction flick.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

4.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline:  A robot and a man . . . hold the world spellbound with new and startling powers from another planet!
Directed by: Robert Wise
Written by: Edmund H. North, Harry Bates
Actors include: Michael Rennie, Patricia Neal, Hugh Marlowe
Genre: Sci-Fi, Drama, Thriller
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although certainly heavy handed and riddled with morality it's still a fascinating science fiction classic. I think what makes it so special (and frightening) is that it feels like this is the way it would play out in reality unfortunately. Right off the hop we are informed of a UFO flying overhead which quickly lands on earth. Everyone gathers to see the alien (who likes just like a Man) and a Robot who come out of the spacecraft. The Man proclaims he brings peace but of course our lousy people shoot at him and he starts to get a more realistic portrayal of what is wrong with earth. See the Man is able to infiltrate society and befriends a nice Mother and young Boy who help him on his quest. He wishes for our Nations to unite for the news they have brought us, but when they learn of our reluctance to join hands the mood is changed. The Robot looks particularly cool as does the spacecraft although rather simply designed they are very effective. The characters are compelling and it's a very easy film to watch to say the least. I do think there are better early science fiction films but this one should appeal to a wider audience as it really does make a great point. Definitely worth your time no matter what kind of films you like!

Availability:  On DVD and Blu-Ray

He Knows You're Alone (1980) aka Blood Wedding

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline:  Every girl is frightened the night before her wedding, but this time... there's good reason!
Directed by: Armand Mastroianni
Written by: Scott Parker
Actors include: Don Scardino, Caitlin O'Heaney, Elizabeth Kemp
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 94 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Although it does have the odd imaginative death this film is anything but. I liked Halloween too but the lengths this film goes through to "borrow" from it are ridiculous, even the music sounds like fake Halloween music. They didn't bother with a plot though, this just has a silent large killer who sorta shows up everywhere (gee where have I heard that before?). It's filled with boring teen drama, our lead character is engaged to a feller that folks don't seem to like so much, but her ex boyfriend is trying to win her back and everyone likes this. That takes up most of the movie, but when people aren't pitching woo at Amy she's seeing the murderer everywhere. It's well filmed actually and reasonably well put together I suppose it's just the talky bits are too many and not enough really happens. Some more back story would have been greatly appreciated but if it would have made the film longer, I'd pass. It's too bad because it actually does start out a whole lot stronger than it finishes. If you adore all slashers then you'll want to see this one too but if not then this certainly won't sell you on them.

Availability:  On DVD

Madman (1982)

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: They thought they were alone.
Directed by: Joe Giannone
Written by: Joe Giannone
Actors include: Gaylen Ross, Tony Fish, Harriet Bass
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Iceland

Review:
Oy, a tissue thin plot about Madman Marz a demented feller who axed his wife and kid and was hung by the townspeople. Someone also bit off his nose I believe (though he didn't feel it they say) and gashed his throat I think. At any rate he's running around looking remarkably like a Yetti for some odd reason brutally murdering camp councilors (sound familiar?). The only real plus in this situation is that the murders look pretty darned awesome and are gratuitous. If only they'd put a tiny bit of effort into the rest of the film it wouldn't have been such a struggle to sit through. It has atrocious musical numbers (about the Madman), ridiculously bad acting from everyone (one of the fellas looks like Chris Kattan, and another is named "T.P." so when he's lost they run around in the forrest yelling for tp!), and a ridiculous pool scene involving them moving around in circles? It goes on and on...seriously unbalanced big time! It didn't even try to be amusing plot wise, you are getting exactly what you think...a Madman slasher, the end! Oh well it was worth it to see the deaths but that is the only nice thing I can say about this 'un.

Availability:  On DVD

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953) aka Monster From Beneath The Sea

4 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: It's alive!
Directed by: Eugene Lourie
Written by: Ray Bradbury, Fred Freiberger
Actors include: Lee Van Cleef, Paul Hubschmid, Paula Raymond
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 80 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
After an atomic test bomb thingy goes off a gigantic Rhedosaurus wakes up from his frozen sleep and starts terrorizing the cities and buildings of New York. It's actually rather similar to ゴジラ [Godzilla] but actually since this was 1953 it came first! I believe super stop-motion genius Ray Harryhausen even claimed that ゴジラ [Godzilla] ripped this one off! The effects are most impressive, the dinosaur is big and menacing and has some decent munches, snatches and destruction behind him. We are even treated to a fight between an octopus and a whale of sorts! It's a bit wooden on start-up but hold on to your had because it has a thrilling finale, rollercoaster action and some definitely amusing moments. This was based around a short story from Ray Bradbury so it's pretty darned interesting as one might imagine. I think this is a public domain flick or at least it's available for next to nothing just about anywhere I go. Grab it up, it's definitely one of the better early sci-fi flicks!

Availability:  On DVD

Gargoyles (1972)

3.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: They're coming for you!
Directed by: Bill L. Norton
Written by: Elinor Karpf, Steven Karpf
Actors include: Cornel Wilde, Jennifer Salt, Grayson Hall
Genre: Horror, Fantasy
Length: 74 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was unique in many ways as well I can't think of another horror picture about gargoyles, particularly considering this was a made-for-tv movie. Stephen King named this as one of his favorites, which is actually somewhat surprising really. See it starts out amazingly...it's creepy, there is a skeleton from a gargoyle that looks rather real. The old Man who found it was telling his story to our main characters (a Man and his inappropriately dressed at all times daughter) when suddenly the roof of his shack crashes in and flapping noises are heard in the air. As the Man and his daughter try to escape a live gargoyle attacks their car (seriously exciting stuff) but then it gets beyond stupid. First of all I need to mention that the gargoyle effects are friggin' terrible...some of the worst I've seen. They resemble the Creature from the Black Lagoon only cheaper and more plastic looking. Oh and did I mention that they talk and read books...yes I mean the gargoyles. I really wish it had stayed with it's exciting first half into an exciting conclusion. Instead it was laughable, sad and even boring...I was seriously dying for the 74 minutes to be up! It's just too bad because it seems like so much more could have been done with this one, but as is still worth a gander.

Availability:  On DVD

The War Of The Worlds (1953)

4.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: Amazing! terrifying! The most savage spectacle of all time!
Directed by: Byron Hasking
Written by: H.G. Wells, Barré Lyndon
Actors include: Gene Barry, Ann Robinson, Les Tremayne
Genre: Science Fiction, Horror
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was one heck of an exciting alien invasion flick. The effects were actually amazing especially when one considers this was 1953! It's no wonder they won an Oscar for the effects work. From the city being destroyed to the actual aliens, it's all really effective and exciting. The idea is that an alien ship has landed (they look sorta like swans), and people are trying to greet them in peace...the only trouble is these aliens aren't exactly friendly. It's a non-stop fast paced destructive masterpiece, stuff being blown up and action galore! I was actually surprised this was in color (as I'd always assumed it was black and white) but it's very vivid, the actors do a good job in this and it's full of tension and thrills. I've never seen the remake but I probably would after this, definitely one of the best science fiction films I've seen.

Availability:  On DVD

A Warning To The Curious (1972)

4.5 / 5 Dec 09
Tagline:  N/A
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark, M.R. James
Written by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Actors includes: Peter Vaughan, Clive Swift, Julian Herrington
Genre: Drama, Horror, Short
Length: 50 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I had no idea how much The Woman in Black borrowed from this, but it certainly did. It's part of the series of UK short films that aired yearly in the "Ghost Story For Christmas" grouping. It's just 50 minutes long but it's really clever somewhat frightening and very much to the point. It's about three crowns, the legend goes that as long as one isn't disturbed that all will be fine. Over time, two have been destroyed by various natural disaster issues and only one remained. There was a family in charge of guarding this buried crown but as soon as this hobby archaeologist discovers that the whole family is dead he digs up the treasure. Im not going to tell you what happens from there on but it's effective, great acting, exciting and well it teaches a good lesson. I'll definitely watch more in this series as this was a load of fun though I should mention it's not related to Christmas in any way aside from that being the title of the series.

Availability:  On DVD

Scream and Scream Again (1970)

4 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline:  TRIPLE DISTILLED HORROR... as powerful as a vat of boiling ACID!
Directed by: Gordon Hessler
Written by: Peter Saxon, Christopher Wicking
Actors include: Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing
Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
This is a rather strange little film that is confusing for most of the time and unfortunately when it comes together it still feels like it needs to fill some gaps. On the other hand this goes where I dare not think it would and the various plots that it flickers between are all very interesting and horrifying. Though the cast list boasts Peter Cushing (who is only in the film for about ten minutes), and Christopher Lee and Vincent Price (who are both in for a bit more than that but I'm not sure I'd say they were the stars). One part of our story is about a runner who wakes up in a strange hospital in a fog missing a limb! Another involves some sort of strange Nazi like party who seem to be up to no good. Also we have a stranger who picks up girls at bars and kills them, plus he seems to have an unusual strength. Believe it or not those things blend together to give us our plot. Also thrown in are an acid vat, some grossness and blood (yay), and some exciting chase scenes. I actually did quite enjoy this, I just wish it were a little more cohesive...it really could have been amazing instead of just quite good. Still I'd definitely say worth a gander for horror fans, but just be patient with it, you will be rewarded!

Availability:  On DVD as part of a 2fer with The Oblong Box

Them! (1954)

4.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: The Amazing New Warner Bros. Sensation!
Directed by: Gordon Douglas
Written by: Ted Sherdeman, Russell S. Hughes
Actors include: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 94 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Y'know, this has just about everything and it's one of the most thrilling sci-fi films I've seen yet. It's also frightening as far as the concept goes, although it seems ridiculous at first the more you think about it the more it seems surprisingly possible (kind of). At first we meet a little girl who can't speak (from terror!) and we watch as the Police are trying to investigate a series of break-ins and sugar thefts (hmmm). Of course as one can tell by merely looking at the cover it's a giant ant picture but considering the time the effects are reasonable, the destruction is great and it's a nice little warning about atomic bombs too! There are other factors at play too as they learn of who "Them" are are they willing to admit it to the public before it's too late? Do they stand a chance...does earth? See ants have a habit of killing some and enslaving others...what will be our fate? Maybe I enjoyed this so much because I had no expectations going in but then again maybe this is just a classic that is still exciting today!

Availability:  On DVD as part of a 2fer with "The Beast With 20,000 Fathoms"

Night Strangler (1973)

4.5 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Dan Curtis
Written by: Richard Matheson, Jeffrey Grant Rice
Actors include: Darren McGavin, Simon Oakland, Jo Ann Pflug
Genre: Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Y'Know, for tv movies the Kolchak are some of the most fun, and although I'm in the minority with my opinion, I preferred this one to The Night Stalker by a small sliver. This one is about a rash of killings that happen every twenty-one years that leaves the victim's bloodless. It also shows traces of dead flesh on the victims and the killer has been described as both handsome and hideous! Kolchak of course is trying to figure out what's going on and when he gets his finger on the pulse of the mystery, nobody wants to believe him! Just like in the other tv-movie he comes within a smidgen of losing his job of course but that's just Kolchak's wacky ways. It's very well paced, interesting and it keeps you guessing up until the time is just so. I know after watching the two movies that I'm going to love the tv series. Definitely recommended especially if you enjoyed the other film!

Availability:  On DVD as part of a 2fer with "The Night Stalker"

Schramm (1993) aka Schramm: Into the Mind of a Serial Killer

4 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: ...today I am dirty, but tomorrow I'll be just dirt.
Directed by: Jörg Buttgereit
Written by: Jörg Buttgereit, Franz Rodenkirchen
Actors include: Florian Koerner von Gustorf, Monika M., Micha Brendel
Genre: Horror, Romance, Thriller
Length: 65 minutes
Banned: Finland, Singapore

Review:
This is an odd one...I'm not even sure who this was aimed at. It's part German art film, part goreophile's dream, part gross-out and part romantic drama (I kid you not). I was definitely intrigued and it held my attention, it just didn't come together as cleanly as I would have liked. As it goes we are watching our "Lipstick Killer" dying in a pool of paint and blood as we get hazy and fragmented memories that we are to piece together from his life. The thing is, there is symbolism, suggestion, hallucinations (I think) and all sorts of stuff to confuse someone trying to make sense of it though I'm sure that's the point. The acting was very good and believable and it does have a certain harshness that makes it uncomfortable. Our killer had a relationship with a Hooker, he had a meeting with religious folks, and a bizarre Denist meeting that I just can't begin to understand. Still there is something intriguing and memorable about this and it is quite unlike most. I should also mention that the whole thing wraps up in about 65 minutes so it's not much commitment. I do kinda wish they had added another twenty minutes to it to explain a couple of things or give us some more background info but well it is what it is. This will be something that some will definitely want to see but others will hate it.

Availability:  On DVD

The Mutilator (1985)

3 / 5 Dec '09
Tagline: Their horrifying vacation was no day at the beach!
Directed by: Buddy Cooper
Written by: Buddy Cooper
Actors include: Matt Mitler, Ruth Martinez, Bill Hitchcock
Genre: Horror
Length: 86 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh it starts out fabulously...I thought I was in for a real cheap treat. Jr. decides to clean Daddy's gun collection for his birthday (you can see where this is going right) and he accidentally shoots and kills Mommy. Daddy comes home and lets just say he isn't the happiest. Flash forward to Jr. and his Friends as teenagers (all of which are horribly wooden and dull actors) as Daddy requested they go out and clean his beach house. It takes forever for things to happen, there are tons of cheesy montages and possibly one of the worst theme songs I've heard yet (it doesn't even have a pattern). It's extremely cliche down to the point where they even borrow some music from the movie Jaws. It's very poorly shot (lit with lamps me thinks) and it's too dark to see much of the time. Daddy's decoration for the cottage was hilarious and yes it did have a few funny things happen and a few decent deaths. It was just way too boring most of the time to be a really good slasher but it did have some gore!

Availability:  On DVD (But OOP)
The Mutilator

13 Ghosts (1960)

3.5 / 5
Tagline: IT'S FUN TO BE SCARED BY 13 GHOSTS
Directed by: William Castle
Written by: Robb White
Actors include: Charles Herbert, Jo Morrow, Martin Milner
Genre: Horror
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Oh it's cute for a kiddies kinda film...I mean it's absolutely not frightening in any way but it's kitschy and fun in a way that only Castle can be. The gimmick on this one was "Illusion-O" glasses that the audience in the theatre would put on as soon as they saw one of our characters wear glasses. Of course watching this at home without glasses I kinda lost that effect but since it was so cheaply done I hardly believe it would have made a difference. The premise is that a poor family discover that their rich scientist Uncle (who collected ghosts) died and has left them their house. Things start moving around at will and ghosts keep appearing and startling the family. There are also rumors of money being lost from the estate, a creepy Housekeeper who comes with the house (played by Margaret Hamilton from The Wizard of Oz of course). It's rather wholesome, it's got a few laughs and it's easy to watch, I would definitely show this to children though!

Availability:  On DVD

The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant (1970) aka The Incredible Transplant

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Two heads crafted on the body of a giant... The most fearsome living force ever created by man.
Directed by: Anthony M. Lanza
Written by: James Gordon White, John Lawrence
Actors include: Bruce Dern, Casey Kasem, Pat Priest
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 87 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I guess I saw the somewhat sequel of this The Thing with Two Heads, I didn't really care for it to be honest. Parts of it were kinda funny but the end chase scene went on for wayyyy too long. In other words, I was hoping this one would be better and really it was (it has Bruce Dern and Casey Kasem!). It had a groovy style, and it was far more action packed and a higher budget I would imagine. This one begins at the scene of a murder and an attempted murder, here we meet a Maniac who was deemed insane by a court of law, but he escapes from the Asylum! We also meet a Scientist who is obsessed with giving everything two heads (including monkeys, foxes, bunnies, snakes...well you get the picture). Also in this equation are a dim-witted Farm boy, the Scientist's Assistant, and of course Linda (the Scientist's girlfriend who wants more time with her Man). When the Maniac breaks into the Scientist's house let's just say he gets a little more than he bargained for. The solution? Attach the head of the Maniac onto the Dimwit of course! This does have several murders, it's relatively fun and easy to watch despite the cheesy nature of this and lack of explanation or rather plausibility. It's much better than The Thing with Two Heads but let's face it, it's not exactly a brilliant film!

Availability:  On DVD or watch for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/the-incredible-two-headed-transplant

Strait-Jacket (1964)

4 / 5   Nov '09
Tagline: HER HUSBAND...HER ROOM... ......AND ANOTHER WOMAN
Directed by: William Castle
Written by: Robert Bloch
Actors include: Joan Crawford, Diane Baker, Leif Erickson
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Castle has done it again, another amusingly dark black comedy/horror picture only this time his gimmick was having a star...actress Joan Crawford. She does a stunning job as Lucy, who gave her Husband 40 wacks and when she saw what she had done she gave his Girlfriend 41! Or so I think that's how I remember it..., at any rate Lucy does kill her hubby and girlfriend with an axe in front of their 3 year old daughter (who looks way older than 3). She ends up in an Asylum for 20 years and we catch up with her as she's released. Lucy moves in with her Daughter, Brother and his Wife to try to adjust to life as a sane person. Her Daughter has a nice young Lad she wishes to marry and needs her Mom to be sane so his Parents will approve. Lucy seems to be having some coping skills (especially as people seem to humourously be using axes and knives around her repeatedly) but could she be responsible for several people's disappearances? It's pretty gosh darned entertaining and it definitely has that good old Castle vibe with the wit and sets and everything. The ending does beat you a little over the head with obvious information...it left me feeling like they thought I either didn't watch the movie or I was entirely a Moron. I guess to that point the story is clear...very very clear! Still quite a nice little gem that actually goes a little further than I thought it might but I think that's what makes it so gosh darned charming.

Availabilty:  On DVD

Homicidal (1961)

4.5 / 5  Nov '09
Tagline: A WORD OF WARNING! Please don't reveal the ending of this picture or your friends will kill you - IF THEY DON'T, I WILL! - William Castle
Directed by: William Castle
Written by: Robb White
Actors include: Glenn Corbett, Patricia Breslin, Eugenie Leontovich
Genre: Horror, Black Comedy, Thriller
Length: 87 Minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is one hilarious black comedy, and shocking (well until about the halfway point where it's a dead giveaway) but still! It's about a murderous Nurse who is looking after an old Woman with a lot of money. It's very hard to review this actually because I don't want to give a thing away because it really must be experienced with as little information as possible. Heck William Castle threatened to kill anyone who gave the ending to this away! I can say it's surprising, it's dark, I laughed a ton, the characters are amusing and the lead character is simply stunning as a homicidal maniac! This film's gimmick was a 45 second fright break near the ending for patrons who weren't ready for it to leave the theater. Kinda weak on his scale of gimmicks but the movie more than made up for it in style and sheer entertainment. I was glued to the screen from the beginning to the ending, it really is one heck of a film and I'm kinda surprised that Castle had this in him! Definitely watch now and don't read any more for your own good...

Availability:  On DVD

The Tenth Victim (1965) aka La decima vittima aka La dixième victime

4 / 5   Nov '09
Tagline: It's the 21st century and they have a licence to kill
Directed by: Elio Petri
Written by:  Robert Sheckley, Tonino Guerra
Actors include: Marcello Mastroianni, Ursula Andress, Elsa Martinelli
Genre: Sci-Fi, Action
Length: 92 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

One insanely weird '60s sci-fi picture from Italy featuring the appearance of Ursula Andress and a futuristic dystopian plot. In the future, there is a Government run program you can sign up for (especially if suicidal) which puts you in a game. There are Hunters and there are Victims, you must survive being both a total of ten times before you win a million dollars. Only a few survive as they are being shot at nearly constantly not to mention the Hunter takes in all the information about the Victim, and the Victim isn't allowed any info at all. Ursula plays a girl who is about ready to take her tenth victim (the title...ya dig?), and they've planned a big movie shoot to show her as she kills him. Of course this he we refer to isn't a dumb guy, and let's just say she's met her match. It's filled with bizarre futuristic music, weird costumes and set designs and all kinds of absurdity. It's no wonder this influenced "The Running Man" and the Austin Powers series (you'll see exactly what I mean). Definitely something intriguing to see but yet I don't think it delivered the excitement I was hoping for ultimately.

Availability:  On DVD

Rabid Grannies (1988) aka Les Mémés Cannibales

3 / 5  Nov '09
Tagline: Grandma, What a Big Mouth You Have!
Directed by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Written by: Emmanuel Kervyn
Actors include: Catherine Aymerie, Caroline Braeckman, Richard Cotica
Genre: Horror

Length: 90 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

Well I've wanted to see this 'un since I first heard the title, even though it's a Troma picture (consider yourself warned). It starts out with a bunch of bratty Children and Grandchildren out for the large inheritance of two elderly ladies. They all meet up for the old Ladies' birthday dinner when a mystery gift arrives from their Son who was already disinherited (because he worshiped Satan and got into trouble). The mystery gift contains some sort of smoke that is drunk by the old Woman and it makes them turn into ravenous demons (who look suspiciously like rubber Freddy Kruegers). They puss, bite and have ridiculous effects and powers to torment the relatives as they try to hide out in the house from them. It's very cheesy, very cheap, littered with bad jokes and has ridiculous characters and is over the top in every possible way...yet somehow it's kinda entertaining. It's bloody and silly all at the same time, so if you really love Troma movies this should be something you aim to see.

Availability:  On DVD  also watch for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/rabid-grannies

The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)

3.5 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: It Never Forgives Or Forgets
Directed by: Kevin Connor
Written by: James Hardiman, Robert Suhosky
Actors include: Edward Albert, Susan George, Doug McClure
Genre: Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

It begins in the past with a brutal (yet cheap looking) samurai sword slaughter in Japan as a Man catches his wife with another. Body parts fly (although once an arm is cut off...you can still see it under the cloth) before the slaughterer stabs himself in the gut (aka Hari kiri). Promising start right? Well fast forward a bit to an American family moving to Japan who of course just happen to rent the murder house (sound like 呪怨 [Grudge] is brewing?). The family even knows about the fact that it's supposedly haunted but they figure modern ghosts are friendly? Well the silly blue translucent ghosts invade the bodies of the new family at will...it's actually very PG silliness (especially with the twinkly music that happens when the ghosts appear...it reminds me of when it's time to turn a page in children's story books). Of course the ghosts want to recreate the slaughter and torment (bother) the new hosts of the house. At least some of the scenery and culture of Japan are shown and honestly it was fun to watch (despite the total lack of scares). Aside from the boobs and the initial slaughter (and ending) this feels very much like a Children's ghost story mixed with a comedy. Especially with the giant mechanical crabs! I think the premise is good, the actors are fine (especially pro Susan George) and the cinematography is decent (minus the ghosts), I just feel guilty for liking it somehow. Oh, and is it just me, or does the Brother (Edward Albert) look disturbingly similar to Al Franken?

Availability:  On DVD or watch it online for free here:  http://www.hulu.com/the-house-where-evil-dwells

The Beast With A Million Eyes (1955) aka The Beast with 1,000,000 Eyes

2 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: Screaming Terror!
Directed by: David Kramarsky, Lou Place
Written by: Tom Filer
Actors include: Paul Birch, Lorna Thayer, Dona Cole
Genre: Sci-Fi, Horror
Length: 75 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:

Apparently before making the film the director came up with this title and an interesting ad to go with. Since they liked it he created the film around the ad and title, but when he showed it to folks they were disappointed. I guess the ad was more interesting than the actual product. It starts out with a bitter evil housewife complaining of jealous feelings for her daughter (they live out in the middle of nowhere near mountains). They have a mute mild pervert living next door (who they feed and are mean to), and a loud noise happens disrupting everything (and breaks the good china!). After the noise nature seems to be attacking (birds, chickens, cows etc)...well by attacking, I mean coming towards! Apparently that requires shooting the animal? I'm sure this spawned many of the later nature gone bad movies, but this really does lack horror nearly entirely despite the situation. Heck the beast doesn't even ever really show up except for in blurry form and it appears he has 2 eyes, and is a tiny plastic thing...and that doesn't happen until the last 3 minutes of the film (though it's voice appears after an hour). Not very rewarding at all unfortunately but still I sat through it so that should count for something?

Availability:  On DVD or watch it for free online here:  http://www.hulu.com/the-beast-with-a-million-eyes

The Norliss Tapes (1973)

3 / 5 Nov '09
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Dan Curtis
Written by: William F. Nolan, Fred Mustard Stewart
Actors include: Angie Dickenson, Roy Thinnes, Don Porter
Genre: Horror

Length: 72 minutes

Banned: Nope

Review:

Well considering this was brought to us by the same fellow who made The Night Stalker (Dan Curtis) this was rather dull. It was a failed TV pilot that was to be about a writer named Norliss who was busy making tapes to document his journey into disproving the supernatural and the like. Of course somehow something happened and the writer has disappeared so this tv movie is based around the first tape. This particular journey (and the only one I believe) is about a woman (Angie Dickinson) who sees her dead husband kill her dog. It's got to do with ancient scarabs, a magical ring, a blood sculpture vampire/zombies and immortality. None of it is scary, the effects are simply painting a guy purple...that means he's dead and frightening? Not quite. Also the boring melodrama and awful narration (read like film noir from the tape) made it even tougher to bear. At the end of the film yes it made sense and everything and they did do a reasonable job of establishing what would have been the show. Yet this opener was so lame I'd have never tuned in to watch another sadly.

Availability:  On DVD